GAME 7 and 8: Double Header

INTRO

PART II of a Trilogy of IV
Under Cover

RECAP:

If you didn't read the first part of this series, you can check it out here, it'll help this one make some sense. (maybe):  PART I
You will learn: 
1.  Symbols in the Old Timers Logo reveal a) a life prolonging agent, b) references to a secret society, and  c)  a defiance to generally accepted principles of order and structure.
2.  Habs fans are going to hell. 

Now that the leg work had been done, I figured that the only way to get to the bottom of this was to join the league and try to infiltrate its ranks.  It seemed like a pretty simple plan.  So I joined. If I was expecting a cult like indoctrination, let’s just say I was a little disappointed. It all seemed kind of regular and honestly, a little boring. I was expecting a sign or something.

Nothing. But still those whispers, nods and sideways looks on the diamond and in the clubhouse continued.

So I became a captain hoping that would get me closer to the truth that was out there.

Nothing.

I started the BLOG.

Nothing.

I volunteered for committees.

Nothing.

I used the BLOG as a vehicle to interview people and still nothing tangible ever came of it. I was about to quit the league realizing that this was simply baseball (a game I can barely tolerate), when my undercover assignment suddenly became deep, deep, deep undercover.

I want everyone reading to take a minute to be serious.  You need to know that what you are about to read is 100% true. I have keep the names, conversations and locations completely intact and unchanged in any way.  I've only modified a bit of the dialogue, some of the identities and a couple of the venues in an effort to help identify the guilty.

And so it begins.

Game 15 last year (2010). I had just written the mid term report card BLOG for the Grisslies (Radar, Timmy two Beer and the Pieman got the only A's). We lost a close game to, 9-6, to the Brew Jays and Rod Duggan punched me in the face. No wait, the punch happened in September, but as I recall I had it coming.

Anyway, after the loss, I was in the Clubhouse (the Legion for you new BLOG readers) for a scheduled interview with Jeff Dancey for a future BLOG. This would be my first foray into the dark underbelly of the league and it was quite by accident.

Jeff Dancey: Hey Doug, your beer is almost empty, let me top you up.
Doug Dwyer: Thanks...I'll get the next one, after all - you agreed to meet me.

Jeff Dancey: Oh no problem... hey, I don't know if you know this, [whispering] but I have THE BEST job in the league.
Doug Dwyer: Really? I would have though being president would have been the best job, what is it you are doing again?

Jeff Dancey: [low voice] Don't say anything, but I'm 1st vice.
Doug Dwyer: [low voice] Why are you whispering; isn't that information on the league website?

Jeff Dancey: Are you kidding? What do you think Chuck Cragg would do if he actually knew what the 1st Vice role controlled? I'll tell you, EVERYONE would want it.  It's not easy getting this job with less than twenty years in the league.
Doug Dwyer: I had no idea that the 1st Vice gig was that big a deal. What makes it so good?

Jeff Dancey: [loud whisper] Shhhh, keep it down. I swear to god if Doris or someone hears this... Geez Doug, use some common sense.
Doug Dwyer: [low voice] Jeff, I'm really sorry. Okay, why is it that much in demand?

Jeff Dancey: Some things we just accept.  Like why did god make the dingo bird or the Venus fly-tree?
Doug Dwyer: Isn't the dingo an Australian wild dog?

Jeff Dancey: The point is that its unanswerable and obvious at the same time. When you're the 1st Vice, you're the king maker, the deal breaker, the dream .... Quaker?
Doug Dwyer: I think I know what you mean, but he question is still "why?"

Jeff Dancey: You are way more of a simpleton than I thought. Let me try painting a picture for you.  Imagine for a moment, if you will, that you had a son.
Doug Dwyer:  I do have a son.

Jeff Dancey:  And what do you want to call that imaginary son?
Doug Dwyer:  Oh, I don't know. Let's call him Connor.  And he's real by the way.

Jeff Dancey:  Okay, so now say that you buy little Tommy a brand new ball glove for Christmas.
Doug Dwyer: No, its Connor

Jeff Dancey: Its my picture being painted, and I said a glove
Doug Dwyer: Okay, sure

Jeff Dancey: Anyway, imagine the look on little Georgie's face when he unwraps that present. Can you picture it?
Doug Dwyer: Yeah, sure. It would be cool.

Jeff Dancey: That's right Homeboy, it would be cool. And when you're 1st Vice every day is like that. Like Tony Montana said, first you have the money, then you get the power and then you get the .... power.
Doug Dwyer: I'm not sure that's the exact quote.  I'm sorry Jeff, maybe it's me, but how does this all come together?

Jeff Dancey: I'm going too fast, I keep forgetting you're still pretty new and clearly not too mentally nimble.  I'll slow down a little. [talking noticeably slower]  Lets say Chris Ross has a crisis, who does he go to?
Doug Dwyer: You?

Jeff Dancey: You betcha. Now say a captain has a problem, who do they go to?
Doug Dwyer: I would have thought Chris, but now I'm guessing you?

Jeff Dancey: You're catching on. I broker the deal. I control the best interests of the league. Nothing happens without my say so. And when you tell people what the decision is? Well, son, that's like Christmas morning!

Doug Dwyer: Come on Jeff, that's a little over the top!

[Jeff glassy eyed simulating a phone call]

Jeff Dancey: Hi Frank, its Jeff Dancey, I'm calling to tell you that we've reached a decision on the new bat you requested.
Frank Laird: [Jeff speaking in his best Frank impersonation [its not particularly good]] Hello Jeff, I've been anxiously waiting by the phone for your call!
Jeff Dancey: Well, of course you have. I'm calling with GREAT news for you.
Frank Laird: I'm on pins and needles, did we get the bat?
Jeff Dancey: No Frank, we at the league offices view that request as somewhat extravagant. However, we have decided to give you not one; but two, sets of batting grips.
Frank Laird: [kind of sniffly now [the imitation unbelievably worsens]] Thank you Jeff, I can't tell you how much this means to the team. New grips? they guys won't even notice the cracks in the bat now. This is a brilliant decision yet again. This is terrific news indeed. Could you do me a favour?
Jeff Dancey: Sure what is it?
Frank Laird: Would it be okay if I told John Coopman myself? I can't wait to share the news!
Jeff Dancey: Sorry Frank, I need to fulfil my obligation and speak to all impacted parties myself.  You know the rules.
Frank Laird: Yeah, I understand.
Jeff Dancey: I'll tell you what, how about I conference you in and keep you on mute and you can listen.
Frank Laird: You're the absolute BEST!

Doug Dwyer: Seriously?

Jeff Dancey: Yep, it’s the greatest gig. EVER. You play Santa and deliver the goodies to the kids.  And if there's any bad news...Chris gets to do it.  Its win / win / win!
Doug Dwyer: All right, I admit that it sounds pretty cool the way your laying it out. I would have thought that the captains would be a lot more ho-hum about the whole thing. How did you end up doing this? Its a voted position, how come people aren't clued into how good it is?

Jeff Dancey: [Whispering loudly again]. Shhhhh, Radar is RIGHT THERE! God, you're killing me. Here's all I can tell you....it’s very cloak and dagger. You know how the captains are part of the voting executive?
Doug Dwyer: Yes

Jeff Dancey: [looking around] and then you have the smaller group made up of the elected executive?
Doug Dwyer: Of course

Jeff Dancey: [Very quietly] Well lets just say that there is a group, within a group, within a group.
Doug Dwyer: Meaning?

Jeff Dancey: Do I have to spell it out? Okay. You know how the world economy is run by a group of 5 people; The Queen of England, The Vatican, The Rothschild's, the Getty's and Colonel Sanders?
Doug Dwyer: No. Not familiar with that one.

Jeff Dancey: Gawd you are sheltered. Take the blinders off Dwyer and look around you. Trust me, they control the world's finances. Well its the same way with our league and the guy who is the 1st Vice is the guy with all the "day - to - day" power.
Doug Dwyer: Yeah, but Chris Ross is the President. He's the guy who's really in charge.

Jeff Dancey: Think about it. Chris knows all the captains are in my back pocket. He does what I want him to do. He's a puppet, like Homer Simpson.
Doug Dwyer: Homer Simpson is a cartoon character, not a puppet.

Jeff Dancey: Same thing.
Doug Dwyer: So how did you score this role again?

Jeff Dancey: This goes nowhere, right?
Doug Dwyer: Come on? Like I would BLOG this. Its not like I fabricate stories to embarrass people and use their names or likenesses without permission.  That would just be wrong. 

Jeff Dancey: Yeah, you're right. Okay. Once you have the blessing of Grand Master you simply -
Doug Dwyer: WHOA! GRAND MASTER???

Jeff Dancey: SHHHH [looking around, quite nervously]. For the love of Thor’s magic trident, keep it down! This is probably going to far, [under his breath] - damn you beer, damn you - but yes, the Grand Master. Once you get his blessing, he just orchestrates everything.
Doug Dwyer: What do you mean "orchestrates it?"

Jeff Dancey:  I don't claim to understand how he does it,  I'm not that close to the inner workings.  But I do know that no one has ever lost an election once the Grand Master supports you. Its known as the “Grand Master Flash”.
Doug Dwyer: So then, who is the Grand Master?

Jeff Dancey: No one knows for sure. I've never seen him without his hood. I have suspicions, but they are best kept to myself.
Doug Dwyer: How did you meet him?

Jeff Dancey: You don't just "meet" the Grand Master. You have to pass a series of tests before an audience is granted.
Doug Dwyer: And did you meet here?  At the Legion?

Jeff Dancey: I don't know. They took me blindfolded in the car for about 20 minutes before we got there.
Doug Dwyer: "Cloak and Dagger" Jeff??? This is right out of a Dan Brown novel.

Jeff Dancey: I know, right? Rumour has it that much of Brown's research comes from lost symbols of our league.
Doug Dwyer: I was beginning to think those symbols were just a series of coincidences.  I want to come back to that, but I need to know who took you in the car to the Grand Master Flash?

Jeff Dancey: That was the Furious Five.
Doug Dwyer: Grand Master Flash and The Furious Five. It kind of ring a bell. So who were they?

Jeff Dancey: Again, masks and hoods, but I suspect they are Andy Gee, Mike Olliffe, John Harrett, Jim Rouleau and Paul Hargreaves.
Doug Dwyer: Paul Hargreaves? But he's a rookie!!!

Jeff Dancey: Rookie or not; he's "connected".  [looking sideways] "Well connected."
Doug Dwyer: Wow! Really? Hey wait a minute.  How is it that you could identify The Furious Five if they were disguised? 

Jeff Dancey:  Let's just say they have a few give aways. 
Doug Dwyer:  Man, and I  thought I was doing well being a captain in my second year and Hargreaves is  part of The Furious Five as a ROOKIE!?!?

Jeff Dancey: [snickering] Doug, Doug, Doug...You're a captain because they WANT you to be a captain. They can manipulate you and toy with you. For all the power in Michael Jackson’s beard; the only way to avoid that manipulation is to become part of the 'real' decision making group. "The Aluminum Bat Army"
Doug Dwyer: Doesn't that sort of sound a little bit like "Illuminati"?

Jeff Dancey: Where do you think the Illuminati got their name? So you have to decide if you're in or you're out.  You've discovered enough that you commit to the Aluminum Bat Army; or you stop asking questions and poking around, quietly walk away and hope for the best.  Choose wisely my friend. 
Doug Dwyer: Wow. This has been a lot to absorb. So how do you get in?  Formally I mean.

Jeff Dancey: You need to be forwarded. Nominated if you will.  I could do that if you want.
Doug Dwyer: Would you? And how long would the wait be to get a shot at 1st Vice?

Jeff Dancey: I'll be honest with you, there are some guys who've waited since the mid 90's.
Doug Dwyer: Wow! That's nuts. I wish there was a fast track.

Jeff Dancey: [looking around] Okay, here's what I'm going to do. I'll put in a word for you, if you're lucky you could be 1st vice within, 15-18 years; but you've GOT to keep this low key. Don't talk to me, don't ask me about the Aluminum Bat Army, the Furious Five or the Grand Master.  And for god sakes, don't talk to anyone else about it. Clear?
Doug Dwyer: Crystal.

Jeff Dancey: Okay, you'll be contacted when the time is right.
Doug Dwyer: Okay. And Jeff? Thanks.

Jeff Dancey: No problem.  Just remember, there is way more to this than even I know.  I'm a small fish in this pond and you are smaller than me...you're like a guppie...a baby guppie....the runt of the guppie litter....the runt of the guppie litter that should be eaten by the mom and fed to the normal guppies...the runt of the guppie litter that should be eaten by the mom and fed to the normal guppies and taken -
Doug Dwyer;  Okay, I've got it.
Jeff Dancey:  Right, of course.  Look, I'm just saying that you need to be very careful.  You're messing with powerful people.  If you push too hard someone will push back.  Tread softly and carry -
Doug Dwyer:  A big stick?
Jeff Dancey:  What?  No!  I was going to say, Carrie-Anne Moss was awesome in The Matrix.  Man you're weird. 

THE SPEECH

Having a double header means a lot of planning and Rob isn't one to shirk his planning responsibilities.  It was bad enough to have a double header, but the Hurtin' Units AND the Rusty Rebels?  Two of the teams that have consistently given us fits?  What were the Philadelphia Phillies too busy?

Rob, as usual, found the perfect song for the game.  Foreigner's classic (and yes this one is a classic) Double Vision; reworked as the new T.O.T. classic, Double Header.  Music is here if you can't remember the tune:  CLICK ME

Double Header

Feeling kinda dirty, as bad as Charlie Sheen
I've been from the Units to the Rebels it seems
This time I had a good time, didn't have to wait
We stuck it out 'till we couldn't see straight

Look to the skies, its that double header
Ache in my thighs, its that that double header
Ooh, when it gets through to me, it's always new to me
The double header gets the best of me

Always play more than I, I really need
When you play against the Rebels
you need an early lead
Tonight's the night, I'm gonna push the Units to the limit
We're gonna win 'em both, there not even in it!

Look to the skies, its that double header
Ache in my thighs, its that that double header
Ooh, when it gets through to me, it's always new to me
The double header gets the best of me
Ooh-ooh (oooh) ooh-ooh, double header
(Oooh) I need double header
(Oooh, double vision) it puts me into my bed, aching in my bed
(Oooh, double vision) I get my double headers, woa-oah
(Oooh, double vision) seeing double double, double header
(Oooh, double vision) oh-oh my my double header
(Oooh, double vision) double header, yeah-ah-ah eah-eah eah-eah ah
(Oooh, double header) I get double header, oooh

THE GAMES
GAME 7 - Hurtin' Friggin Units

The Units owned us last year.  By "owned" I mean I had to out the Olliffe's garbage all winter. 

We started pretty well scoring 3 in the first and then the Hurtin' Units proceeded to load the bases in the bottom of the first.  Before I could say "What the hell am I doing at Short Stop", we were out of the inning without giving up a run. 

Odd. 

The second inning was 3 up 3 down for both teams and then we rolled a 6 in the third.  Farah kept his shutout going through the 3rd and 4th innings as we continued to tack on runs. 

Without going into all the gory details, the final score was 19-3.  The Grisslies moved to 4-3 on the season as we crept over the .500 mark for the first time!

Ps., Mike - the garbage bin is around back  ;v). 

GAME 8 - Rusty Friggin Rebels

We beat the Rebels in the quarter finals in 2009.  That is our only win against that team in my three years as a Grisslie.  

Despite near exhaustion we got off to a fabulous start scoring 7 runs in the 1st inning.  But in typical Rebel fashion, they battled back.  Five in the 2nd, five in the 4th, two more in the 5th.  There's no quit in those boys. 

The score after 5 complete innings was 16-12 for the Grisslies.  Which means that the Rusty Rebels had outscored us by three since the 1st inning.  The Grisslies came up to bat with resolve in the sixth inning scoring 7 runs on only one out.  It was clutch right when we needed it. 

The Rebels stayed at it with one in the sixth and two in the seventh, but by that time it was too big a hill to climb. 

The final score was 23 - 15 in a game that started as a blowout, got close and never really felt safe until it was over. 

Great night Grisslies!  We're 2 games over .500 (5-3) for the first time in the modern era of Lob Ball and I'm pretty sure this the first time I've ever seen our +/- pointing the right way. 

THREE STARS
RECORD
Dislocated Joints Update