GAME 6: With Your Arm Down Under

THE INTRO

 PART I of a Trilogy of IV
Investigation

I know I teased you with an excerpt from the Jeff Dancey interview, but I have to keep the sequence in order.  That interview, in its shocking entirety, will be published next week. 

Many of you aren't likely to know this, but I have quite an extensive background in investigative journalism. No, this didn't come from years of watching the Lou Grant show. Actually, okay, I did watch the Lou Grant show, but my background is truthfully well earned through education, hard work and street smarts. Well...a couple of those for sure. Maybe just one of them actually, but still….

Before I joined the league I had heard whispers for years about what went on there. But there was always an impenetrable shroud of mystery around the league and its secrets. In fact the only reason I joined was to try and break through that barrier and find out what it was all about. I don't even really like baseball.  But I needed to find out what secrets and rituals that were hidden and practiced in this group.

This first chapter will explain my discovery of the hidden society within the Tottenham Old Timers.

The founders of the Tottenham Old Timers were smart. I give them full marks. However, they clearly weren’t prepared for someone of my investigative skills being able to fit the pieces together.

The first part of the mystery was so common that I almost missed its mysticism, but it was the first clue that led to many more and the ultimate discovery of a long kept secret.

So how did I discover the first piece?  First you need to understand how the study of symbols works. Think of the Montreal Canadien’s logo, the “H” surrounded by the letter “C”. Some people, like our rookie Rene Stephane Simard think that the “C” “H” stands for Centre H'ice. They are wrong. The vast majority of people think it stands for Canadien Habitants. That too is wrong. A few enlightened people believe it stands for Club de Hockey. This is wrong as well, although NHL propagandists would like you to believe it is true.

I’m only sharing this with you as example of how convoluted mystic symbolism can be. Here is the true explanation of the “C” and “H”. The “H” is the 8th letter of the modern Roman alphabet (the one we use) and when the "8" is turned on its side it is ∞, which of course, the sign for infinity. The “C” takes a little more hard work. In the ancient times, the letters, Σ σ ς, were combined in the Phoenician alphabet to a letter that looked a lot like a “W” but was actually called “Sin”. The Greeks called it Sigma.

The conclusion is that people who play for the Canadiens and / or cheer for the team, are “infinite sinners” and will spend the rest of their sorry existences burning in hell.

These are facts people. Facts.

T'Pau, bad ass Vulcan Priestess

Now, likewise, the Old Timer’s symbol with the capital “T” has nothing to do with representing the town of Tottenham. That anyone would think the Founders would be that obvious is pretty comical. The “T” is actually the letter ταῦ from medieval Greece (not to be confused with ancient Greece) which by itself means nothing. But, the Old Timer's Founders weren’t the first to steal the symbol from the Greeks. The creators of Star Trek had a Vulcan Priestess name T’pau was clearly drawn from the same Greek letter. What’s interesting about her is that she is the only person to have ever turned down a seat on the Federation council.  Ever.  This letter was not chosen by accident. It clearly represents a society working with its own rules above a seemingly structured organization.

Confused? Then the Founder’s conspirator efforts were fully worth their while. You’re not supposed to figure this stuff out.

But it would be foolish to think that you could base a conspiracy on the letter “T” alone. Look again at the logo. You will see Est. 1986. Really? Did you really think I would buy that one? Again, this is an obvious anagram for 1698 which, of course, is the year the steam engine was invented. Tottenham is ‘steam train country’, which proves that all future references are about Tottenham and specifically about the Old Timer’s league.

The year 1698 also saw the first New England treaty signed in Massachusetts. The significance there being that Massachusetts is the ‘new world’ birth place of the Free Masons who are documented decedents of the Knights Templar; who in turn are renown as keepers of great mystical secrets.

Still not enough?

Look at the ball in the league logo and you’ll count 53 stitches on it. Why would someone go to the trouble of arranging 53 stitches on that ball? Did you know that if you add up the first 53 prime numbers that it totals 5830 which is divisible by 53, which is itself a prime number?  I didn't thinks so.  Think about this.  5830 divided by 53 (the exact same number of hits Bob Legault had last year) equals 110 or the exact same number of at bats that James Taylor had.  Just what are Bob and James hiding about the inner workings of this league? Far fetched?  Do you think it is merely a coincidence that Bob and James both have the letters "L", "A" and "T" in their last names?  Do you think its a coincidence as well that "LAT" stands for Lidocaine, Adrenaline and Tetracaine which is a topical anesthetic?  Is there a link?

Did you know that 53 is the number of countries that are said to have existed in the lost continent of Africa which was rediscovered in 1992? And who led the expedition to rediscover the lost continent?  Ricky-Bobby.  Is he hiding something?

Did you know that the 53rd precinct is where Baretta worked? Baretta was played by Robert Blake.  Does that link Rob Farah or Rob Hayward into this web of lies and deceit?

Most importantly 53 is the atomic number of iodine. And what possible use could be there for iodine that would apply to the Old Timer’s league? Consider that Iodine is a well-known anti-oxidant. Consider that anti-oxidants assist in prolonging the shelf life of vegetables, fruits and other organics. Consider that no one in our league has actually seen the birth certificates of the people who “claim” to be in their 60’s or 70’s. Consider that we inexplicably still have Founders of the league playing.

How is any of this possible?  Why is there a conspiracy of silence resting above a dire secret that is only beginning to unravel?  Why am I the only one asking these questions?

So here is what my investigation has led to. 70+ year olds who seemingly haven’t aged a day who play better baseball than most of the 40 year olds in the league; a symbolic decoded reference to a life prolonging agent; a symbolic reference to defiance of publicly accepted rules; and a symbolic reference to an ancient code of subversive secret keepers.

Any of these items on their own would just be a clever little story; but when added together they become something else.  They become evidence.  However evidence, no matter how compelling, isn’t proof. In the next chapter I will document my first undercover foray into this deep and dark; hidden organization.

Oh, we also learned one other thing.  Habs fans will burn in hell.

THE SPEECH

Rob Farah sitting in his recliner, feet up, robe on, sipping wine, smoking his pipe, adjusting his beret while reading the New Yorker.  Phone rings. 

Rob:  Hello?
Colin Hay:  Hello. Rob, its Colin Hay, lead singer of the Australian band Men at Work.
Rob:  Never heard of you.  Bye. (Click).

(Ring-Ring)

Rob: Hello?
Colin Hay: Rob, its Colin Hay, lead singer of the Australian band Men at Work, I think we got disconnected.
Rob: You talk funny.  Bye.  (Click)

(Ring-Ring)

Rob: Hello?
Colin Hay: Rob, look, its Colin Hay, lead singer of the Australian band Men at Work, I think we got disconnected again, but I'd really like it if you used one of our songs for your speech.
Rob: What's in it for me?
Colin Hay:  I could send you a case of nice Australian Shiraz. 
Rob:  Two cases of Donini and its a deal. 

For reasons unbeknownst to me, Rob was inspired to go with Men at work this week for the speech and its their classic song "a land down under".  You can hear the tune of this lost 80's classic, but clicking there:  CLICK ME!

With Your Arm Down Under

Traveling in a blood red Hyundi
On a hippie trail, head full of zombie
I went to Cedar Kitchen, I like their service
They took me in and gave me breakfast

And they said,
"Do you throw with your arm down under?
Like women throw but I'm no hater?
Can't you hear, can't you hear the giggling?
You better run, you better take cover."

Buying wine from a man who wrestles
He was six-foot-four and full of muscles
I said, "Do you speak-a my language?"
He just smiled and gave me a knuckle sandwich

And he said,
"Do you throw with your arm down under?
Like women throw but I'm no hater?
Can't you hear, can't you hear the giggling?
You better run, you better take cover."

Sittin' in a pub this one day
With a slack jaw, and not much to say
I said to the man, "Are you trying to tempt me?
Because I come from the park called Coventry?"

And he said,
"Do you throw with your arm down under?
Like women throw but I'm no hater?
Can't you hear, can't you hear the giggling?
You better run, you better take cover."

THE GAME

First...There will be a full report on Rookie Night on Thursday June 2nd at 6AM.  This edition will just deal with the game. 

The Dodge City Rounders came into this game winless on the season.  They had been blown out of games which was something that the Grisslies could relate to.  The Grisslies, while 2-3, had lost a game by 21 runs earlier in the year which was worse than any of Dodge's defeats. 

This was a game of two fragile egos, but teams with good players on both sides.  Dodge City got off to a great start scoring 5 in the top of the first while holding the Grisslies off the score sheet.  Dodge counted another in the second while the Grisslies cut the lead in half by counting three runs.  

The Grisslies would go ahead in the 3rd with four runs.  In the fourth the Grisslies would score another seven runs with the final run being driven in by a very patient Jim Mannell who worked a key walk.  The Grisslies were home and cooled out on the strength of a monstrous home run by Gord "the screwdriver" Robertson by the time the seventh inning arrived. 

Then the wheels fell off. 

With the Grisslies ahead 16 to 10, the first six Rounders reached base in the top of the seventh and they all scored!  With one on in a tie game, the Grisslies finally managed to record 3 outs without another run plating. 

So we came to the bottom of the seventh with the Grisslies needing only one run to win.  The Rounders easily recorded the 1st two outs before rookie, Dave "Don't call me Terry" Doucette came to the plate.  He had a solid single bringing us the Grisslie's most consistent hitter of the year, Dave "the contradiction" Argue.  Dave ripped a double into the right field corner which scored Dave all the way from first base for the win. 

It was a great win on rookie night for the Grisslies and it was nice to see both rookies front and center for the win.  But it should also be an encouraging game for the Rounders who played bell and kept their heads, through losing a big lead AND coming back from a big deficit.

Overall, it was a great game!  The Grisslies are 3-3.  This is heady territories for the Gris.  Interestingly enough, last year rookie night was game six.  It was also a win.  It was also a 1 run win (7-6 over the Rusty Rebels).  It also made us .500 for the year.  Hopefully this year's team will have a more productive June and July than last year's team. 

Fingers crossed!

Check the 3 Stars:  CLICK ME

T.O.T. Weakly Supplement - Week 4 Review

What you may have missed from this week.

From the Hot Tub Woody's Game CLICK ME
The three stars CLICK ME
The Down Town Billy Brown's game reviews CLICK ME
The Hurtin' Units Captain's BLOG CLICK ME

The Weakly Supplement

GAME 5: Here's To You, Gordon Robertson

INTRO

   PREQUEL:  Before I get into the meat of this BLOG, I wanted to make everyone aware of an upcoming exposè that will rock the Oldtimers league to its foundations.  I was hoping to run this in a single BLOG edition but there is simply too much data.  The secrets of this league are older and run deeper than anyone can imagine.  It has taken me two and a half years to unravel the complexities of this plot of symbolism, sacrifice and world domination.  The true story needs to be told with a full explanation because without the background and evidence it would just be dismissed like something out of the x-files or a cheesy novel.  Here's a small snippet of what you can expect:

......
Jeff Dancey: [Whispering loudly again]. Look, all I can tell you is....it’s very cloak and dagger. [pause] [worried look] You know how the captains are part of the voting executive?
Doug Dwyer: Yes
Jeff Dancey: [Looking around] and then you have the smaller group made up of the elected executive?
Doug Dwyer: Of course
Jeff Dancey: Well lets just say that there is a group, within a group, within a group.
Doug Dwyer: Meaning?
Jeff Dancey: Do I have to spell it out? Okay. You know how the world economy is run by a group of 5 people; The Queen of England, The Vatican, The Rothschild's, the Getty's and Colonel Sanders?
Doug Dwyer: No. I'm Not familiar with that one.
Jeff Dancey: Gawd you are sheltered. Take the blinders off Dwyer and look around you. Trust me, they control the world's finances. Well its the same way with our league and the guy who.....

You won't BELIEVE where this goes!!!  But for now, if anything were to happen to me, the full story has been sent to the Toronto Star, The Globe and Mail and The Oakville Beaver.  They will release all the information in its entirety if I were to be otherwise unable.  It doesn't necessarily protect me, but it does protect the story and my journalistic integrity. 

Do not miss the BLOG on MAY 31st for the first full chapter in this very important series. 

Now...today's actual story!

Is this the real life?  Is this just fantasy? 

As you all know by this point; this town, and specifically this league is filled with people with past lives, hidden identities and people in witness protection programs.  Nobody; from Pieman to IngoFische; nobody is "just a guy".  That makes our wee little town and league pretty amazing to this mild mannered reporter.  

Perhaps the best story out there is that of the Grisslies' very own Gord Robertson.  Gord's background is quite interesting.  I hate to use the word legend, so you can decide for yourself.
 

Gord's last known public appearance before retiring to Tottenham

Its common knowledge that Gord Robertson was born as Farrokh Bulsara in Stone Town, Zanzibar before he emigrated to Tottenham England.  Once in the UK he immediately changed his name to Gord Robertson.  The literal translation of Farrokh Bulsara is "equine toothed", but that didn't seem to be a particularly attractive choice in names.  

As a young man he excelled admiring his own jet-black perfectly styled hair and popularized the open shirt, blazer look twenty years before Don Johnson and Miami Vice.  Good looking, he could sing, he was tall, chicks dug him, he had it all when he was young.  Sure he had kind of elfish ears, but so what.   

As a teenager in his "Goth" phase, Gord rocked the club scene in Manchester England.  After trying his hand a new-fangled Asian gimmick called "karaoke" in 1971, he was immediately signed up to the rock band Queen.

It didn't start well as an early 70's Goth band.  They played clubs all over the UK for two years with no real hope of the band being more than just recreational fun for the lads.  Then one night on stage, the band collectively shook off their infatuation with morbid songs (which The Cure would eventually perfect) and broke into an impromptu jam session.  From that session came the song "keep yourself alive" and a record deal!.

There was writer from Winnipeg in the club that night (swear to god) and he wrote a review of the performance for the Winnipeg Free Press (swear to god 2).  He said that although they 'borrowed from other bands, they were still innovative.  In his words, "the group manages to inject such a fresh, energetic touch to most of it that I don't mind a bit... With its first album, Queen has produced a driving, high energy set which in time may be looked upon with the same reverence Led Zeppelin 1 now receives." (swear to god 3)

The real break through came of course when Gord started to style his hair like Robert Plant.  At that point the comparisons to Zeppelin were undeniable.  Both played music that ranged from soulful ballads, to driving rock, to playful musing.  Both had lead singers with tremendous range.  However, the big difference was that Queen had a lead singer that you could understand.

What you need to know about the mid 70's is that Zeppelin was king.  When you look at the 60's, protest / underground bands had very little commercial success.  But this was a new era; when a band could be acclaimed by critics, have something of value to say AND make money.  However, nipping at Zeppelin's heals were Queen led by our very own Gord Robertson.  

As is often the case in these conflicts, it came down to a show down. One day in 1978 at Wembley Stadium, Gord and Robert Plant faced off.  

The battle was long and hard fought.  But you can see by Plant's face who was victorious.  As Connor MacLeod, "there can only be one".  Zeppelin tried to lure Robertson away from Queen, but our hero was far to loyal for that.  Zeppelin, in shame, broke up shortly there after. 

GORD IS THE CHAMPION

Shortly after the show down a statue was erected in Gord's honour. 

Then the trouble started.  Gord hit the jet setter party circuit. 

Gord getting liquored up with Bono

and Adam Clayton from U2 (back when they were

know as "You Also")

Gord and Bowie, hammered and arguing over

who shot JR.

Gord with Dustin Hoffman at the premiere of Rain Man.

Gord was immitating Dustin which caused an

all out brawl.

The fights, binging and general hard living eventually took its toll and like all former famous people Gord sought out the freedom and tranquility that can only be found found in Tottenham Ontario.  But every once in a while on a cold winter night, you can find Gord going back to his roots and doing some karaoke in a local establishment. 

J. Marks, November 2010

THE SPEECH

I'm not embarassed to say that most of the reason for the BLOG approaching 50,000 life time page loads is due to the international renown of Rob's speeches.  Over the last two days the BLOG has hits from:  The States, Australia, the UK, Philippines, India, Brazil, Pakistan, Greece, Russia, New Zealand, Ireland, Germany and Switzerland.  There not coming for my quick wit and cunning word play.  No, they're coming for the songs. 

Case in point.  Rob got a call from Paul Simon Just after the draft and pretty much begged Rob to use the song Mrs Robinson in one of the speeches this year.  Paul Simon flew Rob to some liberal country that doesn't have an extridition treaty with Canada and they spent a weekend on this, getting it just right.  And they partied too; but mostly they worked. 

If you need a refresher on the tune, click below and read along with the lyrics on this page. 

Here's to You, Gordon Robertson

And here's to you, Gordon Robertson
The infielders love you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Gordon Robertson
Heaven holds a place for those who play
(Hey, hey, hey...1st base he'll stay)

We'd like to know a little bit about you for our files
We'd like know where you learned to scoop poor throws
Look around you, all you see are a bunch of relieved guy
Every ball is snagged, no matter where it goes

And here's to you, Gordon Robertson
The infielders love you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Gordon Robertson
Heaven holds a place for those who play
(Hey, hey, hey...1st base he'll stay)

Can't hide him in a hiding place where no one ever goes
Way too tall for the pantry with your cupcakes
It's not a secret, Gord plays first base with flare
If he's late, he's signing autographs for the kids

Coo, coo, ca-choo, Gordon Robinson
The infielders love you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Gordon Robertson
Heaven holds a place for those who play
(Hey, hey, hey...1st base he'll stay)

Sitting in the dugout on a Sunday afternoon
The other teams bats should get a rebate
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you've got to choose
If you have Gord Robinson you can't lose

Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio
The Grisslies turn their lonely eyes to you (Woo, woo, woo)
What's that you say, Mrs. Robinson
Joltin' Joe was no Gordie you don't say?
(Hey, hey, hey...1st base he'll stay)

THE GAME

Grisslies win, Grisslies win, theeeee Grisslies win!!!

Make the final 14-5.  We got out to a great start scoring 5 in the first and 2 in the second while shutting out the Hot Tub Woody's.  In the Third the Woody's jumped on us (figuratively) for 4 runs, but that was their only real threat. 

We kept coming, scoring another 5 in the fourth inning and from there our defense was rock solid. 

Jimmy the Wad was fabulous snaring line drives at first and third (not at the same time).  Gord Robertson brought stability to 1st base unlike the dork who had been playing their for the first four games.  The starting pitching was superb and the relief pitching excellent.  And Jerry and The Master of Mayhem had no equals in the outfield. 

The rest of us stayed out of the way.  Oops, except for Jim Mannell who made a stellar play getting a critical out at home plate. 

This is two game where we've had 11 or 12 players.  One was a 13-4 win and the other a 14-5 win.  We're a good defensive team that scores enough to be comfy when we have a full team. 

Next up, last year's finalists.  The always dangerous Dodge City Rounders!

Meet the 2011 Grisslies in a Pictorial!  CLICK ME

See the Game 5 Donini three stars  CLICK ME

T.O.T. Weakly Supplement - Week 3 Review

The Weekly Supplement

From the Banshee's Game.  CLICK ME

From the Lucky Stiffs Game.  CLICK ME

GAME 1: Randy Rose Is A Thorn

INTRO

It’s rare that other captains will consent to be interviewed on the BLOG. Especially on a game day!  But let’s face it, we’re early in the year and other than Sallustio's foray into the ancient arts, the real juicy stories haven’t started to develop yet. I know that eventually I'll be able to count on certain things occurring over the year; Scott Peter’s being benched after yelling at umpire, Mark Doyle hitting into 4-6-3 double plays, Danny Chiasson scorching doubles to the left - center gap, Starsky and Hutch trying to down play their 14-1 start. But until those things start happening with consistency, I need to reach out and ‘ask’ for stories.

Happily, The Grisslie’s Game 1 (game 4 is actually Game 1 due to a rain out) opponent, Frank Laird complied. That’s just the kind of guy he is.

BLOG: Hi Frank and thanks again for taking the time to meet with me and particularly on a game day.  Believe me, I understand how precious your time is; with line up cards, reviewing ground rules, the press, it just doesn't stop does it?
FRANK:  No it really doesn't, but that's part of the fun for me.  And there is no problem doing this, you are most welcome. Anything for the league.

BLOG: Well, just to be clear, this isn’t exactly “league sanctioned”, its more “league tolerated”, and not necessarily widely league tolerated at that.
FRANK: Oh, that’s okay. Any friend of Bucky is a friend of mine.

BLOG: Interesting. I never knew Bucky. But I understand he did some great things for the league.
FRANK: Oh he sure did.

BLOG: Maybe we should just move on.  So how do you feel about the draft this year?
FRANK: In fairness, I would have to say it was one of our better ones.  We really got lucky. 

BLOG:  Excellent!  On a scale of 1-10 what would you rate it?
FRANK:  I think I would say its a strong "8", maybe even a little higher.  We did very well.
 
BLOG:  Hey, that's a pretty high rating.  Anything in particular jump out at you?
FRANK:  It just looks like a really balanced team to me.  Good combination of speed, defense and offense.  The outfield looks very good.  Horgan might even be as fast as Peters so nothings going to get in the gaps against us.  Roche has owned 3rd base the last couple of years and Simon has proven that he's versatile defensively.  He gives options in the infield or outfield and he's not afraid to get dirty.  I like the looks of our rookie Esau, he looks strong and fit, Anicette is still swinging great and has real pop in his bat this year; Tony has improved and his knee has healed and Richards and Harley both play best when you need them most, very dependable players.

BLOG:  That's a really nice break down.
FRANK:  Thanks.

BLOG:  But you forgot a guy.
FRANK:  I didn't forget him, I just wanted to keep this interview positive.
 
BLOG:  Ouch!  You know - that guy you 'forgot' was someone we were kind of hoping to get for the Grisslies this year.
FRANK:  Yeah, I wanted you to get him too.  Too bad we don't do trades, huh? 

BLOG:  Not nice Frank!
FRANK:  Well come on, the guy has baggage.

BLOG:  Frank!  Not a nice thing to say at all!!!  He doesn't have baggage, he's a hell of a nice guy.
FRANK:  Oh, not THAT kind of baggage.  I meant that he has this yellow and blue paisley bag that he carries his glove in.  It drives all the other guys on the team crazy!

BLOG:  Oh, I wasn't aware of that.
FRANK:  And then there's the whole "transformers" thing.

BLOG:  Ok, now I have no idea what you're talking about.
FRANK:  You know the transformers movie?

BLOG:  Yeah, sure
FRANK:  Well this guy was calling me EVERY DAY after the draft with some question or analysis the movie.  Stuff like, "Do you think that Optimus Prime could beat up Chuck Norris?"

BLOG:  Come on, you're not serious?
FRANK:  EVERY DAY!  Its always something.  "Do you think the transformers are a metaphor for god?"  "If god created man and man created transformers, then aren't transformers god like?"  "Do you think I'm more than meets the eye?"

BLOG:  I had no idea all this was going on!   So what do you tell him?
FRANK:  I told him that they're not god like at all.  I told him that they were devil spawn.   

BLOG:  So did he stop about transformers?
FRANK:  Oh sure he did, after he stopped bawling.  But then he moved right on to Star Wars!

BLOG:  Oh man, I'm really sorry to hear this Frank.  I honestly hadn't heard a thing about this.  Its gotta be tough having to deal with this guy.
FRANK:  Tough?  you don't know the half of it. He now insists that I call him "young Padawan" because he's in supposedly in "training."
 
BLOG:  Okay that's messed up. 
FRANK:  You think that's messed up?   This guy spent 3 hours in the legion arguing over who shot first, Han or Greedo.  He refers to The Wild as The Sith and he's calling Tony and Ed Lord Vader and The Emperor. I'd say we passed messed up a while ago.  We had a practice on the weekend and I asked him to throw me the ball.  He waves his hand in front of me and says, "this is not the spheroid you're looking for."

BLOG:  He's snapped.  What did you tell him.
FRANK:  Well obviously you have to sink to his level.  First I told him that the Farah wedding was 31 years so give it up.  When that didn't work, I took a deep breath and told him that his Jedi mind tricks wouldn't work here, it kept him at bay for bit. 

BLOG:  So what are you going to do to put an end to it?
FRANK:  Well there's only one thing to do really.   I've gotta find a way to get Cal Steeves to sit down with him and work some of his master Yoda magic on him. 

BLOG:  Good luck with that.  Its got a chance.
FRANK:  Yeah, thanks. (RING...RING...RING),
 
BLOG:  What's that Frank.
FRANK:  Oh Just my Wireless Phone Calling Device. 

BLOG:  You have a cell phone?  Pretty hipster of you!
FRANK:  I've had it or years.  It cost me $600.00, but what the heck, its shatter proof!

FRANK:  (muttering into the Wireless Phone Calling Device)
BLOG:  Something important Frank?

FRANK:  Sort of.  Good news for the Banshees!  We won't be distracted by paisley tonight, "you know who" can't make it tonight.
BLOG: Oh well, all things considered, its probably best you never mentioned his name.

FRANK:  Well as disastrous as this is;  Randy Rose doesn't need the embarrassment of having his name out there.  I'm sensitive to that.
BLOG:  Nice one.

THE SPEECH

In celebration of Randy Rose who had a 1 in 15 shot at being a Grisslie, and failed, Rob Farah sang this inspirational song to the team prior to the game.  It showed everyone just how lucky they really were.  The song, Randy Rose is a Thorn, is sung to the tune of the Poison classic, Every Rose has its Thorn (note;  I'm well aware that it wasn't a classic!).  Click on this link to hear the tune while you read ===> CLICK ME!. 

This weeks Speech Sponsor is Cogveyor, "Positive Drive - Simple Solutions".  You may not need a conveyor system for your home (or maybe you do), but if you have a business need; you know where to go. 

RANDY ROSE IS A THORN

Wanting to be a Grisslie
Its every ball players dream.
I can see him glaring at me across the field,
All I can say is that it’s nice your eye surgery has healed.

Was it something we said or something we did
Did the game not play out right?
Though we tried to get you in the draft,
Though I tried
But I guess it wasn’t my day

Chorus:
Randy Rose is a thorn
Just like Frank Laird has his John
Just like every Banshee has Transformers Long Johns
Randy Rose is a thorn

Yeah he is

He’s gotten a little cocky now,
with his new eyes and all,
Heard him say he loves a game of easy come and easy go
But I wonder if has talking about hitting
Is he thinking of the draft fiasco?
And I know that he’d be here right now
If I could have pulled it off somehow

I guess

Chorus
Randy Rose is a thorn
Just like Frank Laird has his John
Just like every Banshee has Transformers Long Johns
Randy Rose is a thorn

Solo

I know that you'll use your glove one night
Those hits will go your way; say
You’re new sight will help you make a play
Its cheating in a bionic way.

And now you’re on the Banshees.
And I guess Frank and John are thrilled with you
To hear that tears me up inside
Because we thought you’d be a Grisslie too.

Chorus
Randy Rose is a thorn
Just like Frank Laird has his John
Just like every Banshee has Transformers Long Johns
Randy Rose is a thorn

THE GAME

JUST BE CLEAR:  Randy Rose ducked us!

Thanks to the Banshees for playing the rained out make up game - in the rain!  And thanks to Steve DeLand, Al Bales, Bob Pearce and Steve Brooks for subbing on a lousy night for weather. 

Lets see....how to sugar coat this one, hmmmm.  Actually, if you take my play out of it, it was a pretty great game.  Our hitters hit for the most part.  We played well defensively, but got burned by some good quality hits.  You can't do anything about that, good hitting is good hitting.

I can see why Frank thought it was a good draft.  Esau, the "rookie", had three hits, runs like the wind and fielded flawlessly.  Did anyone actually check his age?  I'm sure the Durham Bulls are mighty upset to have lost him from their starting lineup, but I guess he was done playing triple A ball.  John Coopman, Anicete Goncalves and Scott Peters were particular thorns in our sides this night.  And Scott also snared a sinking line drive off of Farah's bat that could have changed the game. 

So here is where it really went awry. 

1st inning - With two runs in, two runners on and one out, I hit a routine grounder to second base that stifled the inning.  Farah and Bales followed with hits to score two more runs, but a potentially huge inning was reduced to a good one. 

2nd inning - (this is my favourite)  three runs in, two out,  Dave Argue on second having just driven in two with a double, I strike out (foul out - but you know how it works) ending the inning.

5th inning - (no wait, this is my favourite)  One run in, Hayward on third, Argue on first, two out, I ground out to first ending the inning. 

6th inning - (yeah, this is best) Two runs in, two out, Hayward on second, Argue on first, I ground out to third ending the inning. 

Summary:  Rarely, but sometimes its all about me.  0 for 4.  Three innings ended!  SEVEN runners left on base.  That's tough when you lose 13-10.

On the bright side, the rest of the Grisslie regulars hit .750 on the night, including three 4/4 nights and Farah found his bat with three solid hits.  Next up for the Grisslies are the Hot Tub Woody's and their knuckle ball pitcher Dave Kidd next Tuesday.  That should do wonders for my slump!!!

See you Sunday morning for the Weakly Supplement!

GAME 4: For Those About to Rock

INTRO

I'll tell you what I DON'T like and that's being made to look stupid. 

I consider myself pretty well read, fairly well put together and a bit of stickler for research.  But when I find out that someone is trying to pass themselves off as "JUST" a right-fielder and hiding their true identity?  Well screw them.  Yeah, that's right, screw you Bill Sallustio. 

You see Bill (if that's his real name) wasn't always a ball player.  No, it turns out that Bill (If that's his real name) has been leading a double life as a Yoga instructor.  Oh yeah, and of course, its not just ANY yoga instructor, but a flippin' Master Yogi!!!  Did you know that it takes up to 25 years of deep meditative instruction to become a Master Yogi?  Well Bill (I.T.H.R.N.) does. 

Bill (I.T.H.R.N.) gave himself away by missing our first game under the auspices of "my wife has yoga class".  It was clear something was awry because honestly, who would use a lame excuse like that?  But we didn't really fully clue in until a couple of the wives in the league started talking about a "really cute" yoga instructor in Shelbourne (their words not mine). 

We investigated.

We peeled back the layers of the onion. 

We were stunned. 

Apparently Bill (I.T.H.R.N.) isn't just an instructor; but he's also created a number of nouveau and revolutionary Yoga poses.   He did this after years of study watching people in their most relaxed form and then naming positions after them.  Yeah, Bill (I.T.H.R.N.) was real a innovator to be sure.  Lets look at some his more successful poses.

The Blue Angel

The Jordan

The Tipping Point 

The Alter 

The Arched Praying Mantis 

The Hasselhoff 

The Wookie 

The Sweet Baby Jesus 

To anyone else out there with a secret identity...don't even bother!

THE SPEECH

Well this one was a little out of the box for Robbie boy.  He's not much of a metal-head, but he'll make exceptions from time to time.  And this was one of those exceptions.  Even if you aren't metallurgically (I looked that up) inclined, you likely know the chorus of the AC/DC Classic, "for those about to rock, we salute you!".  Well our fearless leader has changed this one around to:  "For Those About To Rock, Bill Sallustio."  I gotta say, this one Rocks!  I feel like Dewey Finn when I play the video.

Oh yeah....music here -> MUSIC 

Anyway, this song is brought to you by, Redline Systems who are "Powerful By Design!"  Remember the folks who sponsor the league when you're looking for help.

For those about to Rock

Oh Yeah, yeah
We're roll tonight
To the guitar bite
Yeah, yeah, oh

Stand up and be counted
or what you are about to receive
We are the Grisslies
We'll give you the game that you need
Hail hail to the Yoga Master
'Cause the Grisslies have got the right of way
We are the legend, Bill says its because
We're just playin' for today

For those about to rock, Bill Sallust-io
For those about to rock, Bill Sallust-io

We play at dawn on the front line
A quick start right out of the blue
The sky's alight with all the balls in flight
Runs will score with Grisslie bats tonight

For those about to rock, Bill Sallust-io
For those about to rock, Bill Sallust-io

Yes he do

For those about to rock, Bill Sallust-io
For those about to rock, Bill Sallust-io

Oooh, sallust-io!
Oooh, ooooh yeah
THE GAME

Losing normally isn't fun.  This game may have been an exception.  We did lose, 7-2.  Honestly, it was a great game.  There was a tiny little tantrum from one of our stars who had to sit out an inning, but other than that I went really well.  Yes, of course I'm joking. 

So here are the successes that we can take from that game.  It looks like our defense is actually as good as I was hoping.  Giving up 7 is really good in this league, but considering the competition, this borders on great. 

The Lucky Stiffs were averaging 23 runs a game before last night.  Keeping them 16 runs under their average is remarkable.  The were hitting .713 as a team before the game and hit .510 against us.  We once again hit cut off men and didn't give up any extra bases.  The Stiffs were full value for their hits and runs, but they had to work for them. 

Make no mistake, the Stiffs were the superior team, but we're a few key hits from winning these games.  We're competitive now, which is all you can ask for. 

Good game lads. 

Check out the 3 stars
Check out last weeks Week in Review

T.O.T. Weakly Supplement - Week 2 Review

Weakly Supplement

This week's blogs. 
                 
                     From The Wild game CLICK ME
     
                     From the Dog Catchers game CLICK ME

Week in review

GAME 3: Dave (you'll turn two)

THE UNSANCTIONED, UNAUTHORIZED, UNEDITED, HIGHLY RESEARCHED AND ONLY MODERATELY ABRIDGED "REAL, BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY - TOTTENHAM NIGHTS"

THE INTRO

Rick Cudnik's focus is legendary.  Legendary in medical circles that is.  There's sometimes that Ricky is so distracted that he doesn't even remember which dug out to go to.  Then he'll walk up to the plate and hit a triple.  Next he'll jog out to center field and someone will point out that he's the only one out there with a different coloured shirt. Or when slides safe into second and argues that he was really out.   

Oh Ricky-Bobby.

So where does this savant level distraction come from?  The truth is that genius and madness are inseparably linked.  There is a reason for these lapses in concentration.  A very real and equally very sad reason indeed. 

Ricky-Bobby wasn't always called Ricky-Bobby.  No, early in life he was known as "short-bus Ricky".  Personally I think that nickname is offensive on a lot of levels, but it was a short chapter of his life and my job here is not to rewrite history, just to report it.
 

Mrs. Glockenspiel's Grade 3 Class Picture.

Rick on the left <===

Rick was finally tested for aptitude in grade 4 and, lo and behold, it was discovered that he was actually academically brilliant.  By brilliant I mean how smart Stephen Hawking wishes he was.  Who knew?  Things started to change in this brief history of time for our young Ricky...he starred on the "mental gymnastics" team throughout his short two year stay in high school.  Considering that our hero was socially and athletically inept at a young age, this gave him an opportunity to talk to people for the first time.  He found he couldn't stop.  

Mental Gymnastics Team Logo
Think about it

Before long he was recruited to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) when he barley 16 years old.  It was at MIT that Ricky thought his goal of 'just being an average guy' would be achieved.  Its good to have goals, but this one was destined to failure.  Ricky's genius would prevent him from ever being lost in the crowd.  His super-nova cranium was absorbing numbers and principles at an alarming rate.  Like John Travolta in Phenomenon, he was enlightened (without the benefit of a brain tumor) and seeing beyond what the common man could see.

Rick's Yearbook Photo 

It got to the point where here was nothing in math or sciences that remained to be learned.  The next step was obviously to take those learning's and allow them to manifest themselves into theories, discoveries and solutions just like Einstein did; relatively speaking.  These would be theories that would change the world.   

Here is the top ten list of Ricky's varied accomplishments:

1.  All famous people are really lizards who secretly rule the world. 
2.  If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.

3.  Dinosaurs never existed (what have been dug up are really dragon bones).

4.  Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.
5. There was no such thing as polio and therefore no one should be given credit for a vaccine (who would name a disease after a sport?)

6.  Led an expedition to discover the "lost content of Africa".  Successfully completed when he discovered Zaire in 1992.   

7.  After extensive bible study, discovered that there is another angelic order between seraphim's and cherubim's called; Gymnasi-im.  Also, uncovered that Jesus secretly Jewish. 

8.  Concluded that Franklin is the turtle equivalent of a racist bastard.  Why else would he be the only one on the show with a proper name while everyone else is just called Bear or Fox or Goose???

9.  Discovered that St Appolonia is the patron saint of dentists.  Established that Prince dated Appolonia during the making of Purple Rain.  Therefore; Prince is either a dentist or a saint. 

10. In 1993 he correctly calculated the exact odds (3.106091751882820001 to 1) that Brian Mulroney was the anti-Christ.

  No caption required.

Finally, Ricky came up a against a question that even he couldn't answer.  Was it something from Socrates?  From Descartes?  No.  It was this that was ultimately DECLARED UNSOLVABLE:  All the moons in the solar system are named after either Greek or Roman gods with the exception of the moons of Uranus.  How can the Greek's not be involved in Uranus?

Not being able to answer the question broke Ricky.  He took it hard.  He locked himself in his closet as Ricky, but emerged 8 weeks later as Ricky Bobby!

Yes, THAT Ricky Bobby

Now there's nothing wrong with NASCAR.  No sir. There are some very, very smart people who follow NASCAR.  I don't know them, but I'm reasonably sure they are out there.  Somewhere.  Probably.

NASCAR allowed Ricky Bobby to apply his unparalleled skills in math and physics while not having to worry about how everything else in the world was going.  It was a little freedom for Ricky Bobby.  He had a great 3 year run until the nightmares started.  You see, there was one theory that he just kept nagging at the edges of his consciousness.  He couldn't quite escape it, and that theory was that famous people were really lizards.  Poor bugger.  They found him running aimlessly on the track one night.
 

Ricky Bobby Melting Down

It wasn't pretty.  Ricky had run his last race.  But with his near-infinite wealth, he could relocate to a tiny town and play recreational baseball with old men.  But those moments of distraction you see?  Those occasion's when Suzanne buries her head in hands while sitting in the stands?  Those are the moments that Rickey is still haunted by the lizards.  Its sad to see a life completely ruined by what amounted to silly old wives tale.  

OR WAS IT???

THE SPEECH

Oh, did you think this was going to be a Rickey Bobby song?  Perhaps "the ballad of Ricky Bobby"?  Just because he likes to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of his life. Is that why?

Well sorry to disappoint.  A little bird let it slip to Rob, that Dave Argue had a special place in his heart for the band Styx and in particular their song "Babe, I love you".  Apparently (citation needed) this was his wedding song.  Pretty touching stuff.  Rob thought that reworking this song would get Dave into the proper frame of mind to 'swing his bat'  Despite the fact that it doesn't always work out, Rob is very well intentioned.  

This weeks song is brought to you by Neighbours Country Depot (can someone get them a logo please?).  Remember our league sponsors when you're making your purchasing decisions!!!

The tune can be found by clicking this link.  LINK

DAVE, You'll Turn Two. 

Dave was leaving, we thought he was on his way
His time was drawing near
The draft was going, you could see it in his eyes
The hurt, the pain, his tears

But the Grisslies would be lonely without you
And we need your glove to see us through
So Please believe me, the draft was just a sham
We won't be missing you.

Cause You know it's you Dave
Whenever we get weary and the infield's rough
Feel like giving up
You know it's you Dave
Playing every scrimmage, I'm not worried
Please believe that it's true
Dave, you'll turn two.

Cause You know it's you Dave
Whenever I get weary and the infield's rough
Feel like giving up
You know it's you Dave
Playing every scrimmage, I'm not worried
Please believe that it's true
Dave, you'll turn two.

Dave's not leaving, I'll say it once again
Its easier now to smile.
I know the Grisslies kept their best asset
If only for a while.

Candy's pissed that he didn't get you,
But lets face it, Mike was also a two.
Please believe me, Dwyer's doing cartwheels,
And I just got a tattoo. (of you)

Dave, you'll turn two.
Dave, you'll turn two. 
Oooohhhhh Dave.....

THE GAME

This isn’t going to be long. Namely because the BLOG site was down, I got no sleep and I’m now in a lousy mood. But here we go….shiny happy people…

Last night’s game was a polar opposite to Monday night’s affair against The Wild.

In fairness, it was the Dog Catchers first game and there are definitely some early season jitters to get out of the way. It was the same with us in our first game.

We came out swinging in the first inning with our first five batters reaching base and all of them scoring. As it turned out, that was all we needed.

It was nice to have Bobby “Minnesota” Smith and Bill “For Those About To Rock” Sallustio back in the lineup. That was a big difference. Speaking of big, it will be good to see Gord-o Robertson for the first time next week.

Back to the game. There were huge contributions up and down the lineup. Those that didn’t hit made stellar defensive plays. In particular, Jerry Muirhead did a fantastic job in left field. By my count he made four outs in the air, and anything his on the ground to him was never more than a single base. I don’t know that I’ve ever played in a slow-pitch game that didn’t have an error, but last night was one. We were on fire defensively. We gave up single runs in the 5th, 6th, and 7th innings and that was it!

Robbie is thrilled to have his ERA down to a more respectable 13.50. A little better than the 24.00 he was sporting after Monday! A couple of more defensive gems like this and his head will be too big to get through the door!

Make the final, Grisslies 14 – Dog Catchers 3.

Find out who the Donini three stars were here – STARS

Check the Schedule and Records here – SrCeHcEoDrUdLsE

GAME 2: I Got You Babe

THE INTRO

Don't worry, you're not missing the game 1 BLOG.  Game two came first this year.  You'll get the game 1 BLOG right after the game 3 BLOG. Obviously. 

Regardless, hello baseball fans!!! Hopefully you're reading this on the morning of May 10th.  For those of you unaware, May 10th was special for a few reasons.

Memorable May 10th events!
1536 - Anne Boleyn is arrested on charges of adultery, treason and which craft.  (She was no which!)
1611 - The King James bible is published for the first time.  (On my reading list)
1670 - The Hudson's Bay Company is founded. (oldest company in North America)
1885 - Good Housekeeping magazine is published for the first time.  (Chiasson still subscribes)
1903 - Pediatrician Benjamin Spock is born. (This is the Dr, not the Vulcan)
1918 - General Motors buys Chevrolet. (Mike Olliffe has the date circled)
1926 - Rene Levesque is born. (My Canada includes Levesque)

1933 - The Inverness Courier publishes a story on the "loch ness monster". (ohhh nellie!)
1955 - Tennessee Williams wins Pulitzer Prize (and Cindy Williams is born)

1967 - Hank Aaron hits an inside the park home run (commonly known as a "Piero").  The only one of his 755 career home runs that didn't clear the fence. 
1980 - Susan Richmond and Robert Farah are married.
2008 - Greg Maddux wins his 350th career game. (Chicks dig the long ball)

Holy smokes!  As much as Anne Boleyn and Greg Maddux stand out, the real story here was the Richmond - Farah wedding. 

Its hard to distinguish the fact from the legend at this point, but it has been long and wildly speculated that Princess Diana's 1981 Royal wedding was styled primarily after the Richmond - Farah nuptials.   Not so much the actual ceremony, but more the complexity and attention to detail.  And why not?

The "wedding of the century" incorporated a specific Hollywood theme and started international trends.  Sir Elton John was recently asked to pick his favourite part of the Richmond-Farah wedding.  He replied, "that would be like me picking my favourite eye glasses or Miley Cyrus song.  It can't be done".  True, there was THAT much!

In very clever fashion, Rob and Sue let fake publicity shots of their wedding garb slip out.  Of course they were published far and wide and immediately relieved the constant pressure from the paparazzi.  Good thinking. 

Sue's 30 foot train and Rob's (now legendary) tuxedo t-shirt

With the press off their backs, the young couple could go back to their roots and plan the wedding that THEY wanted!  You see Rob and Sue first met at the drive-in watching the original Star Wars movie, curiously named episode IV, back in 1977.  Their wedding was scheduled 11 days before the release of the eagerly anticipated The Empire Strikes Back. 

The Droids send their best

And don't think 11 days prior was an accident either.  They chose eleven days before the movie release because of the planet Ambria 11.  Obviously.  As you all know, this is the lost planet of the Jedi masters. The Ambrian's fought for the Kingdom of Princess Leia, but lost against Darth Vader. Also its the planet where Jabba the Hutt was born and the Wookies hoped to find a new home.  

Yes, this would be the best Star Wars theme wedding ever!!!  My words won't do it justice, so here are the pics.  Feel free to drop by the Farah's any Friday night and check out their album for yourself!

The Ushers

The Cake (Done by Buddy The Cake Boss)

Stupid cousin that doesn't know the difference

between Star Wars and Star Trek

Trampy Aunt that hits on groomsmen

(come on, you've all been to weddings)

The Ring Bearer.

Happy anniversary Rob & Sue!!!

THE SPEECH

The speech was a joint effort this week as Sue and Rob both sang in front of the team.  Again, nothing short of inspirational.  I think the Sue might have caught Rob a little tiny bit off guard this week with her version of the re-worked lyrics, but he managed to make it through.  This week's speech is sponsored by C.W. Coops, home of the "Baddest Wings in Town!"  Remember to support our league sponsors when you have the chance.  The song is the Sonny and Cher classic, I Got You Babe. 

If you want the here the music....click here ===>  MUSIC

I Got You Babe

SUE: They say you're old and can no longer throw. But maybe they are all just wacko
ROB: Well I don't know if all that's true 'Cause you got me, and baby I got you

ROB: Babe
BOTH: I got you babe I got you babe

SUE: They say your glove should be for rent.  Its hardly been used, leather isn't even bent.
ROB: Perhaps that's so, I'll take that shot. I guess you were watching closer than I though.

ROB: Babe
BOTH: I got you babe I got you babe

ROB: I got flowers in the spring I got you to wear my ring

SUE: And when I'm sad, you're a clown And if I get scared, you're always around

ROB: So let them say my hair's too long 'Cause I don't care, with you I can't go wrong
SUE: Then put your scissors in that hand of mine. There ain't no hair style or mountain we can't climb

ROB: Babe
BOTH: I got you babe I got you babe

ROB: I got you to hold my hand
SUE: I missed the question didn't understand
ROB: I got you to walk with me
SUE: I thought you said you hurt your knee?
ROB: I got you to kiss goodnight

SUE: And to watch your WWE Fight.

ROB: I got you, I won't let go

SUE: Like Patrick Swayze I'll just have to say ditto

BOTH: I got you babe I got you babe I got you babe I got you babe I got you babe

THE GAME

The dream of a perfect season remains intact!

Yep, we have a strong chance of going 0-24.   Really strong.  Just for the record, you're not going to win a lot of games when Rob finish in left field and I finish at short stop.  Oh, its not that we're bad, its just that other people would be out of position.  Hmmm, not. 

So lets cut to the chase here, the final score was 24-3.  But really, you shouldn't be put off by that score.  Its not really indicative of the game.  Truthfully it was more like 74-3. 

It took awhile for our bats to get going.  We were shutout for the first three innings but then we exploded for single runs in 3 of the last for innings!  Yeah! 

Its hard to say where the turning point was in this game.  It could have been when we didn't score anything in the first inning after having the first two guys on.  It could have been when The Wild scored 7 batting around in the 1st.  Or when they scored 7 batting around in the second.  Or when they scored six batting around in the third.  Or when they scored 6 batting around in the sixth.  Or when Chuck Cragg (yes the same Chuck Cragg who had a guest appearance on "Gimme a Break" where he played Nell Carter's sassy, back-talking, illegitimate son), made a game effort to catch a foul ball on behalf of the Grisslies.  Yep, hard to say. 

But here is the good thing about the Grisslies.  To a man, we had a good time. 

Here is to fun year!  Check the three stars by clicking this link (THIS LINK)

Next game BLOG on Friday.