Wednesday, June 15, 2011

GAME 9: Won't Be Denied.

THE INTRO

PART III of a Trilogy of IV
The Furious Five

PART I
PART II

If its true that a little knowledge was a dangerous thing, then for the first time in my life - I was dangerous.  Dangerous with a capital "D".  I now knew that Jeff Dancey was a small fish in the "Aluminum Bat Army".  I knew that there was an elevated, group, within a group, within a group called the "Furious Five".  The were supposedly comprised of Andy Gee, Mike Olliffe, John Harrett, Jim Rouleau and Paul Freakin' Hargreaves.  I knew that there was a lynch pin that sat on top of the whole house of cards that controlled who was elected for each position and supposedly volunteer rolls as well.  But there was clearly something more sinister going on. 

But what did I REALLY know?  Not much other than here-say and innuendo and very specific instructions to not seek out new information with thinly veiled references to a negative impact to my personal well being. 

So I waited, I played baseball and pretty much nothing happened.  Whenever I saw one of the aforementioned Furious 5, they were the same as usual.  No real change there.  Andy would tell me that I talk too much (he's not alone), Olliffe would make fun of my car, Harrett would ask me if I'd learn how to run the bases yet, Rouleau would ask me if I'd eaten at the Cedar Kitchen lately and Paul would offer me a beer.  

Yep, same old, same old.  And Dancey's musings that these guys weren't good secret keepers seemed to be totally off base.  I was getting to the point where I was questioning whether Jeff was correct about the composition of the group.    

Then one day I got an invitation to the Hurtin' Units season ending party from Mike Olliffe.  I thought that was pretty nice of him, so I showed up on a Saturday night in September 2010 and found a sign on his door that said "party in the back yard".  As I walked around back I couldn't help but notice that the stereo was blasting the staccato sounds of the Benedictine Monks singing Georgian Chants.  Suddenly I got an overwhelming feeling that the Hurtin' Units were as bizzaro as I had suspected.   

As I came into the back yard I was greeted by a large fire pit with a few people milling about.  Once my eyes adjusted I saw 5 hooded figures standing equal distance apart around the fire with a gap for one more.  One of them pointed at the open space which I took as a invitation to join the circle.  I slowly walked over, trying to catch a glimpse of one of their faces, but the large hoods revealed no secrets.  

I stood there, seemingly for an eternity, listening to the wood crackle.  Finally, the person to my left spoke.  "We are from the ancient order of Bards, Ovates and Druids".  This didn't surprise me in the least as Mozart's well known opera, The Magic Flute, was known to be about that particular ancient order and had Masonic undertones.  The Benedictine Monks were now chanting to a Mozart back beat.  It was all coming together nicely.

He continued:

Abhaya:  I am Abhaya, my name means "fearless" [nods to his left]
Banko:  I am Banko, my name means "everlasting" [nods to his left]
Doryu:  I am Doryu, my name means "dragon" [nods to his left]
Chimon:  I am Chimon, my name means "wisdom" [nods to his left]
Basho:  I am Basho, my name means "banana plant" [nods to me]

Me:  Wow, you guys are kind of freaking me out.  I don't suppose you would take off your hoods and show me who you are?
ALL:  No!

Me:  Great.  Well then, I'm sorry I was late, I thought that this was just a drop in party, I really had no idea that all this was going on!
Banko:  Well maybe if you had driven a Ford lately you would be on time once in a blue moon. 
BashoOh, ignore him.  Don't worry about being late.  You want me to put your potato salad in the fridge?  Can I get you a beer?

Me:  I'm good.
Doryu:  Silence!
Abhaya:  What's the matter with you two?  Why don't you just give him your name and address.  Idiots. 

Banko:  Well it IS at my house, it doesn't take a rocket surgeon to know I'm here! 
Abhaya:  Yeah, but he didn't know WHICH of us was you!
Banko:  Oh, please.  Fine.  How about I act like an accountant for a while, that will throw him off the scent!  Does anyone have a pencil?

Basho:  Hey, Dougie, you're sure?  I'm going to have a beer anyway, I don't mind grabbing you one too?  Chick-a-bow-bow!
Chimon:  Why don't we just call each other by false names, that will totally mess him up.  I'll be Andy, okay?  Call me Andy. 
Doryu:  Sweet lord.  We already had false names.  That's why you're Chimon. 
Chimon:  Ugh, right, sorry.  Too much French Toast this morning.  Maybe we could double reverse it or something?  Like a double agent. How about I be NOT Andy!  Eh?
Banko:  Or a double, double agent!  I can NOT be NOT Andy neither!
Doryu:  You two are making no sense. 

Basho:  Dougie...seriously, I'm going to the house right now for a beer.  Right now.  Right this minute. Look, I'm leaning, here I go.  Last chance.  Yes?  Yes?  No?  Yes?
Abhaya:  A-hem.  Look, I have a meeting at 9AM and one of the other guys who may, or may not be Doryu has a poker game in about an hour, so if its okay with you guys - could we get down to business?

All:  Yes.

Me:  So what exactly is the "business?"
Abhaya:  As I mentioned, we are from the ancient order of Bards, Ovates and Druids
Banko:  [aside] blah, blah, blah....
Abhaya:  We are known as the Furious 5, keepers of secrets and protectors of the Grand Master.
Me:  You'll have to forgive me, but I don't see you guys being highly skilled at keeping secrets. 

Banko:  [A little defensively] Hey buddy, with us, quality is job one!
Abhaya: [Sighs]
Chimon:  Hmmm.  you know what else is quality?  Cedar Kitchen that's what!  I might scoot over there for breakfast tomorrow.  Does anyone know what time they open?
Basho:  Yeah, a quarter past a chick-a-bow-bow!
Doryu:  Silence!

Abhaya:  Anyway.....Secret keeping has been a bit of an issue as you can see.  However, not too many people have stumbled upon our Order or the fact that there are even secrets that are kept within this league.  It has become apparent that you wish an audience with The Grand Master in the hope of joining our ranks.
Me:  Correct. 
Abhaya:  For your test, each of us will ask you a question, if you answer them all correctly your audience will be granted. 
Doryu:  And if you fail, you will DIE!
Me:  What????
Doryu::   I'm just kidding!  Wow, Mister "I can give a joke but sure can't take one".  
Me:  [I'm not entirely convinced that they're joking, but I want in]  Great!  I'm up for this, lets go.

Abhaya:  Question one goes to Chimon.
Chimon:  Listen carefully to the question, Mr., "I know everything about baseball".  How many outs are in an inning?
Me:  six.
Chimon:  Wrong, there are three!  You lose!  Hahahah....doesn't even know how many outs in an inning.  L-O-S-E-R!!! 
Me:  No.  Actually there are three outs in a 1/2 inning.  In a full inning both teams hit, so there are 6 outs. 
Abhaya:  Correct.  The next question goes Doryu.

Doryu:  Who has struck you out more, Tito or Randy Hipken?
Me:  Including foul outs?
Doryu:  Of course.
Me:  Randy 3 to 1.
Doryu:  Correct, but that "1" really hurt didn't it.
Me:  Not as much as you might think 
Abhaya:  You have answered two correctly, but be advised, the questions will get increasingly difficult.  Next up is Basho.

Basho:  Before I go, do you want anything?  Perhaps a beer?  I'm going to have one myself, are you sure?  Don't make me drink alone!
Me:  No thanks and doesn't that count as a question?
Basho:  Awww CRAP!

Abhaya:  Yes, that's a question.  Dammit Basho, every single time.  You have answered 3 correctly. Next is Banko.

Banko:  Prepare to go home empty handed.  We know that you're pathetic on the topic of Fords so I won't even bother.  Let me ask you this, what would the correct ignition timing be on a 1955 Chevy Bel Air, with a 327 cubic-inch engine and a four-barrel carburetor?
Me:  That's a BS question.
Banko:  Does that mean that you can't answer it?
Me:  It means its a BS question, it's impossible to answer.
Banko:  Its only impossible because you don't know the answer! Its not just Ford's, you know nothing about any cars!
Me:  Nobody could possibly answer that question!
Abhaya:  Can you answer the question or not?
Me:  No, I swear to god; it is a trick question!
Abhaya:  Why is it a trick question?
Me:  Because Chevy didn't make a 327 in '55, the 327 didn't come out till '62. And it wasn't offered in the Bel Air with a four-barrel carb till '64. However, in 1964, the correct ignition timing would be four degrees before top-dead-center.
Abhaya:  Is that correct Banko?
Banko:  [looking a little sheepish under his hood]  Ummmm.  Sounds about right.  I'd have to look it up to be 100% positive.  I mean it sounds kind of "tried, tested and true"...."like a rock", if you will.  I don't have my finger on "the heartbeat of America", but it does seem "arrow straight". 
Doryu:  You have no idea do you?
Banko:  None.
Abhaya:  You are 4 for 4.  My question is the last one.  How many times were you thrown out trying to stretch a single into a double in your rookie season?
Me:  9.  But it felt 19. 
Abhaya.  WRONG.  IT FELT LIKE 59!!!  But I didn't ask what it felt like.  I asked how many and you are correct; you were thrown out a completely unacceptable 9 times between 1st and 2nd. 

Basho:  Lets have a beer!  Chick-a-boom-boom!!!

Abhaya:  You will be granted an audience in due time with The Grand Master, you are free to leave.
Me:  Wait a minute, that can't be it.  You didn't give me any new info.
Abhaya:  We are not permitted to reveal our secrets.

Chimon:  Yep, that's true.  I remember when Banko spilled the beans on the cave drawings....whew, there was hell to pay. 
Banko:  Oh, blame me.  You're the one who "accidentally" invited the entire league to our last meeting because you don't know how to forward an email.  We had to pretend it was a sing along for god sakes. 
Doryu:  SILENCE!

Me:  Come on, at least give me the bit about the caves. 
Abhaya:  Fine.  The Kawatche caves are about 500 years old.  We have been appointed guardians of these caves and the mysterious symbols found there.
Me:  What symbols?
Abhaya:  There are many, some mathematical, many are cultural symbols.  You were onto something with the Letter "T" and the Number "53"; but I'm afraid that you haven't reached the tip of the iceberg yet.

Me:  Was I right about the atomic number of iodine?
Abhaya:  Yes, the atomic number of iodine is 53.
Me:  No, I know that.  I mean was I right that there is a link between the league secret and that reference?
Abhaya:  Yes. 
Me:  I knew it.  Was I right about James Taylor and Bob Legault being involved?
Abhaya:  James Taylor the singer?
Me:  No, James Taylor the captain. 
Chimon:  The captain?!?!  I love The Captain and Tennille! 
Chimon, Basho, Banko:       
♫ ♪ Love, Love will keep us together
think of me babe whenever
Some sweet talking girl comes along,
Singing her song,
Don't mess around, you've got to be strong!  ♪ ♫

Doryu:  SILENCE!  God, its like herding cats. 
Abhaya:  No, you were off base on Taylor and Legault.  That was just a convenient coincidence.
Me:  Damn.  I thought I had that one.  Is there anything else you can tell me?
Abhaya:  Only that this secret is older than you could have ever imagined.
Me: Ok, thanks
Abhaya: Oh, you were right about one other thing. 
Me: Oh?  What was that?
Abhaya: Habs fans WILL rot in hell. 


THE SPEECH

I've never seen Rob get like this with a speech!  And I mean EVER.  Rob is definitely a fun-first kind of guy, but there was some real venom in this speech.  Was it winning the double header last week?  Was it the four game winning streak?  Was it knowing that he'd be playing against the only player to hit one out against him last year?  Was it last year's 0-4 record against rookie captains?  Was it knowing that he'd be playing against Piero Del Greco in a match up of Master and Apprentice?

The man wanted to win this game.  Badly!  So he pulled out all the stops bringing out the Bon Jovi staple, "Dead or Alive" and renaming it "Won't be Denied".  He's kinda clever with the rhymes. 

If you've been under a rock, click for the music to sing along (in your head) with:  CLICK ME

Won't Be Denied.

It's not the same
Sure the teams and names have changed
Huggy-bear says
They can be beaten today

Coventry's the place
Where the faces are so cold
I'll drive there tonight
Win and go back home

He's Starsky; Hutch is his ally,
I want to beat 'em
I won't be denied.
Beat 'em
Won't be denied.

Yeah their team is deep
Bell can throw for days
Cordell and Dennis are off beat
They play it the East coast way

Doyle, Del Greco and Dell
Hutch calls them the "killer D's"
Mike just shakes his head
Hutch just doesn't know Entomology.

He's Starsky; Hutch is his ally,
I want to beat 'em
I won't be denied.
Beat 'em
Won't be denied.

Barlow is one to watch
But its Hilliard and Kolsen that scare me most
Tonight we play for keeps
Guys, the Beer Brothers will be toast!

I've played everywhere
And Hutch is standing tall
But he and Starsky are Lollipop members
Sorry Doug, but I can rock 'em all

'Cause he's Starsky; Hutch is his ally
I want to beat 'em
I won't be denied.
Beat 'em
Won't be denied.

The Game
The Beer Bros. were my personal pre-season pick to be in the top four. I like their defense a lot, I like their offense even more.  There top three are frightening and their "bottom" three are good. 

I was really looking forward to this game as an opportunity to eliminate a couple of personal demons.  Last year we were 0-4 against the Hurtin' Units and Brew Jays.  It would be nice to get a win at some point against a 1st year team.  Then there is the Doyle factor.  He was up 4-1 against me head-to-head and I was wanting to close the gap. 

I have to admit that I was a little bit worried that Robbie's pregame speach might work against me, but the boy nailed it on this night.   We gave up 2 runs to the Bros. in the top of the 1st inning but we immediately countered with 3 of our own.  Both teams had shut down second innings before the Beer Bros. counted three in 3rd with runs scored by Piellusch, Doyle and Ross.  The Grisslies answered with four of their own on runs scored by Dwyer, Sallustio, Hayward and Argue. 

With the score at 7-5 in the top of the fourth, the Grisslies set down the Beer Bros. with only a single.  Then the Grisslies stretched the lead to six by scoring four in the bottom of the inning.  The critical part of the the game was the top of the 5th with the meat of the Bros. lineup coming to the plate.  The Grisslies got out of the inning giving up no more than a single hit.  When the Grisslies batted around scoring seven runs in the bottom of the inning it removed all doubt. 

Make the final:

Grisslies:22
Beer Bros;  8

3 comments:

Hutch said...

You are being polite. The game was over by the end of 3rd as the Beer Bros lost the momentum and were flat-footed for the rest of the game. Grisslies were solid all round with the big 3 - Hayward, Smith, Hunter - showing the way defensively and offensively backed up by great pitching from Farah.

Hutch said...

You are being polite. The game was over by the end of 3rd as the Beer Bros lost the momentum and were flat-footed for the rest of the game. Grisslies were solid all round with the big 3 - Hayward, Smith, Hunter - showing the way defensively and offensively backed up by great pitching from Farah.

Doug Dwyer said...

I've been called many things .... polite is a new one. I'm still kind of reeling with the shock of it all. No doubt we were 'clicking' last night and we'll take our combination of good play and good fortune.

This is our only match up this season, so I guess you won't have your chance to even the score until the finals!