One of the benefits of being a captain is that you get to meet people quicker than you might as a player. And one of the benefits of doing the BLOG is that many other captains feel the need to copy me on communications with their teams. That's cool. It keeps my ear to the proverbial ground, but I think that they sometimes forget that I'm on their distribution lists and I get copied on stuff that I probably shouldn't get.
Case in point.
Before the season started Ed & Al sent a note out to the new crop of Dodge City Rounders. It's something most teams do, a quick get together at the Club House for a little pre-season meet and greet. This gives the Captains an opportunity to explain the team rules and general expectations and the players to get a feel for each other. Its smart. Anyway, they must have forgot that I was on the distribution list for the note. I took this a rare chance to gain some 'insider' knowledge of the Rounders game plan.
I'm smart that way.
So I aimed to show up at the Legion on the night in question. But I would need a clever disguise. I dressed in my best John Stiff outfit. GWG blue jeans, blue golf shirt, glasses. I practiced my laugh for hours and spent days perfecting my walk like a Vegas lounge singer. I was ready.
I got to the Legion early so as not to arouse any suspicion. Eaves dropping is dangerous business you know. I went to the bar an ordered a pint and sat their waiting for the Rounders to show up. In they started to come; Enright, McDowell, Bickford Sr., Bickford Jr.,etc, etc....soon it looks like the full roster is there. Then Al (he of the Fry's) stands up and starts giving this animated speech about nicknames. I'm a little out of ear shot but I can hear him going on about the importance of nick names, how they're critical for unity, blah, blah, blah.
Whatever, these Dodge guys are obviously weird. I do a head count at the table and realize that there are only 11 guys. Someone is missing. New teams, new rosters and I'm trying to remember who's on what teams when the door flings open and in walks Scott Peters.
Bingo, player #12. Al busts over to him, "Scott, glad you could make it after all, things must have got better at work then?"
Scott: Yeah, didn't turn out to be as bad as I though.
Al: Well, good to have you. Do you know the guys? [Al waves across the table]
Scott: [surveys the group] Ummmm, I know most of the gang, but introductions would be good.
Al: Sure of course. We have Maurice, Sudbury, Sudden Sam, the Bone Crusher, Venice, Ashley MacIsaac, Boogie-nights, Tom the Builder, Mac, Chiclets and I'm Idaho. Everyone, say hi to your team mate, Arcola.
Everyone: Hi Arcola!
Scott: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! I didn't recognize ANY of those names including my own! Whats going on Al?
Al: I'm actually Idaho. We've decided that this year's team will run entirely on nicknames.
Scott: Why?
Al: To be honest, we saw what the Gisslies did last year and we're going to model our team after it. There is a misconception that they won on defense, but that isn't true. No, they won on the power of nick names.
Scott: Okay....1. why do you think that? That is completely ludicrous and 2. why is John Stiff leaning over here and pretending not to listen? .
Al: Forget about Stiffer. Last years Grisslies, with all their "oooooo, look at Sir Rob", and "hey, I'm so DCMT", and then The Contradiction, Rene, and the Catfish - which I still don't really understand - and on and on and on....I literally had no idea who they were talking about! It was a wall of confusion!
Scott: Actually, its ball of confusion, not wall of confusion. And you're doing this to baffle the opposition?
Al: In a manner of speaking. But I consider it more like trying to baffle the opposition. However you're essentially correct; but of course, the nick names make sense to us. There's an obvious thought process to them all.
Scott: Oh? Maybe I was judging a tad quickly. I didn't get it the first time around.
Al: Want me to explain them? You'll get it right away.
Scott: Go nuts.
Al: Again, my nickname is not nuts, its IDAHO!
Scott: Right sorry. Lets start with you. Why Idaho?
Al: Because an Idaho potato makes the best French Fry. Get it? Al Fry; French Fry?
Al: They can argue all they want. Truth is that there is less water content in an Idaho potato, so they react better in the oil. That google machine really came in handy on this project.
Scott: Ok Al, errrr, Idaho. So, then who is Maurice?
Al: Oh, I'm quite proud of that nickname. That's Adrian Barry.
Scott: How do you get Maurice out of Adrian Barry? Is it some kind of anagram?
Al: No, he doesn't have an eating disorder. The baseball team is like a group of brothers, right?
Scott: Ok.
Al: And what is the most famous musical group of brothers?
Scott: Ummmm. Earth wind and fire?
Al: No, no, no. Brothers, like they have the same mother.
Scott: Oh! Then probably Hanson?
Al: I see you're not as smart as some people told me you were. No. The most famous group of brothers was the BeeGees.
Scott: Sure, I'll give you that.
Al: And Barry Gibb, as in Adrian BARRY, had a twin brother named Maurice!
Scott: Weren't Maurice and Robin the twins? I thought Barry was the older brother?
Al: Whatever. Robin Dickson is on the Gruesome Devils.
Al: Okay, I'll give you a couple more because you're not quite picking up the thread yet. Sudbury is Al Nicholl.
Scott: Bones??? He already has a perfectly good nickname!
Al: Yes, but remember this is about confusing the opposition. So Nichol and Nickel are obviously homonyms. [Al speaking slowly] Homonyms are two words that sound the same but ......
Scott: ....are spelled differently, yeah, yeah, I know.
Al: So what is the Nickel capital of the world?
Scott: [shaking his head] Sudbury.
Scott: I would guess its Ed McDowell.
Al: Not bad! And do you know where the nickname comes from?
Scott: I'd be willing to bet that it comes from the former major leaguer who shared the same last name as Ed. That of course would be Sudden Sam McDowell.
Al: Right on! You don't think that one is too obvious do you?
Scott: No, I don't think there are more than a handful of savant baseball historians in the league that could pull that one out of their hat.
Al: Well then, you're getting it now. Now you try the next one. Who's The Bone Crusher?
Scott: Well the only Bone Crusher I know is Bone Crusher Smith. But Simon Smith isn't on your roster so I have no idea.
Al: This one is very specific. You know the story of Henry Lukassen a couple of years ago taking out both of Dwyer's knees on consecutive line shots to 3rd base?
Scott: Yeah, do I ever. It made Henry an instant legend.
Al: No kidding, who hasn't tried to nail that guy. Well, that's where Bone Crusher came from.
Scott: Nice. Finally one I like. Maybe these will start making sense to me now. Who is Venice?
Al: I thought you would have been all over that one. Its Keith Beechey.
Scott: Beechey???? Venice is in Italy. You're not going to try and tell me that Beechey is some obscure Italian name are you? Or is it that he used to operate a Gondola tour company?
Al: Why do you go off on tangents? His nickname refers to Venice Beach California. Get this one? Beechey? Venice Beach?
Al: Surfs up dude!!! Then there is Ashley MacIsaac, which is Luc Schryer.
Scott: Okay, let me try this one. Luc is from the East Coast like Ashley MacIsaac?
Al: Nope.
Scott: Oh, Luc plays the fiddle like Ashley MacIsaac does?
Al: Nope
Scott: Last one, Luc wears a kilt like Ashley MacIsaac?
Al: Nope, nope and nope. Raymond Schryer makes the Guit-Fiddle that Ashley MacIsaac uses.
Al: Are you the Batman guy? I could change your nickname if you want?
Scott: No I'm not and I'm sure I have no hope in remembering my nickname anyway. Who's next?
Al: Next we have Boogie Nights.
Scott: Ahhhhh, Boogie nights starred Mark Wahlberg, so I'm going to guess that its Mark Bickford.
Al: Well. This is strange. You got it right, but; for all the wrong reasons. I was going with the Bickford rhyming with Pickford thing because of the Canadian link.
Scott: Who's Pickford?
Al: Mary Pickford? What, are you ignorant? The famous Canadian silent film actress married to Douglas Fairbanks? You're joking right? You don't know her? Well, she was in a movie called Hollywood in 1923 with Gloria Swanson.
Scott: That's almost 100 years ago. Even Frank didn't see that movie.
Al: True, but Gloria Swanson was also in the movie Airport in 1975 with Charlton Heston who was in also in Planet of The Apes. Mark Wahlberg was in the remake of Planet of the Apes in 2001 and was also, as you mentioned in Boogie Nights. Hence, Mark Pickford is "Boogie Nights".
Scott: Great. Nice and simple, easy to remember...[eyes rolling]
Al: I'm just going to give you the rest because, to be totally honest you're boring me to to tears and the rest of the team latched onto these without any trouble.
Scott: Well, we do have a clever bunch.
Al: So Tom the Builder is named after the Master Builder from the famous Ken Follett book, Pillars of the Earth.
Scott: Never heard of it, who is Tom?
Al: Come on!!!!!! Tom the Builder is a stone MASON!!!!
Al: And Mac is Tom Enright.
Scott: I haven't even met the guy yet, how am I supposed to remember a nickname for a guy I can't remember the real name of?
Al: Oh, this one's super easy. Remember the show MacMillian and Wife?
Scott: Good God. Yes I do.
Al: Remember the Senior Detective that reported directly to Rock Hudson?
Scott: No.
Al: Detective Enright.
Al: Now you're just being a baby. And then the last one is Chiclets.
Scott: Well there's only Wayne Bickford left, so he must be Chiclets. I'm guessing that's because he lost teeth getting hit with a ball? Don't you think that's kind of mean? Or at least tempting fate?
Al: No, that's the cool part. I hit him with the shot that knocked the teeth out. We're on the same team now! I CAN'T get him!
Scott: I can only say.....wow.
Al: Which only leaves us with you Arcola.
Scott: Yeah, about the Arcola thing, what's that all about?
Al: Come on, this one's a slam dunk! Scott Peters; Scott Baio? Not only are your names similar, but you're practically separated at birth! And of course Scott Baio played Chachi Arcola
.
Scott: Great, that's all of them, so in a practical sense, how does this help?
Al: Well say some big galoot cracks one of Chiclets's pitches off the wall.
Scott: Ok.
Al: Mac runs out to the fence and picks it up and fires it in to Venice who turns and first a strike to Tom the Builder getting the guy sliding in the second. Tom the Builder alertly tries to get the runner scoring all the way from first and throws to Sudbury for the double play.
Scott: But couldn't we do all that without the nicknames?
Al: I suppose, but I had a long chat with Kevin Boston about this and he swears by the nickname theory!
Scott: Kevin Boston? Must be a new guy. I'll have to ask Radar about him.
THE SPEECH:
me: It wasn't a re-hab assignment Rob, it was a vacation.
Rob: You didn't hit a batting cage?
me: No.
Rob: You're not taking this baseball thing very seriously. My next co-captain is going to be WAY more into it than you are.
me: Good. You deserve someone more dedicated.
Rob: Thanks. Hey, did you see that picture of Al Fry that posted on the website a few weeks ago?
me: What, the funky pose one?
Rob: Yeah. Oh My God! I laughed for about 2 hours when I saw it. Then there was a storm and the plate in my head kind of "zapped" when the lightening struck and I forgot the whole thing. So I looked at it again later and Oh My God! I laughed for about 2 hours when I saw it.
Me: You're like a comedic cornucopia.
Rob: I hate veggies, but I appreciate the compliment. Anyway, I decided to do a song around that picture considering that we're playing Dodge City Tonight.
Me: Great idea! Plus, I'll actually have a week of your sharp biting sarcasm not pointing at me.
Rob: Don't give up, I could still harass you during the game.
me: I'd be disappointed if you didn't
Walk Like an Egyptian
All the players on the phone
They do the sub dance, don'cha know?
If they move too quick (Oh-Way-Oh)
They're falling down like a Fry you know
And the bizarre man is a freak
He runs like he's on a jet.
GOLD lighter is a zippo (Oh-Way-Oh)
Al snaps his teeth on a cigarette
Foreign types with their hookah pipes sing:
Far-ah-Far-ah-Far-ah-ooo...
Fry, walks like an Egyptian.
At the tourney Al hooks up the team with a trays
Spin around and he crosses the floor.
He's got the moves (Oh-Way-Oh)
If you drop your drink then he'll bring you more
All the Rounders are digging this stuff
Al plays the punk and the metal bands
When the game time (Oh-Way-Oh)
They're all walking like an Egyptian
All the Rounders at the Tournament say:
Way-oh-way-oh-way-ooo-aaa-ooo...
Walk like an Egyptian.
Slide your feet into the bases
Bend your back
Shift your arm then you pull it back
Like your Captain O (Oh-Way-Oh)
So strike a pose on a Cadillac
If you want to find all the cops,
They're hanging out in the donut shop.
They sing and dance (Oh-Way-Oh)
They spin their clock and cruise on down the block
All the Stiffs with their Ken
The Red Dogs Boys party with Kolsen
The Grisslies know (Oh-Way-Oh)
They walk along like Egyptians
All the Banshees in the donut shops say:
Way-oh-way-oh-way-ooo-aaa-ooo...
Al walks like an Egyptian
Al walks like an Egyptian
THE GAME:
Well this completes our tour of teams 2-3 and 4th place teams in the league over our last 3 games. Lost by 3 to the Brew Jays, lost by 1 to the Red Dogs and now. We didn't have a full roster for any of the games. Need subs for 2 of them. Ughh. Definitely not something we're accustomed to in Grisslie-land.
So now we're 0-3 against the last week of elite level competition and have a minus 8 in those games. All said, not as bad it could have been.
The visiting Grisslies got off to a smashing start scoring 3 in the top of the first. What made that particularly awesome is that it was half of what the Rounders scored in their half of the inning. After that, the Rounders and the Grisslies seemed to keep scoring at the same pace.
Even the 1st inning was strange to honest. The Rounders first 7 men got on. 6 of them scored. Then inexplicably they hit into an unassisted double play and a harmless ground out. Then in the Dodge City 3rd inning, Henry singled to lead off, which was followed by two quick outs. Runner on first and two out and we're only down 4 runs at that point. Ed McDowell singles. Tom Enright singles, Bones singles, Wayne Bickford singles. And back to the top of the order where Scott Mason and Al Fry can inflict some more damage. 4 two out runs. Ouch.
With the help of a late rally, the Grisslies gave the appearance of a respectable score dropping this one 18-14.
There were two aspects of this game that can go without question. 1. Our subs, Anicete and Tim. Yest they were 7/8 with 5 runs between them but they both fit in seamlessly with equal parts of chatter, humor and effort. Thanks guys, you both played great! 2. Playing the Dodge City Rounders is always a treat. Like the Woody's and a couple of other teams, the names change but the team remains a reflection of the captains. And the fact is Ed and Al have the same "what a great way to spend a night" attitude whether they win by 10 or lose by 10. Great game guys!
As Rob would say, "see you in the finals"
Things to check out:
Check out the Donini Three Stars of the game here ==> STARS
Check out the Dislocated Joints game notes from DTBB & Terry Doucet ==> JOINTS
Check out the Tap Master's game notes from Jason Bowers ==> Tapped Out
Check out the Hurtin' Units BLOG from Jimmer ==> Hannibal Lecter
The League's Official Website ==> League
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