GAME 9: Puff The Magic Dragon

INTRO

Usually I use this space to talk about the Grisslies or the opponent.  But there are times that other items rise to the surface that need to be addressed.  This is one of those times.  Besides I've been told I pick on Hugh Armstrong too much.  Seriously? Since when does Hughie need protection?

Clip from last week's newspaper:

Yeah.  You read that right.

Bones has a weight issue.  And its nothing to make light of.  And by "light" I don't mean the opposite of "heavy".  I'm just saying that this issue needs to be treated with some sensitivity.  After last years banner campaign with the Rusty Rebels.  Many people wouldn't know this, but Bones had a stellar second half of the season last year, hitting and even .800 over his last 8 games.  The Rebels were 6-2 during that stretch.  Before Bones took off they had a 3-13 record.

Most guys would be happy with their contribution, but it was a lot of pressure to be sure, carrying the entire Rusty Rebels fortunes on his slight shoulders.  And add the constant need to have to pinch run for Hugh, it was asking a lot.  Some say too much.

The stress caused Bones to turn to the fridge when the season abruptly ended with an 8-5 loss to the Brew Jays at the end of the round-robin portion of the playoff tournament.  It happens.  The word was out on the street that Bones was starting to balloon.  And balloon large!  He was rarely send outside of his home but when he was, it always caused a stir.

The alarm bells went off for Dodge City Rounders captains Ed and Al when Bones was spotted by another league member in the off season at a local restaurant ordering a wafer.  The experience didn't end well.

Because they didn't actually witness him first hand, the Dodge City Rounders leaders felt compelled to not react too early and wait it out. You never know....sometimes these things get overblown. 

Yet the reports kept pouring in throughout the winter.  The Karaoke night in town:

That was followed by the regrettable, yet unforgettable impromptu dance session on the Victoria Park subway platform.  Trains were diverted for 3 days while repairs were made to the concrete.  
 

Some said that Bones slipped into a malaise shortly after this and spent January and February not leaving his room.  Only one picture was snuck out by the maid....

Finally, it was time to report to spring training.  There were a number of email exchanges and meetings prior to opening the workouts.  Bones was quick to respond to emails but never showed up for the meetings at the clubhouse.  Al and Ed were getting increasingly concerned.  Then came the first workout.

Bones (#46) between Scott Peters (#10) and Mark Bickford (#8).  It was clear that something needed to be done to change Bones' crazy ways.  And thus, Ed came up with the incentive laden contract.

Things started to change slowly as Bones was intent on collecting of the weight bonuses in his contract.  His first change paid immediate dividends as he switched to Rum and Diet Coke.  Said Bones, "It was a hard switch, I'll admit it.  The difference between coke and diet coke is like the difference between between a walk and a home run.  Both can drive in a run, but strawberries don't grow in the dark, you know what I mean?"  When pressed to clarify, Bones offered this gem, "Look, its definitely not the worst thing I've ever drank.  A few years ago when I was traveling in the deep southern jungles of North Carolina I ran across a wild vending machine that sold Celery soda.  Can you even imagine the horror?  There was no amount of rum that could make that drink pretty.  I still have nightmares."

The diet coke started the ball rolling and Bones, spurred on by some quick success checked himself into "fat camp".  He then disappeared from the team for 3 weeks, missing both of their exhibition games and their season opener in an effort to get himself back into game shape.

Bones' new workout program had him well on the way to recovery.  In fact Al was was losing at such a pace that he became known as   .....

Poor Bones.  The weight (figurative) of the Dodge City Rounders on his weight loss hardships.  It might have broken a weaker man, like say....oh I don't know, Rob Ford.

Toronto mayor Rob Ford being played by the currently deceased Chris Farley who 

apparently brought too much life to the role.  

Our Bones persevered.  He went ahead undaunted and carved himself down to 122 lb fighting weight (weight estimates include the weight of his ball glove and shoes.  And clothes.  And that ball bag he carries around).

See?  He doesn't disappear when he turns sideways!  (not completely anyway)

THE SPEECH

Doug: So, I did the intro on Al Nicholl this week.  
Rob: The guy that used to run Presidents Choice?
Doug: No Rob.  That was Dave Nichol.  
Rob: Oh. Then who's this Alberto Nicholl? 
Doug: Its not Alberto. Its just "Al" Nicholl.  Its Bones.  You know Bones....he plays on the Dodge City Rounders.    
Rob: The Doctor from Star Trek?  Bones?  I thought his name was McCoy, not Nicholl.  
Doug: You do this on purpose don't you.  
Rob: A little bit.  You know what's weird though?
Doug:  I can hardly wait for you to tell me. 
Rob:  Thought so.  So....Dr. McCoy on Star Trek was called Bones, right?
Doug:  Oh, you're still on Star Trek, okay.  Yep, McCoy was bones. 
Rob: And Uhura was played by Nichelle Nichols. 
Doug:  Yes, your Star Trek knowledge is indeed impressive.
Rob: Well don't you think that's weird?
Doug:  What?
Rob: Bones?  Nichols?
Doug:  Oh.  I don't know.  To me its just a coincidence.  I don't read too much into that stuff.  If I went with "name stuff" I could go all day and it really would stop being funny quick. 
Rob: What do you mean. 
Doug:  Hmmmm.....let me think.  Okay, here's one.  Say Gary Cox and Dennis Short were both drafted on the Lucky Stiffs. 
Rob: We have a team called the Lucky Stiffs?
Doug:  Don't start. 
Rob: Ok.
Doug:  Now say, there are runners at 1st and 2nd and Gary is playing 1st, John Stiff at Short Stop and Dennis at 3rd base.  Are you with me?
Rob: Yep.
Doug:  Okay then, a guy comes up and hits a two hopper to Dennis.  He steps on the bag and throws to John who's covering the bag at 2nd. 
Rob: Hahaha, you said bag. 
Doug:  Yeah.  Anyway, Stiff turns and fires it to Gary.  What do you got?
Rob:  A triple play!
Doug:  Right.  But you have a Short-Stiff-Cox triple play!!!
Rob:  I don't get it. 
Doug:  Its word play, name play.....like you were doing. 
Rob:  Its not at all like me at all!!! I'm funny.  You're just rude.  This is why I'm going to do my own BLOG.  As soon as this season is over I'm going to trade you to the Dusty Cleats.  They won't stand for your crap.
Doug:  I don't know why I bother.
Rob:  Me neither.  So about this "Bones" intro of yours, is it any good?
Doug:  Its okay.  I'll be honest, I wanted it to be a bit better.  Some are hits and some are okay.  
Rob:  So you probably supplemented your lack of creativity with more fake pictures?  Made up stories?  Probably had too much build up and not enough ending?
Doug: Not too much of a critic are you?  Well, hopefully I don't make anyone cry this week. 
Rob: Its good to have lofty goals. 
Doug: So what song are you going with?
Rob: I'm kicking it old school this week.  I'm doing Puff The Magic Dragon.  
Doug: Wow, you're not kidding, that's seriously OLD school. 
Rob: Yeah, well its about Don and Hugh so that's kind of appropriate. 
Doug: And you say I'm too mean?
Rob: Well, if the dangling participle fits....

Having no clue what Rob was talking about and not being sure if he knew either, I chose to bail on the conversation.   Too much build up and not enough ending; or so I'm told.  Here is Rob's rendition of Puff the Magic Dragon, a Rusty Rebels tribute song.  Its actually pretty sweet.  Music ===> HERE

PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON

  

Armstrong, the magic hitter slid on his knee

And dove on through the summer's mist in a land called Coventry,

Little, Captain Donnie, dug that player Hugh,

And brought him bats and baseball gloves and other fancy stuff. Oh

Hugh, the magic hitter was always 3 for 3

And fielded through the summer's mist in a park called Coventry,

Hugh, the magic hitter was always 3 for 3

And fielded through the summer's mist in a park called Coventry.

Together they would travel on a team with a Rebel sail

Donnie kept a lookout perch, while Hugh would tell tall tales,

Noble Grisslies and Stiffers would bow whene'er they came,

Hot Tub Woody's would lower their flags when the Hugh roared out his name. Oh!

Hugh, the magic hitter was always 3 for 3

And fielded through the summer's mist in a park called Coventry,

Hugh, the magic hitter was always 3 for 3

And fielded through the summer's mist in a park called Coventry.

Hugh can play forever and so can Donnie boy,

Metal bats and leather mitts are their favourite toys.

One grey night it happened, Donnie, thrown out trying to score,

And Hugh that mighty Hitter, he had to go 4 for 4.

His head was raised in anger, his bat inflicted more pain,

And Hugh began to field like a man who was insane.  .

Helping his lifelong friend, Hugh was suddenly brave,

So Hugh that mighty dragon dragged Donnie to the batting cage!

Hugh, the magic hitter was no longer 3 for 3

And fielded through the summer's mist on a field called Coventry,

Hugh, the magic hitter was no longer 3 for 3

And fielded through the summer's mist on a field called Coventry,

THE GAME

There are no "bad" teams to play against in this league.  But I, like many people have favourite teams to play against.  Dodge City, The Joints, The Woody's,  Units and Rusty Rebels are always high on the list.  The reasons are different, but generally the games are competitive regardless of who is having the better year.  Take 4 other teams, the Red Dogs, Dog Catchers, Brew Jays and Dusty Cleats.  We either lose or win by a dozen against those teams by and large.  While the guys are all great, the games themselves seem to be a bit of let down because we're either up a ton or down a ton early.

That being said, I was looking forward to tonight's game with the Rebs.  It should have been competitive.

And as per usual, the Rusty Rebels didn't disappoint.  The game was filled with some great defense, particularly from Kahuna at short for the Rebels who climbed the ladder on a couple of catches and Bobby V for the Grisslies who risked life and limb on a couple of hot smashes down the 1st base line.

Overall the game was well pitched.  Bob Vaughan got rocked for one bad inning as did Farah, but beyond that the pitchers had a lot of control on this night.

The Grisslies were down two after the 1st, but rallied for a 4-3 lead after the 2nd.  In the 3rd inning the flood gates opened and we pushed across 7 for (I think) only the second time this year.  But you know those Grisslies, we don't handle prosperity so well.  Plus, the Rebs always play us close.  They clawed back into a game that only lasted six innings by getting 4 in the 4th, 3 in the 5th and 2 in the 6th.  The final score was 15-12 for the Grisslies.

The Rusty Rebels had a perfect night from super sub Rod Duggan who was 3/3 with 2 runs scored and two home runs that cleared the right field fence, cleared the tennis courts, cleared the train tracks and broke a window on the boulevard.

The Grisslies had a 4/4 night from Doug Dwyer with 2 runs scored.  Jeff Sagert was also 4/4 with a run and super sub of our own Keith Beechey was 3/3 with 3 runs scored.

While the Grisslies won the game, the Rusty Rebels won the Cat Calls and sarcasm side of the affair. If that counted in our standings they'd be in 1st place.  Sadly, none of the lines are repeatable here.

Good game all.   

Things to check out:

Check out the Donini Three Stars of the game here ==> STARS
Check out the Dislocated Joints game notes from DTBB & Terry Doucet ==> JOINTS
Check out the Tap Master's game notes from Jason Bowers ==> Tapped Out
Check out the Hurtin' Units BLOG from Jimmer ==> Hannibal Lecter
The League's Official Website ==> League