Hacker Blog

DOUG DWYER

So one beautiful Friday evening Doug and I were sitting on the Donini deck at Grisslieland. This is how the conversation went.

Rob: I think we should change the batting order around for the next game

Doug: Why is that? It seems to be working out well. I like batting second. Besides, Chicks dig me.

Rob: What??

Doug: I like batting second.

Rob: no no no. What do you mean Chicks dig you?

Doug: I think it’s obvious.

Rob: what is?

Doug: that Chicks dig me.

Rob: If you say so. I think you should bat lead off

Doug: nope, Chicks dig me when I bat second .It’s all about the order.

Rob: Where the hell are you getting that info? Another glass of Donini?

Doug: sure ok. When I bat leadoff I don’t do too well. Just look at the stats. When I bat second I am on fire. That’s why Chicks dig me.

Rob: Did you notice that there are no chicks on the Grisslies. It’s not always about you Douglas.

Doug: Sorry what?

Rob: We have 10 other players on the team. Do Chicks dig them?

Doug: I doubt it. They don’t bat second.

Rob: ok then. I will do the line up for the next game. And yes I will be batting second. I want to test out your theory.

Doug: I don’t think you should mess with it. Chicks Dig me...... NOT YOU

Rob: Hmmmm, I will take my chances. And for the record, I am going to check out why Chicks dig you.

Rob: I’m going to bed  I think you had too much Donini .

                                           

That conversation stuck with me for the next few days so I decided to find out if Doug was right.

What better way to do it then to ask, So I did.

The Question: Why do Chicks Dig Doug Dwyer?

Cindy Hargreaves:  They do?

Queen Elizabeth:  My royal subject makes fantastic Eggs Benedict.

Cora Tsouflidou (Founder of Cora’s):  25 years of Sunny Mornings. For an amazing breakfast, brunch or business lunch. Choose among a wide selection of eggs, crepes or French toasts dishes, with mountains of fresh fruit.

Sue Farah:  He is a GrisslieChampion. Just like Rob!

Michelle Farah:  When I ask for a single plum floating in perfume in a man’s hat, He delivers!!!!

Karen Turner:  Is that the guy that takes credit for writing the Blog?

Joy McCarron:  He puts a doily on a cheese tray.

Karen Junkin:  He is one of the best cookie exchange guys I know

Megan McCarron:  If he only had Ben’s hair

Suzanne Cudnik:  I think the Chicks Dig Ricky Bobby more.

Tina Paton:  He is an All-Star at everything he does

Karen Osmond:  He is no MIP (Most Improved Player)

Lisa Piellusch:  He parks better then Harley

Charlene Fry:  He knows an All-Star when he sees one.

Sam Del Greco:  He is so photogenic

Tim Hortons lady:  He always orders a double, double and asks that there be no crème or sugar in it.

Michelle Obama:  Thank God He is Canadian.

Martha Stewart:  He always cleans up after himself

Marge Schott (former Reds owner):  He always has colorful things to say

Annie Lennox:  Sweet dreams are made of these

Daisy duck:  He quacks me up

Tweety Bird:  I tawt I taw a putty tat!

Phil McCracken: Disqualified ---explain later

So then I went and asked the 2012 Grisslies.

Dave- I don’t want to argue about it

Dcmt---He always calls me Terry

Art---He is an excellent Stats guy

Jeff- He is the same size as my Dad

Gary---I hear he has been on the Dean Martin show

Charley--- He makes me Chuckle

Lance---Hair today gone tomorrow

Scott- Who?

Rick---I thought all the chicks dug me?

Bob-I want him to be the new poster boy for Beeton autobody.

Still not convinced? I jumped onto the internet and Googled his name. Wow was I shocked.   A few facts to point out: 

•  Doug’s parents owned a chicken farm     Doug’s father met baseball legend Bob Candy over 20 years ago.

• Bob arranged for Doug to try out as a Pitcher for a Cincinnati Reds farm team……Doug didn’t make the team.

• Mr. Candy tried to convince Doug to stick with farming telling him that all the chicks dig him and a lot of them think he is a BIG ROOSTER.

Doug had other plans .He wanted to sing.  This started his very brief musical career .Doug went on to the YouTube circuit and recorded his only number 1 hit.

                                              

 Don’t be fooled. This is really Doug!!!!

    CHICKS DIG ME

(Hold your control key down and click on the link.) 

 Sorry if there is advertising. Doug is very big on that.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFy4RVgKUdE

Wow. I never knew. I was totally amazed! I asked our longest serving non Captain member of the Grisslies Dave Argue to do some investigating. Here is his report:

The Unofficial Biography of Douglas Dwyer

Doug was born Philp  McCrevas in Edinboro,  Scotland to self - taught Sheep Herders Martha and Dick McCrevas. After being teased relentlessly by kids at school and against his parent’s wishes ; Doug decided to change his name to Doug Dee Wire.  (later in life after a move to Canada it was shortened to Dwyer).

During Doug’s early days he would often find himself at odds with his parents. Having hung out with sheep all day he would always answer his parents appropriately with Naaaaa. “would you like some more beef Doug?”, “Naaa”, “Naaa”, “Naaa”.  Fit to be tied he was sent to boarding school from ages 7 to 13. During this time Doug managed to get his Grade 3. Doug remarked after being told he had passed that Grade 3 “those were the toughest 4 years of my life”.  Doug excelled in school plays and would constantly play the same roll…..little Bo Peep.

At age 14 Doug was expelled from school because he couldn’t concentrate …….he was in love. It seems that Doug had a crush on a young girl name Crystal Ball. Crystal would always take advantage of Doug, taking his lunch money and getting him to buy her things. People told him to steer clear of her because they could see right through her but Doug couldn’t.  A few years later Doug’s father Dick was transferred to Canada and Doug could no longer see Crystal….in fact it was Diamonds he was after now…Baseball Diamonds.

Doug’s parents had landed in Ontario. One day at his new job as a Goats Milk taste tester, Doug’s father met baseball legend “Bob Candy”. In turn Bob arranged for Doug to try out as a Pitcher for a Cincinnati Reds farm team……Doug didn’t make the team but did land a job with the team as Head Hot Dog vendor. Doug developed his own style and became quite famous for tossing weenies with great accuracy.  It was through this job that Doug developed his keen eye for baseball talent which culminated in him guiding the 2011 Grisslies to a Championship.

Doug can be seen at ballparks everywhere so when you see him say ‘hi’ and he’ll probably show you his sheepish grin…….