The AGM Primer

INTRO

You may have noticed if you've looked through the archives that there is no entry for the 2011 AGM in the archives.  You may want to know why.  Maybe you don't but I'll tell you anyway. 

But first let me start with a little story.  This year during the final weekend of playoffs, Mark Bickford came up to me and said, "I'm a little disappointed in you."  Of course this didn't surprise me, I've heard that from my dad for years.  But still, I couldn't help but ask "why?"  Mark said "BLOGs by their very nature are meant to be controversial and opinionated and you haven't weighed in any of the stuff going on this week".  This was of course in reference to the various protests going on.  My estimation is that he was 20% joking, 80% serious. 

It was a good point. 

I certainly have no shortage of opinions.  I'm sure there are A LOT of people that wish I'd shut the hell up.  Frig, even I say that!  Yet, while I'm happy to pontificate verbally to the point of the listeners nausea, I steadfastly refuse to do so in print or even in virtual print.  But why?

I ponder.  I reflect.  I win 4.26 playing poker.  And in the end I can only come up with one answer. 

While it would be good fodder and would almost certainly spike readership, it would ultimately be divisive on multiple levels and destructive overall to the league.  Don't get me wrong, it would have been fun to write a "Why the Woody's are right" or "why the Red Dogs are right" BLOG in the middle of the whole debacle; but all it does is make things worse for everyone involved.  Which brings me back to the question posed in the opening paragraph (no one said I was quick).

There is no BLOG edition from the 2011 AGM because I was furious when I wrote it.  In fact, I just reread the draft now and cringed.  Oh my God, I was livid!  But in reading through it, I have to admit that I saw some value to the angry writing.  Enough value to make me rethink my approach.  Enough that maybe its time to use this BLOG space as a communication tool for righteousness instead of humour and stats.  Maybe Bicky Jr. had a point.  So today will mark my first foray into that abyss. 

last year's AGM

Today everything changes.

Today I take a stand.

Today I roll back the covers. 

I hope I'm doing the right thing....but being honest can't be wrong can it?  Here we go. 

For those of you who simply show up and "play ball", god love you.  There's certainly nothing wrong with that and in fact, there are some advantages.  For one, you have managed to remove yourself from the political behind the scenes bull shit that goes on in this league (yeah I said that, the word "shit" has now officially been used on the BLOG for the 1st time in 218 editions).  The day - to - day lobbying that makes the lives of our elected executive a living and barely manageable hell. 

I'm often asked why I don't run for an official position in the league.  Actually, I've only been asked that once....by my mom...  But even if I was asked all the time, I would give the same answer I gave her.  I would say, "the pasta is awesome, are there anymore meatballs?"  And then I'd say, "Our executive puts up with way to much crap and quite frankly, they handle it all too exceptionally well for me to think that I could step in and do ANY better."

You're probably sitting back there thinking "what are you going on about".  Well I get to see a fair bit as a captain, but also as the game rescheduler, as the statistician and in-game grounds crew.  You might think that Jamie McClean's term as president has been largely without incident.  But I submit that its been because of Jamie that there haven't been any incidents that you have seen. 

Jamie has quelled numerous uprisings, stuff you're probably not even aware of.  There was the "Billy Clouthier Incident", "The Paul Hargreaves Affair", "The Rumble In the Jungle with Jens Lepa and Scott Peters", "The Matter of Doug DeLand", "The Cox Caper" and the "Farah Fiasco".  Now I already know that you've never heard of these issues and that's because of Jamie's behind the scenes efforts.  Way to go Jamie!

However, Jamie (poor, poor Jamie) is about to face his biggest threat yet.  It has become known to me that one man is trying change everything.  How the league operates, the names of positions, number of games, rating, virtually everything.  This man has been lobbying to be named the "commissioner", replacing the existing president's role.  He has already been seen quietly huddled with various and nefarious captains as he rallies support for the ousting of McClean and the other execs.

He would then run the show seemingly at the Captains bidding. 

So who is this threat?  Who is aiming to become the Commissioner?  Its none other than #1 player and former Captain:  Doris Casullo. 

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What would make him turn like this?  Is it the power?  The control?  The adulation from the fans?  Honestly, could be any of those.  We had our BLOG photographer out and about, capturing pictures of Doris and saving them throughout the year and we captured him in a few situation that he where he was negotiating with various captains. As his plan to seize the league moves into high gear and he locks out anyone who doesn't agree with him. 

Doris explaining to Rod Duggan that he's a better short stop and that in the future all ratings will be named after players names.  #1's next year will be called "Casullo's".  "Hey, who's your Casullo" will be the new catch phrase.  #9's will called Duggan's as the mean spiritedness from the soon to be commissioner Doris raises its ugly head.  Next he locked out Rod.

Frank Laird asked, "how many provisions will be made to accommodate older players in the league?  I'm not worried for me, but I am concerned about Candy and Hopkins".  Doris' reply, "this many and by the way Frank, you're locked out" (that's a zero sign he's making) The heartless bugger is going to squeeze out our finest tier, maybe right down the "Duggan Level".

Al Fry asks, "will there be a dental plan?  I think its important for the pitchers.".  Doris says, "see these pearly whites?  You will have a choice between dental and eyebrow waxing, but only I get to do both and you're locked out"

Jason Bowers asks, "how do we ensure a competitive balance when we pick up player off the waiting list mid season".  Doris say, "that sir, is perhaps the stupidest answer I've ever heard.".  To which Jason retorted, "it was a question, not an answer".  That comment from Jason resulted in the face you see above and it got Jason locked out. 

CP asks, "what are you going to do to ensure harmony with the ladies league in terms of diamond times and tournament schedules?"  Doris says, "my mother once grew eggplant this big".  CP;  "what does that have to do with baseball".  Doris answers:  "11".  CP says, "What?".  Doris counters with, "The Gemini Awards."  

BS baffles brains, every single time.  CP is sadly locked out

Doris, "These captain's meetings make me sick, I'm going to hurl, I'm going to hurl, I'm going to hu--...

"Mr. Booth, I really don't care if you believe me or not.  Yes, this big.  And you're locked out."

Steve DeLand asks, "Does anyone know who the best shortstop in the league is?"  Commissioner Doris says, "OH!  OH, OH!  OH, OH, OH!  OH!  OH! OH, OH, OH!  I know this one, OH, OH, OH!  OH!  OH! OH, OH, OH!

Paul Piellusch asks, "what would you do to stop a guy like you from doing what your trying to do?"  Doris, "I would say, HEY, guy like me, Stop right there!"  Paul:  "That sounds pretty stupid, no offense".  Doris;  "It may be stupid but I least I don't have 2 L's in my last name like YOU do!  HA"  Paul:  "really?"  Doris:  "you're locked out"

Ed Hopkins; "I'm concerned about the treasury.  Doris, "I was told there'd be no math, therefore you are locked out".

Bob Candy:  "I'm not kissing no ring".  Doris "I absolve you of your impudence, however you are locked out."

Tim Schrank asks, "some of the guys are concerned that you never look happy.  We want the league to present a happy appearance."  Doris: "Its commissioner, not president.  And I'm doing my happy face right now!  Do you like it?  Are you trying to infer that someone could actually look happier?  You guys have lost your minds.  I'm friggin happy!  Dammit!  You're locked out!"

Bill Brown:  "I'm not liking this.  I don't think you're offering us anything better.  In fact it sounds worse to me."  Doris, "I've got an offa you can't refuse; you're locked out".

Hugh:  "this is ridiculous. you're not taking over."  Doris, "Heeeeereee's Doris!!!!!....oh, and you're locked out"

James:  "I think I speak for everyone in saying we're done with you. You're changes will kill this league".  Doris, "I already have control, You guys are locked out and I'm getting replacement captains.  Where's Tito?"

Please come out to the AGM....its the only way Doris can be stopped from Locking us All OUT!!!!

ADDENDUM:

Late breaking news .... One solitary loyal captain is trying to keep thinks in check by starting a players association.  Yes, the Tottenham Old Timers Players Association (TOTPA) has inniated action to save the league, but in doing so, they also have demands. 

1. They have asked for the league to turn over financial records.
2. They have demanded that there be no games played on either Yom Kippur or Christmas.
3. They want all players to be granted free agency and be redrafted every year.
4. They want no games played between 9-5 on weekdays. 

There are conflicting reports as to whom is running this fledgling association, but rumour has it that this man:

Several players have been shown pictures of the person above reputed to be "Gumby"; others however were unable to distinguish him from this man:

If nothing else, this should be more incentive to attend the AGM in two weeks!