PART V of a Trilogy of IV VI
Confrontation
PART I - Background
PART II - The Dancey Interview
PART III - The Furious Five
PART IV - The Detour
This ordeal was quickly coming to a conclusion. However, it had become so complicated that I couldn't even keep track of it any more. Dancey connected to the Furious Five, connected to Gord Robertson, connected to the Kawatche Caves, connected to the atomic number of iodine, connected to the ancient representation of the letter "W" which translates to an "R" in our alphabet. All leading to an unknown answer to an unasked question. I tried mapping it all out, but that was even more confusing.
I patiently awaited word from Jens or Scott on setting up the fake meeting with Gord. As agreed, we wouldn't speak to each other until it had been confirmed. I even blew by Scott on opening day of the ball season to make my point! I didn't even say hi. That's called commitment to a plan! We agreed that Gord's code name would be "Freddie" (for obvious reasons). The questions mounted with my confusion. My latest question, was "who the hell are the Kawatche??? And why did they live in caves?
Finally one night in week three of this season, I got a Facebook instant message from Jens. They had successfully arranged for a secret meeting between "Freddie" and the Furious Five. The meeting would take place in week four at the Legion. Week 4 was perfect because there was an executive meeting on the Wednesday and no early games scheduled.
I quickly made a few phone calls and explained that I'd be "late" for the executive meeting (they had no idea 'why' of course) as we put our plan into action. This couldn't possibly be going any better! Now to finish the job.
Gord would be expecting the Legion to be quiet as he came in to meet his group in the basement meeting room. We wouldn't disappoint him. We had gathered our "tools" to extract the truth from poor Gord.
EDITORS NOTE: If you get queasy you shouldn't read on. If you didn't like Scarface you should abandon this now. If you found The Muppet's Take Manhattan to be a little on the violent side, then this is not for you. You have been fairly warned.
As Gord walked in to the dark room Jens was immediate in turning on a flood light that shone directly into Gord's eyes, disorienting him. I kicked a chair in place behind him and slammed the door while Scott spoke into a voice modulator:
Scott: [speaking slowly through the modulator] Sit down Mr Robertson.
Gord: [stumbles to his chair] Who are you? How many people are there.Jens: You don't need to concern yourself with how many people are here.
Gord: Jens? Is that you?
Doug: Jens! You didn't speak into the voice modulator!!!
Gord: Doug?
Doug: Oh, crap...Okay, so we both forgot.
Gord: What are you two doing here is there someone else? I can't see with the light in my eyes.
Scott: [still the only one using the modulator] Mr Robertson, we know who you are.
Gord: Of course you do, we've played ball together for years.
Scott: No Mr Robertson, we know that you are the Grand Master.
Gord: The what?
Jens: Come on Gord, there is no sense denying anything anymore, you came here tonight to meet with the Furious Five. Just admit it already.
Gord: Guys, the only reason I'm here is that I got a goofy email from Jim Rouleau. It reminded me of that one that led to the impromptu sing-along last year; but no one is here. What can I say? I like to sing.
Jens: [slamming his fist on the table - then wincing in pain] Gord, you were the only one to get the email because you are the leader of a secret society. I'm sorry Gord, but we've got it figured out and its undeniable, we have proof. Look, I don't want have to go here, but I will....we can make you talk.
Scott [still using the modulator] I'm sorry Gord this is your last chance.
Gord: [looking a little worried] If there's a punch-line here guys, I'm ready.
Scott: Jens, go ahead.
EDITORS NOTE: Seriously...if you read on from this point you have no one to blame but yourself.
[Jens pulls a large black cloth bag from under the table. He makes quite a production of rummaging around for the a particular item inside. He finds what he's looking for and pulls out what at first looks like an etch-a-sketch. As I look closer, I can see that it has a black front, the shock and realization that we would go this far overwhelms me; the horror on poor Gord's face is palpable. Poor bastard. Scott throws me and Jens ear plugs]
Jens: [holding the apparatus next to Gord's ear] Well Gord, we gave you every opportunity to fess up. We have no alternative.
Scott: Okay Jens that's enough.
Jens: Are we going to get answers now Gord?
Gord: Boys, if I could make up something I would, but I don't have the first Idea what you're talking about.
Scott: Show him the picture [Jens puts the picture in front of Gord] Are you going to claim that this isn't you sitting on the far right?
Gord: That picture is almost 150 years old.
Jens: A-ha!!!! That proves it's you. How else would you know how old it is?
Gord: No, it proves I can read, it says "taken in 1867" on it.
Jens: Oh, right. Well look at the picture.
Gord: Okay, so what? Even if it is someone who looked a bit like me, which it DOESN'T! What would that even prove?
Scott: We know that's you Gord. Its time for you to admit what you know and what you're planning.
Gord: Tell me the truth, you guys have been drinking and watching Harry Potter haven't you? I'm Gord Robertson, not professor frickin' Snape! The last thing I want are the fingernails on the chalk board again; but you need to know that this is ridiculous. Not only impossible and illogical, but completely and utterly ridiculous!
Jens: Turn the flood light off.[Before any one's eyes can adjust to the sudden and complete darkness, a rectangle of light appears on the wall. The light is replaced by an image....
[The movie starts playing. Jens, Scott and I turn our backs and keep our ear plugs secured tightly. The sobbing is almost unbearable. We're all saddened by this but understand that its necessary. One hour and 38 minutes later we turn back around to see Gord slumped in his chair. He's out, there is only so much a man can take.]
Scott: [Quietly] Okay, if he doesn't spill now, we've got to let him go. We can't go further than High School musical.
Jens: I don't want to either but we do have one more option available.
Me: Jens, we can't. I looked it up and its in violation of the Geneva Convention.
Gord: [groggy] What's going on?
Scott: Welcome back Mr. Robertson. Would you like to tell us what you know about the number 53?
Gord: Its a prime number?
Scott: I see. Would you like to tell us about the Kawatche caves?
Gord: They contain stalactites and stalagmites?
Scott: Okay, I suppose you have no comment on Furious Five?
Gord: Weren't they the backup for Grand Master Flash?
Jens: Finally! Some acknowledgement! Thank you Gord. And of course you are the Grand Master! You can tell us, its okay!
Gord: What? We're back to that? Guys, Grand Master Flash and the Furious Five were rappers from the South Bronx back in the 70's. You must have heard of them. [Gord is met with blank stares]. I think someone is playing with you guys. You've been had!
Jens: Are you saying that you're a rapper?
Gord: No! I'm saying this is a joke. Someone is playing a joke on you.
Jens: Someone has been playing with us all right. You!
[Jens is rummaging in his black bag again.....He finds what he's looking for and sets a CD player on the table. He pulls a CD from somewhere inside that jean jacket of his and puts it on. He cranks it 12. The heavy guitar intro is unmistakable. You never mistake the "G" Chord. Ever. Once through the intro the drums kick in. What should be coming any second is the impossibly hi pitched voice of Brian Johnson from AC/DC, but I know what's really going to happen. The worst torture that could befall a man.
We were about to be subjected to "shook me all night long", being performed by Celine Dion". Just as I was bracing for the first screech the door was kicked kicked in. A Hulking Hooded Figure stood where the door used to be.]
Jens: [Stuttering slowly] Are you the Grand Master?
Hulking Hooded Figure: [not getting any quieter] Yes. I will answer all of your questions after you release Mr. Robertson. [looking at Gord] Jesus loves you more than you will know. [Looking at me and Scott] You two should be ashamed of yourselves. [looking at Jens] Get that ridiculous Habs shirt off.
NEXT CHAPTER: Revelation.
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