Monday, June 29, 2015

Welcome!!!

So what the hell is all this about????

Well...

Sometimes you just need to hit the reset button and start over.  So I did.

Why?

Lots of reasons.  Most of which you shouldn't believe.

One of the major reasons is that I find that I have a lot to say that isn't necessarily baseball related. Hence the caption above, "Always something to say".  So because its not going to be just about our fun little baseball league; because I'll be writing like I talk, and that means swearing (but not yet); and because I've often been known to have strong, unconventional and sometimes unpopular opinions, I'm not willing to share those with the great unwashed.

EDITORS NOTE:  Its come to my attention (over the years) that I use words and expressions that are not part of the average lexicon.  I don't know how this happened.  I'm not particularly well read and I think my education is painfully average.  These are just words and phrases I use, I don't even usually recognize them as unusual.  When I do, I'll put in a definition.  These definitions aren't meant to be be disparaging to the reader; simply info.  Please keep in mind that there will be times when I fully intend to be disparaging, this just isn't one of them.
Great unwashed:  This phrase dates back to a book of the same name published in 1868 about the working class of England.  It is used as a tongue in cheek reference to a large collection with a differing view.  See Scott Peters for a copy of the original book.  (this phrase is used by me that way at any rate)
Lexicon:  The vocabulary or branch of knowledge of an individual.
Disparaging:  Regarding people or things to be of little worth.
Tongue In Cheek:  Ironic (don't ya think?) or flippant.

My humour can be offensive on occasion.  I do understand that.  Please don't confuse my understanding with actual caring.  While my aim is certainly not to offend, I am keenly aware that it happens.  I know I can make people that like me laugh or smile so I just won't worry about the rest.

Too harsh?  Maybe.  But wait until my editorial on sex-ed in grade schools.  That will be a little rough on the right wing, bible thumping extremists.  Who knew Ontario had a deep-south?

I digress.

EDITORS NOTE:
Digress:  Leave the main subject temporarily to write about something unrelated.  But I digress. Again.

Look, I've been writing this stuff for a long time now.  I can't even begin to guess how many words I've written.  I got a "D" in grade one Art class.  I didn't colour inside the lines then and I certainly don't now.  When you're going over the edges, you're bound to step on a few toes.  

Don't think that because you're invited to this page that you're exempt from my sarcastic and sometimes misinterpreted, mean spirited, brand of comedy.  For god sakes, I've already got Scott and we're still at the intro!

I will attack cats.  I will make fun of religion.  I will go after politicians (but not those from Ontario due to the non disclosure document I signed). All manner of reality TV will be ridiculed and scorned.  And when its done and I hit "PUBLISH", I will feel relieved.  And you know why?  Because this is two-way power.  I get to vent, at some level; or at least exercise some demons, and you get stay as long as you want and its by choice.  You needed a password / invite to get in here, but you're free to leave if I go too far over the edge for you. Remember, this is private!  Private both to you and for you.

You're here because you're opinions help formulate mine.  Because you can take a fucking joke (and there's the swearing).  And because not everything that you read that you don't agree with (and there will be plenty) will cause you to pout like a petulant 5 year old who's slinky developed a kink in it. And, in this case, I actually do mean slinky when I say slinky.


EDITORS NOTE:
Petulant:  Childish, sulky, bad tempered.

Yes, I guess this is the grown up BLOG.  No pacifiers, no coddling.

EDITORS NOTE:
Coddling:  Treat in an over protective way.
(I'm quickly tiring of these definitions)

As mentioned, its not going to be all about baseball and neither is it always meant to be humourous.  I like research style essays and just conversations about the way my small world and the big real world SHOULD run.

Its should be noted that I really do like debates.  I grew up debating with my mother.  Don't get me wrong, my dad had a debating style too.

Me:  Dad, what do you think about he NDP policies?
Dad:  Assholes.

or

Me:  Dad, can I say out until 11pm?
Dad:  No.
Me:  Can we talk about it?
Dad:  No.
Me:  I'll clean the basement.
Dad:  Ok.
Me:  So I can stay out until 11pm?
Dad:  No.  But you can clean the basement.

I'm really quite interested in other people's opinions whether they are contrary to mine or not.  Its how you learn, right?  So feel free to comment.  You don't have to but its welcome.  You're here because I think you're smart.  Not that my opinion counts any more than anyone else's, nor should it.

As you know, you were 'invited' to this blog.  The only way in is through YOUR ID.  I would ask that you keep that access to yourself.  I know my audience and I feel comfortable with that.  I don't want to have to make exceptions or curtail myself because IDs are being shared and those who I never intended to have here and reading and commenting.

By the same token, If you think there's someone who should be invited, let me know.  Its hard to gather everyone.  There's over 70 outstanding invites right now.  Not everyone is so savvy at getting hooked up.  I've had to go to a number of homes to do the setup.  I don't mind.

Two more things.  I think there will be more posts than you're used to, but less of the epic long stories, less structure and less routine.  When things strike me as interesting, I'll post them, so you'll have to check frequently and check back issues on the right hand side.

And last, I don't know what to do about stats.  I haven't found a way to shorten the workload and its a bugger to produce every week.  I'll do what I can in that department.  For sure there will be a 1/2 way point stat recap once every team has played their 13th game

Cheers.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

The Case of Tricky Ricky Lyon

I'm still tailoring the actual "WELCOME" edition; in the mean time, lets start with some fun.

A few of the Grisslies have seen a version of this.  But published now for the first time.

Conversation

It turns out that this team is really good at something.  Like, REALLY good!  And that would be the post game cool down exercise that takes place afterward at the clubhouse.  We sit around, cool off with soft-drinks and enjoy some fine kibitzing.  This conversation happened a couple of weeks ago after our debacle against the Sliders (28-12).

You remember the Sliders?  The team with 1 win?  Ya, against us.

We're getting to the part of the season where guys are starting to get to know each other...wives names, kids, jobs etc.  The conversation is decidedly more than just baseball.

Everyone knows Rick Lyon right?  I only have some of his paparazzi pics, but they might help

 Rick striking his court date pose

Camera shy camera man

Darren Ford:  So what do you do Rick?
Rick Lyon:  I'm a camera operator.
Darren Ford:  A camera operator?  Like a photographer?  You take pictures?
Rick Lyon:  Do I look 'artsy' to you Forty?
Darren Ford:  No.  Not really, and they call me Fordy,  Not 40.
Rick Lyon:  That's what I said, Forty.  I do films and television.
Darren Ford:  Really?
Rick Lyon:  Sure thing.  But that's only since I got out of 'the business'
Darren Ford:  What's 'the business'
Rick Lyon:  "THE BUSINESS".  The biggest money maker in film 40!
Darren Ford:  Its not 40, its Fordy.  
Rick Lyon:  Not 40 is right, you're like an 8 year old if you don't know where the film industry gets rich.
Darren Ford:  Which is?
Rick Lyon:  Starts with a "P" and rhymes with corn?
Darren Ford: OHhhhhh, THAT, "the business".  So did you ever work on anything I would know.  
Rick Lyon:  Well the biggest one I ever worked on was probably "Oceans 11 inches"
Darren Ford:  Sounds epic!
Rick Lyon:  Have you ever seen "You've Got Male" 40?
Darren Ford:  FORDY!
Rick Lyon:  Wow!  40 times!  That's a lot!  I told you this is where film makes its money.  What about "Forrest Rump"
Darren Ford:  Never heard of it.
Rick Lyon:  Well believe me, it wasn't "Run Forest Run" that Jenny was yelling.  Know what I mean?
Darren Ford:  No.  Not really.
Rick Lyon:  Well, do you know the epic war drama, "Shaving Ryan's Privates"?
Darren Ford:  Ha!  No, never heard of that one.  That's good.  I'm going to grab a jug of beer, I'll be right back. 
Rick Lyon: That would have been a good name for movie.
Joel Hodge:  What would have?
Rick Lyon:   "Grab a Jug"
Joel Hodge:  That's a good one!  Anyone else hungry? 
Rick Lyon:  [yelling] Hey 40, get us bag of chips while you're up there!
Darren Ford:  [yelling] For christ-sakes F-O-R-D-Y!!!
Rick Lyon:  OKAY!!! [to the rest of the table] That 40 really gets pissed off really easy.
Darren Ford:  Geez.
Rick Lyon:  Hey Joel, you ever see "On Golden Blonde"?
Joel Hodge:  No, but did it star Henry Fondle?
Rick Lyon:  Ooooo, isn't Joel the smart one!  "Saturday Night Beaver"?
Joel Hodge:  No, but I heard Schlong Travolta was in it. 
Rick Lyon:  Ha!  Nice, you're on fire, what about "Pulp Friction"?

Joel Hodge:  I need 40 back, I have no more witty replies.
Rick Lyon:  "American Booty"?
Darren Ford:  Are you still going at this?.  
Rick Lyon:  Ya, of course!  What took you so long?  Did you go home to watch "Throbbin' Hood"?
Darren Ford:  Okay Rick, these are all bullshit names aren't they?
Rick Lyon:  40, are you kidding?  Have you never even seen the AVN awards?
Darren Ford:  AVN?
Rick Lyon:  Come on!!! The AVN's are the biggest awards in the business.
Darren Ford:  Like the Oscars for porn?
Rick Lyon:  No.  The Oscars are like the AVN's of non-porn.  Where everyone is famous and dresses like Cher.
Darren Ford:  Sounds pretty classy.  
Rick Lyon:  Not as classy as Star Whores.  Now that was a film!
Darren Ford:  I didn't know there was science fiction porn.
Rick Lyon:   It focused mostly on the back story of Darth in-Vad-her and Princess Lay-ya.

Darren Ford:  I see.  
Rick Lyon:  Did you 40?  Because the lighting in that flick won me two AVN's!!!
Darren Ford:  No, not really, and for the record its Fordy not 40.  Sort of like how my name is written on my shirt.
Rick Lyon:  So you probably never saw Missionary Impossible either.
Darren Ford:  Nope.
Rick Lyon:  Ya. It was a good run working on all those flicks.  That's where I made all my money and bought my boat before getting out of the business
Glen Tinkler:  Wait, you've got a boat?
Rick Lyon:   Sure I do.  You can't entertain the stars of the magnitude that I do without a boat!
Glen Tinkler:  What kind of boat do you have?
Rick Lyon:  oh just a little one.  Its two-story with 12 foot ceilings and 1958 horsepower motor.
Darren Ford:  Yowza!  We should go out sometime.
Rick Lyon:  No.
Darren Ford:  What?  Why not?
Rick Lyon:  The boat is for clients.
Darren Ford:  What clients?
Rick Lyon:  What clients???  Like the stars of Poc-a-hot-ass ... or ... Ass Ventura. Those movies are LEGEND!  Not quite as good as Inspect-her Gadget, but still very excellent.
Darren Ford:  I never fail to learn stuff when I'm here.
Rick Lyon:  Oh ya?  What did you learn today?
Darren Ford:   The big story for me is that you didn't do the camera work on Schindler's Fist.

******

Editors note:

it had moments but kind of ended like a Saturday Night Live skit.  Badly.  

Monday, June 1, 2015

I'm Back

Thanks for waiting!
I'm
Back
Bitches!!!
well.....almost 


First edition June 24th