You know how I often say that "everything you're about to read is true" but really I'm full of crap? Well, this time it IS completely true. I'll let you know when I get to the full of crap part.
So our very true story starts with Craig Escott. Don't worry if you don't recognize that name, because most of the league knows him as Dude. And a handful of people know him as Dube. More on that later. If you're having trouble putting a name to the face, he looks a lot like this guy:
That was a pic from last years Dodge City squad. We learned a fair bit about Dude last year. He was victimized by the Grisslies during Rookie night. That was a fun game. He played in a Ms. America style sash and a tiara. It was funny, he went with it. His shirt said Dude so everyone called him that. Soon no one seemed to remember that his name was actually Craig. That is, unless you were the guy doing the stats and was couldn't find Dude anywhere on the stats pages!
So fast forward to this year. Dude gets drafted onto Randy and Larry's Dog Catcher squad and fills out his form to order his shirt. Now as far as I know from Paul Piellusch, we had no errors in printers this year. The truth of the matter is we had "no complaints", but we did have one error. A one letter error. "Dude" on Dude's his shirt came back as "Dube".
Dude saw the humour in it and didn't say anything and played on. Very cool. So for me, he was no longer just "Dude"; he became,
As a ball player, he's a great guy to play with and tough to play against. He has more power than you think and can burn you. I'm not saying he's "Piero" good, but he's in the neighborhood. A good sport and improving on the field.
Fast forward to this past weekend's T.O.T tournament, and by the way, we're still in the completely true part of the story. I played an early game on Saturday then watched the next game on C1. I meandered to the pavilion around 12:30-1pm and I see Dude working the BBQ. I say "Dude" (because that's his name) "how's it going, are you having a good weekend?" We chat for a couple of minutes and I move on.
I watch another game, I chat with people, I get hungry around 3:30 and think I'll get a burger with Dave Argue's famous shaker of hot sauce on it. Who's working the BBQ? Dude! So I say, "Dude" (because that's his name) "this is a long shift, buddy. Do you need someone to cover you?" He says he's good, he's having a fun time and he wants to stay. I say okay but remind him that the Grisslie shift starts at 4:30 and if he wants us to start early to just holler.
At 4:30 I go back and who's STILL on the BBQ? Dude! So I get the sanitary gloves out and say, "Dude," (because that's his name) "your shift is over brother, I'll take over". He says, "no, seriously I'm good. I'm meeting people, I'm chatting, I've redesigned the workflow for the BBQ to make it more efficient, I want to stay". I tell him, "Dude", (because that's his name), "its too long man, you need a break". He insists on staying.
So I go see Andy Gee. I say "Andy", (because that's his name) "just so you know, Dude, "(because that's his name) "doesn't want off the grill and its our shift. But I'm close by if he changes his mind or passes out". Andy says, "cool" or "right on" or "righteous" (one of those Andy-ish phrases). I go and buy Dude a beer and thank him for working extra and I go back and watch more ball. At some point (6:30ish) they shut down the grill and Dude is finally done!
At some point I leave.
Now, Sunday morning, again I'm there for an early game. Who do I see in the parking lot? Dude! He's walking to his car with an expression between upset and glum. I say, "Dude," (because that's his name), "what's the problem?". He explains that he can't find his bicycle. After a brief discussion I find out that he responsibly took his bike to the diamond on Saturday knowing full well that he'd be drinking and had intended to drive it home. However he ended up getting a ride and left the bike behind the pavilion. He went back Sunday morning to pick it up and not only was it not where he left it, but it was nowhere to be found.
I said "Dude", (because that's his name), "I'm sure no one would steal it. Give me your phone number and I'll check around. I'll bet one of the guys who stayed until the end saw it and put it somewhere safe"
So again, I play a game, again I watch another and its after noon before I realize that I've done nothing about the bike. I see Jeff Dancey and ask him if he saw it when he was closing up on Saturday night. I describe the bike, much like the picture below. He said that he was there for the open and others closed but he'd help me look around. We walked around pavilion and all the side buildings, and even did a cursory look in the long grass behind the buildings. Nothing. Then I noticed the locked trailer between C3 & C2. I asked if he had a key. He said no, but Jamie did. But Jamie was playing a game.
So again, I watched a game, I had a pint, I chatted, I forgot about the bike. At some point I see Jamie and explained the bike situation and asked if he saw it or maybe put it in the locker. He says "no" to both but says he's happy to check the locker again. We look. No bike.
I'm thinking I should text Dude (because that's his name) and give him the bad news, but I watch the Tailgators final instead.
I have a pint. Maybe a burger. Think I should probably text Dude, (because that's his name) but instead watch the fun division final with Wayne Bickford and Dave Fleming. Good conversation, very entertaining. We solved many world and local issues during that game.
I go to Farah's, rehash the weekend, go home, go to sleep.
Monday, halfway through the day I realize that I didn't contact Dude, so I send him a text. Here's exactly what I wrote; "Dude" (because that's his name) "Any luck on the bike? I asked everyone who was there late on Sat and several recalled seeing it but had no idea where it went. I looked around but nothing".
The reply (and we're still in the true part of this story) "Thx a lot, I found it in my shed. I woke up at 6am thinking I left it there (Coventry). Ya think my wife would tell me we brought it home. As soon as she mentioned it I remembered. To much to drink".
Hilarious! Hammered, the good sense not drive, forgetting the bike came home in the truck, going back to look for it, calling out the search party and the best part, "ya think my wife would tell me...." Ahhhh, I'm still howling.
Now entering the full of crap part of this BLOG
So the bright side is what DIDN'T happen to the bike, or to Dude!
Now that's just the bike, then there's the drinking part. WEIRD and WACKY stuff can happen when you're hammered. Now I'm not saying Dude was ripped, but he did forget his bike was home (although that's his wife's fault, technically)....but I've seen these things happen under the influence.
I watch another game, I chat with people, I get hungry around 3:30 and think I'll get a burger with Dave Argue's famous shaker of hot sauce on it. Who's working the BBQ? Dude! So I say, "Dude" (because that's his name) "this is a long shift, buddy. Do you need someone to cover you?" He says he's good, he's having a fun time and he wants to stay. I say okay but remind him that the Grisslie shift starts at 4:30 and if he wants us to start early to just holler.
At 4:30 I go back and who's STILL on the BBQ? Dude! So I get the sanitary gloves out and say, "Dude," (because that's his name) "your shift is over brother, I'll take over". He says, "no, seriously I'm good. I'm meeting people, I'm chatting, I've redesigned the workflow for the BBQ to make it more efficient, I want to stay". I tell him, "Dude", (because that's his name), "its too long man, you need a break". He insists on staying.
So I go see Andy Gee. I say "Andy", (because that's his name) "just so you know, Dude, "(because that's his name) "doesn't want off the grill and its our shift. But I'm close by if he changes his mind or passes out". Andy says, "cool" or "right on" or "righteous" (one of those Andy-ish phrases). I go and buy Dude a beer and thank him for working extra and I go back and watch more ball. At some point (6:30ish) they shut down the grill and Dude is finally done!
At some point I leave.
Now, Sunday morning, again I'm there for an early game. Who do I see in the parking lot? Dude! He's walking to his car with an expression between upset and glum. I say, "Dude," (because that's his name), "what's the problem?". He explains that he can't find his bicycle. After a brief discussion I find out that he responsibly took his bike to the diamond on Saturday knowing full well that he'd be drinking and had intended to drive it home. However he ended up getting a ride and left the bike behind the pavilion. He went back Sunday morning to pick it up and not only was it not where he left it, but it was nowhere to be found.
I said "Dude", (because that's his name), "I'm sure no one would steal it. Give me your phone number and I'll check around. I'll bet one of the guys who stayed until the end saw it and put it somewhere safe"
So again, I play a game, again I watch another and its after noon before I realize that I've done nothing about the bike. I see Jeff Dancey and ask him if he saw it when he was closing up on Saturday night. I describe the bike, much like the picture below. He said that he was there for the open and others closed but he'd help me look around. We walked around pavilion and all the side buildings, and even did a cursory look in the long grass behind the buildings. Nothing. Then I noticed the locked trailer between C3 & C2. I asked if he had a key. He said no, but Jamie did. But Jamie was playing a game.
So again, I watched a game, I had a pint, I chatted, I forgot about the bike. At some point I see Jamie and explained the bike situation and asked if he saw it or maybe put it in the locker. He says "no" to both but says he's happy to check the locker again. We look. No bike.
I'm thinking I should text Dude (because that's his name) and give him the bad news, but I watch the Tailgators final instead.
I have a pint. Maybe a burger. Think I should probably text Dude, (because that's his name) but instead watch the fun division final with Wayne Bickford and Dave Fleming. Good conversation, very entertaining. We solved many world and local issues during that game.
I go to Farah's, rehash the weekend, go home, go to sleep.
Monday, halfway through the day I realize that I didn't contact Dude, so I send him a text. Here's exactly what I wrote; "Dude" (because that's his name) "Any luck on the bike? I asked everyone who was there late on Sat and several recalled seeing it but had no idea where it went. I looked around but nothing".
The reply (and we're still in the true part of this story) "Thx a lot, I found it in my shed. I woke up at 6am thinking I left it there (Coventry). Ya think my wife would tell me we brought it home. As soon as she mentioned it I remembered. To much to drink".
Hilarious! Hammered, the good sense not drive, forgetting the bike came home in the truck, going back to look for it, calling out the search party and the best part, "ya think my wife would tell me...." Ahhhh, I'm still howling.
Now entering the full of crap part of this BLOG
So the bright side is what DIDN'T happen to the bike, or to Dude!
He could have found his bike here!
He could have ended up like this guy
Or woken up in Coventry WITH his bike!
Or Done like this Dude (not his real name) and tried to ride this bike home!
Now that's just the bike, then there's the drinking part. WEIRD and WACKY stuff can happen when you're hammered. Now I'm not saying Dude was ripped, but he did forget his bike was home (although that's his wife's fault, technically)....but I've seen these things happen under the influence.
Dude could have started dancing!
Dude could have fallen asleep in the Coventry washroom.
Dude could have fallen asleep and been victimized by some prankster like Coxy or Chiasson.
Or by Mabee or Armstrong who have unlimited supplies of duct tape.
Just better hope all four of them don't gang up on you or this could happen.
Remember, if you drink, don't drive. That's smart. But if you drink and get a ride, leave yourself a note on the kitchen table about where your bike is!
The SPEECH
Wednesday night on the Donini Deck.
Me: How's it going? Can you believe our season ends tomorrow?
Rob: I know...its a bummer. But I'm trying to look at the bright side. I'm hurt, Bob's hurt, you're hurt, Dave's hurt, maybe we can all heal up a bit before the playoffs.
Me: That's a good way of looking at it. Hey, what are you eating there?
Rob: Oysters....love these things. Want some?
Me: Ummmm, no. I think I'll stay away from aphrodisiacs while on the Donini deck.
Rob: Why, are you afraid of curly hair?
Me: What? Its not A-F-R-O ... nevermind.
Rob: Nevermind what? Let me reverberate, do you want some oysters?
Me: Are you trying to say reiterate?
Rob: I think you're hungry
Me: Why do you say that?
Rob: Because you're watching me eat like I was a hawk.
Me: Like you were a hawk? Don't you mean watching you like a hawk?
Rob: That's stupid, hawks don't eat oysters.
Me: Right. So do you think we're good for the playoffs? Any defensive moves we should consider? Do you think we're set with the batting order?
Rob: I don't think there's anything that sticks out a sore throat. I think we're good.
Me: Okay, you're doing this on purpose again aren't you?
Rob: What?
Me: The spoonerisms, the malapropisms.
Rob: Mala-what? Spoona-who? Are you making up words and trying to trick me?
Me: Look, the lineup, are you cool?
Rob: Cool as a harbour.
Me: Cucumber. Its "cool as a cucumber".
Rob: Well that's just stupid What's cool about cucumber sitting in the garden all day in the hot sun? The harbour has cold ocean water You could freeze to death at the harbour! I'm sticking with cool as a harbour, it makes way more sense.
Me: Okay, I'm not changing the lineup. Do you have something special planned for the last song of the year?
Rob: Do I!!! You're going to love this. I've used Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" to subtly predict that we'll be 2 time champions! Clever, eh?
Me: Oh dear.
Rob: What now?
Me: Don't you think that the other teams might be offended and start gunning for us?
Rob: How will they know? I thought only our team read this BLOG?
Me: Oh dear.
Well, as per usual, Robert did a solid job with the song. Music found ===> HERE. I hope everyone realizes this supposed to funny, not poking the bear....or the Red Dog .... whatever the case may be.
Don't Stop Believing
Just a small town team
Throwing balls like laser beams
We play the late night game
Scoring everywhere
Just a country boy
The other teams he will exploit
They play the late night game
Scoring everywhere
A pitcher in a smokey room
A smell of wine and cheap cologne
For a smile he'll strikeout the side
He goes on and on and on and on
Opponents waiting
Up and down the lineup card
Their batters are searching
In the night
Park lights, people
Playoffs always have emotion
Strikeouts, somewhere in the night
Workin' hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to throw the ball
Just one more time
Grisslies win
Others will lose
The Wild were born to sing the blues
Oh, we'll be two time champions
It goes on and on and on and on
Opponents waiting
Up and down the lineup card
Their batters are searching
In the night
Park lights, people
Playoffs always have emotion
Strikeouts, somewhere in the night
Don't stop believing
Grisslies will be winning
Park lights, people
Don't stop believin'
Hold on
Streetlights, people
I'm sure someone smarter or more balanced than me could find positives form that game. It probably wasn't the best time to have our worst game of the year. We got bad every bad hop. We didn't get any close calls. As a team we didn't hit. When we did no one was one. We threw terribily. When we did throw well we couldn't catch. Cut off's were forgotten, all the little things that we normally do to contain games and make them respectable didn't occur.
No excuses about who was missing, it was just a bad, bad game.
The only good news I can think of is that we completely shut down Dennis Pendlebury and Steve Ross. Dennis never reached base and Steve made it to 3rd base seemingly every inning, but I don't recall him crossing the plate once.
On offense most our "decent" looking nights were really from forcing out team mates. The only exceptions are Rick Cudnik and Jeff Sagert who both hit the ball well.
Its over, 12-10-2 final record. 2 and 1/2 weeks to heal and then playoffs. A great year, but it would been better if this game happened in game #1 instead of game #24.
2 comments:
great job great year
So very awesome that you shut out Ross and Pendlebury. That doesn't usually happen in the same night. I reverberate, thanks for entertaining us with your blogs, enjoyed the giggles !
Post a Comment