While I wait for a couple of good quality stories to develop, (or to be made up perhaps); I thought I'd let you into my world a little bit.
I'm a huge fan of most forms of humour. However, when the humour comes from mispronounced, misspelled or (ideally), misused words - well at that point I lose it. When I encounter these I need to savour the moments because they don't happen nearly often enough for my liking.
Picture a steak. About 1 and 1/2 inches thick. Cooked just a bit below medium rare with the juices sealed in. Maybe its covered in sauteed mushrooms or or some kind of onion demi-glaze. Now close your eyes and picture that......mouth watering?
That's kind of me with these things. I read it. I close my eyes and picture it. I laugh. I have another bite. During my winter of perusing the InterWeb (invented by Al Gore incidentally) I uncovered these newspaper headlines. Drink 'em in. Savor them.
To be clear. The headlines (in BLUE) are real from papers. The commentary and pictures are just me making fun of stupidity. Sometimes it works; other times, well...you can be the judge.
Couple slain; police suspect homicide - WHEW, because I was considering the rare "slain by natural causes!"
Not sure whether to admire this or be in fear.
Kids make nutritious snacks - Particularly with chocolate sauce nuts!
Jack Sparrow located!
County to pay $250,000 to advertise lack of funds - Right. This is either from Kentucky or Alliston. 
Hot, Pregnant and drinking beer - finally - truth in advertising!
I miss those '60s sitcoms
Friggin' gun shop owners, they were just puppets for the Mob!!!
Can't they wear longer shirts????
Yeah, there were a million to chose from
Local high school dropouts cut in half - In a freak farming accident....
Typhoon rips through cemetery, hundreds dead - Said Sheriff Taylor, "the body count is staggering, every time we turn around, there's more of them. Weird part is that only 150 people live in this town".
The carnage!!!
OMG, Down Town Billy Brown with a "charge"!!!
New study of obesity looks for larger test group - Glad to see things are expanding well.
No, this isn't them - I just dig Polynesian weddings
Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25 - And old age is remarkably rare below the age of 30.
No one is safe. No one.
Tiger Woods to play with own balls, Nike Says - Just do it.
No Dimples?
One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers - It was a silent cheer.
Would it be off side to say the silence was "deafening"?
Fish need water, Feds say - Feds are smart. Of course flying fish only need water 1/2 the time because the other half they need sky.
Of course, some fly further than others.
Astronaut takes blame for gas in space - No more tacos for pre-flight meals!
A Small Smell for Mankind.
Alton attorney accidentally sues himself - If I had a dollar for every time I sued myself....I'd....I'd....I'd sue myself to get half of that dollar! I'm entitled!
No wonder, he's a friggin' cave-lawyer!
Plane too close to ground, crash probe told - Said FAA chair Bob Uruncle, "The overwhelming majority of plane crashes are not caused by either mechanical problems or pilot error; they are in fact caused by the ground".
Damn you gravity. Damn you straight to hell!
Miners refuse to work after death - When will these mining companies stop trying to get blood from a stone?
Wonder if they meant it that literally?
Juvenile court to try shooting defendant - Tough love. Its about time.
Only in America!
Stolen painting found by tree - The Tree of course had no comment, but a nearby shrub who witnessed the recovery said that the Tree was ROOTED in its spot when he watched the thief LEAVE. The guy was a bit of SAP and left when the Tree BARKed out his demand to stop. I don't think I'm going out on a LIMB to say that he's a real POPLAR hero.
The true stuff is always way weirder.
Two sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout - Had to be Walmart.
Like being on hold with Rogers.
War dims hope for peace - Often war is the pathway to peace, but not in this case. 
Happy Grenade!!!
If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while - If I wasn't so short, I'd be taller.
Nothing against Unions...its just funny
17 remain dead in morgue shooting spree - They started dead. They were shot up. The remain dead. Just the facts ma'am, just the facts.
Why do I think morgues are funny? I need help
Grandmother of eight makes a hole in one - Honestly...the little bugger had it coming, what with stealing her nicorettes. 
Again. A Real Picture. Anyone else disturbed?
Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say - True, because you can always readily identify a 'perfectly executed jet crash'.
Police begin campaign to run down Jaywalkers - And you know what? Good for them! That's what you get for not listening you damned jaywalkers!
Oh, and its always good to kick the guy for good measure!
Drunks get nine months in violin case - Harsh. Seriously....for being drunk?
Well, if the Violin Case fits....
Eastern head seeks arms - Yeah, you know what I'm picturing. Funny.
Oh, maybe just seeks "arm" not "arms".
Prostitutes appeal to religious Leader - Duh!!!! Jesus hung out with one didn't he? Face it, hookers have a certain charm that you don't find at the roller rink. (Jesus did not roller skate). (To my knowledge anyway).
I Can't Make this stuff up, this is a real flyer!
Failed panda mating, veterinarian takes over - There had to be roofies involved.
Freak!
The Grisslies gave up 5 runs in their opening win over the Dusty Cleats and the Hurtin' Units did likewise in their tie with the Dog Catchers. The Grisslies would be missing the services of one of their better power hitters for this match, Rick Cudnik, who is suspended and the Hurtin' Units were without Mike Olliffe who was hurt in a freak dancing accident. Considering that both team's week 1 opponents were thought to be fairly strong offensive clubs, you would think that this would be a solid defensive affair.
It would be smart to think that way.
You would also be wrong. Horribly wrong.
The game began with the Hurtin' Units first four batters reaching base and three of them scoring. Facing being down by three runs for the first time this year, the Grisslies responded with 2 of their own before playing sound Grisslie defense and retiring the Units in order in the 2nd.
Then it got ugly. The Grisslies scored 7 in the bottom of the 2nd inning. Nice. Then managed only one force out at 3rd while allowing 9 consecutive batters to reach in the 3rd giving back all seven runs.
From there it was back and forth with a couple of moments of greatness.
THE SPEECH
Well this IS a treat! It's not often that we get someone other than Captain Farah doing a pre-game speech. Before yesterday's game, a well known, big, gangly, horse toothed Freddy Mercury impersonator broke through the circle around Rob. It was good to see former Grisslie (and Champion) Gord "Freddy" Robertson. Gord-o sang for us a special song he prepared for us based on Queen's Find Me Somebody To Love which he renamed, Find me a Martini with an Olive. If you know Freddy at all....this song is no surprise! Here's a link to the tune if you want it ==> LINK
Well this IS a treat! It's not often that we get someone other than Captain Farah doing a pre-game speech. Before yesterday's game, a well known, big, gangly, horse toothed Freddy Mercury impersonator broke through the circle around Rob. It was good to see former Grisslie (and Champion) Gord "Freddy" Robertson. Gord-o sang for us a special song he prepared for us based on Queen's Find Me Somebody To Love which he renamed, Find me a Martini with an Olive. If you know Freddy at all....this song is no surprise! Here's a link to the tune if you want it ==> LINK
Find Me a Martini with an Olive
Can.. anybody find me a martini with an olive?
(ooh...)
ooh...
Each morning I get up, I creak a little
Can't barely stand on my feet
Take a look in the mirror and cry
(Take a look at yourself, in the mirror, and cry! Yeah, yeah)
Lord what you're doing to me
I have spent all my nights just playing through
(ooh, ooh playing through)
But I just can't get no relief, Lord!
(I just can't get no relief, Lord!)
Somebody, (somebody), ooh somebody (somebody)
Can anybody find me -
(anybody find me)
A martini and an olive?
Yeah..
I play hard (he plays hard) every day of my life
I play till I ache my bones
At the end (At the end of the day)
I take to the Legion
To drink my rewards!
(to the Legion, to drink his rewards)
I get down (down) on my brittle knees (knees)
And I start to pray (praise the Lord!)
Till the tears run down from my eyes, Lord!
(ooh, ooh, ooh Lord!)
Somebody (somebody), ooh somebody! (please)
Can anybody find me -
(Can anybody find me)
A martini with an olive?
(He works hard)
Everyday (everyday)
And I try and I try and I try
(I try and I try and I try)
But everybody wants to put me down
(ooooooh)
They say I'm playing lazy
(ooooooh)
They say I got a lot of water in my vodka
(aaaaah)
I got no common sense
I got nobody left to believe
(He's got nobody left to believe)
(Yeah yeah yeah yeah)
(Ooh, Lord)
Oh Somebody, ooh (somebody)
Anybody find me
(Anybody find me)
A martini with an olive?
(Can, anybody, find me, a martini with an olive?)
Got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my feet (you just keep losing, and losing)
I'm ok, I'm alright (he's alright, he's alright)
I ain't gonna face no defeat (yeah, yeah)
I just gotta get out of this Unit's hell
(ooh, ooh, this Unit's hell)
Some day I'll be back on the Grisslies, Lord!
(Some day I'll be back on the Grisslies, Lord!)
(Find me a martini and olive)
(Find me a martini and olive)
oh, oh, oh, oooh
(Find me a martini and olive)
(Find me a martini and olive)
find me, find me, find me
(Find me a martini and olive)
(Find me a martini and olive)
(Find me a martini and olive)
ooh Find me a martini and olive
(Find me a martini and olive)
(Find me a martini and olive)
ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-oooh
(Find me a martini and olive)
(Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody, find me somebody, Find me a martini and olive)
Can anybody find me
(Can anybody find me)
A martini....... and oliiiiiiiiiveeeee?
THE GAME
Can.. anybody find me a martini with an olive?
(ooh...)
ooh...
Each morning I get up, I creak a little
Can't barely stand on my feet
Take a look in the mirror and cry
(Take a look at yourself, in the mirror, and cry! Yeah, yeah)
Lord what you're doing to me
I have spent all my nights just playing through
(ooh, ooh playing through)
But I just can't get no relief, Lord!
(I just can't get no relief, Lord!)
Somebody, (somebody), ooh somebody (somebody)
Can anybody find me -
(anybody find me)
A martini and an olive?
Yeah..
I play hard (he plays hard) every day of my life
I play till I ache my bones
At the end (At the end of the day)
I take to the Legion
To drink my rewards!
(to the Legion, to drink his rewards)
I get down (down) on my brittle knees (knees)
And I start to pray (praise the Lord!)
Till the tears run down from my eyes, Lord!
(ooh, ooh, ooh Lord!)
Somebody (somebody), ooh somebody! (please)
Can anybody find me -
(Can anybody find me)
A martini with an olive?
(He works hard)
Everyday (everyday)
And I try and I try and I try
(I try and I try and I try)
But everybody wants to put me down
(ooooooh)
They say I'm playing lazy
(ooooooh)
They say I got a lot of water in my vodka
(aaaaah)
I got no common sense
I got nobody left to believe
(He's got nobody left to believe)
(Yeah yeah yeah yeah)
(Ooh, Lord)
Oh Somebody, ooh (somebody)
Anybody find me
(Anybody find me)
A martini with an olive?
(Can, anybody, find me, a martini with an olive?)
Got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my feet (you just keep losing, and losing)
I'm ok, I'm alright (he's alright, he's alright)
I ain't gonna face no defeat (yeah, yeah)
I just gotta get out of this Unit's hell
(ooh, ooh, this Unit's hell)
Some day I'll be back on the Grisslies, Lord!
(Some day I'll be back on the Grisslies, Lord!)
(Find me a martini and olive)
(Find me a martini and olive)
oh, oh, oh, oooh
(Find me a martini and olive)
(Find me a martini and olive)
find me, find me, find me
(Find me a martini and olive)
(Find me a martini and olive)
(Find me a martini and olive)
ooh Find me a martini and olive
(Find me a martini and olive)
(Find me a martini and olive)
ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-oooh
(Find me a martini and olive)
(Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody, find me somebody, Find me a martini and olive)
Can anybody find me
(Can anybody find me)
A martini....... and oliiiiiiiiiveeeee?
THE GAME
The Grisslies gave up 5 runs in their opening win over the Dusty Cleats and the Hurtin' Units did likewise in their tie with the Dog Catchers. The Grisslies would be missing the services of one of their better power hitters for this match, Rick Cudnik, who is suspended and the Hurtin' Units were without Mike Olliffe who was hurt in a freak dancing accident. Considering that both team's week 1 opponents were thought to be fairly strong offensive clubs, you would think that this would be a solid defensive affair.
It would be smart to think that way.
You would also be wrong. Horribly wrong.
The game began with the Hurtin' Units first four batters reaching base and three of them scoring. Facing being down by three runs for the first time this year, the Grisslies responded with 2 of their own before playing sound Grisslie defense and retiring the Units in order in the 2nd.
Then it got ugly. The Grisslies scored 7 in the bottom of the 2nd inning. Nice. Then managed only one force out at 3rd while allowing 9 consecutive batters to reach in the 3rd giving back all seven runs.
From there it was back and forth with a couple of moments of greatness.
- Rob Rumboldt flawlessly played a pop up at 2nd base through a small lake without falling down!
- Rob Farah Managed to retire the Units in order in the middle of this offensive mess on only 4 pitches.
The 6th and final inning opened with the Hurtin' Units trailing 14-12. The Grisslies just needed to get off the field allowing no more than one run to preserve the win. Jamie Allen started with a single. We were fortunate to make outs on Al Hayward and Dave Kidd. One on and two out. Things were looking pretty good.
Taylor singles. Anicette singles. Clayton Avery doubles. Cam Clark doubles. 4 runs with two out and good clutch hitting.
The Grisslies came up now needing two to tie and three to win in their last at bat. It didn't take long. Art, "the clean up hitter", Sagert singled, Gary Basso followed with another single. Rob Farah flew out but ended up driving in a run on some great base running by Art. Jeff Sagert then singled. Last year's rookie and two time Grisslie Dave Doucette (#27 in your scorecard, but #1 in our hearts) smashed a solid hit to left scoring the tying and winning runs.
Final score Grisslies 17, Hurtin' Units 16.
Check out the Donini Three Stars of the game here ==> STARS
Check out the Dislocated Joints game notes from DTBB ==> JOINTS
Check out the Tap Master's game notes from Jason Bowers ==> Tapped Out
Check out the Brew Jays game notes from Rod and Bo ==> Jays Squawk
Check out the Hurtin' Units BLOG ==> Hannibal Lecter
The League's Official Website ==> League
Things to check out:
Check out the Dislocated Joints game notes from DTBB ==> JOINTS
Check out the Tap Master's game notes from Jason Bowers ==> Tapped Out
Check out the Brew Jays game notes from Rod and Bo ==> Jays Squawk
Check out the Hurtin' Units BLOG ==> Hannibal Lecter
The League's Official Website ==> League
No comments:
Post a Comment