BONUS BLOG - Tottenham State of Mind

Breaking News

This just in from the Tampa area.  Click the link to read the official press release!!!

http://tottenhamoldtimers.blogspot.com/p/team.html (Special thanks to Karrie Farmer, our Tampa correspondent)

INTRO

Last year as you all know was my first in the league. I walked into the league knowing exactly one person so there were a lot of introductions and names to learn. I’m typically not very shy, so I went about the task of meeting people.

This is where things get dicey. When I signed up for the league, I was under the mistaken impression that the name you put on your shirt was actually supposed to be “YOUR NAME”. Apparently that wasn’t and isn’t the case. So to complicate things I had to learn names of people that had nothing to do with the names on their shirts. You’ve all been through this so you know what I’m talking about. Some are easy, like John Tessier having “JT” on his shirt, but how are new guys supposed to remember that Luc Schryer is "UGH"?

I had a few embarrassing moments in my rookie season, but one that stands out was either with Doris Casullo or Ingo Bartens. I’m only unsure because I’ve managed to repress parts of the memory through intensive and expensive counselling. Regardless, the story works for either because they both, uncharacteristically for the league, had their respective 1st names on their shirts.

Before a game early in the season I walked up to Ingo (I’ll use him as the example), and introduced myself.

ME: Hi I’m Doug (handshake)

INGO: Hey, Ingo

ME: Blah, blah, blah

INGO: Yadda, yadda, yadda,

ME: Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more, say no more.

INGO: Chit-chat, chit-chat, chit-chat.

ME: So “Ingo”...that’s a really weird nickname, there must be a story behind that one.  How'd you stuck with that handle?

INGO: Its my name.

Ouch. Awkward. Welcome to the team.

So...in an effort to help this year’s rookies and people who are still fairly new to the league, I’ve put together a list of all 168 players in the league with.

• Their known nickname.

• If unknown (to me) a suggested nickname

Before anyone gets ‘too’ bent about this, it’s meant to be funny and NOT to offend. I won’t pretend that they are all brilliant because they aren’t. But some are clever. At least I think they’re clever and take some thinking. Before you scroll through the list here are a few examples with explanations:

Harley Sherman - “FAT BOY”. A) He’s not fat so that’s funny. B) The Fat boy is a Harley Davidson bike model. Now its funny times 2.
Bob Vaughan – “Nolan” A) Bob is pitcher (and a good one in my humble opinion) hence the Nolan Ryan reference.  Not funny, but baseballish.  B) I struck out Bob last year in a game under some major extenuating circumstances.  Despite that he was kind enough to sign the ball (I’m not joking) and he wrote “Nolan Ryan would be proud". I still have it.
Jamie McClean – “YIPPIE-I-O-KYE-YA”. Bruce Willis played John McClean in Die Hard...Of course, John McClean’s famous line before he killed Hans Gruber was “yippie-I-O-kye-ya, M-F’r”.  Pop culture reference.
Scott Peters – “ANGER MANAGEMENT”. Because it’s so NOT him that its funny.

Okay, there is how my brain works. Have fun with this. Suggest new nicknames and I’ll add them in. Just keep them PG. Well, PG-14. Throw your suggestions or questions about nickname origins in the comment sections and I’ll get to them quickly. Also, if anyone is truly offended by a nickname, tell me by email (dwyerdouglas@gmail.com) so you don't have to advertise it and I'll remove it.  By the way, I think I’ll set up a nickname tab to replace the now “lost” results tab.

Cheers.....and the list:

THE SPEECH

I feel sorry for captains that ask me to sub.  There is the obvious reason that they have me a sub which can be difficult for a captain to deal with at the best of times.  Then there is the secondary reason that they are now feeling obligated to write a song / speech for the game.  See, they know if they don't do a speech, then I probably won't bother doing a BLOG.  However, if they do produce one, then I won't let the opportunity go by.

And on the topic of 'you learn something new every day', I had no idea that James Taylor was a Hip-Hop rap tactition.  Honestly, he does come off a little 'hood with the baggy jeans and funky flat brimmed hat, but I never really put it all together.  Personally, I think Mike Olliffe probably helped with the lyrics a bit because I saw a Snoop Dogg CD on his table when I was over a few weeks ago. 

So, the boys put together a very inspirational rendition of "Empire State of Mind" by Alicia Keyes and Jay-Z that they actually wrote as if I were the singer.  They even got pretty political in the last verse.  For a first crack at doing this, it is pretty cool and a great effort.  Keep up the great work Mike and James! (click the song title to hear the tune)

Tottenham State of Mind

Yeah,

Yeah, Imma up at Keogh,

Now I'm down in the Legion,

Right next to Piero,

And I’ll be hood forever,

I’m the new Sinatra,

And since I made it here,

I can make it anywhere,

Yeah they love me everywhere,

I used to ball in Woodbridge,

All of my Italianios,

Right there up on Highway seven,

Brought me back to that McDonalds,

Took it north of the T-Dot,

Tottenham off of Queen street,

Catch me in the infield like a KitchenAide whipping pastry,

Cruising down Dilane street,

Wish I had a lexus,

Driving so slow to avoid any more tickets,

Me I’m up at 3rd base,

Home of that boy Gyori,

Now I'm filling in for a legend,

But I got my my boys with me,

Say what up to Olliffe, still sipping Turbos

Sitting gameside Stiffs and Banshees give me high fives,

Brother I be spiked out, Who's the MVP nominee?

Tell by my attitude that I most definitely from…

New Tec,

Baseball jungle where dreams are made of,

Theres noway that you can lose,

Now you’re in New Tec,

These games will make you feel brand new,

The lights will inspire you,

Lets hear it for New Tec, New Tec, New Tec

Catch me at the "K" with JT at the Unit's game,

Man, they make the Oldtimers Hat more famous than an a Yankee can,

You should know I bleed Grisslie Blue, but I still like to sub tho,

And there is a gang of brothers who will play for all teams though,

Welcome to the melting pot,

Players helping out in all kinds of spots,

Donnie's a sub that hit,

Pearse will play in any spot,

Black Cap, Hippie Cap, Hit the Gap, holla back,

Foreigners from Alliston ain't fitted they forgot how to act,

168 stories out there and their all different,

Guys range in age from old to near ancient,

Me I gotta plug a special BLOG I got it made,

If JTs payin Del Greco, I’m paying Rob Hayward,

3 strikes thrown low,

3 card monte,

Both are a hussle, rest in peace Bob Marley,

Steam train forever, long live the Feed Mill,

Long live the swing yo,

I’m from the place you admire and thats.....

New Tec,

Baseball jungle where dreams are made of,

Theres noway that you can lose,

Now you’re in New Tec,

These games will make you feel brand new,

The lights will inspire you,

Lets hear it for New Tec, New Tec, New Tec

Lights aren't blinding,

Hardly even working,

So the ball gets out of bounds quick,

The side lines will end up blind with casualties,

Parks and Rec sipping life casually, hoping it doesn't get worse,

Don’t bite the apple Eve,

Caught up in the in crowd,

Now your in-style,

And in the winter gets cold so enjoy while you have your skin out,

The city is a sin but our town is a hymn,

One thing the city got, the lights work for them,

I once took a bus trip, hit a Jays game - no lights out,

Everybody cheering, you could see everything no blackout,

Hail Mary to the city your lights are workin',

But Jesus can’t save you, life starts somewhere along the 400,

Came here for quality, stayed for the high life,

Ball players, rap stars, addicted to the limelight,

TOT got you feeling like a champion,

The town never sleeps better slip you a Ambien

In New Tec,

Baseball jungle where dreams are made of,

Theres noway that you can lose,

Now you’re in New Tec,

These games will make you feel brand new,

The lights will inspire you,

Lets here it for New Tec, New Tec, New Tec

One hand in the air for Tottenham,

Conservation area and big dreams all looking pretty,

No place in the World that can compare,

Put your lighters in the air, everybody say yeaaahh

Come on, come,

Yeah,

In New Tec,

Baseball jungle where dreams are made of,

Theres noway that you can lose,

Now you’re in New Tec,

These games will make you feel brand new,

The lights will inspire you,

Lets here it for New Tec, New Tec, New Tec

THE GAME

No BLOG wars here friends.   The score was Hurtin Units 14 and the Dog Catchers 24.  To read the game report which will be much superior to anything that I could do please go to http://www.hurtinunits.blogspot.com/

GAME 22 - Make the Red Dogs Sweat

The Poll
The most recent poll was:  WHICH OF THESE SUB .500 TEAMS (GRISSLIES REMOVED) DO YOU THINK IS THE MOST DANGEROUS TO FACE IN SEPTEMBER?

The Dusty Cleats                        33%  (I think they'll be alive on Sunday)
Dodge City Rounders                   8%  (Where is the love?)
Red Dogs                                     41% (Jamie McLean is a huge add!)
Dog Catchers                               41% (Too good to keep down)
Hot Tub Woodys                          16% (Underestimated I think)

The Intro

What do Indonesia, India, the Philippines, Vietnam, Mexico, Nigeria, Peru, Malaysia, Iraq, China, Thailand, Gambia, Brazil, South Africa, Chile, Ghana, Malta, Iran, Cameroon, Columbia, Japan and Jamaica have in common? Well, before anyone guesses anything that may cause embarrassment to themselves, let me tell you the answer; the average height for males in all those countries is UNDER 5 foot 8 inches.

That would make everyone over 5’8” a freak. I will concede that the ‘freak’ label is a bit of an arbitrary assignment, but as people under 5’8” have long realized; it’s a black and white world, so you may as well just get used to it.

So the genesis of this BLOG came from a conversation with James Taylor but there have been several follow ups in the club house in recent weeks. I may be ‘stealing’ a future JT BLOG here, but the story needs to be told and I apologize in advance for my thievery.

The under 5’8” contingent in the league is being unfairly cast aside by the mutant tall people who seem to control all to positions of power and infuence! The mutants seem to think that they should be rated better than the ‘little people’ who continue to carry them around on their tired low to the ground backs. I mean, Doris Casullo a #1 and me a #7? Seriously? The Jolly Green Giant Rob McCarron a #2 and Tim Osmond a #10? Honestly! Why do we even have ratings.

Now this isn’t a game, I’m on a mission; call me a hip-hop-tip-tac-tition. This is a throw down. A show down. Hell no, I can’t slow down. No more time to clown, the mutants are going down.

Here is the challenge. It’s time for us to have our say and our day in the sun. An all-star game featuring the grotesque abnormalities of ‘tall’ people against the normal folks. Get your best slow footed, Neanderthal, knuckle dragging, over grown players that don’t have fully developed larynxes (so they just grunt) and try and take on an all-star roster of the best of best.   Featuring:

Pitchers

Wayne Bickford (Torn Ligaments) – Don’t let the smile fool ya, he’ll carve you into pieces and feed you to giant fishes.

Eric Hipken (Rusty Rebels) – Dead Red, ‘nuff said.

3rd Base

Paul Gyori (Hurtin’ Units) – Lets be serious for just a minute. The Units are a good team, of that there is no doubt. But, having subbed for them a couple of times, I don’t know how much more Paul could possibly be asked to do. Not only does he have to cover EVERYTHING that is more than a step to Robin Dickson’s right, but he has to be a freakin’ guidance counsellor out there too. MVP.

Short Stop

James Taylor (Hurtin’ Units) – Paul Gyori on Robin’s right. James Taylor on Robin’s left. Robin often leaves his glove on the bench, because the infield is SOOOO covered!

2nd Base

Gary Cox (Dog Catchers) - There are lots of options here, but you have to go with the classy infield captain. With a questionable outfield on the Dog Catchers (Pendlebury and Saunders) Gary has had to work extra hard this year to make sure the ball doesn’t get out of the infield.

1st Base

Doug Dwyer (Grisslies) – First base is where you hide the weak players. Tall people have been doing this for YEARS!!! At 5’7 ½”, this is where you need to stick the biggest target for all those good fielders.

Catcher

Billy Cloutier (Red Dogs) – Yes, I realize that it’s kind of a waste. However, with his cat like reflexes and quick release, it will completely shut down the running game of the giants.  Plus he can back up everyone else in the infield if need be.

Clifford Stacey (Dodge City Rounders) – Cliffy isn’t JUST a big bat. He knows how to call a game and can settle down a temperamental pitcher like Bickford if he gets rattled.  Plus he knows that the position is called "catcher", not "back-catcher".  Tall catchers don't know that.

OF

Sam Caradonna (Banshees) – Slammin’ Sammy is ONLY hitting .800 which SHOULD be enough to lead the league, except for Manute Bol from Beeton is apparently hitting .812.  By the way...what's with this minimal number of at bats rule anyway?  Is that a rule made by the Tall Man to keep the Short Man down?  We are oppressed brothers and sisters!

Paul Hargreaves (Dusty Cleats) – One of two rookies to earn a roster spot on this all star team. Just the fact that he keeps getting Rob (Yao Ming) McCarron to games on time should be good enough. But overall, this is a gifted athlete ready to take over the league.

Tim Osmond (Grisslies) – While on the subject of gifted athletes. I think the only positions that Timmy hasn’t played this year is Short Stop and pitcher. He’s our number one back up at all spots and a solid outfielder who’s been covering up for Chiasson all year.  Thank god of youthful enthusiasm and boundless energy!

Luc Schryer (Torn Ligaments) – A Hall of Fame outfielder AND a legit power threat. Luc puts fear into the opposition with his Monica Seles inspired grunts.  The real Tragedy here is that Luc has been batting behind Paul Piellusch all year so that Starsky can get a little "protection" in the line up.  Where is the justice?  The tall succeed on the backs of the short. 

Calvin Steeves (Grisslies) – The outfield needs a captain too! Another legit stick with gap power and a guy that will layout for the ball as we've seen on countless occasions.  

Utility Infielder

Rick Lyon (Dislocated Joints) - Already known as the "best looking Rick" on the Joints; he's the straw that stirs the drink.  Terry Doucet, long known to be a short person trapped in a tall body, was quoted as saying, "we'd be nowhere near 5th place without Rick.  We'd probably down around those really tall teams, but I'm not mentioning any names". 

Honorable mentions:  Doug Matson, Kevin Boston, Ingo Bartens, Bob Pearce, even though you play good enough to be on the team, you seem 5'8"ish... 

Go ahead. Try and put a team together that can even begin to compete with this. Actually, I know that it’ll never happen, because tall people are so used to having everything given to them that they’ll never actually get around to putting a roster together on their own.

Having said that, I’m declaring the under 5’8”s the winner of the first annual ‘normal people’ versus ‘ex-NBA players’ all star game. Yeah, that’s right. 1-0; you’ve got a whole year to try and even the score!!!

Other Freaks

Doris' Cat

Cal Steeves got this pic with a Jelly fish

when down East recently

Wabbit Season!  Duck Season! Wabbit Season!

Cliff "one shot" Stacey

Lookit here son, I say son, did ya see that

 hawk after those hens? He scared 'em! That

Rhode Island Red turned white. Then blue. Rhode Island. Red,

white, and blue. That's a joke, son. A flag waver. You're built

too low. The fast ones go over your head. Ya got a hole in

your glove. I keep pitchin' 'em and you keep missin' 'em.

Ya gotta keep your eye on the ball. Eye. Ball. I almost had a

gag, son. Joke, that is

The F1 Race in Tokyo was tangled in a

web of intrigue!

The Speech
Do you know the two Rob's that combine to make the one and only Rob Farah?  Let me introduce you.  There is A) Rob Farah, who would do anything for the league.  They guy that welcomes rookies.  The guy that helps people who need a hand.  The guy you can talk to when you need an ear.  They guy that wants everyone to feel good about their contributions. 

Then there is B)  Rob Farah that is a trash talking son of a ***** that thinks he invented tin foil.

It appears that in this particular speech the two Robs were in conflict with each other.  Rob "A" clearly wrote the suck up to the Red Dogs chorus and Rob "B" wrote the but kicking verses.

This is to the tune of "little Red Corvette" by Prince

Make Those Red Dogs Sweat

I think they should've known by they way we made our plays

That the game would go fast

See, we're the kinda team that believes in gettin' outs quick

Glove 'em and throw 'em fast

I guess we though of stardom as we circled around the bases

Doubles and triples too

But it was a Tuesday night, I guess that makes it all right

And we say - "This is no time to lose"

And now, I say Make them Red Dogs Sweat

Foerster's pretty fast

Make them Red Dogs Sweat

Clouthier's glove is wicked fast

I should've closed my eyes when I drove it to the track

A huge blast you must agree

You might end up a little ill from drinking all the pitchers

'Cause of the strikeouts registered by me

Believe it or not, I started to worry

I wondered if I had enough class

But it was Tuesday night, I guess that makes it all right

And I said "The Grisslies, they have enough gas!"

Oh yeah!

Make the Red Dogs Sweat

Billy Brown has a lot of class

Make the Red Dogs Sweat

Mike Candy can really BLAST!

A team like ours oughta be in jail

Cuz the way we steal wins is obscene

Move over, Woody's, gimme the keys

We're climbing the standings like a winnin' machine

Make the Red Dogs Sweat

Derryl can pitch with the best

Make the Red Dogs Sweat

Bob Candy plays like he's possessed

Make the Red Dogs Sweat

Watch out for Jamie Mclean

Make the Red Dogs Sweat

Cuz if we don't, They'll run your right down to the ground

Right down to the ground (Grisslies got to hit it downtown)

Hit, Hit, Hit it downtown

The Game

And an interesting game it was!

It started with the Grisslies having too many subs and the Red Dogs having not quite enough, so we had to trade Jim MacDonald for a some sunflower seeds.  Jim's a good player, but you can't turn down sun flower seeds!

The Grisslies game out fast and furious and had a 7-1 lead after the first two innings. Things seemed to be well in hand, but; in typical Grisslie fashion, it started to slip away.

The Red Dogs continued to chip away inning after inning with the Grisslies falling asleep offensively in the middle innings.

We came to the 7th with the Grisslies holding an 11-9 lead. 

In the top of the 7th the Grisslies scored 3 runs on the strength of Mark Doyle's 3 run homer and in the bottom of the inning it was quiet for the Red Dogs as they plated nothing. 

Make the final 14-9. 

Of course you all know that the Grisslies set the goal of being 6-4 over their last 10 games and 6 of those games are now in the books.  Amazingly the Grisslies have amassed a record of 4-2 in those six games and only need to win two of their final four to hit their target and see Piero play every position in the final game. 

NOTES

• John Davidson turns 70 this year and is very much alive!  He lives with his wife Rhonda in Mexico.
• Thanks to David Polny for subbing for us.  He was awesome keeping balls in the infield that normally would have gotten by Brett.  Its good to have someone you can rely on at 2nd!
• Thanks to Mark Doyle for subbing for us as well.  Its a good thing he can hit, because the fielding was spotty!  We almost had to move David to centre.  (kidding Marky - good game and thanks!)
• Props to Steve Ross for the new and improved website!!! Congrats Steve, a job well done!

GAME 21 - If I could turn back time.

THE INTRO

If you don’t remember, let me give you a refresher.

Flash back to August 5th 2009, the “Dead Man Walking” BLOG is posted. I just reread it. Whoever wrote that did a pretty good job, it still stands up. 

Anyway, in case you don't feel like reading it again, the gist is that Tito “Fonzie” Presenza had about enough of a brash (and maybe a bit of a loud mouth) rookie and The Fonz bravely predicted that he would strike him out.

He's rookie, of course I struck him out

ayyyyyy.....

Flash forward to August 13th 2009. The Fonzie Vs the Rookie match up; or as Mark Doyle so aptly referred to it as, “Fonzie Vs Mork”. Tito, true to his word struck out the Rookie.

Flash forward to August 17th 2010. The rematch, a year and four days later. There is no repeat of the strikeout. The rookie, now a sophomore, has left the incident behind, leads his team in OBA, Hit By Pitches, RBIs, and sarcastic one liners. 

Flash forward to August 13th 2019.

The BLOG: Well, it’s the 10 year anniversary of ‘the strikeout’ game, any memories come to mind?
Doug Dwyer: Man, it was so LONG ago, so much has happened. But, I think the thing I remember the most is how many people were there to watch me humiliate myself.

The BLOG: Really?
Doug Dwyer: Honestly! We played the early game that day and I swear that both teams playing the late game were there for the first pitch of our game plus there were scattered players from around the league. It felt like there were 400 hundred people there but there were probably around 40-50.  That was a lot for our league back then before we had the concession stands and the ushers.

Keogh Park after the 2016 renovations

The BLOG: Were you feeling the pressure?

Doug Dwyer: Looking back on it? Sure, probably a little. But I was a rookie.  I probably had higher expectations of myself than I should have.

The BLOG: Well a lot has changed for you in the past 10 years!

Doug Dwyer: Yeah, but I’m still the same guy.

The BLOG: So the 7 batting titles haven’t changed you then?
Doug Dwyer: Well, I mean sure, my wrists are stronger, but I’m still principally the same guy. The thing with batting titles is that you really can't do it without significant help from your teammates.

The BLOG: Seriously? How exactly does that work?
Doug Dwyer: Well.  Okay.  Your teammates really have nothing to do with it.  I was just trying to be nice.

The BLOG: Hmmm. Same old guy, huh? Do any of your batting titles stand out?
Doug Dwyer: Well, you always remember your first, but I’ll admit I was a little lucky with that one. I would have to say the 5th one was my most complete season. That was back when the league only had 20 teams, can you imagine that? Let’s see, in 38 games I was 185/192 (.964) which had me 123 point ahead of Farah who finished second.

The BLOG: That’s Rob Farah, right?
Doug Dwyer: No Chris Farah. Plus that year I hit 31 home runs setting the single season and career marks for both Coventry and Keogh parks. They even renamed the left field fence (where the bleachers are now) to Dwyer’s Domain. Apparently the lettering guy at the town said that it was an easy change from “Doyle’s Domain” to “Dwyer’s Domain”.

The BLOG: You know, I usually do my home work on this stuff and I SWEAR I saw a sign out there last week that still said Doyle’s Domain.
Doug Dwyer: Oh it’s not done yet.

The BLOG: But it’s been YEARS! Didn't they say it was 'easy' change?
Doug Dwyer: Oh sure, it’s easy enough. But these things take time. It’s on the town's list of things to do. In fact I heard that they’re going to do it right after they fix the center field lights.

The BLOG: So they’re ‘fast tracking’ the work then.
Doug Dwyer: Apparently. But with the way Greg Tracey runs the town now a days, you never really know for sure.

The BLOG: So what other highlights do you have over the past 10 years.
Doug Dwyer: Gawd. What to pick? The all star teams maybe? It’s always fun beating the kids. The HTKP home run contest, although it’s not really much of a contest, but its fun and the fans love it! And I guess all the championships.

The BLOG: It has certainly been a good run.
Doug Dwyer: It has been and I owe it all to Fonzie.

The BLOG: How’s that?
Doug Dwyer: Well, the day he stuck me out, I could have walked away with my tail between my legs or I could have said “that will never happen again!” I chose to say “never again!”

The BLOG: Well then, have you ever thanked Tito?
Doug Dwyer: No we kind of lost track after the 4 year anniversary autograph signing in 2013. Personally I don’t think he took my success so well.

The BLOG: In what way?
Doug Dwyer: He lost a lot of weight, quit drinking alcohol, switched to only coffee.

The BLOG: That doesn’t sound so bad. What’s the matter with a reasonably healthy lifestyle?
Doug Dwyer: He also quit the Beeton debating club!

The BLOG: I had no idea it went so deep!  What is he doing now?
Doug Dwyer: I thought I heard he was taking courses to be a minister or something?

The BLOG: Fonzie is Clergy?
Doug Dwyer: Apparently Fonzie is happy Clergy.

The BLOG: Hmmm. Fonzie is coffee drinking happy Clergy.
Doug Dwyer: That’s probably enough.

The BLOG: Okay, one last question though if I may. Now that so much time has passed, how do you celebrate your turning point, “the strikeout game”?
Doug Dwyer: That’s easy. Every other year I strike out on purpose during the game that takes place closest to August 13th.  It keeps me grounded.

The BLOG: Some people still say that’s what you did back in 2009 against Tito.  I mean the "on purpose" part.
Doug Dwyer: People are entitled to their opinions.

The BLOG: So did you? Its 10 years now. Some people are of the belief that you faked the strike out as a ridiculous ploy to get readership for that old school BLOG that you used to run.  Will you definitively answer the question once and for all...Did you strike out on purpose?
Doug Dwyer: Find The Batman, then you’ll find your answers. 

THE SPEECH

Sometimes Rob's sense of humour just hurts. 

If I Could Turn Back Time

If I could turn back time

If I could find a way
I'd take back that pitch I swung at 
and hit it to right someway

I don't know why I swung at the ball I did
I don't know why you threw the pitch you did

Pride's like a knife it can cut deep inside

Pitches are weapons and they wound sometimes.

I didn't really mean to miss it
I didn't wanna see it go by
I know you barely even tried, but Fonzie

If I could turn back time

If I could find a way

I'd take back that pitch I'd swung at

And hit it to right someway

Then I would have been a star

And I'd owe it all to you

Then you'd still pitch short to me 

Like you used to do

If I could turn back time

My world was shattered I was torn apart

Like someone took a knife and drove it deep in my heart

You tossed it up and in and I swore that I didn't care

But I lost everything when I swung and just got air

Too strong to tell you I was sick that day

Too proud to tell you I was in a coma before the game

I know that I was blind, and ooh...

[Chorus] If I could turn back time

If I could turn back time

If I could turn back time

I didn't really mean to miss it

I didn't want to see it go by

I know you barely even tried, but Fonzie

If I could turn back time

If I could find a way

I'd take back that pitch I swung through

If I would have been a star

And I'd owe it all to you

Then you'd still pitch it short to me

Like you used to do

If I could turn back time (turn back time)

If I could find a way (find a way)

Then Fonzie, maybe, maybe

You'd Play

 


THE GAME

The Wild...blah...blah...blah...blah...blah...

The Grisslies...blah...blah...blah...blah....blah....

We lost.  I think it was 7-4.  It was a good defensive game (apparently)

The Wild...blah...blah...blah...blah...blah...

The Grisslies...blah...blah...blah...blah....blah....

Ummmm.  Did I mention we lost?  Yeah, no one really cared.

Why?

Because it was the Grisslie party night!!!  This is the night that all the Grisslies get together and celebrate a great season.  At this point of the year its still exhibition so its all good news!  And the lads celebrated very well indeed!

Larry, Curly & Moe are riveted by the latest

tale of intrigue from Danny

Completely unexpectedly, Rob McCarron dropped

by and bought a pitcher of beer for the Grisslies

in exchange for a "mention" in The Blog. 

Fortunately I was able to find a picture!!!

 

The "Grisslie Awards" were handed out for the second

consecutive year.

Award Winners

• The "clean language in front of kids award" - Danny Chiasson
• The "very nearly awake award" - Brett Mabee
• The "Hang 10 - pool party shorts award" - Cal Steeves
• The "running up Piero's A** award"  - Kevin Boston
• The "super spy versatility award" - Simon Smith
• The "Ingo Bartens award" - Ingo Bartens
• The "John Deere Award" - Tim Osmond.
• The "Cy Young and Attendance award" - Rob Farah
• The "MVP / Sand Angels award" - Piero Del Greco
• The "Anger Management PHD award" - Dave Argue
• The "Fan Support / Fan Attendance Award" - Sue Farah
• The "You actually kind of scare me award" - Bev Steeves
• The "This could have been yours award" - Michelle Farah. 

The evening was topped off with a celebration marking Rob Farah's 350th game as a Grisslie.  Way to go Robbie!  The good news is that there are only 1780 left to catch Cal Ripken!!!

Awww....that's one happy Grisslie!!!

GAME 20 - It Ain't Over 'Til Its Over

POLL

This weeks poll was VERY interesting!

AFTER STARTING THE SEASON 4-12, THE GRISSLIES SET THE GOAL 6-4 OVER THEIR FINAL 10 GAMES.  IF THEY MEET THAT GOAL WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD HAPPEN?

Ingofische shaves his head            6% (Disappointing)
Danny Chiasson hits to left          26% (Impossible)
Piero plays every position      66% (AWESOME)
Tim and Greg arm wrestle          26% (Could Happen)

INTRO

If, Then, Else.

Most of you read the above and thought, "what the hell?"

But for some of you, you either took computer programming courses, became a programmer or work somewhere in Information Technology (IT) and those three little words mean something to you. 

If, Then, Else is sort of the base tenet of computer programming.  It works on a series of true and false statements.  Most user applications work the same way.  For example, have you ever added a series of number in Microsoft Excel?  If you have, then you've noticed that the total is presented in a black text if its a positive number and red text if its a negative number much like my bank balance.  That's because the Excel code has a statement in it that reads something along the lines of:

        "IF" sum is greater than "0" "Then" Font = Black, "ELSE" Font=RED.

That is a serious over simplification, but its basically how programming works. 

Well.....basically.

And you thought this was just comedy?  Shame on you all. 

Perhaps a better question is, "why is he boring us with this stuff"?  Indeed, that WOULD be a good question!  And of course the answer would be....

Because Dave Argue is a computer programmer!!! 

So how does someone go from being the leader of the Young Conservative Party in Forget Saskatchewan to being a computer programmer in the center of the universe?  Its a strange path people follow to be sure.  However, Dave should have known straight away that he was destined to be a programmer because he found his way there using the If, Then, Else principle.

This is Dave Argue as the leader of the Young Conservatives:

 

Dave Argue:  His life laid in front in of him

before that god awful picture came out!

As we've said numerous times here at The BLOG, to know the man, you need to know the man's history.  Dave (The Contradiction) Argue is pretty much like everyone else.  He was kid, he had a family, he stubbed his toe along the way and eventually made something of himself that was greater than the sum of those toes.  However, we're not necessarily interested in the triumphs.  No.  We're typically more interested in those occasions where toes were stubs.  So Stub away Davy boy, Stub away! 

Dave had a happy go lucky approach

from a pretty early age!

Dave's Brother Quarr-El was a little misunderstood

but was a pretty good kid once you got past the piercing stare.

                                                         

And his sister Dee-Bate was the sweetie of the

Grade 4 pep rally team!

So, as you can see, everything was fairly normal in Forget Saskatchewan.  But as you also know, That fateful photo in the Forget Gazette changed things.  Dave went from normalcy to....hmmmm....finding himself?

Dave in his Early "Sean Penn" phase but he wasn't

really cut out for melancholy, THEN

If you have ever seen Sean Penn in the "Falcon and the Snowman" then you have a good sense of Dave's slightly neurotic, moderately paranoid, borderline irrational and almost phobic late teen phase.  It happens.  It happens a lot.  Dave left town.

 

Dave's next stop was at the University of Saskatchewan. 

Oh, he didn't enrol quite yet, but he did something else, he managed to join a fraternity.  The Frat was good and they entered Dave in a North America wide moustache growing contest.  I think its fair to say that Dave put the UofS on the map.  Big Time!!!

Dave's patented "body 'stache".  Go ahead,

try and grow one of these bad boys!!!

Despite the legendary status that he received among the university crowed, the contest just didn't give Dave the fulfilment that he was yearning for back then.  He knew that if he was to find that fulfilment, he'd have to do it elsewhere.  So he packed up again and hit the road.  This time he REALLY hit the road and went west.  When he ran out of road he took a boat and started heading south west.  Before you knew it, Dave hit land and almost immediately then landed himself a gig working as a body double for this man: 

Apparently Magnum had an overwhelming fear of

water and lose fitting shorts.

Body doubles were instructed to not "out shine" the

stars that they were shadowing.  Dave had to work hard

to dumb-down this glamour shot.

After years of hopping in and out of TC's chopper and outrunning the damned dogs, Dave finally said enough was enough!  After all, there was more to life than wealth, surf, beaches, perpetual tans and a world that smelled like Coppertone.  IF only!!! 

So he bailed. 

Dave went back to the Mainland and hooked up with an advertising firm.  He cleaned up his moustache and went to work on their biggest account, Tim Horton's.  Dave had been up all night for a week straight and had been working on a new killer marketing campaign for Timmies that was centered around what would happen if Conservative surfers were drinking coffee on the beach.  He had 'stills' of commercials ready.  He had mocks of billboards.  He had layouts for magazine and newspaper ads.  He was SOOOO ready! 

However, with all the hard work, Dave slept in.  At 8:45, on his way to the 8:00 am presentation he said "screw it" and pulled into a drive through and got a large double double and a small black.  He chugged the black and started sipping the double double as he drove the remaining 30 minutes to work.  He got to the office and it was complete chaos!  They could ill afford to lose this account and Executives were literally on the ledges ready to jump.  Dave's boss trailed him down the hallway chastising him the whole way!  "Who do you think you are?  What's your problem?  Do you know how important this is?  An hour and 15 minutes late, and yet you have time TO STOP FOR A COFFEE", he screamed!

Dave, now at the entrance way to the presentation room turned and looked directly at his boss and said in a very calm voice, "You've always got time for Tim Horton's" 

His boss was horrified and Dave was in shock when he walked into the room and all the Tim Horton's ad types were standing and clapping.  "That's exactly the kind of slogan we're looking for, nothing else has worked!  Keep up the great work!  We'll be back next week to look at the roughs for the ads." 

As disgusted as Dave was in the line, he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.  However, news travels fast in the Marketing / Ad agency world and competing firms knew that they had to recruit Dave to their firms or kill his credibility.  Dave was none too eager to move; so the firm 'across the street' launched a multi-million dollar suit against him for modeling his moustache after their biggest client, Toyota.  They were able to connect a drop in profits to the day that Dave changed his style. 

The ad world being the ad world, Dave's firm dropped him immediately.     

Tough break.  There's never time for Toyota

in Dave's world!

Now it was REALLY time to slip into 'find one's self mode' and Dave headed north as so many before him had done.  Dave had heard stories of a "unit of solitude" somewhere in the Canadian far north.  He spent 3 years wandering, searching, but if it WAS there it eluded him.

 

                                      

A rare picture of Dave on his northern quest. 

Dave's answer would not be found in the North.  So Dave continued his search by heading East.  Not Shag Harbour East; but India East!  Dave had heard stories of transcendental mediation offered by Guru Arun Randiv Kumar Sangakkara.  (GARKS) 

After 4 years under GARKS tutelage Dave had

finally achieved 'inner peace'

The next step was for Dave to leave India and re-immerse himself in his own community.  To truly find inner peace he had to take the spiritual lessons that he had learned and apply them in his own culture. 

The lesson from GARKS was clear. 

                                      

A lesson worth learning.

So Dave came back to Canada.  He landed in Ontario and ended up in Tottenham.  Not knowing quite yet what he wanted to do for a 'full time career; he took a summer gig as the Engineer of the Tottenham steam train!

Engineer Dave!!!

FOOTNOTE:

I followed Dave, now long since a computer programmer, to work one day a couple of weeks ago.  Yes, I know it was wrong, but once he noticed that I was close enough to see him, he started weaving through traffic.

Around Avenue Road and St. Clair I got this picture:

                                       

COULD IT BE?!?!?!

SPEECH

It doesn't mater at this point if you have 20 wins or 20 losses.   The song remains the same as Rob likes to say.  You can heear this famous Lenny Kravitz tune by clicking the song title. 

It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over

Here we are fielding together

We are one

So much time practicing

Playing games with our gloves

So many beers I've drank

So many games in the tank

But Grisslies, It ain't over 'til it's over

So many games we've tried

To keep our season alive

But Grisslies it ain't over 'til it's over

How many times

Did we give up

But we always overcame our doubt

And we can hit now and our "D" is lights out

Kept me wondering, yeah

If we've always, always been above

So many beers we've drank
So many games in the tank

But Grisslies It ain't over 'til it's over

So many games we've tried

And kept our season alive

'Cause Grisslies it ain't over 'til it's over

So many beers we've drank

So many games in the tank
Grisslies It ain't over 'til it's over

So many games we've tried

And kept our season alive

'Cause Grisslies it ain't over 'til it's over

So many beers we've drank
So many games in the tank

Grisslies It ain't over 'til it's over
So many games we've tried

And kept our season alive

'Cause Grisslies it ain't over 'til it's over

Over, over, over.

So many beers we've spewed

So many games we threw

But Grisslies It ain't over 'til it's over

So many games we've tried

To kept our season alive

'Cause Grisslies it ain't over 'til it's over

Over, over, over

So many beers we've drank

To kill the way we stank

Grisslies it ain't over 'til it's over

THE GAME

I'm trying not to get TOO carried away, but we played good!  The final score was 12-5 and the tone was set early in this one. 

The Grisslies, as the home team, gave up a walk to start the game before getting the next three batters.  Then at the plate in the bottom of the 1st, there were 2 on and 2 out and one run in before a nice 4 run two out rally took place. 

The outfielders consistently hit the cutoff men.  The infielders didn't throw wildly to bases.  All the bases the Dodge City Rounders got, they earned.  Not having freebies makes a big difference!

Individually, Piero Del Greco continues to wield a solid bat.  The MVP drove in two runs in his first at bat, two more in his second and one more for a total of 5 in his third at bat. 

As much as I miss having the stats, it might be a blessing because we're doing the lineup by feel right now and it "FEELS" like we're onto something!  The Grisslies have won 3 of 4 for the second time this year and the first time since early June!  With six games left a 3 and 3 record will get us the 6 and 4 finish that we wanted.  Hopefully those three wins come sooner than later so that Piero can play every position in the Torn Ligaments season finale!

Good job team!!!