Game 6 - The Beechey Man

INTRO

Awwww....Poor, The Beechey.

He never saw it coming.  The classic Grisslie double cross.  Richard Gere could tell you how this one works.  So, here's where it began; my email to The Beechey a couple of weeks back:

"Good day The Beechey.

I talked to Al Fry briefly the other night about our Rookie Night event. We did these Shenanigans with Dodge City a couple of years ago and it worked out really well.

Rookie Night is quite simple. We'll think of a couple of clever things to honor the boys (I think there's one on each of our teams). We usually give them the copy of the SPN rule book that comes in our season starter kit. We also give them a ball signed by the 4 captains in a little commemorative case. Then we'll do something embarrassing, like have them play the 1st inning of the game in a tiara or a beauty pageant sash. All in good fun.

Anyway, we play at 9:30 on the 27th so there isn't a lot of time. I'll get the trophy cases for the balls and the other stuff, you guys don't have to worry about that.  What I need you to do (soon) is make sure that your rookie, you and Al will be at that game.

Ideally, we'll get the two teams together and do this about 9:20 so we don't have any interruption to game time.  Welcome to Grisslie hi-jinx.

Thanks."

From there it was hook-line-sinker.  The Beechey bit like a fish after the spring thaw.  He was all in.  Of course, the 27th of May had nothing to do with Rookies.  It was The Beechey night! I think my favourite part was how he didn't clue in until right 'til the last moment.

The Beechey is usually pretty quick too.  Yep.  Here's what some of his friends, family and team mates had to say about how difficult it is to trick him:

Mark Doyle:  The Beechey once joined the Socialist Party but quit when realized it wasn't a drinking club.
Dave Argue:  I heard The Beechey spends an hour and a half every Sunday watching 60 minutes.
Scott Mason:  My favourite The Beechey story is when his sister went to Mexico and told him that if he wanted to reach her, that he'd have to call the Mexican phone company.  So he went to Taco Bell.
Kevin Boston:  The Beechey is an awesome ball player.  I feel sad for him that he got fired from the M&M's plant for throwing out all the "W"s though.  Tough break.
Kevin Moon:  A couple of weeks ago The Beechey called me up to see it I wanted to go to martial arts with him.  He was really disappointed when there were no paintings by the sheriff there.
Al Fry:  I asked The Beechey to write the SPN test before becoming co-captain.  He sent it in a while back and I asked him what he got on it.  He said, "Drool".
Down Town Billy Brown:  I remember The Beechey when he was a kid.  I knew we had something special the day he tripped over the cordless phone.
Brett Mabee:  We were playing poker one night.  It ended really late and The Beechey wanted pizza, so I walked with him to the pizza joint where he ordered a small 'za to go.  The guy working says, "do you want it cut in 4 or 8 pieces?"  The Beechey says, "Better make it 4, I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 8 slices".
Brad Young:  I remember when The Beechey offered to fix my brakes.  It was nice of him to save me some money.  He had my truck for 3 days and I called him and said, "The Beechey, what is taking so long?"  To his credit he was completely honest and said, "Look, I've been working on this and I just couldn't do it.  You're brakes are still buggered but it'll be okay because I made your horn louder!"
Brad Wadden:  I once got into a minor disagreement with The Beechey on a safe / out call.  Realizing his error later he came up to me and said, "You were right.  But, look...I'm not going to apologize.  I'm sorry, its just the way I am."
Patrice Beechey:  My folks always said The Beechey was a gifted child.  I found out later, that they meant there was no charge for keeping him.
Chuck Cragg:  I'm at Cedar Kitchen one morning and The Beechey is at the next table doing a quiz.  He leans over and says, "What comes after x?"  I quietly say, "Y".  He yes, "''Cuz I don't know BRAINIAC!"
Jens Lepa:  You know me, I never say anything bad about anyone.  But I did hear that he brought an umbrella to a brainstorming session.
Geoff Keogh:  I just had lunch with The Beechey last week.  Poor guy.  He told me that he had just come back from filling out a job application.  At the bottom where it says 'sign here' he wrote 'Scorpio'
Jeff Dancey:  I saw The Beechey last week in the legion with a pile of books.  He said he was studying for a blood test.
Danny Chiasson:  Don't get me started.  It took me 2 hours to convince that guy that Fleetwood Mac wasn't a burger.
Mike Olliffe:  We have a guy on our team who recently lost a finger.  The Beechey went to console him and told him "its a shame that you'll only be able to count to 9 now".
Don Swabuk:  Oh, The Beechey is a blast!  Love that guy.  Although, we booted over to the dollar store between games during a tournament to get some gag gifts and he kept asking how much everything cost and asking for price checks.
Stephane Simard:  The Beechey Présentée une portière de voiture un jeu chaud. Il voulait rouler vers le bas de la fenêtre pour se rafraîchir.
Andy Gee:  I remember having a LOOONNNNGGGG counseling session with The Beechey.  He was a mess.  He kept saying, "I need to go to rehab, I need to go to rehab".  I kept asking why and he finally broke down and said, "Because I'm hooked on phonics"
Rob Rumboldt:  One day when The Beechey was helping me up from a fall he told me that I trip because I was getting ahead of myself.  He said that he has the same problem.  That's how he fell out of a tree trying to rake leaves in August.

On hand for Beechey night festivities were about 15-20 family and friends, including league stalwarts, Starsky, Gere and Marky-Mark (aka former victims)

Lets remember the evening through pictures, shall we?

This was the "SCAM" part.  Look at Beechey on the right, being the good supportive captain about to enjoy our joint rookie night.  Look at the nervous rookies not yet knowing that they'll soon be off the hook and The Beechey firmly on it.

 WTF???? (stands for Why The Face?)  The Beechey figured it out!

The Beechey not sure what's coming next

 The Beechey with his collection of gifts, including a signed ball, captain's hand book, a 'baseball star' ribbon, trophy, bobble head and, of course, The Beechey Beach Ball!

Rob in the foreground about to sing his speech (you'll read it below).  Very touching.

 Some of the many signs honoring The Beechey (special thanks to Megan and Tina for making and Connor for doing leg work)

A touching tribute to Ed McDowell from the faithful.  

"Life's a Beach with the Beach" and "The Beech, The Beech, The Beech is on FIRE!"

"All is Peachey with the Beechey" and "The Beech and Chong"

Awesome night Beechey!!!!   Can't wait for next year and Sophomore Captain's night!!!

 
THE SPEECH

Rob:  Are you all ready for The Beechey night?
Doug:  Sort of.  I always want one more gimmick, but I'll make do with what we have. 
Rob:  Yeah, should be fun. 
Doug:  Did you do a song about Beechey like I asked?
Rob:  You mean "The Beechey"?
Doug:  Ya.
Rob:  Say it
Doug:  "THE BEECHEY".  Frig.  I started it, could you cut me some slack?
Rob:  No.
Doug:  Fine.  Did you do a song?
Rob:  Yeah.
Doug:  Good, what is it.
Rob:  You know the song "Try" by Blue Rodeo?
Doug:  Yeah.
Rob:  Well I did that but renamed it "Fry" as in AL FRY, clever, huh?
Doug:  Fry?
Rob:  Yeah, cool, eh?  We're playing Dodge City tonight, right?
Doug:   Yes, but you were supposed to write a Beechey song.
Rob:  "THE"
Doug:  UGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!  You were supposed to write a "The Beechey" song. 
Rob:  Why?
Doug:  Because its THE friggin' Beechey night!
Rob:  Oh.  Well some warning would be nice. 
Doug:  I'm starting to understand why he calls you Painful Rob. 
Rob:  You have no idea why he me Painful Rob.
Doug:   Really? Why don't you tell me
Rob:   Okay, so you know how I'm Lebanese?
Doug:  Yep
Rob:  Okay, do you know what the most popular language in Lebanon is?
Doug:  Arabic?
Rob:  Yeah.  How'd you know that?
Doug:  Reading.
Rob:  Okay, do you know what the second most popular language in Lebanon is?
Doug:   Nope
Rob:  See?  Reading has its limits, that's why I avoid it.
Doug:  What's the second most popular language in Lebanon?
Rob:  I'M ASKING THE QUESTIONS HERE!!!
Doug:  I'm asking for the answer!
Rob:  Oh.  Well, its French. 
Doug:  So?
Rob:  So The Beechey OBVIOUSLY knows that French is my 1st language.  And he is also OBVIOUSLY aware of my love of bread.  And CLEARLY he knows that bread in French is Pain.  Thus he calls me Painful Rob.
Doug:  Did you just say "thus"?
Rob:  I think I did!
Doug:   And that's your story?
Rob:  Yep, he does it to show me respect.  He's just that good a guy.

And to the tune of "Piano Man" by Billy Joel, Rob totally owned his version called, The Beechey Man.  Music can be found ====> HERE

Piano Man

It's nine o'clock on a Monday

The regular crowd comes to play

There's an old man sitting next to me

Same as every game

He says, "Son, can you show me to 3rd base?

I'm not really sure where it is

But it's close and I'm beat, exhausted on my feet

And I have to go to the Legion for a whiz.

la la la, di da da

La la, di di da da dum

Chorus:

Give us a line up, you're The Beechey man

Give us a line up tonight

Well, we're all in the mood for a ballgame,

And you've got us all feelin' all right

Now Cal at the bar is a friend of mine

He gets me my drinks for free

And he's quick with a joke and its your ribs he will poke

But there's some place that he'd rather be

He says, "Beech", I believe this is aching me."

As his smile ran away from his face

"Well I'm sure that I could be a big league star

If I could just lose this knee brace"

Oh, la la la, di da da

La la, di da da da dum

Now Dude is a short story novelist

Who never stops blaming his wife

And he's talkin' with Dell, 'cause he needs someone to tell

About how she misplaced his bike

And the Dwayne is practicing politics

As the taxi - cabs slowly get phoned

Yes, they're sharing a drink they call baldness

But you can't let The Beechey drink alone

Chorus

Give us a line up, you're The Beechey man

Give us a line up tonight

Well, we're all in the mood for a ballgame,

And you've got us all feelin' all right

It's a pretty good crowd for a Monday and Roman gives me a smile

'Cause he knows that it's The Beech they've been comin' to see

To admire his hits for a while

And the yellow bat, it sounds like a carnival

And The Beechey swings with no fear

And they sit near the car and watch how he hits it so far

And say, "Man, what are you doin' here?"

Oh, la la la, di da da

La la, di da da da dum

Chorus:

Give us a line up, you're The Beechey man

Give us a line up tonight

Well, we're all in the mood for a ballgame,

And you've got us all feelin' all right

THE GAME

Game 1 Vs Dog Catchers:
Tactic:  Cockiness.
Result:  Failed 0-1

Game 2 Vs. Dusty Cleats
Tactic:  Arrogance
Result:  Failed 0-2

Game 3 Vs. Beer Bros.
Tactic:  Lovable Losers
Result:  Failed 0-3

Game 4 Vs. Gruesome Devils
Tactic:  Rain
Result:  Success  but still 0-3

Game 5 Vs. Blues Brothers
Tactic:  Woe Is Me 0-4
Result: Failed

Game 6 Vs. Dodge City Rounders
Tactic:  Distraction
Result: Failed.
0-5

Yes, we lost, but this was not your typical game.  We only scored 2 runs on the night.  That's the second game in a row.  For the record, that's not good.

However, we had a 2-0 lead after 5 complete and the defense was exceptional.  Again, no throwing the ball around, everyone was positionally sound.  We surrendered 5 runs in the 6th and faced the minimum is the 7th for the 3rd time on the night.

I'm going to ignore the hitting right now because we have yet to have a full lineup.  We have not had a very consistent turnout.  But the guys there are playing incredibly well with the leather, we just need to find a way to string three hits together.

On a runs per game basis, the Draft Kings are the only club giving up fewer runs that the Grisslies and the only other club averaging less than 10 runs allowed per game.  That could change by week's end.

We weren't going to hold down the likes of Dell, Peters, Fry, The Beechey and Mabee all night and the inevitable happened in the 6th.  Dude (because that's his name), led off with a single and was followed by a hit by Jeremy who moved Dude to 3rd.  Dell's double scored Dude and put Jeremy at 3rd.  After an out, Peters and Fry both reached and one would score on The Beechey's hit and the other on Mabee's.

And that was the ball game.

Next up for the Grisslies is another Stingy Defensive team, in the Hurtin' Units next Monday night.  They are currently the leagues 3rd best defensive squad, but they manage to score 4 times the runs we do!

Happy The Beechey Night!