GAME 23: Actin' Like A Player

INTRO

I vowed that I wouldn't do a BLOG on Jerry Muirhead this year.  Why?  Well, I'm glad you asked.  You see Jerry doesn't have "an Internet".  I'm pretty sure he means "an Internet connection"; but to hear Jerry describe it, its like he's talking about a block of wood.  You know what I mean?  Like its a tangible, physical thing.  "I need new tires, but I ain't gonna get me one of those internets", is a phrase every Grisslie has heard one too many times. 

Oh, about that vow?  Apparently vows aren't my strong suit (insert rim shot here). 

Like all Grisslies, Jerry is bigger than me.  Like all Grisslies, Jerry could pound the living daylights out of me if he was so inclined.  You have no idea how wary I am going to game having just written something (meant to be) funny about Sir Rob or Freddy and hoping that it wasn't the one thing to push their normally good humour over the edge and make them snap. So far so good.  However; with Jerry I have NO FEAR!!!  No Fear, because unless someone prints this out and shows it to him, there is no hope in hell of him ever reading it.

One thing you have to know about Jerry is that he's old school.  I don't mean Will Ferrell Old School, I mean Little House on The Prairie old school.  Black and white television old school.  Thinking that brush cuts are "in" old school, making sure the candles are all lit for homework old school.  Old.  Fricken.  School.

Another thing that you should know is that Jerry is the only Grisslie in three years who hasn't really had a nickname stick.  I consider that to be a personal failure.  Part of my job as captain is to get nicknames for these guys; they paid their money and they deserve a flippin' nickname.  I tried for the longest time to build a relationship between Jerry Seinfeld and Jerry Muirhead.  It just didn't work.  Why?  Jerry's funny enough, god knows that's true, but he everything Seinfeld related took too long to explain.  But I've figured out the perfect nickname for Jerry.  Finally. 

POPEYE

Now with all due respect to Derryl "Popeye" Gaudet, I think there's room for a second Popeye in the league.  And this has very little to do with his character, speech, spinach or a chick named Olive; this has EVERYTHING to do with the look of the guy.  Come on, tell me I'm wrong. 

If you don't believe me, just check out this pics. 

Jerry 7 months.

Jerry, Grade 6.

Jerry + Olive, Grade 11.

When Gerry left school he went into plastic moulding.  A good solid career to be sure.  It paid well, and he was ridiculously busy.  The only problem with the job is that it was a little repetitive for Jerry's rapidly moving mind.  He was always thinking of ways to "strike it rich" quickly.  One day, he came up with the perfect idea.  It combined his Popeye good looks, his plastic moulding skills and a fun loving idea for kids - water guns!

Oh Dear, The Popeye water gun!

Despite the obvious creativity and the no intention at all to send kids home crying from the water park, the idea bombed. 

After the hearing, Jerry was quite understandably a little jaded. 

He stomped off, forgetting about his getting rich schemes and started to look for trees to hit to get rid of his stress.  Rumour has it, that it was around this time that his love of blue pants began.  He was at Marks Wear Warehouse buying a particularly groovy brand of work pants when he was approached to actually model the clothes.  Again, Jerry wasn't the trusting type anymore so he only allowed the one sketch. 

 Not a bad likeness; diggin the pants too!

Fame and fortune was not to be Jerry's as a male model though.  The only reason was that he just wasn't that interested. 

Jerry set sail later that year for some "head clearing time", Sadly, while he was at sea Al Gore invented the Internet and Jerry's Mark's Work Warehouse advertisement went viral (that mean a lot of people saw it in a short time.  Before you knew it, poor Jerry who was busy making Flemish Coils on the boat, had his image used to sell all sorts of products!  Poor bugger.  And the products?  Plenty of them!

It started pretty tame with a Popeye alarm clock. 

I Don't think anyone saw the "Popeye Tank" coming. 

A Popeye "Action Figure"?

 Children's vitamins?  I guess

Who's bright idea was it for Jerry (Popeye) to pimp cigarettes to kids?

Well, If you're gonna do smokes, you may as well do wine. 

But Women's stiletto running boots????

I think these boots are the reason Jerry doesn't slide.  You don't want to be catching one of THOSE spikes!

THE SPEECH

In celebration of .... well, in celebration of nothing really other that voting night and game 23 on our schedule, Robert Farah, Esq went with some classic Bon Jovi. 

Who would have ever thought that a hair band would one day be considered classic?
This is to a song EVERYONE knows, but I'll supply the tune anyway; just so Scott and Jens can do a duet later.  The song is Living On A Prayer, rewritten as Acting Like a Player.  MUSIC

Actin' Like A Player 

Once upon a time

Not so long ago

Jerry used to play for the Jays,
Used to hit strikes
Now he's down on his luck...it's tough, so tough

Sallustio played for the Rounders all day
McDowell and Fry, they loved how he played
For his glove - his glove

Bill says: We've got to hold on to what we've got
'Cause it doesn't make a difference
If we like it or not
We're on the Grisslies and that's a lot
For the love of god - we'll give it a shot

Ooooo, We're almost there
Ooooo, Actin' like a player
Time to take a stand, we'll win it - I swear
Ooooo, Actin' like a player.

Argue he's been down on his luck,
A 2 time Grisslie, he was stuck in a rut
So tough, it's tough

Hayward dreamed of running away
He cried in the night
Farah whispers: Robbie, we'll trade you today...today.

Mickey says: "We've got to hold on to what we've got
'Cause it doesn't make a difference
If we like it or not
We're stuck on the Grisslies and that's a lot
What the hell, we'll give it a shot

Ooooo, We're almost there
Ooooo, Actin' like a player
Take it first hand, we'll win it - I swear
Ooooo, Actin' like a player.

THE GAME

Hmmmm....a little managerial screw up in the 6th inning, but otherwise a pretty solid game. 

The games started in typical Grisslie fashion with a shutdown first inning.  We then sent 8 men to the plate in the bottom of the first scoring 5 runs.  After three innings we had a 10 - 2 lead and we were looking pretty much home and cool.  There were big hits by many Grisslies, Farah's home run, Hayward, Agrue and Robertson all had 3 or more hits as did I. 

Defensively there were a few sparkling plays.  Maybe favourite though was perfect execution by three players on a ball that Doris hit that went to the wall in right centre.  Doris is a fast guy, but Bill Sallustio never gave up on it and tracked it down.  He threw a perfect strike to me and I threw about as well as I could to Gord.  Gord showed remarkable glove skills to reach around Doris, get the ball and tag him before he could reach the third base bag!

Oh, the managerial mistake.  Yes, we shuffled the deck in the infield in the 5th inning and the Red Dogs to their credit exploited it.  They scored 7 runs on 10 hits and wiggled back into the game.   However, we returned to form in the 7th, despite allowing the bases to be loaded and pulled of a 19-12 win. 

We owed the Red Dogs this one.  The last time we played them we left our gloves (and bats) in the parking lot as we were completely man-handled by them.  The Dogs were short handed in this one missing both Candy's, Will Goodin Hunting and at least one other.  They got good replacements with Steve Ross and Bob "as a matter of fact I do play for every team" Pearse. 

There were some notable batting lines in the game for the Red Dogs, but the one that stands out the most is Ingo Bartens 4 for 4 night with 3 runs scored!!!  Sweet night Ingofiche!!!

The Grisslies are officially HOT now having won 5 in a row.  Next week we face the next hottest (or equally as hot?) team in the Rusty Rebels!

STANDINGS

I read the Power Rankings on the CBS sports website this morning.  I think this would be a fun thing to start doing...next year.  Meanwhile, here is what they had to say about your beloved Blue Jays; I can't stop laughing:  Brett Lawrie is both Canadian and more intense than a centaur rocking out to Motörhead. And so falls another north-of-the-border stereotype, admittedly not one of the more hurtful ones. ... Anyone else worried about Kyle Drabek based on his last few triple-A outings? If he's hurt -- the most logical explanation -- how will Alex Anthopoulos remedy the situation? At this point, I've ascribed near-mythical qualities to him: He can stop the rain, get little Billy's parents back together, you name it. But can he mind-heal a UCL? I bet he can.

Now CCR finally has their answer, AA will stop the rain!  This guy is a brilliant (Larry Dobrow); "a centaur rocking out to Motörhead?"  Hilarious!  That might be new nickname for Marky Doyle...sure its long, but I think it could catch on!

Anyway...that's not what you showed up for.  Here are the standings including the following game results:  Banshees Vs. Hurtin' Units; Dog Catchers Vs. Dusty Cleats; Torn Ligaments Vs. Hot Tub Woody's; Beer Bros. Vs. Wild; Rusty Rebels Vs. Dodge City Rounders; Red Dogs Vs. Grisslies.

Projected Order of Finish
It has been pointed out to me that the order of finish (below) is incorrect.  The last line; teams 13, 14 and 15 are in reverse order.  Team 15, the Dodge City Rounders, will in fact be in pool A.  Team 14 will remain in Pool B and team 13 will be in Pool C.  My apologies to the Banshees, Hurtin' Units, Red Dogs, Dislocated Joints, Rusty Rebels and Beer Bros.  Your chances to be in the same pool as the Dusty Cleats has been cut in half.  Try to get over it.  Please remember, these are un-official stats.  What is on the website is accurate, what is here is best effort.  Changes will be reflected with tomorrow's update.

August 18 - Hot Tub Woody's win means they can not finish lower than 8th.
August 22 - Dog Catchers win means they can not finish lower than 8th.
August 22 - Banshees loss means they can not finish any higher than 8th
August 22 - Hurtin' Units win means they can not finish any lower than 13th
August 23 - Torn Ligaments win means they can not finish any lower than 8th.
August 23 - Hot Tub Woody's loss means they can not finish higher than 3rd.
August 23 - Beer Bros. loss means they can not finish higher than 12th
August 23 - Wild win means they can not finish lower than 7th.
August 23 - Rusty Rebels win maintains their status of finishing between 9th and 14th.
August 23 - Red Dogs loss means they can finish no higher than 9th and no lower than 13th
August 23 - Grisslies win means they can finish no lower than fourth. 

ADJUSTMENTS - Tie Breakers and impacts from other team wins
August 24

• Banshees can not finish lower than 13th.


• Brew Jays can not finish higher than 3rd.


• Torn Ligaments can not finish higher than 5th (lose tie breaker to Wild)


• Dog Catchers could finish as high as 3rd (own tie breaker against Lucky Stiffs)


• Lucky Stiffs can not finish lower than 7th.

 Update

The Banshees Vs. Dislocated Joints and Lucky Stiffs Vs. Hurtin' Units games were postponed due to severe weather.  They will be made up after the season has been completed

Thursday August 25th Games

Brew Jays Vs. Hot Tub Woody's - A Woody's win would ensure a finish between 4th and 7th.  A loss would put them between 5th and 7th.  For the Brew Jays a win would mean a they would finish the season between 3rd and 7th.  A loss for the Brew Jays would drop them to between 6th and 8th.
The Wild Vs. The Rusty Rebels -  For the Rebels a win keeps them alive for the 10th spot overall and would mean they couldn't finish lower than 13th.  A loss would mean a finish between 12th and 14th.  For the Wild, a win means that they can finish as high as second and can't finish any lower than 5th (they own the tie breaker against both the Brew Jays and Dog Catchers would could tie them in 6th). A loss for the Wild would still keep them alive for 2nd but could potentially see them finish as low as 7th.