GAME 21: Son Of A Preacher Man

INTRO

So....I think I've exhausted picking on my team; which the Grisslies are undoubtedly thrilled with! Maybe now they'll come back and play. Now its that time when I start looking around for people to take shots at...its not easy. Tonight's opponents are the Dodge City Rounders and I gotta say, EVEN I would feel guilty taking shots at them.

What to do...what to do.... Well, I looked ahead to our next game against the Dislocated Joints! There's nobody on that team I'd feel bad about taking a shot at. Maybe it'll even make the game more fun. Or not. Actually, I'll take that back...they have some nice guys. DTBB (Down Town Billy Brown for those who haven't been following along for 3 years) is great. So is Lou. I played with them a few weeks ago and Terry and Gary were both excellent. And who doesn't like the Pendlebury's? Larry, Tom Selleck (aka, Bill the new guy), Jamie, Don and Glen...I don't have a bad thing to say about any of them. The BLOG is in trouble folks.

Oh, wait...that's only 11 guys, who am I missing???? Oh my goodness, former Grisslie Rookie of the Year and current Grisslie sponsor, Timmy Two Beer Osmond. What to say about TTB?

Well....for starters, Tim is a dork.

Sounds kinda mean, eh?  But seriously, he knows this - it isn't breaking news. Its okay, he's well aware that he's a dork.  Tim is so much of a dork that when I stand next to him I LOOK COOL! Okay, I'm sensing that you're not believing me....here are 101 and ways to identify that TTB is a Dork (with a capital "D")

1. He feels like MacGyver when he tapes up his glasses.
2. He debates with his friends about who's faster, The Flash or Superman
3. He rests his dinner plate on his lap because the kitchen table is completely covered with his lego castle.
4. When he walks from the house to the car he waits until the door is closed and then stands his fists on his hips and says in a deep voice, "To the Bat-Cave".
5. Still wears the same shirt that Anthony Michael Hall was sporting in the movie Weird Science.
6. He still plays Prince of Persia on his 286 computer with an EGA card and still hasn't beaten it.
7  He knows what a 286 computer is.
8. He knows what an EGA card is.
9. He slides the back of headphones over his eyes and pretends to be Lt. Commander Jordi LaForge.
10 He has every issue of “ROM, Spaceknight”.

11 He knows what the hell “ROM, Spaceknight” is.
12 He spends the whole Harry Potter moving complaining, “that's not the way it happened in the book!”
13 His favourite all-time movie is “Tron”. (The original)
14 He can explain the difference between Goblins and Hobgoblins.
15 He remains in shock that William Shatner has never won an Oscar.  Jipped
16 He refers to his mirror as 'the love guru'!
17 He knows the difference between between DDR RAM and SD RAM.
18 When he shaves he always seem to miss random patches of hair on his neck.
19 His finger pistol is permanently set to stun.
20 “When in doubt, he'll will ALWAYS use the deflector shield!”
21 He has “Mazes and Monsters” on DVD
22 He thinks the “Comic Book Guy” from the Simpsons is really the hidden star of the show.

 23 He has movie posters from movies you've never heard of
24 Me:  Hey, Timmy, you know that scar on Harry Potter’s forehead?
     Tim:  Yeah, what about it?
     Me:  You’re a dork!
25  He knows that  a 14 THACO character could never kill another character with an armor class of –9. But that anyone can kill a Kobolb!
26 He has ALL the Wonder Woman comics because he "respects her as a crime fighter"
27 He found this list by doing a google search on "Free Atari Games".  NOTE:  I had to add in that phrase "Free Atari Games",  just to make sure he found this.  
28 Because Star Trek isn't a "show", its a way of life.
29 Because he can name at least 5 characters from Star Trek Voyager.  
30 He knows the difference between "Mazes and Monsters" and “Dungeons and Dragons”.
31 He subscribes to “Wizard” magazine thinking he would learn actual spells

32 He subscribes to “Wizard” magazine.
33 He has dressed as a Star Wars/Star Trek character for Halloween
34 He still dresses up for Halloween
35 He still dresses up... and it's not even Halloween!
36 He gets horribly offended if you mix up Star Wars and Star Trek
37 You know anagrams for EVERYTHING,  AIMAE (And I Mean Absolutely Everything!)
38 He hasn't made it past the Science Fiction section of a Chapters store.
39 Me:  Hey Tim, do you remember the lyrics to the song at the begining of the Bugs Bunny show?
     Tim:  Yeah, "Overture, curtains, lights,  /  This is it, the night of nights  /  No more rehearsing and nursing
              a part  /  We know every part by heart  // Overture, curtains, lights  /  This is it, you'll hit the
              heights  /  And oh what heights we'll hit  /  On with the show this is it
      Me:  Wow, that's pretty impressive.
      Tim:  Yeah, I use it for one of my ring tones on my phone.
      Me:  You’re a DORK!!!
40 He belongs to a debating club that has had the same conversation for 11 years.  Who’s hotter: Mary- Jane Watson or Lois Lane?
41 He can name EVERY Pokemon

42 He knows what the whole 42 thing is about.
43 In high school he spent more money on P.O.G.s than deodorant
44 Despite having never met any of them, his best friends are actually the cast of “Friends”
45 Me:  Okay, so you know the that guy Mulder on the “The X-Files”?
     Tim:  Yeah, obviously
     Me:  Do you know what his first name is?
     Tim:  Its "Fox" everyone knows that.
     Me:  You're a dork.
46 He can explain exactly how Bizarro Superman came to be.
47 Kryptonite is to ___________
                          (answer: Superman)
as Tim Osmond is to a _____________
                          (answer: Baseball Rally)
48 Tim is reading and nodding.  Dork
49 He still can't figure out why "Max Headroom" was canceled.

50 He has Xena: Warrior Princess” as his screen saver. 
51 He played in a music group in high school.  The name of the band started with the word "marching."
52 He can quote every line from every episode of the Simpsons.  But not the movie because they "sold out" and went "too commercial".  
53 He still won't speak Roger Ebert's name because of this review:  ""Episode II-- Attack of the Clones is a technological exercise that lacks juice and delight. The title is more appropriate than it should be."  (and you guys thought I was mean?!?!?!)
54  He hasn't been stumped by anything in this list.  Dork.
55  He uses a message board.
56  He doesn't just know what LED means and does, he knows what it stands for!
57  He still believes that “the truth is out there”
58. Damn right "Truth is out there", the truth is he's a dork.
59  Me:  OMG, did you see did you see that comic where Superman died!!!
      Tim:  Yeah, I just won an auction for it on e-Bay!
      Me:   You're a dork.

60  Chess is much much more than just a game to him.
61  He bought an extra controller for your PS2 and labelled it “emergency controller.”  You never know.
62  He sees the fashion value of bowling shoes. 
63  He has a “Starfleet Academy” bumper sticker on his car
64   Freetime:  Word problems or Sudoko?
65  “Con” means “geek - convention” to him, not an illegal act.
66  Q is not simply a letter of the alphabet (If anyone else gets this, their a dork too, but you might still enjoy the next one).
67  Me:  Hey Tim, remember the episode of TNG when Q gave Riker the powers of the Continuum?
      Tim:  Yeah, season 5 episode 11.
      Me:  You're a dork.
68  He demanded a full refund for your Spiderman movie ticket because Peter Parker shot webs from a hole in his wrists rather than mechanical web shooters like in the (comic) book.
69  He sometimes wears his underwear outside of your pants.
70  His cat's name is Aslan.

71  His dog's name is Chewy
72  He forwards all those freakin chain emails, "because, you never know" (YES WE DO!)
73  He has “Boba Fett” memorabilia in his house.
74  His household decorations include swords, anime wall scrolls, and action figures. (the Tower is none too pleased)
75  Will sometimes stick plastic knives between his fingers and turn into Wolverine.
76  He failed phys-ed. 
77  He failed the phys-ed summer school retest. 
78  On the 400, as he slips into cruise control you can hear him say, "Hit the light speed, Chewy!"
79  We were talking one night in the legion about favourite singers and he revealed his:  "'Weird' Al."
80  He owns the Wierd Al discography.

81  When he's coming along the 3rd line, he sticks his arm out the window and, doing his best X-Wing imitation; imagining he's in a the Death Star trench, attempting to destroy the main reactor with his photon torpedoes.
82 Instead of simply saying 'yes,' he says 'engage' or 'make it so, number 1.'
83 Rather than graduate, he did summer school so that nothing will be in the way of being first in line for 'Episode 1.' (if you want to know what move that is, you are not a dork)
84 He believes the terms dork, geek, and nerd are not derogatory.
85 He's completely spent after a five minute session of table tennis.
86 He knows 4 languages and nary a foreign cuss word. 
87 He's never seen a movie without first reading the book
88 He records his own trampoline wrestling matches and spends weeks editing them with voice overs and special effects to post on YouTube.
89   He never questioned that Wonder Woman came from an island of all women?
90 His culinary skills are limited to popping popcorn and boiling water
91  He can't do the above at the same time.
92  His favorite author is Stan Lee. 

93  Redoes his closet organization every other week.  Colour coded???  Alphabetized???  You see the dilemma. 
94  His wall is decorated with quotes about "murphy's law"
95  He was disappointed to find out that Murphy wasn't actually a "lawyer".
96  He brags about his stamp collection.
97  He draws comic books starring himself.
98  He can Differentiate Quark, C++, and Linux. .
99  He has a sign on his mail box that says "Castle Grayskull"

100  No Timmy, you dropped a battery in the dishwater, you're "spider sense" IS NOT tingling. 
101  He can kick the ass of the guy that you think is a Dork on Jeopardy.


THE SPEECH

Well it took a while.  Three years to be precise.  But Robert Farah, Esquire finally burned me in a pre-game speech.  Most of you probably didn't know this but my dad is a minister.  Yeah, its true.  I wouldn't lie about "God" stuff.   It probably explains why I'm so straight laced and never colour outside the lines. 

So here is me getting 'got'.  To the tune of a real classic, son of a preacher man by Dusty Springfield. 

Music is HERE

Dougie D was a preacher's son
And when his daddy went church he'd grab his glove
When they gathered around and started playin'
That's when Dougie would grab his PC and start bloggin'
Keeping an eye on what everyone's talkin'
Then he'd look to the skys
Lord knows, to our surprise

The only one who could really torment me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who'd rather write than throw
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, he was, ooh, yes he was

Bein' funny isn't always easy
No matter how hard he'd try
When he started making jokes about' me
He'd tell me "I made fun of you in the BLOG tonight"
He'd tell me "you're bad you can't read or write"
If he does it again there's gonna be a fight

The only one who would really torment me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only one that make me angry
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, he was, ooh, yes he was (yes he was)

How well I remember
The look he'd get in his eyes
Stealin' lines from movies and songs
Takin' time to make rhymes
Pissing people off is his pass time
Learnin' from listening when people are drinkin'
Lookin' to see how much mud he can be slingin'
and

The only one who could ever torment me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who could get me angry
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, he was, oh yes he was
(The only one who could ever torment me)
He was the sweet-writin' son of a preacher man
(The only boy who could get me angry)
Was the son of a preacher man

THE GAME

Clearly I wasn't the only one who thought that speech sucked. 

The Grisslies came out somewhere between flat and pathetic in this one.  Usually we do well as the visitors, but on this night we could only tally one run in the 1st inning despite sending 6 men to the plate.  Not a good start.  The home half of the first was pretty brutal.  The first 4 rounders, Tim, Jim, Henry and Brian all reached and scored.  By they didn't stop there as Al Fry and Jason also counted.  When the damage was counted, they had sent 10 men to bat and scored six. 

Ouch. 

Starting catcher Bob Smith (welcome back!) scored another run for the Grisslies in the top of the second; but the Dodge City pushed through another three in their half when Craig scored and Tim & Jim scored their second runs of the night. 

After two innings the Grisslies were down 9 - 2 and things seemed to be moving in the wrong direction.  Argue and Hayward scored in the 3rd to which helped some, but then something crazy happened.  The Grisslie defense showed up. Over the next 4 innings the Rounders never scored a run and 3 of those innings were three up and three down.  We only face four batters once. 

Meanwhile the Grisslies were shut out in the fourth but had 11 men come up in the 5th scoring seven runs and taking our first lead.  Four more in the 6th gave us a 15 - 9 lead after six complete. 

The game ended 21 - 10 with the Grisslies scoring 6 in the seventh inning and the Dodge City Rounders scoring 1.

As per usual when playing Dodge, everyone had a good time.   There were some hi-light reel plays on this night too.  Jim Hunter made at least 6 put outs in center field.  Rob Hayward put on high off the fence that looked like it had a chance until the very end,  Dave Doucette had a 5 for 5 night, Bob and Dave Argue turned a great double play, Jim Rouleau was hitting ropes over second base and Jason Bowers had a "September" quality slide into second base.

However, the play of the game without a doubt goes to Al Fry who made a shoestring catch on the dead run off a line drive that was ripped by Rob Hayward.  You aren't going to see a prettier catch than that one!  Well done Al. 

With the Grisslies off until next Tuesday, there will plenty of stats and standings action coming this week!