The Case of Tricky Ricky Lyon

I'm still tailoring the actual "WELCOME" edition; in the mean time, lets start with some fun.

A few of the Grisslies have seen a version of this.  But published now for the first time.

Conversation

It turns out that this team is really good at something.  Like, REALLY good!  And that would be the post game cool down exercise that takes place afterward at the clubhouse.  We sit around, cool off with soft-drinks and enjoy some fine kibitzing.  This conversation happened a couple of weeks ago after our debacle against the Sliders (28-12).

You remember the Sliders?  The team with 1 win?  Ya, against us.

We're getting to the part of the season where guys are starting to get to know each other...wives names, kids, jobs etc.  The conversation is decidedly more than just baseball.

Everyone knows Rick Lyon right?  I only have some of his paparazzi pics, but they might help

 Rick striking his court date pose

Camera shy camera man

Darren Ford:  So what do you do Rick?
Rick Lyon:  I'm a camera operator.
Darren Ford:  A camera operator?  Like a photographer?  You take pictures?
Rick Lyon:  Do I look 'artsy' to you Forty?
Darren Ford:  No.  Not really, and they call me Fordy,  Not 40.
Rick Lyon:  That's what I said, Forty.  I do films and television.
Darren Ford:  Really?

Rick Lyon:  Sure thing.  But that's only since I got out of 'the business'
Darren Ford:  What's 'the business'
Rick Lyon:  "THE BUSINESS".  The biggest money maker in film 40!
Darren Ford:  Its not 40, its Fordy.  

Rick Lyon:  Not 40 is right, you're like an 8 year old if you don't know where the film industry gets rich.
Darren Ford:  Which is?
Rick Lyon:  Starts with a "P" and rhymes with corn?
Darren Ford: OHhhhhh, THAT, "the business".  So did you ever work on anything I would know.  

Rick Lyon:  Well the biggest one I ever worked on was probably "Oceans 11 inches"
Darren Ford:  Sounds epic!
Rick Lyon:  Have you ever seen "You've Got Male" 40?
Darren Ford:  FORDY!

Rick Lyon:  Wow!  40 times!  That's a lot!  I told you this is where film makes its money.  What about "Forrest Rump"
Darren Ford:  Never heard of it.
Rick Lyon:  Well believe me, it wasn't "Run Forest Run" that Jenny was yelling.  Know what I mean?
Darren Ford:  No.  Not really.
Rick Lyon:  Well, do you know the epic war drama, "Shaving Ryan's Privates"?
Darren Ford:  Ha!  No, never heard of that one.  That's good.  I'm going to grab a jug of beer, I'll be right back. 

Rick Lyon: That would have been a good name for movie.
Joel Hodge:  What would have?
Rick Lyon:   "Grab a Jug"
Joel Hodge:  That's a good one!  Anyone else hungry? 

Rick Lyon:  [yelling] Hey 40, get us bag of chips while you're up there!
Darren Ford:  [yelling] For christ-sakes F-O-R-D-Y!!!
Rick Lyon:  OKAY!!! [to the rest of the table] That 40 really gets pissed off really easy.
Darren Ford:  Geez.

Rick Lyon:  Hey Joel, you ever see "On Golden Blonde"?
Joel Hodge:  No, but did it star Henry Fondle?
Rick Lyon:  Ooooo, isn't Joel the smart one!  "Saturday Night Beaver"?
Joel Hodge:  No, but I heard Schlong Travolta was in it. 

Rick Lyon:  Ha!  Nice, you're on fire, what about "Pulp Friction"?

Joel Hodge:  I need 40 back, I have no more witty replies.
Rick Lyon:  "American Booty"?
Darren Ford:  Are you still going at this?.  

Rick Lyon:  Ya, of course!  What took you so long?  Did you go home to watch "Throbbin' Hood"?
Darren Ford:  Okay Rick, these are all bullshit names aren't they?
Rick Lyon:  40, are you kidding?  Have you never even seen the AVN awards?
Darren Ford:  AVN?

Rick Lyon:  Come on!!! The AVN's are the biggest awards in the business.
Darren Ford:  Like the Oscars for porn?
Rick Lyon:  No.  The Oscars are like the AVN's of non-porn.  Where everyone is famous and dresses like Cher.
Darren Ford:  Sounds pretty classy.  

Rick Lyon:  Not as classy as Star Whores.  Now that was a film!
Darren Ford:  I didn't know there was science fiction porn.
Rick Lyon:   It focused mostly on the back story of Darth in-Vad-her and Princess Lay-ya.

Darren Ford:  I see.  

Rick Lyon:  Did you 40?  Because the lighting in that flick won me two AVN's!!!
Darren Ford:  No, not really, and for the record its Fordy not 40.  Sort of like how my name is written on my shirt.
Rick Lyon:  So you probably never saw Missionary Impossible either.
Darren Ford:  Nope.

Rick Lyon:  Ya. It was a good run working on all those flicks.  That's where I made all my money and bought my boat before getting out of the business
Glen Tinkler:  Wait, you've got a boat?
Rick Lyon:   Sure I do.  You can't entertain the stars of the magnitude that I do without a boat!
Glen Tinkler:  What kind of boat do you have?

Rick Lyon:  oh just a little one.  Its two-story with 12 foot ceilings and 1958 horsepower motor.
Darren Ford:  Yowza!  We should go out sometime.
Rick Lyon:  No.
Darren Ford:  What?  Why not?

Rick Lyon:  The boat is for clients.
Darren Ford:  What clients?
Rick Lyon:  What clients???  Like the stars of Poc-a-hot-ass ... or ... Ass Ventura. Those movies are LEGEND!  Not quite as good as Inspect-her Gadget, but still very excellent.
Darren Ford:  I never fail to learn stuff when I'm here.

Rick Lyon:  Oh ya?  What did you learn today?
Darren Ford:   The big story for me is that you didn't do the camera work on Schindler's Fist.

******

Editors note:

it had moments but kind of ended like a Saturday Night Live skit.  Badly.