August 27th, 2009

The Scene

There are nights that I sit down to write this post and I feel like I'm watching myself in a episode of Doogie Howser. You know how he used to write in his journal at the end of each show with his little "lesson learned" or "moral of the week". There is a line from an Eminem song that I'd like to use about that, but I promised not to swear in the BLOG.

The Grisslies lost 12-7.

So, what does one write about after going 1 for 3 in a loss?

What does one write about when the 1 time on base was via a four pitch walk?

When you managed to get caught in a run down (again) between 2nd and 3rd?

When the only reason you got back to 2nd safely was by getting drilled in the back with the throw from third?

When the margin of the loss can be completely traced to your two miss played balls in left and one in right?

That's kinda easy, you deflect!

So after the game I got to spend a bit of time at the Club House with Tito. It wasn't so much an "interview" as it was learning opportunity for me ..... and the things I learned!

For instance, did you know......

• That Tito's tears can cure cancer, but he never cries?
• That Tito doesn't hunt because it implies the possibility of failure; therefore he goes killing?
• That Tito sold his soul to the devil in exchange for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability? Shortly after the deal was finalized, Tito roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, admitted that he should have seen it coming.
  
• Tito built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assissination. Tito got there just in time and deflected all of the bullets with a menacing glance. Alas, history remained the same because JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
  
• In the fine print on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records, it actually says, "Note: All records are actually held by Tito. Everyone mentioned in the preceeding pages of this book are the best of the losers".
  
• Tito is in the middle of a law suit with NBC. He claims (rightfully) that the name of the show Law & Order were stolen from the nick names for his left and right fists.
  
• To prove a point, Tito once actually put Humpty Dumpty together again. Then he gave him a round house kick to the face and ate scrambled eggs.
  
• Tito kicked Neo out of Zion. Neo is now "The Two". There is only one, "The One".
  
• Tito knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
  
• If you have 5 dollars and Tito has 5 dollars, he has more money than you. Because he said so.
  
• Tito once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing the chain and back tire.
  
• Tito sleeps with a night light. This isn't because he's afraid of the dark. Its because the dark is afraid of Tito.
  
• Tito never cries. When he feels sad he round house kicks himself and he cheers up, because he knows that only he can survive one of his round house kicks.
  
• Tito doesn't change his clocks in spring and fall. The sun knows that it rises and sets when he tells it to.
  
• Tito once brought a still born lamb back to life by simply laying his hands on it. After an amazed crowd gathered he gave the lamb a round house kick and killed it. Sometimes the crowd needs to be reminded that Tito can giveth and Tito can taketh away.
  
• Once Tito was refused an Egg McMuffin at MacDonalds because he ordered at 10:35. He round house kicked the restaurant so hard that it became a KFC.
• Tito doesn't believe in Belgium.
  
• Tito has never blinked. Ever.
• Tito does not use spell checker. In the event that he were to misspell a word, the dictionary will change.
  

Deflect, deflect, deflect. Its well known that Tito has the best sense of humour in the league (he told me that) which is why I feel confident that this little bit of light comedy won't result in a round house to my head.

The Speech

There is a bit of a problem with "the speech". The problem is that the "BLOG" is getting requests now for songs. I'm hearing stuff like people wanting metal, grunge, thrash, hip-hop etc. Now I for one would be all over a little Eminem, Nas or Snoop, but I don't think that most of our audience would know what the heck is going on. I wouldn't mind a little reggae either, but the rule of thumb is that the song needs to be recognizable to MOST people. Motorhead isn't going to work.

Plus I'm at the mercy of the actual song writers....I can suggest from time to time (although it costs me a jug - actually getting up this morning cost me a jug), but I'm not calling the shots.

So yesterday, Rob Farah said to me, "what you did just then was stupid, that's a jug". Oh, then he said, "you know, I think I'm going to do something a little different with the speech this week. The team is playing well and there are only two games left, so lets just enjoy the games. I think instead we should recognize some of the people who have contributed to the league as subs. It would be impossible to name them all, but I bet I could get a lot of them".

Last night at the exective meeting, (to the absolute DELIGHT of his colleagues) Rob brought out his acoustic guitar and put on a little show.

50 ways to get another by Robert Farah; to the tune of:
50 ways to leave your lover by Paul Simon.

Music for people who don't remember songs from the 70's ====> MUSIC
The sponsor for our music today is Candy's Unisex Hair Care

The problem is all inside your head", I said to Jeff Dancey
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help get you a player maybe three
‘Cause with players, there must be fifty ways to get another

John Stiff said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But Farah should repeat himself, at the risk of being crude
I agree, there must be fifty ways to get another
Fifty ways to get another

You can click with Rick Cudnik,
Be dandy with Mike Candy,
Don’t be a cynic about Wynnyk,
But I can get you Andy Gee,
No fighting about Argue,
With Dol, ‘ya don't need to discuss much
Foerster could be your team’s Key,
And James Taylor will make you free

You’re bound to win with Hipkin,
Play in the dark with Cam Clark,
You’re sure to do well with Sandy Bell,
Just listen to me
Hit ‘em off the roof with Don Booth,
With Cox ‘ya don't need to discuss much,
You’ll never suffer with Pulfer,
And now your team is free.

Dave McKendrick said, “okay, now I see your game”,
Don Booth Said, “I love to play, you can always call my name”,
Rob said, “I appreciate that and in future it would ease my pain
If I got a little time it wouldn’t cause you shame.

They all agreed to just have a pint tonight,
Believing that in the morning they’d begin to see the light
But the more they drank the more they realized that it would be alright
‘Cause with players, there must be fifty ways to get another
Fifty ways to get another

You get the big swing from Trevor King,
With Saunders there’s no bloopers,
You don't need to be cross, Ross
Just listen to me.
The defense isn’t porous with Doris,
The bat isn’t hurtin’ with Burton,
With Jens ‘ay don't need to discuss much,
With Polney the effort isn’t phony,
and set your team free

You’ll never whiff with Olliffe,
Get your hooks into Steve Brooks,
He’ll plug up the gap, Kapp
Just listen to me
With Fonzie you have paparazzi,
With Stock, ‘ya don't need to discuss much
Rob Hayward is no nerd, You’ve set your team free.

STANDINGS

Updated, unauthorized, unsanctioned, unsolicited, unofficial and quite possibly unwelcomed standings.

FYI: I was up until 3am trying to resolve a complaint about the columns not being straight. I can only hope that today's effort passes the readerships scrutiny!!!

		GP	W	L	T	PTS
1	THE WILD	23	14	7	2	30
2	RED DOGS	23	15	8	0	30
3	RECYCLED	21	13	7	1	27
4	DISLOCATED JOINTS	21	13	7	1	27
5	GRISSLIES	23	12	11	0	24
6	DODGE CITY ROUNDERS	21	11	9	1	23
7	TORN LIGAMENTS	21	11	9	1	23
8	DOG CATCHERS	22	9	10	3	21
9	DUSTY CLEATS	21	9	12	0	18
10	BANSHEES	22	9	13	0	18
11	HOT TUB WOODY'S	22	8	13	1	17
12	RUSTY REBELS	21	7	13	1	15
13	LUCKY STIFFS	21	6	14	1	13
M	Torn Ligaments	vs	Banshees
M	Recycled	vs	The Wild
TU	Grisslies	vs	Dodge City Rounders
TU	Dusty Cleats	vs	Red Dogs
TU	Recycled	vs	Dog Catchers
TU	The Wild	vs	Lucky Stiffs
W	Grisslies	vs	Dislocated Joints
W	Red Dogs	vs	Dislocated Joints