Game 4 - ReHab

INTRO

Finally, game 4!

The Gruesome Devils.

Man, 1-7 and facing this line up? Who needs the pain and anguish?  1-7 is bad enough but here are some Grisslie Specific stats:

• The Captains are hitting a collective .473
• We're dead last in runs scored.
• We're 2nd worst in +/-
• Only Doris Casullo has hit in every game (four Gruesome Devils have hit in every game).

But enough of the good news.  

There is a slight chance against the Gruesome Devils.  The only thing we really have going for us really is that their team is dyslexic. And no Rob, dyslexic doesn't mean that they can't drink milk, they just mix up letters. The issue is more reversing letters. Actually, just some of them are dyslexic; the rest have more general spelling and grammar issues.

I only found this out recently. You see, Steve DeLand and I were talking about team building just before the season started. He takes his captain-ship quite seriously.  He had looked at what some of the other teams were doing including the Grisslies, Beer Bros., and Hot Tub Woody’s and he came up with a stroke of genius of his own. Steve’s brilliant idea for team bonding was to have a team tattoo session!  Much like the Dusty Cleats beer cooler, I find myself wishing that I had thought of the idea first. 

OUTSTANDING!

Nothing says unity like a team going under the ink needle together. Now with guys switching teams every year, getting a Gruesome Devils Tattoo would be asking a little much of the boys. After all, if someone got drafted by the Dog Catchers next year, the Gruesome Devils permanent stamp would look a little awkward.  So, instead Steve sent a lengthy, detailed note to the team asking them to pick a pet saying, expression or something meaningful that they could have tattooed in a place of significance.   Here is a copy of the email.

Nice note Steve.  More evidence that I'm WAY TOO wordy!

Now let me say that while I admire team unity and team building, I am TOTALLY against tattoos.  They are a blight against the human spirit.  They are self serving and are generally for people lacking in confidence.  That being said, I would probably get a dolphin on my neck if I got drunk enough. 

Anyway, the Steve-meister was kind enough to send me pics of the Tattoos, good fella that he is.  Here's what some of the key players ended up with:

Art Sagert

Mr. Sagert is his own man.  You don't get 1500 hits in this league by being a 'follower'.  Art read the in-depth note from Steve and decided to go a little off book.  Steve's 'think of an expression' thing was a good idea, but Art decided that if he was going to get a Tat, that it was going significant to him.  Being a life long Steelers fan, he figured he do something around their logo.  Even better, he opted to get it done before the rest of the team, you know, show some veteran leadership.  The only problem with this very well thought out plan was that he didn't know any tattoo parlors or artists.  But seriously, how hard could a tattoo be?  He decided to get his son Jeff to do it from a drawing Art made.  I'm not sure whats worse really.  The logo, or the fact that Steelers is spelled wrong?  Lesson:  Don't let your son ink you.    

Brian Richards

Most people looking at this would think that the Tattoo artist forgot the "T" in "nothing".  Not so much.  Brian wanted this tattoo to remind of the time that he got locked out of his first apartment in Red Deer Alberta.  He finally got in by breaking the hinge.  It cost a fortune to pay the landlord for repairs and that but a cramp into the paycheques from Dunkin' Donuts.  However, the tattoo was supposed to say, "REGRET NO HINGE". 

Dave Polny
(showing his back so you can imagine where the tattoo is)

If you know Mr. Polny, you know that he's does nothing half way.  On the field, at work, his participation in tournaments, the league and charity endeavors are exemplary.  And true to form, David got the most 'rockingest' tattoo of the bunch.  Very ornate and a great expression!  Success is a process.  The beauty is that because its on his back, he can't see it.  And thank god.  Last time I checked 'success' has two "c's" in it and I'm fairly certain that there is an "e' somewhere in process.  This isn't going to end well for that poor drunk illiterate tattoo artist.    

Gary Basso (AKA, Fielders Choice Basso)

Gary is cool.  Like, he's an olive away from being "Dean Martin cool".  There's no doubt.  And he got this tattoo expressly for me because he knows he robbed me of my rightful Trivia Championship.  ROBBED!  And he knows I'm jalous.  No wait.  Are you trying to say "jealous" Gary?  I think next season the trivia league will include a spelling category and you're not getting Diane on your team either.  You're (not your) going to have to think this through on your (not you're) own. 

Jeff Sagert

Soooo.....lets pretend that one of Jeff's two thumbs were sticking up between the "R" and the "N".  Can you picture it?  And on that thumb between the "R" and the "N" we would have the letter "E".  Then right in front of the "R" or right after the "U" we could have and "apostrophe".  Then it would say, YOU'RE NEXT.  Look, I'm not perfect with grammar.  I type in this space and miss words and have poor sentence structure.  I admit it!  But if you're getting inked dude, wouldn't you want get the spelling right?  At least you didn't let your dad do the home made version.

Jens Lepa

God love you Jens!  You used the right "too".  "To" would be wrong.  "Two" would also be wrong.  But that aside, what the hell is Scool?  Dude, I know you're Swedish and raised in Montreal, but that's really no excuse.  How could you let someone write school on you without an "H" in it????  But lets say we give you a pass on that one, you know, because of the whole "I'm a Swede" thing that you keep falling back on.  What's with the double decker short-bus school bus on your arm?  My 5 year old nephew's get well card for JA Happ's beaning is head and shoulders above this "art work".  What is this?  Remedial tattooing?

Mark Kolsen (AKA - Don't make me hit in front of Basso)

Mark is rebel man.  He had a lot to say but he realized that he didn't have enough arm to contain everything he wanted.  What to do?  Obviously you use Chinese characters that don't ONLY look wicked cool, but have the added benefit of a single character representing multiple words.  The literal translation of the 4 characters that are etched on Mark's arm are, "If DeLand doesn't play me at 1st base for the whole season, I'm going to file a protest and pull a Jens and line drive his other hand".  SWEET!  

Peter Hayward

I shouldn't make fun of this.  I don't say this because he's a rookie and I should take it easy on rookies.  No I say it because he's bigger than me and could pound me if he felt so inclined.  However, I'm going to hope I can out run until I get winded and quit.  Peter has a bit of a stutter and the tattoo artist did the best he could (I guess).

Steve DeLand

You have no idea how bad this is.  You are probably thinking that its supposed to say "Believe", right?  Nope.  Steve, as you'll see below in the speech, is a noted Leafs fan.  This was supposed to be a little play on words and spell Be-Leaf.  As it turns out, this spelling mistake ended up being the much better option. 

Steve Lahey

Aw, Stv.  This guy is such an awsom shortstop.  Most popl will think that not having an "E" in "AWESOME" is a mistak.  But Stv is th only guy on th whol squad that actually got what thy wantd for a tattoo.  You c, whn you'r scoring a basball gam proprly, th lttr "E" rprsnts an "ERROR".  So Lahy is actually signifying just how awsome he truly is by dropping the "E" instad of dropping th ball!!!  That's bcaus Stv dosn't mak rrors.  Nice 1 Stv!  You sur r clvr. 

THE SPEECH

Not every pregame on the Donini Deck is full of brilliant one-liners.  Some times they're just pregames on the Donini deck. 

Rob: Like things aren't bad enough....We've gotta play the Gruesome Devils tonight.
Doug:  I know.  Out of the frying pan ...
Rob: And into the cow pasture.
Doug:  Back to that, eh?
Rob: Just kidding.  But those guys are like.....good.
Doug: I know
Rob: And we're like.....not
Doug: Give it time.
Rob: I know, but still.  Oh, I have a special speech tonight. 
Doug: Really?  What is it?
Rob: You know that dead chick?
Doug: Mama Cass?
Rob: No, thinner. 
Doug: Ummmm, Janis Joplin?
Rob: Kinda like Janis, but more current. 
Doug: Amy Winehouse?
Rob: YEAH!! That's it! 
Doug: What about her?
Rob: I'm doing her song, Rehab.
Doug:  Okay, sounds cool.
Rob: Get it?
Doug:  Get what?
Rob: RE - HAB!
Doug:  Oh, like hockey?
Rob: Yeah, clever eh?
Doug: There's nothing clever about hockey, but whatever. 
Rob: Well I think its good.  And I think 179 guys in the league who AREN'T card carrying republicans will like it a lot.
Doug:  Fine. But this is the last hockey thing in the BLOG.  And if Jens get pissed at this, you're on your own. 
Rob: Okay. I'm down with that.  But you deal with Steve if he's upset, okay?
Doug:  Sure, but why would Steve be upset?
Rob: Maybe you should hear the speech.

Not only does Rob look A LOT like Amy Winehouse, but he sounds like her too!  You'll know this tune, but you can hear the music by clicking HERE. 

RE-HAB

Jens tried to make him like those Habs but Steve said 'no, no, no'
Yes he likes blue and red but not on the Habs, no, no, no
Steve likes French just fine, but to cheer for them would blow his mind
Jens tried to make him like those Habs but Steve said 'no, no, no'

Steve would rather be at home with Phil

And watch the Leafs losing ways
Cause there's nothing
There's nothing Jens can teach him
That Steve can't learn from Wendel anyway

Them Habs don't have a lot of class
But Steve knows that whining gets to be a pain in the ass

Jens tried to make him like those Habs but Steve said 'no, no, no'
Yes he likes blue and red but not on the Habs, no, no, no
Steve likes French just fine, but to cheer for them would blow his mind
Jens tried to make him like those Habs but Steve said 'no, no, no'

Jens said 'why don't want to cheer for a winner?'

Steve said 'I got no idea
I'm gonna, I'm gonna watch my Leafs lose
so I always have to keep a bottle near'

Jens said 'I just think you're depressed,
Join the bleu et rouge and you can rest'

Jens tried to make him like those Habs but Steve said 'no, no, no'

Yes he likes blue and red but not on the Habs, no, no, no

Steve doesn't ever wanna drink again
He just ooh he just needs a win
He's not gonna watch the finals
Now that the Leafs have joined the Canadiens

It's not just his pride
It's just 'til these tears have dried

Jens tried to make him like those Habs but Steve said 'no, no, no'

Yes he likes blue and red but not on the Habs, no, no, no

Steve likes French just fine, now it looks like he's swinging to the other side

Jens tried to make him like those Habs and Steve can't say 'no, no, no'

THE GAME

Why in the name of the Sweet Baby Jesus do I talk myself into the "we're turning the corner" argument?

This game started out well enough.  We were down 4-3 through 3 and the infield defense was pretty crisp.  Around the horn Tinkler, Casullo, Dwyer and Bales were solid with the gloves.  The outfield was fine too with Hayward, Gee, Dol and Greenfield.

So what went wrong?

Lahey went wrong.  4/4 including a 3 run fence clearing bomb.

Steve Porter went wrong.  Clearly he didn't read the rookie handbook.  Rookies aren't supposed to hit 2 run inside the park home runs.

Will Goodin (Hunting) went wrong.  another inside the park home run.  This one was either 2 or 3 runs.  I'll admit to losing count behind my tears.  On a positive side for the Grisslies Glen Tinkler and Rick Greenfield both had perfect nights at the place including scoring three runs.

Make the final 19-13.  I think we're ready Draft Kings later today.

Special thanks to Andy Gee and Al Bales for filling in last night as were down 5 guys.  Again.