INTRO
I know. You all thought I was going to go after All-Star Bat Boy, Sir Rob Hayward in this spot didn't you? Freshly back in the league, playing for the Brew Jays who are playing the Grisslies on this night?? Well, patience young Skywalker. The season is a long one. Sir Rob will have his day.
The Brew Jays have lots of great guys on their club. In fact you can go up and down the roster and pick out some of the real stars in our league plus some of our league's finer gentlemen.
And in that mix you will find one Dave Polny! Do I dare take on one of our league heavy weights like David?
Back to Dave. When I start out with these reports / stories / exposes they are usually the based on an incident or maybe a character trait or physical trait that is funny or sometimes (on rare occasions) its something completely made up. That's the starting point anyway, then they kind of spring to life.
But I'll be honest. Dave is a bit of a tough nut to crack. There's no defining "incident" like going head-long into a pool of West-Nile, mosquito infested water to make a stop (not an out mind you, just a stop) at second base at C3. So with actual incidents out of equation, perhaps its time to make stuff up? But then, I have to ultimately say "no" to that. You don't go making stuff up about a stand up guy who contributes so much to our league in both effort and the behind the scenes financial contributions.
The man is a power broker, a consensus builder, a king maker. One slip up and you're on the outside looking in. Well, you'd think that, but its not necessarily the case and you'll see why.
Delving into character traits, I decided to make a list. What words immediately spring to mind when you hear the name, Dave Polny? Composure, Peacefulness, Contentment, Easy-going, Serenity?
Me too! Exactly the same. So my question naturally is: How does one guy corner the market on this calm, non-excitable approach to life? Again, its a tough one to answer. It comes back to the whole nature Vs. nurture argument. If you're not familiar with that discussion you should probably go back and watch Trading Places with Eddie Murphy (when he was funny) and Dan Aykroyd (he was never funny). But, we're resourceful here at the BLOG. We don't mind doing a little digging and we've uncovered some photos of Dave that may explain things and lay to rest whether he was born laid-back or learned it along the way.
Here is Dave at 3 years old. You can see already the intense eyes of an executive. The rigid jaw of a defensive infield specialist. The hair cut of a New York Yankee. However, he seems to have gotten some coaching on the path to relaxation with the 'chill' pose with his hands behind his head. But even at 3 years old you can see the internal struggle with the bold striped shirt screaming "order and control" in sharp contrast to mellow persona you see today.
By the time Dave reached 10 years old, he shed the exterior symbols of intensity and started to morph into laid-back-Dave. It was a slow morph though. The hair-cut, while purposefully a little 'shaggy' was only a comb away from a rigid corporate cut. But the overall change was apparent. Except for those friggin' piercing eyes!!! There is a rumour out there that Dave tried out for the role of Damien in The Omen. That is patently untrue. However, he was Damien's stunt double.
Ahhhhhh, 18. University! Those intense eyes are chilled by late teen euphoria. The hands behind the back of the head has transitioned from uncomfortable and forced to the preferred leisure pose. Yes, Dave had officially hit his mellow zone from which there would be no return.
Entering the corporate world at the age of 25 had no discernible impact on Dave. He literally is a blend of the teenager and the eerily calm guy that you see every week on the baseball diamond.
So I think the answer to my own question is that Dave's "take a day-mon" attitude is a true combination of nature AND nurture.
Oh, by the way, I know the cynical ones out there are saying, "Why did it take Dave between the ages of 18 and 25 to actually finish university an get a job?" Well, if you must know, being chilled doesn't necessarily mean you aren't busy.
Davey-boy took a look around the hallowed halls of his ivy league institution and realized that most 'students' were in the same state of perpetual relaxation that he was. In fact....next to most of the student body Dave looked like a 40 year mad executive who drank 15+ cups of coffee a day (if you can even imagine that!). These other students weren't just chillin', they were comatose! Where you and I would see a general malaise and no hope, Dave saw opportunity! And in short order he would cash in.
Its impossible to say how many students lives were saved by this book. Dave's fortune now secure, he could go off into the corporate world at his pace, calling his shots and playing baseball whenever he damned well pleased. At least that's what he told me.
Dave's folks, while secretly reveling in his success and genuinely proud of their son, have been quoted as a "tad concerned" with his "selling out to the man" when he wrote the book.
So now you know that Dave's on the field relaxation comes from a perpetual state of inner peace that began at a young age and was constantly worked at. I know that the Brew Jays Captain's were a little concerned about Dave this year. They had the stories of his "mellowness" but until you witness it first hand....well...you're just not prepared.
They (rightfully) asked Dave for the results of his recent physical and found out that his resting heart rate was 9 beats per minute!!! No wonder he's so chilled. A little more reading found that his Maximum Activity heart rate was 8.
Now you see....it isn't just that Dave has everything in check .... he actually gets MORE calm the more that other people get excited around him get! This is like Ninja stuff. He probably learned this at a Shaolin Temple.
This is why Dave can play 2nd base on rice paper
And now you know the rest of the story.
THE SPEECH
Doug: I suppose you want me to thank you for the song you wrote about me last week.
Rob: Well, I'm not expecting it, but I'll admit that it would be kind of nice.
Doug: Don't you think it was a little mean spirited? We play in a 'rec-league' Rob, you didn't have to call me out like that. Geez.
Rob: Ha, 179 guys play in a rec league....only you play in a wreck league!
Doug: Frig. How is it that I end up being the one with the bad reputation? So what's on the musical menu this week?
Rob: Well, I think it'll be tough to top last week so I went with a classic.
Doug: Okay, great! What's classic mean to you?
Rob: Like the Eagles.
Doug: Nice! People will dig that, good call.
Rob: I don't care about "the people" so much. An artist has to be true to his trade.
Doug: What about your "fans" that you talked about a couple of weeks ago?
Rob: Oh, I'm not dissing my fans. But they want the unedited "ME". Not some commercial boy band version of "ME".
Doug: A boy band? That's kind of laughable.
Rob: Go ahead and laugh, but I've had offers to tour with a boy band already.
Doug: Really? What band would that be?
Rob: I'm not really allowed to say, I signed a non-disclosure agreement.
Doug: Whatever.
Rob: Okay. STOP BADGERING me! If you must know, I've been approached by the Rovers.
Doug: The Irish Rovers?
Rob: Well, they prefer just the "Rovers" now. Apparently the whole 'Irish' bit was viewed as some kind of reverse discrimination thing.
Doug: Okay, well that's quite the boy band that you're considering joining. Move over One Direction!
Rob: Exactly. So I just need them to change their waiver from free Guiness and blue M&M's to free Donini and green Smarties, then I'm good to go.
Doug: Good luck with that. So why didn't you use a Rovers song this week? Or at least another boy band song?
Rob: You haven't figured out the whole sequencing to the songs yet have you. This one will set up the next one for when we play the Red Dogs on Thursday.
Doug: Okay DJ.
Rob: Alright, you have to go now. We have two games AND a captains meeting this week and you're just dragging me down.
Doug: Never a dull moment Rob, good luck getting your groove back.
Shortly thereafter, I got an email from Rob containing this game's song. Robbie boy has taken song "Hotel California" and reworked into a "Big 'ol Case of Asthma". There's some clever lines in this one. For those of you who spent the last song at the high school dance outside in the smoking area, here is the tune to the original Eagles hit ===> HERE
Big 'ol Case of Asthma
On a dark Tottenham roadway, cool wind in my hair
Gross smell of water treatment, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for a bite
There I stood with a sandwich;
Was it Mexican, I couldn't tell
And I was thinking to myself,
'This could be Heaven or it could be taco bell'
Then I grabbed a bat by the handle and strode to the plate
There were voices calling me senor,
I thought I heard them say...
Welcome to a big 'ol case of the asthma
The air is heavy here (a crappy time of year)
Lots of people are complaining of the asthma
Humidity is crazy here (Any time of year)
You can find it here
My muscles are cramping, I have to do deep knee bends
There's not nearly enough water, for me and all my friends
The sun dances on the backstop, gross summer sweat.
Some try to remember, some try to forget
Next I said to my co-Captain,
"Please bring me my wine"
He said, 'Hasn't pitched without a Donini shot since nineteen sixty nine'
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...
Welcome to a big 'ol case of the asthma
The air is heavy here (a crappy time of year)
Lots of people are complaining of the asthma
Humidity is crazy here (Any time of year)
You can find it here
Summer burns are peeling,
We stay cool with ice
Sue-Z says 'We are all dehydrated, but water would suffice'
And at the downtown barber's,
They gathered for their trim
Even Lance bowed to the steely clippers,
But they just can't beat the heat
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the Legion door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
'Relax,' said the Stiffer,
'We are programmed to receive.
You can use your puffer any time you like,
But you will always wheeze!'
THE GAME
Lets see.....the Grisslies came into this one 2-5-1 in our last 8. Not great.
The stupid Brew Jays are 5-0 in their last 5 stupid games.
I don't mean "stupid" in a mean spirited way. Well, maybe a little. I have fun playing the Brew Jays, good guys, good team, they'll have a beer after the game and they're all good dancers. But I hate these guys! We're zero and forever against them! Since the Brew Jays came into existence, we've had zero regular season wins against them. And for those of you scoring at home, that's one less than one (1). That's kind of nuts. It kind of sucks. It's kind of stupid.
So we have a stupid team we can't beat (YaY) who are also stupidly on fire right now (YaY) while we kind of suck in our last 8 (YaY). We got them lulled into that false sense of security. The only good news going into this one is that we wouldn't have to deal with Bill Cloutier's behind the back pitching in this match up.
That wasn't the ONLY good news, I'm just bitter. I'm also not going to write much about this game. On the surface the 12-9 game was way more flattering than how the game actually went. Maybe, for a change, I'll just leave it at flattering and say we nearly beat them even though I know better.
The best news of all? We don't play them again this year!!! This is one of the few teams we only play once!!!
Stupid Brew Jays.
Things to check out:
Check out the Donini Three Stars of the game here ==> STARS
Check out the Dislocated Joints game notes from DTBB & Terry Doucet ==> JOINTS
Check out the Tap Master's game notes from Jason Bowers ==> Tapped Out
Check out the Hurtin' Units BLOG from Jimmer ==> Hannibal Lecter
The League's Official Website ==> League
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