GAME 18: I Hate France

INTRO

History, Politics and Geography. 

France, the country that is; is pissed.  Super pissed actually and it looks like this one could get ugly. 

As the title implies there are various forces at play here and they are so intermingled that they are impossible to talk about them separately.  And as per usual, the buck stops in Tottenham, Ontario. Where to begin....

Lets start with the Treaty of Paris in 1814.  As part of that agreement with England, a part of Canada (an English colony at the time) was ceded to France.  If this comes as a surprise to you, then you didn't pay nearly enough attention in Mr. Peloso's Grade 8 history class.

France assumed the islands of St. Pierre and Miquelon later that year and still controls them today.  They are located off of the southern most tip of Newfoundland.  In fact, if you have been to High Beach, Point May or Lamaine Newfoundland you have been with 20 KMs of France. Also, directly West of these islands about 200 KM over water is Cape Breton.  Its long been rumoured that Danny Chiasson won a bet by swimming between Cape Breton and St. Pierre and Miquelon.  (for the record, Danny says he also swam back.)  Believe it or not.

So, big deal, right?  Let's jump forward about 160 years or so.

France decided to do something interesting for the first time since they thought that serving wine with cheese would be a good idea; and formed an organization called the G-6 in 1976.  This brought together the most dominant economies of the day in France, The US, England, Germany, Japan and Italy.  Of course, Canada was horrified by being excluded and was quite public about.

Many members of the G-6 vowed to find out exactly where Canada was and make an example of these Canadese people.  Fortunately France (I know) intervened on our behalf, stemmed the tide AND got us brought into the G-6 (now the G-7) the very next year.

But at what cost? As with all of these 'agreements' there are always side agreements, back-room discussions and quiet handshakes. 

In exchange for entry into the G-7, it was widely speculated that Pierre Elliot Trudeau would get Maggie to ask Mick Jagger to play a free concert under the Eiffel tower.  That was apparently incorrect. 

THE REAL DEAL was that Canada promised France entry into NORAD.  Now why the hell would France want into NORAD anyway?  Two reasons.  The first is that France is much better known for fondus than it is for technology.  They saw this as a way for themselves to get their hands on state of the art stuff with a minimal investment.  Kind of like inviting your friend over for dinner because he always brings good wine, but you serve pork and beans.  Minimal investment, rich reward.

The second reason was slightly more noble and that was to protect the citizens of France that live on the islands of St. Pierre and Miquelon.  So....long story short (too late) Canada failed to make any inroads with the US for France's inclusion. 

There are some valid reasons for this.  One and probably the most important was that US had grave concerns over one country simultaneously holding access to nuclear technology and the secrets to poutine; and rightfully so.  Their argument was that the St. Pierre and Miquelon were surrounded on all borders by Canada so they were protected by default. 

It looked like this would fade away until the St. Pierre and Miquelon ambassador to Canada piped up, with these inflammatory statements.  "Oui 're not scared of Canada.  You don't frighten us, 'anglish pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at your, so-called 'Stephanne 'arper, you and all your silly 'anglish words that start wit' 'KN'.  Do you not k-now d'os words ar' unpronounceable?  You bunch of k-nobs!"

Of course this didn't sit well with English Canada.  And while Quebec was having a good laugh at the rest of Canada's expense, the St. Pierre and Miquelon ambassador to Canada fired this volley, "an' as for dos Quebecois, I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wipers. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."

In an emergency session of the House of Commons, (yes they met for a second day one month) they called for the immediate removal of the ambassador from his post and his extradition to Canada on charges of hate mongering.

France, using their strong track record in the 'spy-game', quickly built a huge loaf of bread made out plywood and attempted to smuggle the ambassador out in "Operations Trojan French Stick". 

The plan was flawless until they got to Canadian customs where the customs officer attempted to take a bite of the French Stick and was left with a mouth full of splinters.  The plan unraveled from there and the ambassador was apprehended and brought in to feel the wrath of Canada's speedy, unrelenting and stiff brand of justice. 

After a 6 year trial, the ambassador was found to be not guilty on all chargers and successfully sued the government for the lost income due to all those years sitting in jail waiting for his trial.  Canada is a sharp country though and we don't allow non-citizens to sue our government.  So the millions that the ambassador was awarded sat in limbo.  The ambassador, being no fool himself applied for Canadian citizenship which was granted to him immediately.  Strangely, the immigration department and the legal affairs department didn't talk to each other.  Who knew?   Now, finally he was able to sue successfully and become another fabulously wealthy Canadian. 

And like many fabulously wealthy or fabulously famous people in this country, they tend to relocate to Tottenham.  And then drawn like a bear to a magnet, they join the Tottenham Old timers League.  And what are the odds that this former ambassador of St. Pierre and Miquelon to Canada would be drafted by the Grisslies in his rookie year and have a Captain that just LOVES to exploit a person's past? 

And by now it is obvious that the former ambassador is none other than.....

Stephane Simard

TABERNAC!

And like Paul Harvey used to say; "Now you know....the rest of the story!"

THE SPEECH

When Rob heard I was going to carve up Rene Stephane Simard again, he wanted to do something 'French' for the speech.  He thought first of "l'affaire Doumoutier" by The Box (a personal favourite of mine)...but it was kinda hard to work through.  Then he tried the Mistu classic "Bye Bye Mon Cowboy".  Again, it just didn't work.  He remembered that Corey Hart was from Montreal, but that too seemed like a cop out.  But then it hit him.  Men Without Hats and their 80's dance club staple "Safety Dance", which is now called "I hate France".

I don't know if I EVER saw the team quite so jacked as when Robby Farah pulled this number off in the dugout last night.  For music CLICK ME

SAFETY DANCE

We can hate France if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends like France and if they like France
Well they're, no friends of mine

Say, we can go where we want to
But the ball park will do just fine
And we can act like we come from out of this world
Dive for balls hit down the line

And we hate France - - - "Frenchie!!!"

We can go when we want to
Night is young and so am I
And we can dress real neat from our caps to our cleats
And surprise them with a victory cry

Say, we can act if we want to
If we don't the Brew Jays will
And you can act real rude and totally removed
And I can act like an imbecile

And say
We hate France, we hate France
Everythings out of control
We hate France, we hate France
Even St. Pierre and Miquelon

And say
We hate France, we hate France
Every things out of control
We hate France, we hate France
Even St. Pierre and Miquelon

Its detesting France
Oh well I detest it in France
Yes I detest it in France

We can hate France if we want to
All they've got is cheese and wine
Its okay to abuse 'em, you'll never manage to amuse 'em
Everything will work out right

We can hate France if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends like France and if they like France
Well they're, no friends of mine

And say
We hate France, we hate France
Every things out of control
We hate France, we hate France
Even St. Pierre and Miquelon

Its detesting France
Oh well I detest it in France
Yes I detest it in France
Yes I detest it in France

THE GAME

Versus

This game sucked. 

Well, not entirely, but mostly.  Lets start with me for a change.  4 for 4!  Nice!  2 runs scored!  Nice! Sweet pick up on the run behind second and getting the runner going to third!  Nice!

Then lets see....the double play that wasn't.  I could probably STILL throw it and get the out.  Note for future, they were yelling "GO", not "NO".  Crap.  Then what else...several balls that got through me, over me or around me a 2nd.  Crap.  And then the coup de gras was the misplayed ball in Center field.  I wouldn't need too many of those plays back to turn this "L" into a "W". 

So... Beyond that we had special guests from out of province as Rene Steph Simard's family was granted a temporary pass into Ontario.  Sadly, it expires tomorrow, and they have to return or face deportation.  The Grisslies presented Steph's mom with flowers (and a I think a few whistles?). 

We got off to a great start in this one with our first 4 batters getting on and scoring.  We sent 9 men to the plate in the 1st inning and seemed to be on a roll.  The Stiffs counted a single in the 1st as Farah struck out one and no one hit to me (whew).  We held the 4-1 lead after two, but in the bottom of the 3rd the Stiffs took out the heavy lumber.  After their 1st batter made an out, the next 6 reached and scored!  A gapper by Koolhaus was the death knell. 

The rest of the way we were fighting up hill.  Never giving up, but never really getting back in it.  We counted 2 in the fourth, 2 in the fifth, 3 in the sixth and 2 more in the seventh, but it only added up to a 16-13 loss.  Last time they beat us 7-2; so I guess we can say we narrowed the gap some. 

I just hope Bob is back if we face them in the playoffs and we can have everyone in the right spot. 

The Stiffs are pretty good, although the right fielder is as annoying as hell.  Of note for the bad guys, Mr. Chiasson was 3/4 with 3 runs scored, Jens Leppa was 4/4 with 3 runs scored, The Kahuna was 3/4 Paul Koolhaus was 3/4 and Brad Smith 4/4. 

Well done. 

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