GAME 24 - If You Like Pitchers of Coors Lite

The Poll
This was the most hotly contested poll to date.  And it spelled redemption for Gary Cox!  Gary got unfairly treated in the "sarcasm" poll earlier this year, but he came back like Return Of The Jedi" this week!  The poll question was: "THERE ARE LOTS OF PRANKSTERS IN THE CLUBHOUSE OR THE DUGOUT, BUT WHO IS THE BEST 'ON THE FIELD' HECKLER?"

Danny Chiasson        11% (Surprising low)
Doug Matson               3% (You seem to have gotten Piero's vote)
Gary Cox                   55% (Sweet justice!)
Hugh Armstrong        33% (No shame finishing 2nd to a legend)
Jim Rouleau                0% (A shocker!)
Tito Presenza              0% (Would have been my 2nd pick)
Intro

Doris freaking Casullo. 

He came into the league a rookie with little - to - no baseball experience. 

He was rated a 10. 

He slowly and methodically practiced the game, worked hard and climbed the rankings until he achieved the status of being a number 1 in the league.  That's pretty impressive. 

If you look at Doris' game and how we measure skills:  base running, hitting, fielding, running, catching, throwing, ball sense, attendance and versatility.  Is Doris number one overall in any of those measurements when compared against the leagues 13 other shortstops?  Its an interesting debate and for the sake of argument, I'm going to throw out there that there is at least one shortstop better in each of those categories.  Again, just for the sake of argument; I'm also going to throw out there that he is quite possibly in the top 2 or 3 among all shortstops in each of those categories. Its a combination of skill and consistency. 

Two things we know about Doris are that he is ultra competitive and he's injury prone. You all remember the picture below of Doris from a BLOG last year.  This was after a game in which he broke EVERYTHING!

Doris:  "I can't scratch my nose"

So what makes this guy so driven? Was he always like this? Hmmm, time to dig.

It turns out that Doris came from a small Italian family of 15 boys.  He was the youngest.  It turns out that Giuseppe, Giovanni, Antonio, Mario, Luigi, Francesco, Angelo, Vincenzo, Pietro, Salvatore, Carlo, Franco, Domenico and Bruno were all intensely competitive soccer players AND took all the really good names! 

Doris tried soccer (AKA Football) for awhile but the big brothers were just too much.  They didn't take it easy on him at all.  There was only one place that Doris succeeded against the brawn of the family and that was at the dinner table.  You see, Doris couldn't dribble a soccer ball and he CERTAINLY never dribbled at the table either!

Food was at a premium at the Casullo household back in those days.  And being the youngest you had to be quick.  Not only quick, but sneaky.  There was no asking for seconds.  There was fighting for firsts and developing lightening quick reflexes for seconds. 

This fight for food became Doris's little game.  He would stay up at night devising schemes to beat his brothers and .... well .... more brothers out of food.  He got good at it.  He got quick at it.  And he started to get a little tiny bit competitive at it. 

As luck would have it, little Italy (AKA: Rexdale) had a fall fair and young Doris entered the pie eating contest. 

Doris:  "Oh, I didn't know what you meant by "PIE"!"

The Contest didn't go well.  Doris fell asleep face first in the "pie" and need surgery to have the crust removed from his forehead.  But it did get the competitive fires burning.  He realized quickly that he'd need to go back to his roots if this was ever going to work.
 

 Doris on bowl of 3 of 9 in seven minutes.

I quote the Rexdale Radical Review, "Enter the dawn of a new era in competitive eating!!! Mr Casullo who goes by the pseudonym of 'Doris', was dominant, daring, dynamic, dazzling, dramatic and definitely deliciously dreamy in defeating his determined, deranged, depressed, distracted, dumb and ultimately doomed opponents." Despite the Review's penchant for alliteration, the point is clear.  There was a new sheriff in town and he was eating pasta!

With one title under his belt, Doris moved on to conquer the competitive eating circuit.  And he would start in the roughest place of all... 

BUFFALO, NEW YORK

Doris does 78 chicken wings in 4 minutes.

New state record!

ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI

8 large pizzas, 11 minutes.

State Record.

US Record.

World Record

And then the grand-daddy of them all...

CONNEY ISLAND, NEW YORK

63 hot dog and buns in 12 minutes

State Record

US Record

World Record

Yes, Doris came about his competitive spirit in the same way most Italian men do.  Whether its spaghetti, pizzelles or coq soup, competition comes from their bellies! 

The Speech

The question is often asked, "how did Doris come to leave the Grisslies"?  Rob Farah, being in a type (B) Rob Farah personality mood, decided to answer it in a song....  This sung to the tune of Escape, which is more commonly known as the "Pina Coloda Song" OR "If you like Pina Colodas".  Rob has re-written this little gem and titled it, "If You Like Pitchers of Coors Lite".  I think you'll find the saga well explained.  Click the title as usual for the tune. 

IF You Like Pitchers Of Coors Lite

I was tired of the infield, I had played there too long.

Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song.

So while the boys were taking grounders, I read the Times on the bench.

And in the personals column, there was this letter I read:

If you like pitchers of Coors Lite, and playing ball in the rain.

If you're not into losing, if you have half-a-brain.

If you clean your glove at midnight, and make sure it stays in shape

I've got the team that you've looked for, write to me, and escape.

I didn't think about the Grisslies, I know that sounds kind of mean.

But me and the Grisslies, had fallen into the same old dull routine.

So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad. 

And though I'm no body's poet, I thought it wasn't half-bad.

Yes, I like pitchers of Coors Lite, and playing ball in the rain,

I love it when I'm winning, Losing just 'aint the same

I've got to meet you at the baseball draft, I can't quite remember the date,

But at a bar called the legion, we will plan our escape.

So I waited with high hopes, and they called name after name

The Grisslies drafted Argue, and I knew this year wouldn't be the same.

I was picked by the Banshees, and Laird said "Oh, it's you."

And we laughed for a moment, and Frank said, I never knew...

That you liked pitchers of Coors Lite, and playing ball in the rain.

and that you're not into losing, and winning was your game.

That you clean your glove at midnight, and make sure it stays in shape.

You're the short stop I've looked for, now from the cellar we'll escape.

The Game

The Banshees.  Bowers, Brooks, Caradonna, Casullo, Clarke, Coopman, Cutrara, Goosney, Laird, Mannell, Rose and Sherman.  That is a sweet lineup!  I'll admit when I'm wrong, and I was on this one.  The Banshees were my pre-season pick to win the leagues regular season.  It was probably unfair to make that prediction considering that all teams are supposedly equal after the draft.  But still...I really liked this lineup!

They've had a very nice 14-10 season coming into this week and are nicely positioned in that second tier right behind the Hurtin' Units, Brew Jays and Lucky Stiffs.  I think they are in a very dangerous group with the Dislocated Joints, Rusty Rebels and Torn Ligaments (and maybe the Dog Catchers) that can beat anyone on any given day.  Of course, the question you have to ask yourself if you're one of those teams is, "is today any given day?"

Apparently not. 

However, there were some extenuating circumstances.  First the lights went out.  Second, the Grisslies made some subtle tweaks that clearly caught the the Banshees unprepared.  The lights were a big issue because it cost an inning in the game.  We played the top the 5th in diminishing light and then had to wait for the lights to come back on...we waited...and waited...and waited.  With 3 games happening at C3 last night we were on a strict time limit.  Finally it was bright enough to play the bottom of the 5th and the 6th was declared the last inning because of time. 

The Grisslies were steady throughout this game and scored 12 runs.  They were scored in all manner as well.  Clutch 2 out hits.  Clutch long balls.  Clutch base running.

On the other side of the ledger, the Grisslies gave up 3 runs to the Banshees in the 1st and another 3 runs in the 6th.  in the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th, the Banshees got nothing.  Part of it were balls that were scorched right at people and part of it was really well played defence by the Grisslies.

Well done Gris!

The Grisslies are now 5-2-1 in their last 8 games with 2 left to play.  If we win one of our last two games we will surpass our goal of going 6-4 in our final ten games.  As Danny said, we might be peaking a little early, but winning REALLY DOESN'T suck!!!

Check the News and Notes to get updated on the Grisslie batting race and few other odds and sods!

Cheers!