Game 23 - Captain Shuffle?

INTRO

I wrote a lot about the August tournament yesterday....my fingers are bleeding and sore.  For anyone who didn't read you can see that lengthy BLOG by clicking HERE. Now as much as I wrote a lot about how much I admire the efforts of the those who made it all come together, it was not all sunshine and roses.

Indeed not.

After the finals of the fun league I couldn't help but overhear a conversation between to of the winning players and two current Grisslies; Robert Farah and Gord Dol. 

Gord:  Hey buddy!   We're champions!!!
Rob:  I know!  Feels great doesn't it?
Gord:  Yeah, especially after how this year has gone. 
Rob: I hear you. Its been a long season.
Gord:  You know what I realized this weekend?
Rob: What's that?
Gord:  The problems with the Grisslies have nothing to do with you.  I mean, look at you!  You're a champ!
Rob: Of that, I am keenly aware. 
Gord:  I think the problem is the other captain. 
Rob: I've known that since the beginning. 
Gord:  So I think you should get rid of him and bring me on. 
Rob: [rubbing his chin] Well....its tempting, but I'll be honest. I don't even know who you are.
Gord:  Really?  I'm on your team.  I'm Gord.  I haven't missed a game all year. 
Rob: Sure you're "Gord".  Everyone in the league is a Gord, Steve, Brad or Rick.  I think there's only 13 different first names out of the 180 guys in the league.  You're "Gord"?  So what, that doesn't help. 
Gord:  Rob.  You have known me for years.  Gord Dol.  You know?  Dol Turf?  That's my company.
Rob: No help..  I've got nothing. Dole Pineapples, I would have believed that.  
Gord:  This is nuts.  You had me quote on field repairs.  We talk all the time. 
Rob: Are you the Gord who runs crazy fast and hits to center field all the time?
Gord:  That's Gord Tanner and he's a very nice guy
Rob: Oh.  Then you must be the Gord with the wicked good am. 
Gord:  My arm is okay, but think you're referring to Gord Robinson. 
Rob: Wouldn't know really.  But that must mean that you're the Gord that sings!
Gord:  No.  Gord Robertson. 
Rob:  You said him already
Gord:  No, I said Gord Robinson.
Rob:  You said him already
Gord:  [yelling]  I said ROBINSON. 
Rob: Can you even hear yourself?  [yelling] YOU ALREADY SAID THAT!
Gord:  Hey...All I'm saying is that we won a championship this weekend and I think we'd make a good team.  I'm just asking you to consider ditching your co-captain and bringing me on board next year.  That's all.  
Rob: Look......uhhhh
Gord:  Gord.
Rob: Right.  Look Gord.  I can't do that.  Doris would be upset.  Its not fair. 
Gord:  Doris?
Rob: Yeah.  The guy does all the lineups and carries the bats and it would just be a shame to cut him loose. 
Gord:  Is there a hidden camera somewhere?  Doris hasn't been your co-captain for 5 years. 
Rob: [blank stare]
Gord:  Doug is your co-captain!!!
Rob: Big guy?  Hits like ox?  plays 2nd and 3rd?
Gord:  No, that's Mike Douglas [yelling] DOUG!!!!  Frig, come on, stop screwing around!
Rob: Ohhhhhhhhhh  Doug!
Gord:  Yes.  God. 
Rob: Got it, right, right, right.  I'm with you.  So you want me to ditch Doug?!?!?!
Gord:  Yes.  Well, not "ditch" per se.  More consider making a change.
Rob: Ya.  Can't do that.
Gord:  Why not?
Rob: There's no way I'm dropping The Good DeLand.  
Gord:[eyes rolling]

THE SPEECH

Before launching into song this week, Rob decided that he would inspire the troops with an actual real speech based on his championship weekend.  He called all the players into the dugout and read this charming little speech:  

"Let me tell you a little about being a winner.  When you're a winner, winning finds you.  You can't avoid it.  Its like my wife.  She always said that she never believed in love at first sight until she met be.  Who could blame her.  Winning breeds egos.  Everyone has them and that's okay.  Just know that my ego is bigger and better and could kick your ego's ass.  And if you're thinking that nobody is perfect, then nobody is my middle name.  I know its easy not to like me because I'm SOOO good.  I get it.  But I ask you to not hate the players; instead hate your hatred and worship me and my winning.  If that confuses you, I apologize.  I forgot you are an idiot.  And remember.  At the end of the day, you can not spell 'awesome' without 'me'."

I've heard great speeches.  Hell, I even went to Toast Masters. But I've never heard anything this good!  But he wasn't done.  No sir.  Rob busted out this gem of a song called, "I'm Awesome", music can be found HERE.  (You may recognize this as the Theme song to the TV show Mr. D)

I'm Awesome

Awesome, Awesome, Awesome, Awesome 

I don't necessarily have to be here for this 

I'm gonna keep the headphones though 

I'm awesome

 No you're not dude, don't lie
I'm awesome 

I'm driving round in my wife's ride
I'm awesome 

A quarter of my life gone by 

And I met all my friends online 

I'm awesome 

I will run away from a brawl 

I'm awesome 

There's no voice mail nobody called
I'm awesome 

I can't afford to buy eight balls
And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall 

You know my track pants sag low (low)
Even though (though) that went out of style like 

Ten years ago (go)
Spose... I got the swagger of a pitcher 

I got little biceps, getting fatter in the middle
And lyrically I'm not the best 

Physically the opposite of Steve Ross and yet so preposterous
Feel the awesomeness the most obnoxious guest up at the sausage fest 

Oh yes
The girls are repulsed so I hide in my hood like I'm joining a cult 

Uh huh
I'm as nervous as my buddy Mister Doris

All my writtens are bitten and all my verses are purchased
Me, I'll never date an actress 

Got too many back zits
Plus my whole home aroma is cat piss 

Every show I do is poorly promoted and if you like this
It's cause my Grand Daughter wrote it 

I'm awesome
No you're not dude, don't lie 

I'm awesome 

I'm driving round in my wife's ride 

I'm awesome

A quarter of my life gone by 

And I met all my friends online 

I'm awesome 

I will run away from a brawl 

I'm awesome 

There's no voice mail nobody called 

I'm awesome  

I can't afford to buy eight balls 

And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall 

I'm awesome

*The swagger of a pitcher* 

Check it out  

I'm from Tottenham and I don't hunt -nope- and I don't do of the ski 

Smoke weed but I can't roll blunts 

Might be wit with my wifey my necks not icy 

Eatin' at Mcdonalds because subways pricey 

Uh and my unibrow plucked 

Just asked my wife if I could borrow ten bucks 

She's like for what 

Blunt wraps and some Heinekens 

You skinny prick

Go get a gym membership and vitamins 

I'm like Sue! please don't blame it on me i got my bad habits from 

You, dad, and aunt Melissa

My attitudes sour but my couch is sweet 

and the hair on my ass it is Jumanji 

Suit's untailored ringtone Taylor Swift 

Can't tweet upon my twitter cause i haven't done Jack ---

 Bank account red 

Body ungroomed 

The only good thing about me is I'm off stage soon 

I'm awesome 

No you're not dude, don't lie 

I'm awesome 

I'm driving round in my moms ride 

I'm awesome 

A quarter of my life gone by 

And I met all my friends online 

I'm awesome 

I will run away from a brawl 

I'm awesome 

There's no voice mail nobody called 

I'm awesome 

I can't afford to buy eight balls 

And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall 

I'm awesome 

Further more I'm cornier than ethanol 

Cheesier than provolone 

I spent ages eight to ten living in a motor home 

With a ego the size of Tim Osmond

Even though I got shit for brains like a blumpkin 

I'm fifty four serving lobster rolls 

Because I spent a decade filling optimous and I'm not even the bomb 

on Fraser

On my game I'm only about as sexy as John McCain 

Now put your hands up if you have nightmares 

If you wouldn't man up if there was a fight here 

If you got dandruff 

If you drink light beer 

I'm out of breath 

But I'm awesome 

No, you're not dude, don't lie 

I'm awesome 

I'm driving round in my moms ride 

I'm awesome 

A quarter of my life gone by 

And I met all my friends online 

I'm awesome

 I will run away from a brawl 

I'm awesome 

There's no voice mail nobody called 

I'm awesome

 I can't afford to buy eight balls 

And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall 

I'm awesome

THE GAME:

A full moon. 

I should have known. 

11 games without a win wasted.

2 losses away from ripping the worst season of all time record away from the Dusty Cleats and what do we do?  Win.  Dammit. 

Now the Cleats retain the "best of the worst" record and we become another in a long line of simply bad teams that weren't quite bad enough to the baddest.  Or worstest.  Or whatever. 

I've got 3 beefs about this game. 

1)  Lou's umpiring.  Not a single bad call against us.  No, "we give up moment" handed to us by some fluky call with a batted ball hitting a groundhog or anything.  Not fair.
2)  The sub controller.  Are you kidding?  You gave us Jens Lepa, Al Bales and Dave Fleming???  Honestly?  They scored 7 of our 13 runs!  If they're not there we lose 7-6.  Dammit. 
3)  The Defense.  Every outfielder perfectly positioned.  Doris playing like a hover vacuum at short stop and Rob Farah covering 1st base on hit down the line?  Since when?  You picked today for this?

So disappointing. 

Oh, one more beef. 

4)  Dancey & Hopkins:  You left Will I Am in charge of the team????  You couldn't have left Keogh or Richards or Larkin?

Good lord.  With all these things working against us it was inevitable that we'd win I suppose.  You can only fight off good fortune for so long. 

Overall the defense was great for the Grisslies and the bats were pretty good.  Everyone contributed offensively and I got a batting tip from Kevin Hollingshead before my last two at bats that produced runs on both occasions. Outside of our triumvirate of super subs (who dashed my hopes) the biggest contributing Grisslies were Doris Casullo with 4 hits and 3 runs and Dave Muirhead with 3 hits and 2 runs.  Davey-boy's bad seems to be producing line drives right at the perfect time. 

Well, gents.  May as well try next week against the Rusty Rebels. 2-21-1 is out of the question so why not shoot for a 4th win of the year to close out?