Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics

STATS

Its never as easy I think its going to be.

The monthly captain’s meeting was last night. I had asked for 10 minutes on the agenda to speak to stats. I didn’t really need the full 10 minutes, but I thought it would give me a buffer. I tend to run on a bit... So here is an excerpt from the meeting:

Jamie McClean: Next on the agenda – Stats. Doug?

Doug Dwyer: Thanks Jamie. This is going to be an easy one guys. I know a lot of people were concerned that I was going to try and ‘revamp’ everything; but my proposal is that we keep everything the same as in previous years.

Ed Vonda: What about the 3rd out issue if the batter is safe and someone else makes the out?

Doug Dwyer: It’s up to you guys, but it seems to work how we have it. Sometimes you get burned, but it averages out.

Ed Vonda: I’m good with that.

Frank Laird: What about counting team strikeouts?

Doug Dwyer: Yeah, I thought about that, but that would be asking the scorers to change how they record things and I think we’re just asking for trouble with consistency. Plus, someone would think that I’m keeping track of how many times certain individuals were struck out and I’m not really interested in that.

Frank Laird: Ok, sounds fair.

Kevin Boston: What about Instant replay?

Doug Dwyer: What about it?

Kevin Boston: Are we going to use it or what?

Doug Dwyer: Well, I don’t know. It doesn’t really fall under the heading of statistics.

Kevin Boston: If we don’t have instant replay my statistics will be negatively impacted again this year, so I think it should be tabled here.

Steve Ross: I’d like to put forward a motion that we never talk about instant replay again.

Motion passes: 18 for; 1 against.

Jamie McClean: Alright, so if everyone is done, can we agree to pass the statistics as being “the same as last year?”

Jeff Dancey: I have a question.

Doug Dwyer: Yes

Jeff Dancey: What about stolen bases.

Doug Dwyer: Um. What about stolen bases?

Jeff Dancey: I think we should track them this year. Also maybe we could have a special award for the league stolen base king.

Doug Dwyer: But our rules don’t allow for stolen bases.

Jeff Dancey: That doesn’t mean we can’t track them though does it? Is there a rule against TRACKING stolen bases? 

Doug Dwyer: Of course not. Why would there be a rule for tracking something we don’t do?

Jeff Dancey: Your mincing words Dwyer, I will not be made a mockery of. Mr. President, will you please instruct the Grisslie co-captain to answer the question with a simple yes or no?

Jamie McClean: (sigh). Doug, would you please answer yes or no to Jeff’s question?

Doug Dwyer: I answered him!

Jamie McClean: I know. But can we please just get through this?

Doug Dwyer: Sure.

Jeff Dancey: Thank Mr. President. Mr Dwyer, I ask you again and please remember that this is on the record: Is there a rule against TRACKING stolen bases?

Doug Dwyer: No.

Jeff Dancey: I’m sorry, I couldn’t quite hear you, would you mind speaking up a bit?

Doug Dwyer: NO!

Jeff Dancey: A-HA. You were deliberately trying to suppress tracking a statistic for which there is no rule against keeping! I believe your battle is lost. Good Day!!!

Doug Dwyer: Jeff, we don’t have stolen bases in our league!

Jeff Dancey: I SAID, GOOD DAY, SIR!!!

Steve Ross: (sigh). Okay, so we’ll track stolen bases this year. Jeff did you want to put forward a motion that we change our rules to allow for stolen bases?

Jeff Dancey: No.

Steve Ross: Um. Jeff. I just want to be really clear here. We are NOT allowing stolen bases.

Jeff Dancey: Perfect

Steve Ross: But you have emphatically argued to track stolen bases.

Jeff Dancey: Also correct. And probably stolen base attempts too, so that we can see stolen base percentages.

Steve Ross: I don’t want to overstate the obvious, but you realize that everyone will be tied with 0 stolen bases, right?  Is that really reflecting the honor we have in the league?  What's the truth behind the whole stolen base thing?

Jeff Dancey: It’s not about the stolen base Steve, it’s about all of you acknowledging my speed.   My wheels, while grotesque and incomprehensible to many of you, wins games. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want the stolen base, you need the stolen base.  You use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent reading pitchers and breaking for second base.  You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very stolen base that I have provided, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way.

Steve Ross:  Honest to God Jeff, can you just answer the question?

Jeff Dancey:  You want answers?

Steve Ross:  Well, I think we're all entitled, so yeah; just the truth.

Jeff Dancey:  The Truth?  YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

ALL:   (sigh)

Rob Farah:   Best meeting EVER!

*******************

And there is just a small example of what our meetings are like. They are open meetings by the way, so feel free to drop by on the last Wednesday of any month and be entertained!

*******************

Ahhhh, stats.

Stats are interesting to me because I'm a baseball junkie.  In 'real' baseball, you can tell just about everything about a game if you can read a box score or score card.  In our league?  Not so much.  Don't get me wrong, that's not a complaint at all, just a reality. We're there for the fun of the game and all that goes with it; not for the stats. 

So before anyone gets excited about big changes to the way we do stats, that's not going to happen.  Our scoring is done either 'on the fly' by players and captains or by wonderfully participatory volunteers.  We / they do our best, but the objective remains to have fun playing the game and not around registering singles and doubles (and stolen bases). 

As a league, all of our stats are from the game sheet (which is actually a hockey term used in place of scorecard).   In the past, we have rolled up the number of times a person has reached base safely.  This includes walks, hits and errors.  We take this total and divide it by the total number of plate appearance and come up with an On Base Average.  Example, after three games, you have been up to bat (plate appearance) 13 times and have reached base safely on 8 occasions.  Your On Base Average (OB) would be 8 divided by 13, or .615.  After a few weeks of the season have gone by, we publish the league's top 25 hitters along with each individual team (and players) averages. 

My personal challenge with the stats and particularly the top 25 is that we highlight the same people.  In fairness, I'll say, "tend" to highlight the same people.  And good for them, its well deserved.  I don't want to necessarily turn the spot light off of these people, but I'd like to call attention to some other folks as well. 

Let me stress, everything that you are accustomed to with stats will remain exactly the same.  What I'm looking for are ways to complement that data. 

I have been kicking this around with a few people and have come up with a few ideas. 

First off, the OBA is the only stat we keep.  We don't keep base running, pitching, fielding or specific hitting statistics. Therefore we're kind of limited in how to changed the presentation without changing how we score and we're not going down that road. 

Here are a couple of things I'm planning to try out

1.  A who's hot and who's not list.  This would look at a specific period of time, who had the "hottest July", or maybe two week increments.  I would expect that it would be largely the same names as that top 25, but we may have some new ones come in and out.  Probably worth a try. 

2.  A year over year compare:  I think this has the best opportunity to achieve what I'm looking for.  It would compare your OBA from last year to this and we'd identify people who have made the largest improvements.  For example, I hit .660 last year.  If I got off to a .705 start (I've probably just cursed myself to a slow start), I would be listed as +.045.  The best hitters in the league don't have a lot of room to go up, where as we had several people last year who improved their OBA by over .100 from the previous year.  Its sort of a variation on who's not and who's not. 

3. 5 hit games.  I think I'll report those in the T.O.T. Weakly Supplement every weekend.

If you have ideas around what else we could do, please let me know.  The only suggestion that I would say is "off the table" is any kind of sorting by rating.  Otherwise, I'm open to any ideas.

Thanks.

Next BLOG on Sunday and then the season!!!!  Giddy-up!

Deja Vu All Over Again

This was originally supposed to be a "meet your elected executive" BLOG....

It was changed for two reasons.  First, I was reminded of my moratorium on taking shots at our leadership.  I promised that to Chris Ross when the BLOG started becoming more league oriented in late 2009.  This is good news for all of our current elected officials. However, this is probaby not welcome news for Chris Ross who is no longer the president and has been declared "fair game"!

There is a silver lining for Chris in that there are more pressing concerns for our league than the exposé I've been putting together on him!  Yes, I'll have to save this story for another day, although I have uncovered some interesting facts about his acting career and burger flipping background.  But we have pertinent news. 

And by news I mean the newspaper worthy type of news. 

THE STORY:

I think Bob Dylan said it best...I've printed the lyrics, because no one can really understand what he says:

Come senators, congressmen

Please heed the call

Don't stand in the doorway

Don't block up the hall

For he that gets hurt

Will be he who has stalled

There's a battle outside

And it is ragin'

It'll soon shake your windows

And rattle your walls

For the times they are a-changin'

We all know that change is constant.  Like time, (which can be measured precisely at 60 seconds per minute) change marches on and takes no prisoners.  This week, change has consumed the Tottenham Oldtimers.  Believe me, no one is more shocked than me.  However, just because this has been voted on, doesn't mean that its irreversible.  You still have a voice!  We can use this week's poll as evidence to take back to YOUR executive and to YOUR town council in an effort to head this off at the pass.

With all due respect, I think its more important to exercise your democratic rights and responsibilities locally than it is with out national election!  It won't be the first time I've been accused of having a provincial attitude.

Please read the newspaper article quoted below.  My apologies for the font/print size, but I had to photocopy and scan which makes things a little grainy sometimes.  I got as much of the article in as I could while still having it somewhat readable.  I almost let this slip through the cracks as a non-reported story, but I said, "screw-it".  We've become far too complacent as a society.  Blindly accepting what the small and powerful minority bestow upon us without letting our voices be heard. 

ENOUGH. 

To me, this is a lot like the debate over whether federal funding should be used to build arenas for NHL Arenas.  Actually, its not much like that at all, but its the only time I can remember Canadians actually taking a stand on where our tax dollars go.  

Seriously, do we need instant replay?  If the debate was over whether or not to do a live pod-cast of one game a week or have play-by-play announcers for those in attendance or to have official scorers or to arm the umpires; I could understand.  Those are WORTHY debates. 

But replay?  I think Candy's got it right.  This isn't the NFL.  We don't need to slow the game down any more than it already is.  But at this point, its up to you - the citizens of this fair town.  We have websites, we have Facebook, we have Twitter, ask yourself:  is this league in need of MORE technology.  

I for one say no!   I hope we have not heard the last on this issue.  If you feel strongly, vote.  I think to motivate people it helps to quote the great leaders of rebellions gone by, like Bob Marley:

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;

None but ourselves can free our mind.

Wo! Have no fear for atomic energy,

'Cause none of them-a can-a stop-a the time.

"Stop the time"?  "Instant Replay"? 

Bob wasn't just a leader, a rebel, a legend, a singer, a spokesperson, a giant among men; he was also a Jamaican Nostradamus!!!  How else do you explain having the vision to describe this controversy in such a compelling way 33 years before it happened?

If you're like me and feel strongly, you should go to the next Captains meeting and take a stand. 

Instant Replay?  HELL NO!!!

Bold Predictions (III)

The Poll

In the previous two editions, you have selected the Beer Bros. and (unbelievably) the Grisslies as your favourites.  Seriously.  Well the people have spoken which clearly shows we need more people.  Actually this proves expression of "lies, damn lies and statistics" and now POLLS can be added to that!!!

Hey its all in good fun, the Grisslies, much like the Beer Bros. embrace pressure like a turquoise covered money skull (Doesn't mean anything - it just occurred to me - don't ask).  So please vote now to see who will join these two juggernauts as the third co-favourite to throw their gauntlet down for the 2011 season.

Will it be the Lucky Stiffs?  The Red Dogs?  The Rusty Rebels? The Wild?  The Torn Ligaments?

The Guest Host  

Right then.  Homer Simpson canceled - I'm still upset.  So filling in on VERY short notice this week is guest host is Alan Garner.  Alan was Doug's (irony or just a coincidence?) brother in law from the movie The Hangover.  Its okay not to know Alan Garner's name, but if you don't know the movie, then that's just plain sad.  I think Alan actually topped Charlie Sheen and Derek Zoolander with his opinions.   

Lucky Stiffs

BLOG: There are some real characters on this team, The Kahuna, Stike, Chiasson, Wallace...all the Lucky Stiffs are actually pretty excitable. Any advice for Clayton and John on how to handle them?
Alan Garner: I'm thinking about getting my bartender's license.

Red Dogs

BLOG: Do you intend to go to any of the Red Dogs' games at Keogh park?
Alan Garner: I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school... or a Chuck E. Cheese

Rusty Rebels

BLOG:   The Rusty Rebels have some known attitude problems, notable loners Bones and Billy Cloutier come to mind.  Are there words of encouragement that you could share with Hugh or Donnie to unify the team?

Alan Garner:  You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Gerard home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Gerard joined in later. And six months ago, when Gerard introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine.

The Wild

BLOG:  I understand you accompanied Chuck Cragg on a recent trip to Las Vegas.  Would you care to share what he said to the hotel staff that embarrassed you so badly?
Alan Garner:  He said, "You probably get this a lot. This isn't the real Caesar's Palace is it?  Did, umm... did Caesar live here?"

Torn Ligaments

BLOG:  I have been led to believe that there was a bit of a conflict between Radar (Kevin Boston) and Helmet Head (Cameron Clark).  Do you know what exactly was said?
Alan Garner:  That's not a purse. That's a satchel!  Indiana Jones has one!

Thank you Alan!  And the hangover II comes out in theatres on May 26nd.  You can watch the trailer here too, we're full service multi-media!  Plus we allow our guests to pimp their new projects.

Hangover II trailer

You want to watch this!

The Final Installment

One quick housekeeping item....the next BLOG will be out Sunday the 24th or three days from no (assuming you're reading on the 21st.  The two idiots won't be back until after the first week of the season, but there will be plenty of activity between now and then. 

And here we are.  Not much more to say really.  Please vote on your favourites!

Bold Predictions (II)

NEWS

Well this is pretty big news in these here parts.  Today's edition of T.O.T. (Sports Desk) actually has a sponsor!  Go Figure...71 editions of the BLOG and I finally thought to ask for a sponsor?  I approached the good people at Cora Restaurants about allowing me to use their logo for this episode and they responded with a resounding YES!  Additionally, they pledged gift certificates to our readership.  Not all of our readership mind you, so we need a plan.
Planning is not my forte, but here's what I came up with:

I have been calling this show "Sports Desk", "T.O.T. Today", "Sports Centre", "The Nice Guy and The Mean Guy"; lots of different names.  At the bottom of this BLOG is the comment section that most of you are familiar with.  Put your suggested name for the show in the comment along with your name.    David Polny from Cora Restaurants will select the winner. 

You do not need to be a league member to put in a suggested name.  The only thing that I can guarantee is that if you don't put in a suggestion, you will definitely not win.  The contest closes on April 20th so that I can change the name for the next edition on the 21st.  Remember that the show name will be used for the weekly reviews going forward throughout the year which will result in instant fame (and probably fortune) for you and yours in addition to a great meal at Cora! 

The Poll

In the first round of voting, the people have selected our expansion team, The Beer Bros. as the favourite!

Check out the latest poll on your right. 

The Forecast


For this week I have invited Derek Zoolander to give his opinion on our team drafts. If you need to ask who that is, then you need to give back your man card. 

Dog Catchers

BLOG:  Derek, what do you think about Gary Cox and Ricky Bobby being on the same team?
Derek Zoolander:  I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is 

Dusty Cleats

BLOG:  Do you think the Cleats will get off to a quick start this year?
Derek Zoolander:  You gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage

Grisslies

BLOG:  Have you heard the rumours that Rob Farah is offering honorary Grissle status to Murray Saunders?
Derek Zoolander:  Wait a minute. I might just have an idea. They'll be looking for us at Maury's right? But they won't be looking for... not us.


Hot Tub Woody's

BLOG:  Did you see the model of the learning center that Jeff Dancey proposed as part of the Help The Kids Tournament?
Derek Zoolander:  What is this? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read... if they can't even fit inside the building?

Hurtin' Units

BLOG:  The Units lost Jens, Dickson and Jim MacDonald.  That's a lot of hits to give up, do you think they can recover?
Derek Zoolander:  Jens, Robin, and Jim were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think.

Derek freakin' Zoolander.

CLICK ON THE LINK ABOVE

EDITORS NOTE:   It has come to my attention that watching the movie in The BLOG is too small for many people.  I cried myself to sleep when I heard that.  So unless your computer is a MAC (hahahaha, I just called a MAC a computer....I kill me!!!).  Again, If you have a REAL computer, you can right click on the picture of the movie above (you see --- MAC's don't right click, ugh never mind) and a menu will magically appear. One of the options in the window says "Play In YouTube".  (left) Click on that and a new YouTube window (or tab) will pop up.  This gives a fair bit bigger view.

EDITORS NOTE:  It has come to my attention that right clicking on the movie and selecting the "Play In YouTube" option still isn't big enough for some people.  I went to church and asked for forgiveness for being so thoughtless.  If its still too small, there is a banner across the bottom of the movie (in YouTube) that controls volume and placement in the video.  On the far right of the banner is a symbol with arrows pointing to the 4 corners of your screen.  THIS IS NOT A KRYPTONIAN SYMBOL!  Click on that 4 arrow symbol and the movie window will expand to take up your entire monitor.

EDITORS NOTE:  It has come to my attention that right clicking on the movie in The Blog and selecting the "Play In YouTube" option and then expanding to consume your full screen still isn't big enough for a few people.  I went to Tibet and met with the Dalai Lama for counseling.  He suggested right clicking on the image in the full screen YouTube mode and selecting the "Play on Skydome Jumbotron" mode.  Personally, I think you should just by a bigger monitor.  I guess that's why he gets to be the Dalai Lama.  Well...that and the "enlightenment" thing.

Bold Predictions (I)

The Poll

Well, the people have spoken and lyrics stay.  Now I need to start getting clever.  Final tally Lyrics 17 - non lyrics 12. 

Check out the new poll on your right. 

The Forecast

So....

We have teams!  You'll have to forgive me because I went in different directions simultaneously on this one.  As you may know there is an online sports desk review of the teams that can be found at the bottom of this BLOG.  I also made the mistake of recruiting some special guests to give their opinions of the draft. 

For this week I had invited Charlie Sheen to give his opinion on our team drafts.  Now, I haven't quite figured out how to get Charlie onto sports desk, so I had to actually take notes on what he said to print them here.  I have to admit that his answers were a little erratic, but I can assure that every quote is an authentic Sheen quote.  This is brief, but give it a quick read before moving onto Sports Center.

Without further adieu, Charlie Sheen.  (Swear to God!). 

BANSHEES

BLOG:  What do you think about the talk about Simon Smith and certain performance enhancers?
Charlie Sheen:  I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.


BEER BROS.

BLOG:  The Beer Bros. have rookie captains, can you speak to how big a job it is to lead a team?
Charlie Sheen:  I don’t have a job. I’ve got a whole family to support and love. People a lot more important than me are relying on that money to fuel the magic.


BREW JAYS

BLOG:  If you were Bo or Roddy, what would you say after taking the league by storm last year and leading in runs scored?
Charlie Sheen:  I’m sorry if I offended you. I didn’t know you were so sensitive. I just thought that, after you wailing on me for eight years, I could take a couple shots back.


DISLOCATED JOINTS

BLOG:  How many games do you think the Joints will win this year?
Charlie Sheen:  I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind, and unlearned 22 years of fiction … the fiction of AA. It’s a silly book written by a broken-down fool.


DODGE CITY ROUNDERS

BLOG:  Do you believe that the Rounders are destined to return to the finals? 
Charlie Sheen:  I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren’t special. People who don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Charlie Sheen.

EDITOR'S NOTE ON SPORTS DESK:

I feel a little bad putting this out, but a deadline is a deadline.  The next two editions will be a little more complete, I hope.  Part of the difficulty is getting names to be pronounced correctly, or even close to correctly.  Often names and more complicated words have to be spelled phonetically which makes the task somewhat arduous (I could never use arduous on Sports Desk). 

The other issue is that the program takes about 40 minutes for me to load up into youtube and making edits once it is there is impossible.  Its a bit of a bugger.  And of course the last issue is that my data base of pictures to put into the back drop screen is a little thin.  Hopefully that will build as the season progresses as will camera angles and overall production quality.  Of course, the more I add in, the longer the upload time....bear with me, its getting there. 

Finally, neither Sports Desk nor The BLOG will be 'ranking' teams or picking an overall favourite.  I, like many people, have opinions on which teams will do really well and which might struggle a little.  The truth is that I'm likely wrong and there is no sense putting preconceived notions into people's heads.  I need to maintain a smidgen of journalistic integrity and neutrality. 

What I intend to do is post a pool with each of the three Sports Desk episodes that will ask which of the five teams will be the most difficult to play.  Everyone will have different methods of rating those teams, plus there should be the usual contingent of voting for yourself, or against yourself as the case may be.  The three winners of the polls will be declared favourites by the people and of the people. 

I should have gone into politics.

THE MORNING AFTER (nearly)

Apparently a few people were expecting a BLOG update today...so here is a hastily thrown together one. Thankfully traffic was brutal today, so I was able to make some notes on the way to work.


THE DRAFT

In short, the draft was spectacular! I thought our elected executive and assorted volunteers did an outstanding job running things and keeping order and control while still having a ton of fun. I have only seen a small portion of the advance work (mainly the rankings) that goes into the draft and I’ve never participated in the execution of the event. However, the fact that everything unfolds so fluidly is a testament to those involved. There are many hours of prep that go into pulling off that 2 hour exercise. Exceptional job lads, you have done us proud once again.

Another quick note on the draft, I really liked the reverse draft order! I noticed that a lot of the 1’s, 2’s and 3’s were a little ‘edgy’ as the day went on. It could be my imagination but I think there was a little heightened drama because of this.  By the way, the reverse draft was NOT my idea.  The easiest way to tell if it was my idea or not is just to check and see if it actually passed. 

Grisslies Scouts at the Draft Table

Now that the draft is over, there are no more #1’s or #8’s or #12’s. You will never see ratings referenced here (unless there is an opportunity to poke fun at Cudnik), as of now there are only teammates and everyone will be a contributor to their team.

THE PREDICTIONS

Ahhhh, the predictions. This is a bit of work, so I’ve brought in some high-priced talent to help me out. Many of you will remember Happy & Lucky who did the sports centre style review of the Annual General Meeting last year. If you don’t remember, you can find them here ===> AGM 

Well these two investigative sports journalists have agreed to do a 3 part pre-season forecaster. The first one will be out this coming Friday (15th) and will cover the Banshees, Beer Bros., Brew Jays, Dislocated Joints and Dodge City Rounders. 

On the 19th they will have The Dog Catchers, Dusty Cleats, Grisslies, Hot Tub Woody’s and the Hurtin’ Units. 

The series will conclude on the 24th with a compelling review of the Lucky Stiffs, Red Dogs, Rusty Rebels, The Wild and the Torn Ligaments.

THE GRISSLIES 

Last year’s Grisslies will now be spreading that Grisslie good will across the league. Simon Smith is now with the Banshees, Pierro Del Greco with the Beer Bros., Timmy ‘two beer’ Osmond with the Dislocated Joints, Brett Mabee (not) with the Dusty Cleats, Calvin Steeves to the Hurtin’ Units, Danny Chiasson to the Lucky Stiffs, Ingofische Bartons with the Red Dogs and Kevin ‘Radar’ Boston to the Torn Ligaments. I’ve heard however that Cheryl will continue to support the Grisslies. She’s good that way.

Returning to the Grisslies are captains; me and Rob Farah and we were fortunate to select Dave Argue with our pick for a second pitcher. The good news is that Dave can pitch and play good defense at any position  which is great for the Grisslies. The bad news is that I’ve harassed him in the BLOG last year to the point of exhaustion. After the moustache and BLOG and the leader of the young conservatives BLOG, I think I may actually be out of ideas. Bad news for me, probably good for Dave.

Our new Grisslies look AMAZING!!! And as of this morning we are in first place with no losses or ties. I believe we have a shot at remaining undefeated for another 3 weeks...our schedule is THAT good! I was going to wait until opening day to announce the team; what with all the fanfare, Mike MacEachern throwing out the first pitch, Steve Brooks talking Celine Dion into singing the anthem. But alas, I’m too impatient.

Here are your 2011 Grisslies: Dave ‘the contradiction’ Argue, Dave ‘don’t call me Terry’ Doucette, Doug ‘The Blogger’ Dwyer, Rob ‘Zappa’ Farah, Rob ‘The Nerd’ Hayward, Jimmy ‘The’ Hunter, Jim ‘Tiny’ Mannell, Jerry ‘The Gangsta’ Muirhead, Gord ‘The Screwdriver’ Robertson, Bill ‘For Those About To Rock We’ Sallustio, Stephane ‘Rene’ Simard and Bobby ‘Minnesota’ Smith.

Oh, one final note for collectors. The Grisslies have changed their colours this year. Gone is the traditional Columbian Blue. Yes, Columbian is ALSO a colour!  Who knew? The Grisslies have adopted a new grey shirt with red lettering. In the words of Rob Farah, “Strictly from a strategic marketing sense, we’re trying to reach a younger demographic. Our design and implementation team has seamlessly blended traditional athletic colours with a young ‘today’ type of look that borders between the Hollister look and a more urban hip-hop culture. I believe there is real synergy here, in a Wyld Stallyns changing the world kind of way.”

I have nothing to add to that, it was brilliant.

PS:  Hoping that Stephane on our team has a sense of humour.  Someone will hit me one day, maybe soon.  Here is pic of Simard in case you don't know him yet. 

Special Announcement - Resignation

TEAM EXTREME

I'm sure that this is going to come as a shock to some of you on the day before the draft, but with the birth of a new season, its time for change. I'm not going to beat around the bush on this one, so here it is:

To: Jamie McClean, President TOT, Executive

      Rob Farah, Grisslie Captain, CEO, President and Former Lead-off Hitter

      James Taylor, Team Extreme Captain and Chairman Of the Board

TOT, League Members

Re: Resignation

It is with mixed emotions that I announce my resignation from the August fun tournament team known as "Team Extreme." Team Extreme has been very good to me over the last two and half years. They worked with me through countless injuries and paid all my medical expenses. Granted, they weren't the Doris Casullo volume of medical expenses; but still, they gave me a chance to play when no one else would. The organization is first class all the way and they have shown a commitment to "little guy" like none other.

Until now that is....

I would also like to announce the formation of a new team for the August tournament which will be called "The Lollipop Guild".  Joining The Guild was not an easy decision but it is definitely the right thing to do.  I was first approached by Paul Gyori last summer in a drunken stupor that brought with it unparalleled clarity; as drunken stupors often do.

Paul suggested the idea of an under 5'8" team as a way to showcase the talent of the vertically challenged who have been continually put down by the pompous, devil-may-care, height enhanced people who seemingly think that baseball and playing first base is their birthright.

There have already been a few key recruits that we are now able to announce.  Paul (Starsky) Piellusch will be patrolling center field and Steve (The Web Master of his Domain) Ross will be protecting the middle infield.  Also, Paul (The Stick) Hargreaves has agreed to come aboard as our right handed power hitting catcher.  All three have signed irrevocable letters of intent to join the team.  I'm sure they'll hold up in court.

We also have an 'unconfirmed' signing of Wayne (Chicklets) Bickford as our starting pitcher.  He will also likely be the relief pitcher.    

The purpose for making this announcement so early in the year is that we anticipate having to do a lot of work in the areas of recruitment, reviewing game film, spring and mid summer workouts and contract negotiations. The requirement for being on the team is that you MUST be under five feet, eight inches (172.7cm) tall.

There was speculation of this announcement over the winter and there have been unconfirmed reports of people trying to devise clever strategies around making themselves 'appear' shorter in an effort to join a team that will clearly be dominant front runners. Please understand that we won't be thrown off by horizontally striped shirts, or by people wearing their belts at mid-thigh level, or by wearing french berets and scarves.

Therefore, all players will have to come with a doctors note validating their height.

Vertically challenged players are sprinkled throughout the league and on August tournament teams so we will start having individual player meetings in an effort to lure some away with a great bonus plan that we've put together. Depending on a player's particular position, rating and length of service, we will be offering some of the following incentives to becoming a certified Guild member:

• Rubber maid step stools to get in and out of a Honda Civic easier
• Fourteen ounce bats
• The "Gary Coleman" Coleman cooler
• A 12 pack of Labatt's 50 in the old stubbie bottles
• The complete set of Dorf on Golf tapes (on beta)
• Pinball Clemons signed jersey

We will be appealing to the league for permission to carry a few extra players because we don't want anyone under 5'8" to be left behind. Considering that all but two or three of eligible players are rated seven or worse (mainly because we're held down by the Tall Man) we're hopeful for this special request to pass. To quote Tommy Lasorda the great Dodgers manager, "its not about winning and losing, its about kicking the crap out of the Giants". Truer words may never have been spoken and we'll aim to do likewise; although the 'giants' we'll be playing are little different.

In order to ensure political correctness and some accountability and respect among teams and players; we will also be petitioning the league to change the name of the "short stop" position to:

a) The place between second and third
b) The other second baseman
c) The 2nd and 1/2 baseman
d) The guy beside 3rd
e) The 'tweener
e) The infield rover
g) The infield left fielder

The first order of business has been satisfied as we have established that core baseball competency of 'strength up the middle'.  Additionally, Paul Gyori and I will co-captain the team.  The next tick on the check list was identifying Steve Ross as the bench coach, Paul Piellusch as the hitting coach and Paul Hargreaves as the base running consultant.  Until the contract terms are agreed to with Wayne, I'm afraid that I can neither confirm nor deny that he will or will not be the pitching coach.  Possibly.

Next up for us will be finding the pitching coach, a strength and conditioning coach (critical), a fielding consultant, a sports psychologist (mandatory), and a third base coach. We will then start fund raising so that we can also get a first base coach. Unless of course we sign up Cal Steeves and then Bev can coach first and scare the crap out of me again.

If things go as well as hoped, we are may consider playing a charity game against some neanderthals during the Help The Kids Tournament. 

If you are under 5'8" (not "AT" or "CLOSE", but under) and want to play for The Guild, you can either comment to this BLOG or shoot me or Paul Gyori (gyorip@Sympatico.ca) an email.  We take care of our own.  And thankfully, we've cornered the market on Paul's which is a key to success (Molitor, O'Neil, Waner, Konerko, Assenmacher, Quantril, Mirabella, Sorrento, Splittorff, Spoljaric, to name a few...or perhaps all of the Paul's in major league history). 

To all the tall freaks out there...you are on notice. Because, "we represent The Lollipop Guild baby!"

Yours sincerely,

Douglas Dwyer
Paul Gyori

PS.

The Lollipop Guild is accepting resumes for a bat boy.  Must be able to carry bats, fetch water, collect beer tickets, maintain a clean work area and be 6 foot 3 inches in height or above. (The ideal candiate will answer to 'Freak' or 'Gimp')

Its Show Time!!!

IT's BA-A-A-A-CK!!!

Ahhhh.....a LONG, cold winter of no BLOGGING, so many pent up stories just itching to get out!!!  However, this isn't one of them.   

No, this is just a little "dip my toe in the water" to remember how freaking cold it has been and a reminder that the season is JUST around the corner!!!  We are now eight short days away from the draft.  I don't know about the rest of you, but if you told me that it had been 195 days between the end of the season and the draft I would have said you were crazy!  It felt more like 595 days!

In a hockey mad town wrapped in a hockey mad province surrounded by a hockey mad country, baseball finds itself trapped in a 3-season long hibernation waiting for the big day.  The draft. 

For hockey nuts the draft is just another semi-social occasion to get out, see people, shake hands and have a pint.  However, for those of us, the few, the proud, the freezing cold;  the draft is our Ground Hog day.  And I don't mean the Bill Murray Ground Hog day either.  No, this is the day we stretch, take a peek outside and remind ourselves that its 23 days until summer.  For the rest of Canada summer starts on June 21st.  For us however; it starts with strike one.

I'll have a draft analysis later, but leading to the draft all I have are questions!!!  And of course, questions need to be accompanied with a meaningless nonsensical answer. 

Questions:

Can The Wild 3-peat?
     *     I wouldn't put it past them.
Will Roddy, Bo, James or Mike have a co-captain sophomore jinx?
     *     Sadly, I think they'll do fine.  Dammit.
Will the Banshees have more than 7 jugs?
     *     If they draft Doyle, they'll pass that number on draft day!
Has Doug Matson recovered from the Piero "home run"?
     *     Doubtful. 
Has Steve Brooks recovered from the "nearly" home run?
     *     Steve is blessed with a short memory.  He needs GPS to get home from work.
Will Dave Polny's new jersey arrive dirty in anticipation of what's coming?
     *     Does the pope wear a funny hat?
Has my torn rib cage healed?
     *     If by healed you mean, "no longer in excruciating pain", I'm 100%
Has Col. Murray Saunders ankle healed?
     *     I saw him heaving 50lb sacks of potatoes, I think he's good.
Has The Batman repaired his cowl?
     *     ???
Has Scott Peters completed his anger management counselling?
     *     I hope so!  Seeing him in the green shirt of the Dusty Cleats last year brought back images of The Incredible Hulk!
Has Cal Steeves new shipment of shorts and socks come in yet?
     *     Apparently stuck at customs with stock from Victoria's Secret; but should be good for opening day. 
Is Bob Legault still sleeping in the garage because his head is to swollen to get inside the house?
     *     Hey, at least people know your name now, Tom.
Has the Kahuna's foot healed?
     *     He's been surfing in Hawaii, so I have to assume he's good to go. 
Has Stike's liver healed?
     *     Oh sure, and I'm going to lead the league in home runs.
Has Bundy's knee recovered?
     *     Yes and no.  He's well on the road to recovery but is aiming for a return in the 2012 season.
Do we really have to wait another 27 years for the Kennedy archives to be released?
     *     Yes and I'm not happy about it. 
Have McCarron's ligaments slid back into place?
     *     Robbie seems to be back to his no-shoes, feet shuffling self.
Is Tito still svelte?
     *     He might be with Kahuna...you know those Beeton boys.  No idea.
Is Chris Ross faster and stronger now that he's not president?
     *     Picture Bo Jackson in his prime.  That's the opposite of Chris. 
Will Rob Farah start looking his age (37) now that he doesn't have the daily pressure of finding subs?
     *     He's already looking under 70, so he's heading in the right direction!
Who will be this years version of the Dodge City Rounders, coming out of nowhere to make the finals?

SOOOO many questions as we prep for this year's draft!  These and many other questions will be answered (properly) as the year unfolds. 

This is a primer...just to get ready, its not a forecast.  The draft can't really be forecasted anyway. The draft is blind, so the captains picking isn't really relevant. The players are ranked so who you pick; or what order you pick in isn't really relevant either. At the end of the draft every team will have their allotment of rookies, a P1, and one of every ranking from 1-12. Essentially, every team will be even.  And so begins another season. 

At roughly 3pm on April 9th every team will have a full rosters.  They will all be tied for first place with nothing but optimism and blue skies in front of them.

In the next BLOG, which will be out on the day before the draft (8th) I'll have a surprise announcement.  It may seem a little early for both surprises and announcements, but this one NEEDS to happen! 

A few days after the draft, I'll start to dissect the teams (a little bit) and make some pre-season picks. Expect those to be as valuable and accurate as last years pick of the Banshees to win the league or maybe as good as the prediction of the Rusty Rebels winning the playoffs! (Banshees were 5th and the Rebels didn't see the semi's).  My predictions are the equivalent of the Sports Illustrated jinx, so apologies in advance if your team gets picked.  As a little window into my predictions, I'm going to go out on a limb this year and project everyone as a potential playoff team!  If the Leafs had enough guys over 35 years old, even they could get a playoff spot in our league!  Well....maybe not.

I've been trying to figure out where to take The BLOG over the winter.  I was considering retiring it when the season closed, but that consideration didn't last very long.  The public outcry (from 4 people, thanks Roddy, Paul, Karen and Vito from Woodbridge) was too much for me to resist (sure it was!!!).  Once I have a team / league schedule I will publish a timetable of when you expect to see BLOGS and outline the content, for now the schedule is just about a month out and can be found here ===> SCHED

Meanwhile, The BLOG has continued to evolve, at least a little bit.  You'll notice that there is now a Twitter feed tab that you can get to from the main page.  I will be putting the odd nonsensical thing in there, but I will also also be putting scoring updates of games that I make it to as well as final scores as they come in.  You will have to either go to the page periodically to check it out or follow my Twitter account. I'm kinda put off by the whole "following" someone on twitter vernacular, but honestly, I had a blast updating the last captains meeting on it!  I'm not so sure that everyone in the room was as thrilled as me, but I had some feedback from those following along at home that thought it was pretty cool.  That's good enough for me!

So instead of following the Twitter stuff,  you are completely free to think that its another one of my stupid ideas and do nothing.  That too is acceptable.  The cool part for me is that I can update this from anywhere on Blackberry:  no computer, no passwords, nothing.  Simply type a thought and it appears.  This could end badly.  We'll see.

Had you been following along, you would have known on Wednesday night that the league has expanded by one team this year!  This of course leads to questions like:  1) are we watering down the product in order to secure a TV deal?  2)  are we catering to a US audience that really doesn't understand baseball?  3)  Why stick another team in Tottenham when Winnipeg and Quebec City are so deserving?

Paul Piellusch and Steve Ross ponied up the money for the team and are the captains for TOTs newest franchise.  They're 99% sure that the team will be called the Beer Bros.  Cool name.  But I had a few suggestions (I've been known to ride a horse 'til its dead):

1. The Starsky and Hutchenson's
2. The Huggy Bears
3. The Captain Dobey's
4. The Zebra-3's
5. The Striped Tomatos

With God as my witness, I think #2 & #3 could work!

Also, You will also notice a poll at the top asking if people are still interested in the lyrics with Grisslie Game BLOGs.  I'm good to go, either way, but will go with the majority on that one.  I put a little BLOG (unannounced) a week or so ago that some people discovered and there has been some early voting.  Currently the lyrics are ahead by and 8-2 score, but that could change. 

You will see a tab for The Batman again as the hunt continues and I've changed the format for the Donini three stars; now it counts!  Well, not really, but its still fun.

Finally there is an "events by request" page.  If you are having a party, know of a concert or any kind of event that you'd like to share with other members of the league and their friends and family - I can post it here.  The only restriction that I can think of right now is that it needs to be appropriate for children to read and see.  Not that they would necessarily be invited to your event, but this site is not secure and anyone can get to it - including our kids. (yadda yadda yadda)     

That's enough house keeping.

So back to the draft; aside from the debate of Penddlebury Vs. Peters in centerfield, Cragg Vs. Dickson at short or Del Greco Vs. (Down Town) Billy Brown catching, and; everyone wanting their favourite players or friends to be on their team - there are a few trends to watch for at the draft.  There are some people who seem to be magnets for winning.  It could be because they're good players or good team mates or maybe their just lucky.  You can judge.  This might give you a little bit of a leg up if you were fortunate enough to be on the same team as them. 

Jens Lepa - Has been on the team that won the regular season two years running.
Kevin Moon - Has been to the finals the last two years.
Kevin Nicholl - Has been to the final two years in a row.

Of course, Ed Vonda and Tony Mrasek have won it all two consecutive years, but you have to be drafted BY them to have some of their good fortune rub off. 

Baring being drafted by The Wild, finding yourself on the same bench as Jens, his brother Kevin or his other brother Kevin might be the surest ticket to a winning year!  While we're on the topic...there might be a little mojo with this whole 'Kevin' thing as Kevin Boston and Kevin Youngs have each made a finals appearances over the last two years.  Hmmmm  ....  Look for ANY Kevin on your roster.  If you don't have one, consider changing the name on your shirt to Kevin.  Kev, Kevvie, Special K, The Kev-in-ator, Kev-a-rama, Kev-a-toga, Kev-ster, The Kev-meister, Kev-a-topia, Kev-a-chameleon, Kev-a-tronic and Kev-o-lucci are all acceptable shirt names as well. 

Now everyone can officially abandon the Leafs march toward adequacy, LETS GET ON WITH THE DRAFT!!!