This conversation took place at 7pm Monday night, about an hour before game time.
Rob: Ready for tonight?
Doug: I guess.
Rob: That's it? "I guess?"
Doug: Ya
Rob: How about a little "go get 'em" buddy. Are you even breathing? Do you have a pulse? Come on, wake up!
Doug: I'm awake. I'm just not really that excited about the game.
Rob: WHY NOT?
Doug: Because its the stupid Brew Jays.
Rob: Oh My God. You're not going with that whole "we never beat the Brew Jays" thing are you?
Doug: Yep
Rob: Honestly. Its a new draft every year. You know this. Its a completely different team. You need to stop this.
Doug: What can I say. They're in my head.
Rob: IN YOUR HEAD??? They're using your head as a summer cottage.
Doug: Ya, I get it.
Rob: I don't think you do. You really need to let this go.
Doug: I might sit out. If you guys win I'll let it go.
Rob: You need therapy.
Doug: I'm consistent.
Rob: Sure, if wild mood swings say consistency to you; then you never waver. Look, this is enough. You're a better player than this. You're a better captain that this. You need to go out and be an inspiration for the guys that play with you. There are eleven other people depending on you.
Doug: Wow. That was really nice.
Rob: Ya I know. You should see me tear up at Christmas when the Grinches heart grows 3 sizes!
INTRO:
Don't get me wrong. I like the Brew Jays. I just don't like playing against them.
Its not that they're bad guys at all. Its not even that the games themselves are bad. In fact, June 30th 2011, 7:00 at Keogh Park. The Brew Jays beat us 18-17 in what was probably our best game of the year. The next year, June 26th on C3 we held the lead until the 7th and dropped a 12-9 game. Last season in the midst of our 3-20-1 debacle of a year we still managed our best game against the Brew Jays. July 18th, 7:00pm at Keogh, Brew Jays 11; Grisslies 10. But even at our best, they were all losses. All of them.
This is the Brew Jays 5th season in the league. We've had 7 regular season meetings. The Brew Jays are 7-0. So you'll forgive me for not getting all Bruce Willis about this game. I've already updated the standings. The Brew Jays will get their win and we'll fall under .500.
Because a Grisslie regular season win against the Brew Jays is about as likely as ............
Something being Awfully Good. You ever hear someone say that? That steak was 'awfully good'. Make up your mind. Was it awful or was it good?
Try this one at home. Don't let anyone see you because you'll look like a complete dork. Either sitting or standing swing your leg (left or right, doesn't matter) in a clock-wise motion. Got it? Are you doing it? Now with your writing hand draw the number 6 with your finger on the table in front of you? Now that you know just how impossible it is; its still more likely that you'll be able to accomplish that than us beating the Brew Jays.
If you find this guy let me know. You know Devout Atheists are impossible, right? Devout means "totally committed to a cause or belief". Atheist means someone how disbelieves. Can't happen together. But still more likely than betting the Brew Jays
Its a proven fact that elephants can't jump. Hell, the average elephant weighs 12,000 lbs, its no bloody wonder they're not high jumping. But its more likely that we'll see an elephant jumping at Keogh Park than it is for the Brew Jays to need to bat in the bottom of the 7th to beat us.
This used to be a great college stunt, but it still works today. Don't tell Hager about this because I'm going to use it on him at the August tournament. You probably know that its impossible to drink a gallon of milk in an hour or less without throwing up. So here's where I get all scientific. There are a few reasons why you can't do this. One is that EVERYONE is lactose intolerant. However, for most of the planet your tolerance is quite high so it never effects you. Drink a gallon of milk in under an hour and your pretty much guaranteed to pass your tolerance and the side effect of too much lactose is vomit. Also, the amount of calcium that you've dumped into your stomach messes up the acid levels which also induces vomiting. Another component of milk is Casein which in small doses is no big deal. But in large doses (say, a gallon) reacts with the acid that is over produced by the calcium and turns to cheese. You know where that's going....vomit. But still after reading this Hager will probably go, "no problem, I can do it". See you in August.
Its more likely Hager wins the milk bet than we beat the Brew Jays.
Does anyone else look at the words "jumb-shrimp" on the menu and shake their heads? The day this makes sense to me is the day we beat the Brew Jays.
Its more likely that there will be Military Intelligence than it is that we beat the Brew Jays.
It is impossible for one motorcyclist to pass another without waving. Impossible. But its more likely that they'd forget than it is for us to beat the Brew Jays.
The day we beat the Brew Jays is the day that pigs will literally fly.
If we beat the Brew Jays, I'd like to introduce you to the next president of the United States.
Its more likely to stick to obtuse speed limits than it is for the Brew Jays to lose to the Grisslies.
Should we beat the Brew Jays I fully expect to see this guy in my back yard on Tuesday morning.
The Speech
Despite all my negativity about playing the Brew Jays, Rob took the leadership role on team spirit and enthusiasm. It had been a while since Robbie had a legit pre-game song/speech and he was loaded for bear today.
click on the song name to hear the music.
Rod Duggan disappeared that summer
He was on a business trip
The last home run he ever hit
Was the year the Grisslies won the cup
We wouldn't win another till two thousand and fourteen
The year he moved to 2nd
I stole this from his baseball card
It makes my bike spokes sound like thunder
Our over .500 mission rap
we need on more win
we need one more win to get over that
Our over .500 mission rap
It's his fifty-mission cap
Our over .500 mission rap
we need on more win
we need one more win to get over that
we need one more win to get over that
Rod Duggan disappeared that summer (in two thousand eleven)
He was on a business trip (in a plane)
The last home run he ever hit (against Rob Farah)
Was the year the Grisslies won the cup
We wouldn't win another till two thousand and fourteen
The year he moved to 2nd
Our over .500 mission rap
we need on more win
we need one more win to get over that
Our over .500 mission rap
It's his fifty-mission cap
Our over .500 mission rap
we need on more win
we need one more win to get over that
we need one more win to get over that
Our over .500 mission rap
Our over .500 mission rap
Our over .500 mission rap
Our over .500 mission rap
The Game
ummmmmmm
We played the game.
We went back to the legion.
I got home at 1pm.
There was a unicorn in the driveway.
A pig flew by.
I drank a gallon of milk and licked my elbow.
I met a devout atheist from the future who could make a circle with his leg while writing the number six which I thought was awfully good.
Clearly, we beat the friggin Brew Jays. Unreal.
The Grisslies started the game with a 4 run 1st inning with Dan Routledge, Cameron Clark, Micah Williams and Danny Chiasson all scoring, before shutting down the Brew Jays with four batters coming to the plante in the bottom of the inning.
The 2nd saw both teams exchange 4 batter innings.
In the 3rd the Grisslies would count two more when Geoff Keogh and Williams plated. The Jays send 5 to the plate in the third but didn't count a run.
The 4th saw the first two Grisslies retired, but Rob Farah, Doug Dwyer and Dan Routledge would all score on a two out rally. Bo Niederhuber would cash for the Jays to make the score 9 - 1 at the end of four.
In the fifth, only Chiasson would count or the Grisslies while the Jays were retired in order. The next inning would see the Grisslies max out at seven with Tom Enright, Farah, Routledge, Clark, Keogh, Williams, and Darren Ford all crossing home. The Jays were once again stymied going 3 up and 3 down.
The Grisslies would count 5 more in the 7th on the strength of Cal Russell, Farah, Routledge, Clark and Keogh's runs. The Jays would break through in the bottom of the inning with Jim Smith, Chuck Vanya and Brad Wadden counting.
In hindsight, I (my opinion) don't think too much should be made of the Brew Jays defense on this night. Coming into the game they were in the top half in defense in the league and that's after already making it through such offenses as the Dodge City Rounders, Hot Tub Woody's, Tap Masters and Dog Catchers. I would chalk this up to a combination of a good hitting night for the Grisslies and a bit of a blip for the Jays.
Holy crap! I can't believe we finally beat these guys!!!!!!!
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