The most recent poll was: WHICH OF THESE SUB .500 TEAMS (GRISSLIES REMOVED) DO YOU THINK IS THE MOST DANGEROUS TO FACE IN SEPTEMBER?
The Dusty Cleats 33% (I think they'll be alive on Sunday)
Dodge City Rounders 8% (Where is the love?)
Red Dogs 41% (Jamie McLean is a huge add!)
Dog Catchers 41% (Too good to keep down)
Hot Tub Woodys 16% (Underestimated I think)
The Intro
What do Indonesia, India, the Philippines, Vietnam, Mexico, Nigeria, Peru, Malaysia, Iraq, China, Thailand, Gambia, Brazil, South Africa, Chile, Ghana, Malta, Iran, Cameroon, Columbia, Japan and Jamaica have in common? Well, before anyone guesses anything that may cause embarrassment to themselves, let me tell you the answer; the average height for males in all those countries is UNDER 5 foot 8 inches.
That would make everyone over 5’8” a freak. I will concede that the ‘freak’ label is a bit of an arbitrary assignment, but as people under 5’8” have long realized; it’s a black and white world, so you may as well just get used to it.
So the genesis of this BLOG came from a conversation with James Taylor but there have been several follow ups in the club house in recent weeks. I may be ‘stealing’ a future JT BLOG here, but the story needs to be told and I apologize in advance for my thievery.
The under 5’8” contingent in the league is being unfairly cast aside by the mutant tall people who seem to control all to positions of power and infuence! The mutants seem to think that they should be rated better than the ‘little people’ who continue to carry them around on their tired low to the ground backs. I mean, Doris Casullo a #1 and me a #7? Seriously? The Jolly Green Giant Rob McCarron a #2 and Tim Osmond a #10? Honestly! Why do we even have ratings.
Now this isn’t a game, I’m on a mission; call me a hip-hop-tip-tac-tition. This is a throw down. A show down. Hell no, I can’t slow down. No more time to clown, the mutants are going down.
Here is the challenge. It’s time for us to have our say and our day in the sun. An all-star game featuring the grotesque abnormalities of ‘tall’ people against the normal folks. Get your best slow footed, Neanderthal, knuckle dragging, over grown players that don’t have fully developed larynxes (so they just grunt) and try and take on an all-star roster of the best of best. Featuring:
Pitchers
Wayne Bickford (Torn Ligaments) – Don’t let the smile fool ya, he’ll carve you into pieces and feed you to giant fishes.
Eric Hipken (Rusty Rebels) – Dead Red, ‘nuff said.
3rd Base
Paul Gyori (Hurtin’ Units) – Lets be serious for just a minute. The Units are a good team, of that there is no doubt. But, having subbed for them a couple of times, I don’t know how much more Paul could possibly be asked to do. Not only does he have to cover EVERYTHING that is more than a step to Robin Dickson’s right, but he has to be a freakin’ guidance counsellor out there too. MVP.
Short Stop
James Taylor (Hurtin’ Units) – Paul Gyori on Robin’s right. James Taylor on Robin’s left. Robin often leaves his glove on the bench, because the infield is SOOOO covered!
2nd Base
Gary Cox (Dog Catchers) - There are lots of options here, but you have to go with the classy infield captain. With a questionable outfield on the Dog Catchers (Pendlebury and Saunders) Gary has had to work extra hard this year to make sure the ball doesn’t get out of the infield.
1st Base
Doug Dwyer (Grisslies) – First base is where you hide the weak players. Tall people have been doing this for YEARS!!! At 5’7 ½”, this is where you need to stick the biggest target for all those good fielders.
Catcher
Billy Cloutier (Red Dogs) – Yes, I realize that it’s kind of a waste. However, with his cat like reflexes and quick release, it will completely shut down the running game of the giants. Plus he can back up everyone else in the infield if need be.
Clifford Stacey (Dodge City Rounders) – Cliffy isn’t JUST a big bat. He knows how to call a game and can settle down a temperamental pitcher like Bickford if he gets rattled. Plus he knows that the position is called "catcher", not "back-catcher". Tall catchers don't know that.
OF
Sam Caradonna (Banshees) – Slammin’ Sammy is ONLY hitting .800 which SHOULD be enough to lead the league, except for Manute Bol from Beeton is apparently hitting .812. By the way...what's with this minimal number of at bats rule anyway? Is that a rule made by the Tall Man to keep the Short Man down? We are oppressed brothers and sisters!
Paul Hargreaves (Dusty Cleats) – One of two rookies to earn a roster spot on this all star team. Just the fact that he keeps getting Rob (Yao Ming) McCarron to games on time should be good enough. But overall, this is a gifted athlete ready to take over the league.
Tim Osmond (Grisslies) – While on the subject of gifted athletes. I think the only positions that Timmy hasn’t played this year is Short Stop and pitcher. He’s our number one back up at all spots and a solid outfielder who’s been covering up for Chiasson all year. Thank god of youthful enthusiasm and boundless energy!
Luc Schryer (Torn Ligaments) – A Hall of Fame outfielder AND a legit power threat. Luc puts fear into the opposition with his Monica Seles inspired grunts. The real Tragedy here is that Luc has been batting behind Paul Piellusch all year so that Starsky can get a little "protection" in the line up. Where is the justice? The tall succeed on the backs of the short.
Calvin Steeves (Grisslies) – The outfield needs a captain too! Another legit stick with gap power and a guy that will layout for the ball as we've seen on countless occasions.
Utility Infielder
Rick Lyon (Dislocated Joints) - Already known as the "best looking Rick" on the Joints; he's the straw that stirs the drink. Terry Doucet, long known to be a short person trapped in a tall body, was quoted as saying, "we'd be nowhere near 5th place without Rick. We'd probably down around those really tall teams, but I'm not mentioning any names".
Honorable mentions: Doug Matson, Kevin Boston, Ingo Bartens, Bob Pearce, even though you play good enough to be on the team, you seem 5'8"ish...
Go ahead. Try and put a team together that can even begin to compete with this. Actually, I know that it’ll never happen, because tall people are so used to having everything given to them that they’ll never actually get around to putting a roster together on their own.
Having said that, I’m declaring the under 5’8”s the winner of the first annual ‘normal people’ versus ‘ex-NBA players’ all star game. Yeah, that’s right. 1-0; you’ve got a whole year to try and even the score!!!
Other Freaks
Doris' Cat
Cal Steeves got this pic with a Jelly fish
when down East recently
Wabbit Season! Duck Season! Wabbit Season!
Cliff "one shot" Stacey
Lookit here son, I say son, did ya see that
hawk after those hens? He scared 'em! That
Rhode Island Red turned white. Then blue. Rhode Island. Red,
white, and blue. That's a joke, son. A flag waver. You're built
too low. The fast ones go over your head. Ya got a hole in
your glove. I keep pitchin' 'em and you keep missin' 'em.
Ya gotta keep your eye on the ball. Eye. Ball. I almost had a
gag, son. Joke, that is
The F1 Race in Tokyo was tangled in a
web of intrigue!
Do you know the two Rob's that combine to make the one and only Rob Farah? Let me introduce you. There is A) Rob Farah, who would do anything for the league. They guy that welcomes rookies. The guy that helps people who need a hand. The guy you can talk to when you need an ear. They guy that wants everyone to feel good about their contributions.
Then there is B) Rob Farah that is a trash talking son of a ***** that thinks he invented tin foil.
It appears that in this particular speech the two Robs were in conflict with each other. Rob "A" clearly wrote the suck up to the Red Dogs chorus and Rob "B" wrote the but kicking verses.
This is to the tune of "little Red Corvette" by Prince
I think they should've known by they way we made our plays
That the game would go fast
See, we're the kinda team that believes in gettin' outs quick
Glove 'em and throw 'em fast
I guess we though of stardom as we circled around the bases
Doubles and triples too
But it was a Tuesday night, I guess that makes it all right
And we say - "This is no time to lose"
And now, I say Make them Red Dogs Sweat
Foerster's pretty fast
Make them Red Dogs Sweat
Clouthier's glove is wicked fast
I should've closed my eyes when I drove it to the track
A huge blast you must agree
You might end up a little ill from drinking all the pitchers
'Cause of the strikeouts registered by me
Believe it or not, I started to worry
I wondered if I had enough class
But it was Tuesday night, I guess that makes it all right
And I said "The Grisslies, they have enough gas!"
Oh yeah!
Make the Red Dogs Sweat
Billy Brown has a lot of class
Make the Red Dogs Sweat
Mike Candy can really BLAST!
A team like ours oughta be in jail
Cuz the way we steal wins is obscene
Move over, Woody's, gimme the keys
We're climbing the standings like a winnin' machine
Make the Red Dogs Sweat
Derryl can pitch with the best
Make the Red Dogs Sweat
Bob Candy plays like he's possessed
Make the Red Dogs Sweat
Watch out for Jamie Mclean
Make the Red Dogs Sweat
Cuz if we don't, They'll run your right down to the ground
Right down to the ground (Grisslies got to hit it downtown)
Hit, Hit, Hit it downtown
The Game
And an interesting game it was!
It started with the Grisslies having too many subs and the Red Dogs having not quite enough, so we had to trade Jim MacDonald for a some sunflower seeds. Jim's a good player, but you can't turn down sun flower seeds!
The Grisslies game out fast and furious and had a 7-1 lead after the first two innings. Things seemed to be well in hand, but; in typical Grisslie fashion, it started to slip away.
The Red Dogs continued to chip away inning after inning with the Grisslies falling asleep offensively in the middle innings.
We came to the 7th with the Grisslies holding an 11-9 lead.
In the top of the 7th the Grisslies scored 3 runs on the strength of Mark Doyle's 3 run homer and in the bottom of the inning it was quiet for the Red Dogs as they plated nothing.
Make the final 14-9.
Of course you all know that the Grisslies set the goal of being 6-4 over their last 10 games and 6 of those games are now in the books. Amazingly the Grisslies have amassed a record of 4-2 in those six games and only need to win two of their final four to hit their target and see Piero play every position in the final game.
NOTES
- John Davidson turns 70 this year and is very much alive! He lives with his wife Rhonda in Mexico.
- Thanks to David Polny for subbing for us. He was awesome keeping balls in the infield that normally would have gotten by Brett. Its good to have someone you can rely on at 2nd!
- Thanks to Mark Doyle for subbing for us as well. Its a good thing he can hit, because the fielding was spotty! We almost had to move David to centre. (kidding Marky - good game and thanks!)
- Props to Steve Ross for the new and improved website!!! Congrats Steve, a job well done!
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