When the Red Dogs were 0-6 along with the Grisslies we decided that the July 2nd match up between the two clubs would be our 'playoff' game. It seemed like a good idea at the time, then those stupid Red Dogs went and got a win against the Dog Catchers which really turned the screws on us Grisslies. That forced us to do something we hadn't counted on; getting a win. We managed to pull one out against the Hurtin' Units to tie the Red Dogs at 1-6.
Personally, I think the Units just took pity on us. They saw me at short and Doris at 2nd and couldn't stop laughing. But with our unexpected win, the playoff game for sole possession of last place was back on.
But that wasn't enough for those Red Dogs. No......they always have to push things.
The Red Dogs, on the verge of history, threw it all away for a worthless win against the Dodge City Rounders to get them to the lofty mark of 2-9. Not only that, they threw salt in our wound by becoming the temporary custodians of the beer cup. The Grisslies would have to get a win (ironically) against the Dog Catchers to match that 2-9 record and make the July 2nd game meaningful. Despite a litany of atrocious losses, the Grisslies would double the Dog Catchers and reach 2-9.
The game is back on! Again! Chasing these Dogs has been enough! Exhausting. I don't know how much longer that we can keep the pace up. Someone has to win this game and reach 3-9. 3-9. A winning percentage of .250. Sounds kind of bad huh?
The 1962 Mets are widely considered the worst baseball team ever. They are the team that made Casey Stengel lament, "Can't anyone here play this game"? They finished the season 40-120 for a winning percentage of .250. That is what the WINNER of tonight's match will have. The loser will just have shame.
Shame, a 2-10 record, sole possession of last place and a winning percentage that can only be rivaled by the fabled LA Clippers in pro basketball. Don't pick a favourite. Both teams are FULLY capable of losing this game, but only one can hold last place alone. For now.
Dave Fleming, owner of the Tottenham Home Hardware has had July 2nd circled on his calendar for a few weeks now. He's the kind of visionary that can look ahead and see history begin to unfold in front of his eyes. It was actually Dave that pointed out to me that there hasn't been a match up of two teams tied for last with 10 or more games played since the Epic Dodge City Rounders Vs. Lorn Ligaments game of 2009. This doesn't happen often.
Dave, being Dave and a noted league historian, thought that we should commemorate the event with a plaque. And in keeping with the evenings theme, I think he donated the perfect thing. You'll have to scroll down to the game results after the speech to see it.
CANADA DAY DONINI DECK
Yes, Canada Day on Fraser. No shortage of fun and excitement. There's a BBQ, rockets, beverages, family and friends. And all of it is carefully scrutinized from the Donini Deck. The day of course starts with a young neighbour singing the anthem. But first Rob welcomes everyone from the Donini Deck, high above the maddening and gathering throng, speaking into his Microphone.
Rob: [Microphone] Welcome everyone to Grisslieland / Fraser Avenue for Canada Day!
All: [Cheering] Happy Canada Day Rob!!!
Rob: [Microphone] And Happy Canada Day to all of you as well!
All: [More Cheering]
Rob: [Microphone] Or as the French say, Joyeux Noel!!!
All: [Silence]
Rob: [Microphone] Okay. No one here speaks French? Alright, I'm going to invite my young neighbour to come up through security there and sing "Oh, Canada" in the Microphone. But I've changed the words from "Oh, Canada to "oh, Grisslieland
All: [booing]
Rob: [Microphone] For God Sakes people, he's only 6 years old!
It took a little while but things settled down eventually. I wove my way through the thick blanket of security and had a seat on the Donini deck for myself.
Rob: Well that went well!
Doug: It was as smooth as a prison riot.
Rob: [wistfully] yeah....
Doug: For the record, you know that Joyeux Noel doesn't mean Happy Canada day, right?
Rob: Ya I know, French is my mother's tongue.
Doug: It means Merry Christmas.
Rob: I know! It's MY MOTHER'S TONGUE!
Doug: No need to yell buddy. And its "mother tongue", not "mother's tongue". It means the language you spoke first.
Rob: I know, but my Mother is the one who spoke French first and that's why it my "Mother's tongue"!
Doug: Ahhhh, clever Robbie!
Rob: Yeah, I'm not just another pretty face.
Doug: Are we back to regular speeches this week?
Rob: What did I hit last week?
Doug: You were four for four.
Rob: How many runs?
Doug: 4.
Rob: So I was 4 for 4 with 4 runs scored after dedicating myself to hitting practice ....
Doug: .... on Youtube....
Rob: Fair enough .... ON YOUTUBE ... and you want me abandon that regimen and discipline to WRITE A SPEECH? Are you loco???
Doug: No speech?
Rob: Nope.
Rob's ban of the songs is still on. He is waiting until the cry from his fans forces him back. If there are many more episodes like this, it shouldn't take much longer to get Robbie writing again. For the music to this mess (don't know why you'd want it) please click HERE
Love the Way You Lie
(Props to Karen Turner who started this during the playoffs 2 years ago!!!)
Just gonna stand there and watch me get burned
But that's alright 'cause I'm playing like a jerk
Just gonna stand there and watch me try
But that's alright Because I hate games with ties
I'm choking on my tie
I hate when games are tied
I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel bat against my windpipe
I can't breathe, but I still fight, while I can fight
As long as I can get one good swing, get the ball in flight
Height of the arc, a smack from the plate It's like I'm a damn saint
And the more I run the more I need my puffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to fall down, A hit will resuscitate me
But I've got my runner, and I love it, Wait
Where you going?, Going to 1st base? No you ain't, Come back
I need to get a hit first, and here we go again, It's so insane
Cause when it's going good, It's going great, I'm Super Squirrel,
With the wind at his back, Their pitiching is lame
But when it's bad, It's awful, I feel so ashamed,
I snap, Who's that dude? I don't even know his name
You cant' have a #1 for a sub, You will never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength
Just gonna stand there and watch me get burned
But that's alright 'cause I'm playing like a jerk
Just gonna stand there and watch me try
But that's alright Because I hate games with ties
I'm choking on my tie
I hate when games are tied
Has your glove abandoned you so much, You can only swear, When you wear it
Your feet, Neither one of them working, Your hands got no hits in 'em
There's not warm fuzzy feeling, Yeah them chills, Get Used to 'em
Now you're getting freakin' sick, Of hits flying by you
You swore you'd eventually catch 'em, Never used to a problem to track 'em
Now you're only losing face, Spewing venom, And these words, When you spit 'em
You push, Pull, try to care, Scratch, claw, bit 'em, Pin 'em
So lost in the effort, When you hit it, It's the rage that took over
It controls your swing, So they say it's best, To play it every day
Guess that they don't know ya, Cause today, That was a close one
Yesterday is over, A tie can't be undone, Sound like broken records
Play it over, But you promised them, Next time there'd be no tie
You don't get another chance, Standings are no Nintendo game
But you tied again, Now single points make me grieve
Taped to the window, Guess that's why they call it window pane
Just gonna stand there and watch me get burned
But that's alright 'cause I'm playing like a jerk
Just gonna stand there and watch me try
But that's alright Because I hate games with ties
I'm choking on my tie
I hate when games are tied
Now I know we say things, Do things, Playing like a team,
And we fall back, Into the same pattern, Same routine,
But your score card's just as bad, As ours is, You're the same as us,
But when it comes to tie games, You're just as blinded,
Please mount a come back, We need two, but we'll take three,
Maybe our team, Isn't as crazy as it seems,
Maybe that's what happens, When Jim Rouleau wears a speedo,
All I know is, the distractions too much, To walk away though, we can hide,
Run to the bags kick up some chalk, Don't you hear sincerity, In my voice when I talk,
Told you this game won't halt, Look me in the eyeball,
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist, At a snowball,
Next time? There will be no next time,
I apologize, Even though I know its a tie, I'm tired of the games,
I just want a win or loss, I know its not at all costs,
If we ever tie a freaking game again,
I'mma tie the scoresheet to glove, And set it all on fire
Just gonna stand there and watch me get burned
But that's alright 'cause I'm playing like a jerk
Just gonna stand there and watch me try
But that's alright Because I hate games with ties
I'm choking on my tie
I hate when games are tied
THE GAME
Destiny Baby, Destiny.
I felt a little bit like George Clooney, but better looking. Maybe Mark Wahlberg, but tougher.
And like the Skipper and Gilligan, Rob and I worked this game to perfection. PERFECTION!!!
The Grisslies gave up 4 in the first and scored nothing in return. What looked like a great start was almost blown in the middle of the game though. Through poor play by Al Hayward (3/3), Winston Gayle (3/3) and Gord Dol (3/3) this loss was very nearly stolen from the Grisslies and handed to the Red Dogs.
Frighteningly the Grisslies found themselves tied at 6 after 5 innings and had their work cut out for them to wrestle control back of the game. You can read about the critical plays by some of the key players in the 3 stars section (click here)
When it was all said and done, the Grisslies had secured their place in history and won the Coveted Toilet bowl donated by the Tottenham Home Hardware.
Thank you Dave for your generous contribution! The Candy's came up with a better pose though:
I felt a little bit like George Clooney, but better looking. Maybe Mark Wahlberg, but tougher.
And like the Skipper and Gilligan, Rob and I worked this game to perfection. PERFECTION!!!
The Grisslies gave up 4 in the first and scored nothing in return. What looked like a great start was almost blown in the middle of the game though. Through poor play by Al Hayward (3/3), Winston Gayle (3/3) and Gord Dol (3/3) this loss was very nearly stolen from the Grisslies and handed to the Red Dogs.
Frighteningly the Grisslies found themselves tied at 6 after 5 innings and had their work cut out for them to wrestle control back of the game. You can read about the critical plays by some of the key players in the 3 stars section (click here)
When it was all said and done, the Grisslies had secured their place in history and won the Coveted Toilet bowl donated by the Tottenham Home Hardware.
So Don Swabuk (Donnie the Ump as many know him) crossed paths with me at some point during the game and said quietly, "Can you make sure that you're 4th in line for the hand shake?" I say, "Sure but why?" But he was too far away to hear me.
After the game, Don runs off the field and whips off his sweat soaked short, does a few pec flexes for the ladies in the stands and puts on a dry shirt. Then he comes to shake hands.
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