Bonus BLOG: The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”  ― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Ahhhh, The Thank-You BLOG

The one that I love to write the most and the one I equally hate.  What can I say, I'm complex.  Now the first thing you need to know about this edition is that its all over the place.  I try to keep some logical sequence to it, but because its written over about a month and a half (I start it before the season ends)  and my mood varies every time I write, it's hard to have the same flow and continuity.  Sometimes I lament, sometimes funny, sometimes melancholy....you never know. 

Plus, I have this overwhelming guilt of trying to mention everyone.  That makes it tough.  I went through the rosters the other night an realized that there were only 3 guys who I couldn't immediately identify.  Its a far cry from the days when I thought that "Ingo" was nickname.  So I already know that I'll fail in the mentions which makes the whole thing pointless really, but I'll apologize in advance for leaving some people out.

Something else that you'll notice in this one are a lot of words that appear in the colour blue.  For the uninitiated, those are links.  I've set them up so that when you click a link, they should (your Internet application "may" override it) pop up in a new window.  I do this so if you read something and it twigs you to the original BLOG that you want to reread, you can simply click the link and take a look and not lose where you are in this one.  No searching.  I'm good like that.

Lastly, this will be long.  Paul Piellusch has probably already taken two breaks and is wondering if this will ever end.  In fact, he may use it for his next two weeks of commuting.  It will end, trust me, but I'm in no rush.  Parting is such sweet sorrow.  Now off we go!  

Let begin at the beginning of this year's BLOGs and its victims.

VICTIMS

Infinite: Bigger than the biggest thing ever and then some. Much bigger than that in fact, really amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, "wow, that's big", time. Infinity is just so big that by comparison, bigness itself looks really titchy. Gigantic multiplied by colossal multiplied by staggeringly huge is the sort of concept we're trying to get across here.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe 

Over the course of the year, virtually everyone is mentioned in the BLOG, either by game report, off handed comment, statistics or something remotely funny.  I might try and go through and see if I can find a mention of everyone and see if that's true, but it feels that.  The only exceptions are a couple of people who have asked to never be mentioned which is cool.  However, this section will focus on the people who have been truly victimized by the BLOG in full BLOG splendor. 

1.  The Dusty Cleats conspiracy BLOG was the brain child of Scott Peters.  He had a clever idea of modeling the Grisllies win over the Cleats in the '11 final after the JFK assassination.  Minus all the blood of course.  My favourite part of this one was saying that the game was filmed by Bo but confiscated by the league and that this has become known as the Niederhuber film.  This course being a not so thinly veiled reference to the Zapruder film.  Sometimes its the little things that amuse me. 

2.  After several rambling and mostly pointless BLOGs as I continued to struggle for something to latch onto, I finally hit the jackpot with the Don Swabuk edition in game #5! The best part was the fake interview with Don's dad who said, "He's the bridge between the East and the West. There is no limit to what he can do because he has the "guidance" from above. I don't know yet exactly what form this will take. But he is the Chosen One. He'll have the power to impact nations. Not individuals.  Not groups. Nations. The world is just now beginning to get a taste of his power. Donnie will win because of God's mind. Can't you see the pattern?"  No wait....the other best part was Don telling me that someone game up to him in the Legion and said it was nice picture of him and his dad on the BLOG!  I was howling, so was Don.  It was just a random 40 year old picture I pulled of the net. 

3.  A BLOG that I had been working on for a while but couldn't find a good way to present it was the Harley Sherman piece.  Downtown Billy Brown kindly explained the whole BLOG poking fun concept to Harley and gave him a rough idea of what the content would be.  Harley, good sport that he is, readily agreed and Parking Tips with Harley Sherman was born.  I got a lot of comments on this one.  Many were of the "OMG, you didn't do that to poor Harley" variety.  But most loved the line, "when he saw the cat in the garage, he saw his opportunity!"

4.  Then for the 3rd game in a row we had a decent one as I gave some background on Lance Horgan.  In truth, this wasn't as thorough as I'd normally like.  When I was writing I kept thinking, 'you're gonna delete this anyway'.  But it kind of meandered its way through until it became the Lance is Joe Dirt BLOG. 

5.  June, game 8, my 100th consecutive game, all as a Grisslie I might add.  So I take to writing an Ironman BLOG about myself. Mistake.  I spent the remainder of the season injured.  Pulled hamstring, some kind of abdominal strain and of course the badly sprained (thought it was broken) ankle.  Swell.  I don't think the Ironman BLOG will be repeated....its Voodoo. 

6.  Game 9, I was on a nice little role now....finally found my groove and I was getting the "who you gonna get this week" questions!  Well this one was another one from Scott Peters.  He said, "why don't you do one about Bones having a weight issue back in the spring"?  Brilliant!  So I talked to Bones and asked him if he'd be okay with me roasting him.  He said something along the lines of, "Dougie, you know what they say about payback".  Yeah, I know.  I had been working on this one for a while and I had a number of other BLOGs queued up and ready to go, so this one needed to happen IN THIS SPOT.  I just couldn't get it to where I was happy with it though.  I guess when no one else knows how you were picturing the end product, they're just happy with what's presented.  I know Bones liked it!  But I thought this could have been better.  My favourite part is the picture of Bones on the bench between Scott Peter and Mark Bickford.  What makes it hilarious is that those two random guys in the picture look like they really could be Peters & Bickford.

7.  Game 10 ....  Welcome back Danny Chiasson!  I made it sound like I had nothing to write about so I picked something easy, enter Mr. Chiasson.  The truth is, no one - and I mean no one - was more disappointed that Danny wasn't coming back to the league than I was.  For what I love doing, writing and telling stories, Danny's like a gold mine!  I started with some classic Danny BLOG quotes over the last 4 years and he's had some doozies!  Who can forget Danny trying to pick his own nickname, "You know, you're not the only one with a vocabulary buddy!  You think you're so smart because you know "words".  Well I know what aggrandizing means and I most definitely CAN NOT move things with my mind!  However, I think that "Captain Awesome" kind of catches the whole awesomeness of my .... awesomeness".  And then he told the story of staying awake for 50 consecutive hours.  Inspiring stuff and worth a re-read. 

8.  Game 11, the onslaught continued.  Dave Polny and I chat periodically through the year, but it tends to be witty repartee via email.  I send him a message, usually in transit, and I get a reply before I can put the phone back down.  He's like lightening.  Except this one time .... I sent him email asking if I could victimize him on the BLOG.  Actually, my note read, "We play you guys next week.  Would you be willing to submit to a tongue in cheek character assassination at the hands of the BLOG?  For a guy that gets mentioned a lot, you've never truly been victimized!"  It took Dave a full three minutes to reply (exceptionally long for him) and he said, "Well…….I don’t know if I should be flattered or frightened" and gave me the go ahead.  This one was fun for me, although Dave thought I went far too easy on him.  You can follow along as I explore how Dave cornered the market on a calm, non-excitable approach to life.

9.  Game 12 was introduction to the Grisslies BLOG.  I only mention it because it may have had my single best line of the year which was attributed to Rick Cudnik, "I feel sad for seedless watermelons because they can't have baby watermelons of their own.  (sad face)"

10.  Game 13 and the roll continues!  This was a favourite of mine.  This BLOG was about the Dodge City Rounders nicknames.  This is one of the easier teams to have fun with because they are all good guys top to bottom.  Although it pained me a little late in the year to have some some the Rounders tell me that the BLOG didn't show them much love this season.  They should know that sarcasm is one of the best forms of flattery!

11.  Game 14 and I had some fun with Jeff Dancey and Sir Rob Hayward.  Neither of them make me beg for permission to use them in the BLOG which makes it easy to do stuff about either on them on the fly.  This one was about comparing Hayward and Dancey statistically, because the Brew Jays had picked up Rob coincidental to the Hot Tub Woody's losing Jeff for the season.  I did this by 'fake' interview with 5 pitchers, Farah, Gaudet, Gee, Bickford and Laird.

12.  I'm skipping game 15 because it wasn't a complete take down of Dave Doucette....just a very lite happy birthday BLOG.  Truth is, I owe Dave a better one.  But in game 16....well....that's where we met Robbie Rumboldt.  I met Rob in the legion one night.  I always try to ask people if I can use them for a BLOG in private so that they aren't goaded on by friends.  When I saw Rob he was with his wife.  So I asked, he hesitated for a 1/2 second and I jumped in and said something like "don't worry, I'll take it easy on you"....to which Ronnie replied, "oh no you won't!".  So I have a little history of Rob Tumble Rumboldt.  He seemed happy with the results, that's good enough for me. 

13.  And then the Game 17 EPIC BLOG Steve Ross and the Richard Gere BLOG.  There are two schools of thought with the contention that Steve looks like Richard Gere.  School 1 - No he doesn't.  School 2 - Yes he does.  There doesn't seem to be any gray area for this on.  Those that see it, well, they REALLY see it!  So we made posters and had Richard Gere oriented theme night.  We hung them all up around the backstop (not the back catcher stop) and had the posters covered.  We told Steve that we were roasting our rookie that night and we were going to uncover them between innings.  Of course his lovely wife and not quite as lovely co-captain were co-conspirators.  I love the surprise aspect of these things....it keeps me laughing.  Even when people sniff out that something is up, they don't know exactly what the "something" is.  I like to think that the Grisslies played a small role in helping the Beer Bros. to a championship on this night.  Of course, I like to think that I'll be an astronaut one day too. 

14.  Games 18, 19 and 20 were kind of blah BLOG editions, but 19 had one of my more favourite line of the year, when I was recounting how you can tell that you might be a little to into this league;  "You don't mind your wife ogling Rob Hayward.  After all, he IS a hell of a ball player!"  Its only funny because its rooted in truth. 

15.  Game 21 was funny for about 5 people as we played the Cleats and narrowly escaped with a victory.  I had nothing to write....empty.  So with BLOG stories drying up I came up with a blacked out version without names mentioned to protect those that didn't want their name coming up on the BLOG.  It was supposed to be tongue in cheek.  I regretted it as soon as posted it.  However, I got great feedback and no negative comments.  I just can't figure people out.   

16.  Then things got fun again. At least for me.  Tim Shrank was kind enough to submit to being a BLOG victim.  I had thought about it for awhile and the story finally clicked in my head so I asked him if it would be okay.  Actually, I'm assuming that when he replied, "uh-oh", that meant it was okay.  I was howling with this one, I just wish I had more time so I could do another 50 pictures of Tim and his bermuda shorts around the world.  Of course, my favourite part is always an inocuous line .... "He digs reggae and has been known to jam some Shabba Ranks or Buju Banton on the long ride to work in the morning.  Pretty cool dude.  Maybe not Kevin Moon cool, but right up there." And by the way Timmy, you're right, Buju is very much alive and serving time in federal pen, scheduled for release on Feb 22, 2019.  Boom Bye Bye Buju!

17.  You always want to finish with a bang....but game 23's BLOG was a total bail out.  I was worried with only one game left and no story when I was handed a story that literally wrote itself.  Usually when I hear stuff that becomes a story it requires a fabricated background or at least a little embellishment of the event.  This has neither.  This is from the first word to the last, the absolute truth and requires no more intro than that.  Dude Where's My Bike!  Thank you Craig Escott. 

Thanks to Don Swabuk, Harley Sherman, Lance Horgan, Al (Bones) Nicholl, Dan Chiasson, Jeff Dancey, Rob Hayward, Rob Rumboldt, Tim Shrank and Craig Escott for willing submitting to the antics of the BLOG. 

And special thanks to Steve Ross for ultimately deciding not to litigate. 

SONGS

“I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

A scorer named Sue.  This was a fun one to write, after all, its about one of my favourite people. This is from the Johnny Cash song, "A Boy Named Sue" and this version chronicles sue run in with an arrogant guy that thinks he knows more about baseball than Sue.  Mistake.

A Martini With An Olive.  One of the few songs not attributed to Rob this year.  This was 'sung' by 2011 Grisslie and guest Gord Robertson. Some of you new to the BLOG or the league may not know that Gord is actually Freddy Mercury from Queen under witness protection.  There is a full story about that here.  Here's To You Gordon Robertson!  

Candy's Privateers.  Probably my most favourite song written this year and there are lots of stories behind it.  First, Barrett's Privateers is an East Coast drinking / sea faring song.  I didn't know anyone from here that knew it until McCarron and I stumbled across it in conversation one night.  Plus its the song all the guys in my family sing when they're hammered, so clearly, I know it pretty well and have heard it too often.  Fortunately my family's lack of an East Coast background and the fact that no one has ever even been to sea, was not a factor in knowing the song.  Another angle, .... when the lovely Tina and I were in Florida in the spring we ran into a group of people singing this song in the lobby of a restaurant while waiting for a table.  The group of people DID have roots in the Nova Scotia AND the restaurant (not at the end of the universe) was a Mississippi river boat docked at Downtown Disney. Not quite at sea, but still kind of cool.  It is a great song that I bastardized .... I encourage listening to the original which can be found at the link above.

The Gambler.  The Kenny Rogers classic.  Let me say, that they all can't be winners.  This was loosely based on Dan Routledge and my (only) winning night at cards.

Hey Dude. If only Dude (because that's his name) had lost his bike a little earlier .... it would have been the perfect BLOG with the story and song about the same guy!  The inspiration for this one came from Rob sometime over last winter.  Rob would listen to songs on the way to work and send me emails.  Hey Jude / Hey Dude?  Nice one Rob!

Down Town Billy Brown.  The only question about this one is what took so friggin' long!  This was obvious.  Its a pretty funny version that pokes fun at him and Doris.  What's not to like about that?

Baseball Dream.  Yes, this was taken from the song Dancing Queen by Abba.  I wrote this one sometime last winter and was waiting for an appropriate time to use it.  I'm not sure it was the most appropriate time, but its a pretty good rendition....If you dig Abba.

Billionaire.  Another one written last winter that just needed a few touch ups before publishing.  Honestly, if I didn't get ahead of the game with the songs, I'd never get these BLOGs out on time.  One of my more favourite ones of the year, best line:  "I wanna be on the cover of Sports Illustrated magazine; Smiling next to A-Rod and Kareem.  The real line:  "I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine; Smiling next to Oprah and the Queen".  Hahaha....I kill me. 

Puff The Magic Dragon.  Okay, this was the first one of the year that I thought might get me in trouble.  It didn't.  I actually forgot (late publishing) to rename the song as I intended to "Hugh, The Magic Hitter (was always 3/3)".  The best part of this one was the comment someone left on the BLOG saying, "....sure don't want to be in your shoes when Don reads this to Hughie."

I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore.  Yes, the REO Speedwagon classic was SUPPOSED to be renamed "I Can't Stand This Fielding Any Longer".  What can I say, I was in a mid season slump.  This was not my best work, but it served to perpetuate the story of Rob and I bickering. 

Big 'ol Case of Asthma:  At least two years I was working on this one.  The challenge is to use songs that everyone can readily hum so they read along and hear the music in their heads.  For the most part that's true, although there are some exceptions.  Hotel California had eluded me.  I had the song principally done for ages but I couldn't think of ANYTHING to replace the "welcome, to the hotel California" part.  As it turns out, I never could.  Good song, but I should have waited for a better line to strike me.  Best line in the song: "Next I said to my co-Captain; Please bring me my wine;  He said, 'Hasn't pitched without a Donini shot since 1969."

Base Running.  A take-off of "White Wedding" by Billy Idol, sung in the 1st person by Rob.  Cute, maybe, but generally a waste of valuable Internet space.  Don't click the link on this one.  I'll admit to being a little desperate doing this one. 

Walk Like an Egyptian.  This was fun.  This was one of the few times when I got it together this year and had the song match the BLOG topic.  I can't find the original email, but this idea came to me from either Paul Gyori, Mark Doyle or Scott Peters and was born out of the picture of Al Fry doing a Pharaoh  pose in the outfield. 

The Twilight Zone - Usually, the better songs are followed by crappier ones.  Case in point.  Actually this one had a decent flow / cadence to it,, but it didn't really have a story behind it or a big 'relate' to anything going on that time.   Overall a bit of a disappointment.

Bust a Move - For those of you that don't know, I'm an old school rap fan. Kool Moe Dee, Ice-T, Pulic Enemy....etc.  This is not old school rap, its bubble gum top 40 rap, but its still kind of fun.

Hits! This is from the song "kiss" by Price which was later rerecorded by Tom Jones and others.  This was another one that was prewriten last winter and touched up for release. There are no bad Prince songs, I was diggin' this one.   

The King Of Legion Drinking - Ahhhhhh, one I got my mojo back for.  One of my more favourite BLOGs of the year and song for those who are 'referenced once removed' like my self, it made perfect sense. The song, 'king of wishful thinking' was the theme song to the movie Pretty Woman which starred Richard Gere.  Of course this was the Steve Ross / Richard Gere edition.  Its actually a pretty clever rendition written from Rob's perspective about Steve hitting of him.  A keeper. 

Breakfast at the Kitchen - This is another one that I've embarrassingly worked one for well over year.  It is based on the Stairway To Heaven which meets my criteria of being a song that everyone knows. But I couldn't make it work for the life of me.  The end of it is particularly good (in my opinion), I actually like that last verse better than the real song.  It kind of came together when I stopped trying to have it make sense.  Once I accepted that the original song was just a mish-mash of words that really said nothing, it became okay to not make sense.

Another Playoff Sweep - Yes, I went contemporary and did a version of Adele's "Rolling In The Deep".  And it was about the right time of year to start making vague intonations about the Grisslies being playoff ready, which I do using Rob's voice in these songs.  Its reasonably well written but probably not too many people know the song. 

Mr. Laird - Who doesn't know the song, Mr. Grinch?  Its a classic if there ever was one!  Frank Laird was the victim of this song....but just to clarify, ITS NOT ABOUT A GRINCH!  Example. "You're a tough one, MR. Laird; You really have a feel; You throw like Colby Rasmus; You catch like Willie Stargell; Mr.Laird."  I think its hilarious. But....that's me. 

I Won't Back Down -  This was bad.  Really bad.  Note for future songs, don't use Tom Petty. I think he's so stoned that he can only manage one verse and then he just repeats it.  Infinitely.  Seriously, listen to Free Falling!  Anyway, poor call on this one. 

Time of my Life - A slight improvement. Like how Mars is not as hot as Mercury but you can't live on either.  This was a music slump not.

Don't Stop Believing - The music finished on a positive note as I bastardized this great Journey song.  Considering that it had already  been bastardized by multiple sports teams over the years, it seemed somewhat appropriate. "A pitcher in a smokey room;  A smell of wine and cheap cologne;  For a smile he'll strikeout the side;  He goes on and on and on and on", I kill me.

Thanks to those who allowed themselves to song victims or at least didn't complain when they found out that they had been victimized.   These include but are not limited to:  Sue Farah, Gord Robertson, Bob Candy, Rob McCarron, Dan Routledge, Craig Escott, Downtown Billy Brown, Hugh Armstrong, Don Booth, Al Fry, Steve Ross, Frank Laird and the guy punished the most, Robert Farah.

THE GUYS

“Your God person puts an apple tree in the middle of a garden and says, do what you like, guys, oh, but don't eat the apple. Surprise surprise, they eat it and he leaps out from behind a bush shouting "Gotcha". It wouldn't have made any difference if they hadn't eaten it.'  

'Why not?'
'Because if you're dealing with somebody who has the sort of mentality which likes leaving hats on the pavement with bricks under them you know perfectly well they won't give up. They'll get you in the end.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

You always here athletes interviewed at the end of their careers and they always say the same thing....its not the game they'll miss...its the locker room....its the guys. 

I'm not retiring yet, but I totally get it.  Here are a few secrets that I'll let you in on ..... DO NOT spread this stuff around!

• John Tessier had a fantastic year at .778 on 56 hits.  Tied for 11th in a 180 man league!
• Paul Koolhaas smiles more than anyone else in the league.  I actually kept a stopwatch on him during a game.  In a 78 minute playoff game he smiled for 90 minutes!  He even smiled through the first 3 years of me spelling his name wrong!  Next year we'll dig to the bottom of this near insane happiness, but for now just hope you get him in the draft and the party can start.
• Dennis Short had one of those games playing on my "tournament" team (The Other Guys) this summer. This isn't to center him out, because WE ALL have those days.  We put Dennis in Center Field and he lost two balls in the lights (it was 2pm), then we moved him to 2nd base and he took too off his knee.  Then we put him at Short and he somersaulted over the second base bag.  Then we put him at 3rd and he almost had his head taken off.  Poor bugger had a tough one.  I was happy for all the guys on the Beer Bros., but to see Dennis play a lock down final game at Short Stop was sweet justice!  Way to go Shorty!
• I was pumping Lou Conforti's tires all year.  I would tell anyone who would listen that he was improving with every game and the team was playing confidently behind him.  Way to make me right Lou!!!
• Billy Cloutier continues to be my favourite player in this league.  Again he's threatened to retire.  Again I bought him beers until he said, "we'll see how I feel in the spring".  If you don't understand what muscle memory is, watch Bill play third base for a couple of innings.  His glove is impossibly quick and he seemingly gets rid of the ball before his brain acknowledges the ball is in the glove.  Best mechanics in the league.
• Rob Hayward.  Class.  Broken arm and with his team, urging them on and providing inspiration until the final out of the final game.  I would expect nothing less, yet I'm always impressed.   
• Downtown Billy Brown had some stellar moments on the field this year, but he never stopped making me laugh off of it.  Bill would copy me on his team's correspondence and I'd sit back and laugh at the antics.  And then I'd get these one-off emails from him with obscure baseball trivia...the kind of stuff I love actually.  He even sent me pictures of shares sold in the Toronto Maple Leafs baseball club.  The guy is a gem.  
• Paul Gyori....One of those guys that the represents the character of the league as so many do.  Want help?  Call Paul, he'll be the first one there.  He doesn't miss games, plays anywhere you want him to, stays for a pint (sometimes 2), is joined by the lovely LeeAnna who's as quick with a smile as Paul is; but thankfully she's a little quicker with the hugs. Nice season Paul, I don't care what you hit, you're just a good guy to be around.  
• Mason.  hmmmmmm.  I'll come back to this one.  
• Tom Enright, quiet, unassuming....seemed like a pretty nice guy.  But on a team full of superstars (Lets just say Dodge City had a VERY nice draft) they all spoke highly of their rookie accountant.  I met Tom one night at the legion and we chatted and he explained that he knew from somewhere but couldn't quite place it.  About three weeks later I ran into at the legion (he had had a couple) and he explained the he knew from somewhere but couldn't quite place it.  I said, "I know, we had this conversation a few weeks ago".  He said, "Where?".  I said, "Right here".  He goes, "that's it!  I know you from here!"
• I sub a lot.  Mostly because the other captains haven't started saying no yet (except Hugh), but I love to play, even if it isn't all that well.  As an infielder (because no one is foolish enough to put me in the outfield where the athletes are) my favourite pitcher to play behind other than Rob is Pully.  There I said it.  Talk amongst yourselves. For my money (which is none) he's in the top 3 pitchers in the league. That should start a conversation. 
• Tim Sullivan must have gone to the Rob Hayward school of Optimism and Cheer leading.  I swear to god, Timmy couldn't say something negative no matter what the circumstances.  Walk four guys in a row?  "That's okay, pitch, they're too scared to swing on your stuff".  Get caught day dreaming as ball lands at your feet in the outfield?  "That's okay, wasn't yours, you had no chance at that one".  Timmy is one of those shiny happy people that is always fun to play with. Keep it up!
• I didn't know Gord Tanner really at all before this year.  And I've had a few interactions with him this year and he's been fabulous.  He joined "The Other Guys" tournament team and paid for a spot even though he was hurt and couldn't play.  To top it off he designated himself the 'beer runner' (we might have called it something a little different) to support the club as we meandered to a well earned 0-3 record.  Hope you're well enough to play next year Gord!
• Mike Douglas isn't just a talk show host, he's also an excellent doctor.  I had hurt my ankle pretty badly in August.  Bad enough that if I had any sense I would have stopped playing.  I don't and didn't.  But it friggin' hurt.  I ran into Mike the 1st or 2nd day of the playoffs and he was telling me about this great ankle brace he had.  He said I could borrow it but I couldn't use it in the game against them.  Anyway the thing worked like a charm!  If you're reading this Mike or if someone knows his email, let me know so I can return it.  Thanks Mike! 
• I know Clayton Avery well enough to have a conversation with him so this isn't coming from a place where I propping up a close buddy.  Truth is, Clayton had a wicked year.  His defense has consistently improved, but the bat was simply insane.  He was one of 4 batters to hit over .800 for the complete season and to top it off he needed to go 3/3 in his final game to accomplish it.  Nice year Clayton.  Hope you do just as well next year when we draft you.  
• It was a pleasure having Rob Rumboldt back in the league this year.  Robbie, I hope the work stuff works out so you can come back next year.  Your enthusiasm is infectious, not just with your team but in conversations before and after games .... it would be a shame to miss that.  Hope you had a ball being back.
• A lot of us have to try hard to get even a little bit better at this stupid game.  Then there's Chris Larkin.  Chris can stand at third and answer a question from his daughter in the stands, laugh at a joke that the third base coach tells, wave at the train driver blasting through the back of Keogh park and then snare a line drive between 3rd and Short and double off the runner at 2nd.  FRIG!  I get distracted by butterflies and Chris seems to have this innate ability to filter everything in and never lose site of the play.  Maybe you should give attention span lessons.  
• Next year I'm going to do a game by game log of Roger Burton.  I feel a little bad, because Kahuna won the batting title in my second year in the league.  In my first season I was doing this BLOG by the middle of the season and Mark Doyle and Rob McCarron were neck and neck for the batting tittle.  I followed it closely and had weekly updates on their average fluctuations.  With Kahuna, I just didn't know him well and I was worried that mentioning him would mess him up.  Plus, he's pretty big and I didn't want to piss him off.  But now that I know he's down with it, I'm all over him next year!  Go Roger!
• Lots of people had good seasons this year.  But no one more so than Gary Cox.  I've mentioned before how Gary's average had gone up over last year and how it took another huge jump in the playoffs. The ratings committee is going to love this stuff!

THE ROOKIES

The major problem [with time travel] is simply one of grammar, and the main work to consult in this matter is Dr. Dan Streetmentioner's Time Traveler's Handbook of 1001 Tense Formations. It will tell you, for instance, how to describe something that was about to happen to you in the past before you avoided it by time-jumping forward two days in order to avoid it. The event will be descibed differently according to whether you are talking about it from the standpoint of your own natural time, from a time in the further future, or a time in the further past and is futher complicated by the possibility of conducting conversations while you are actually traveling from one time to another with the intention of becoming your own mother or father.- Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

We were so lucky this year.  We finished the season with no less than 25 first year players to the league!  The youngest were in their 34th year, the oldest were somewhere in their 50's.  They were among the best players in the league and there were some playing ball for the first time in twenty or more years; or in at least one case, for the first time ever.  They were short, tall, heavy, lite, infielders, outfielders, power hitters, average hitters, gifted fielders and those dusting of the glove for the first time in forever.

But our rookies all had one thing in common, they took to our league and accepted it for what it is and in turn, it has become their league too.  Our league has room for everyone.  No matter how good you think you are or how bad you think you're playing, there are other people with a similar collection of skills which is what makes our rating and draft system work so well.  Speaking as a captain and having spoken with other captains about this, our rookies "got" our core written mandate in our constitution which is:  "to provide recreational baseball in a manner that promotes the ideals of sportsmanship and friendship".  Mission accomplished guys, you did a fabulous job.

However, you also understood what that really meant if you dig down into it.  And that is about supporting the guys around you that are trying and may not have your arm, bat or legs.  There is a camaraderie in this league that supersedes the baseball or is at least on par with the ball.  Rookies don't always get that and for a crop this big to embrace that almost from the get-go is a little overwhelming.

Hats off to the rookies, I hope sincerely that you're all back next year.   

Brad Young, Jon Hardy, Brad Wadden, Dwayne Comer, Jason Chiovitti, Steve Lahey, Justin McBain, Tom Ball, Craig Slater, Davey Stamp, Mark Butler, Jeff Handley, Chris De Savoy, Craig Butler, Kevin Tobin, Keith Beechey, Scott Mason, Tom Enright, Troy Hope, Jeff Sagert, Martin Ranby, Emile Edwards, Winston Gayle, Peter Holmann and Richard Lester.  

A Few Stand Out Moments

These are brief....but things I remember about he 2012 season, they might seem somewhat innocuous to you, but things stick with me a little differently.

•  The morning after every Cleats game I would get an email from Radar.  I was probably so high on the Cleats (I picked them for the final four) because of these emails.  Radar would dissect the game, recount the errors, the big plays and where it went off the rails.  Virtually every email concluded the same way.  "We're really close to turning the corner".  Dammit, I believed it too!
• My emails from Scott Peters are always a treat.  It seems we're never happy at the same time.  90% of his emails would recount all his bad plays.  "I grounded out with the bases loaded in the 4th inning and called off Al on a fly ball but couldn't get to it.....blah, blah, blah, blah"  Then I'd get the score sheet the next day and see that he was 4 for 5 with 4 runs scored and they won 16-4.  You would swear if you read his emails that no one else on the Rounders ever made an out or error.  The only thing that EVER went wrong with that team was his doing!  Of course, Scott & A Taste Of Freedom were good therapy for my end of season despondent  bitterness.  Hopefully we'll see more of Scott & Kim at Grisslieland next year.  
• The August Tournament .... my team was knocked out without seeing the playoffs.  That's okay, it was supposed to be for fun and I'm pretty damned sure my team had a good time.  But because I had organized the fun division, I felt an obligation to hang around and watch the final.  We had an example of stellar sportsmanship between the Mike Olliffe and James Taylor & Jens Lepa and Steve DeLand over the addition of an extra player for the final.  Handled the way it should have been and without incident.  But what I'll remember was sitting on a picnic table with Dave Fleming watching the final and just shooting the breeze about players and the league and regular old having a beer and chatting stuff.  Every time someone new showed up we had recount the play of the weekend which not embellished but just told better each time.  More on that later.  
• There was a night on Fraser Ave., with a player that won't be named.  My memory wanes a bit, but I do know that there was Karaoke involved.  As I'm sworn to secrecy, this one will have to stay as one of my favs of 2012 that can't be shared.  Yet.
• In the first week of September I dropped by Jens' place who was in the midst of having a pint with Steve DeLand.  I joined in.  Of course I joined in!  What occurred over the next three hours was three different views of how the playoffs would unfold with very compelling arguments from all sides.  To recap, Jens picked one (1) final four teams, Steve picked one (1) final four teams and I picked two (2) measly final four teams. We sucked at predicting, but the beers I won  (which will be paid off at the banquet) will be sweet!
• Almost the perfect season.  So flippin' CLOSE!  Piero Del Greco was a the center of everything this year.  He was on the team that won the Help The Kids Play tournament.  He was on the Team that won the August Tournament.  He was on the team that won the regular season.  And who finds himself in the League finals in September?  Piero Del Greco!  I would have loved to have seen the single season grand slam Pieman,  but you'll have to wait for next year. 

The Play of The Year

“Reality is frequently inaccurate.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

This was briefly mentioned in the 3rd bullet in the section above and it is without doubt, the single greatest play from 2012.  No it wasn't the triple play, that I had a small role in, turned by the Dusty Cleats.  No it wasn't the infield fly that popped out of Tito's glove and rested on the top of his hat for a split second.  It wasn't the ball that ricocheted off of Mason's ankle to a waiting Beechey at 2nd base.  It wasn't the 3 home run game by Lahey or the 2 homer game by Duggan.  Nor was it (and this gets an honourable mention) the behind the back pitch by Bill Clouthier for a called 3rd strike to end a ball game.

No this play, didn't happen in a league game.  It didn't even result in a hit or an out.

It was the August tournament and we welcomed back Kevin Hollingshead to the fold and he joined one of the fun teams.  In their game against us, I figured that Kevin hadn't played in a while and was probably a little rusty.  Wrong.  Before the game I talked to the team and set out the fielding assignments.  I gave Dave Fleming right field. He said, "Sure, but I'm not really an outfielder".

In his first at bat, Hollngshead crushes a ball foul.  Fleming gives it the courtesy look but he has not intention of running after this thing.  Nor should he, was was 50 feet foul and a good 30 feet deeper than than the fence at C1 at Coventry.  Very far.  Very foul.

But the foul ball gave us time to adjust to Hollingshead.  So we backed up Fleming, literally to the track and had him play more straight away right.  Its not like Kevin was scorching the line drives. My thinking was that if he hit it fair and kept it in the park, it would likely be in the air long enough to make a play.  Second base plays deep, way onto the grass.  If he singles to second, I would take it over the bomb to right.  It made sense.

The next ball Kevin hits is majestic.  Fred McGriff to right right field and out the exit in old Yankee stadium majestic.  Josh Gibson in Pittsburgh (look it up if you don't know Gibson, he's legend), Dave Kingman at Wriggley.  Big Daddy Cecil Fielder over the Windows restaurant in Skydome.  If you can picture any of those balls....you're getting the gist of the enormity of Hollingshead's monster blast.

My first reaction is "please go foul!".  Good news, it looks like its heading a little foul.  My next reaction?  Oh My God, that ball is still climbing.  And it was.  We had all kinds of time to watch it climb up, up and up, seemingly never reaching its apex.  The next reaction?  The BLUR.  While looking at the ball that now appeared to be moving well foul, all the other people at C1 were suddenly distracted by a body moving impossibly fast along the warning track; tracking a ball hit impossibly high and deep.

Then we all did the math.  Our amateur algebra....look at the ball....look at Fleming closing the distance...maybe.....look at the ball....seeing Dave has the catch in his sights....could be.....

The ball had been in the air 14 or 15 minutes by now.  Maybe that's a SLIGHT exaggeration, but it was up there long enough for Roman to say, "That ball is out of play but if Dave catches it I'm counting the out".  Fortunately I had post-it notes and passed one to every player on both team and we voted 17-7 to accept Roman's decision to count the out should it be made.  It did take three recounts.

Finally the ball started to come down....Fleming still on the dead run; he had run about 3kms so far.  When looking at where the ball and Dave would meet, it was looking increasingly like it all come together at the tree line along the 1st base line of C1.

The inevitable happened, Dave with his outstretched glove, the trees and the ball all met at the same time .... and Dave was gone.  Here's how Dave describes what happened next. 

Dave's Story:  "The instant before the ball hit my glove I glimpsed the trees come into view as I was heading toward them at breakneck speed.  I was able to use my forestry training to ensure that I went feet first as I slid into the trees.  Fortunately I missed hitting any head on, but just a few feet into the trees is an embankment at least 20 feet deep....I hit it feet first and slid down to the bottom.  I was a little shocked and dazed from the run and the fall and escaping with my life.  At first I didn't notice the bear.  When I did and I realized that it was hungry, I immediately began looking around for a weapon.  All I had was the ball nestled in my glove from the greatest catch ever.  I had no choice.  I threw the ball for I was worth at the bear's forehead.  It staggered a bit and then took off running with the ball in its mouth.  That's why I wasn't credited with the out."    

Single best play of the year!

 The Donini Deck

“And so the Universe ended.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Doug:  Well, its all over. 
Rob:  Yes it is.
Doug:  So I owe you a big thank you. 
Rob:  Why's that?
Doug:  For letting me make an ass of you with these conversations all year.  I made you look like you didn't understand English for the sake of a few cheap laughs. 
Rob:  Oh, PUH-LEEZE!  I don't care about that stuff.  I thought it was funny.
Doug:  Well, you're a good sport, that's all I can say.  That and thank you!
Rob: Awww.  You're welcome.  Hey, what are you doing for thanksgiving?
Doug: Not much.  I think I'm going to try and recover from this cold. 
Rob:  Why don't you come up north with me and Sue and the kids?  We're just doing the cottage thing.
Doug:  I really don't think I'm up to a lot of travel.  Plus I don't want to be the cause of anyone else getting sick. 
Rob: I just don't like seeing you spending major religious holidays alone.  
Doug:  Honestly, thanks Rob but I'm....wait a minute.  Thanksgiving isn't a religious holiday. 
Rob:  Sure it is.
Doug:  No...its harvest festival.  It has nothing to do with religion. 
Rob:  Agree to disagree
Doug:  Agree to disagree?  How about agree you're wrong?
Rob:  Just let it go!
Doug:  Yeah, I don't think so. 
Rob:  Look, if it were a "harvest festival" and it was called "thanksgiving" who do you think the pillboxes were thanking for the harvest?
Doug:  The Pilgrims?  That's a stupid question, you're trying to make me incriminate myself with a ridiculous Socratic argument.  
Rob:  You're big words don't scare me.  You know the answer to the question and you know you lose.  Its like trying to say that Venetian blinds aren't from Venus.  Common sense eventually has to take over.  
Doug:  Common sense....I can't believe I started this by apologizing!
Rob:  Well I accepted your apology so you can't take it back. 
Doug:  Can too!
Sue: [from inside] Would you two SHUT UP!!!  You're giving me a headache!
Doug:  Now you've done it!
Rob:  Have not.
Doug:  Have too!
Rob: Have not
Sue: [from inside] STOP IT!
Rob:  [whispering] She's not yelling at me, she's yelling at you.
Doug: [whispering] Then why are you whispering?
Rob:  Okay...next year....no Donini Deck....no conversations!
Doug:  Fine
Rob:  Fine
Doug:  Fine!
Rob:  FINE!
Doug:  Got any more wine?
Rob:  Yeah, for sure buddy .... be right back.