GAME 3: Dave (you'll turn two)

THE UNSANCTIONED, UNAUTHORIZED, UNEDITED, HIGHLY RESEARCHED AND ONLY MODERATELY ABRIDGED "REAL, BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY - TOTTENHAM NIGHTS"

THE INTRO

Rick Cudnik's focus is legendary.  Legendary in medical circles that is.  There's sometimes that Ricky is so distracted that he doesn't even remember which dug out to go to.  Then he'll walk up to the plate and hit a triple.  Next he'll jog out to center field and someone will point out that he's the only one out there with a different coloured shirt. Or when slides safe into second and argues that he was really out.   

Oh Ricky-Bobby.

So where does this savant level distraction come from?  The truth is that genius and madness are inseparably linked.  There is a reason for these lapses in concentration.  A very real and equally very sad reason indeed. 

Ricky-Bobby wasn't always called Ricky-Bobby.  No, early in life he was known as "short-bus Ricky".  Personally I think that nickname is offensive on a lot of levels, but it was a short chapter of his life and my job here is not to rewrite history, just to report it.
 

Mrs. Glockenspiel's Grade 3 Class Picture.

Rick on the left <===

Rick was finally tested for aptitude in grade 4 and, lo and behold, it was discovered that he was actually academically brilliant.  By brilliant I mean how smart Stephen Hawking wishes he was.  Who knew?  Things started to change in this brief history of time for our young Ricky...he starred on the "mental gymnastics" team throughout his short two year stay in high school.  Considering that our hero was socially and athletically inept at a young age, this gave him an opportunity to talk to people for the first time.  He found he couldn't stop.  

Mental Gymnastics Team Logo
Think about it

Before long he was recruited to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) when he barley 16 years old.  It was at MIT that Ricky thought his goal of 'just being an average guy' would be achieved.  Its good to have goals, but this one was destined to failure.  Ricky's genius would prevent him from ever being lost in the crowd.  His super-nova cranium was absorbing numbers and principles at an alarming rate.  Like John Travolta in Phenomenon, he was enlightened (without the benefit of a brain tumor) and seeing beyond what the common man could see.

Rick's Yearbook Photo 

It got to the point where here was nothing in math or sciences that remained to be learned.  The next step was obviously to take those learning's and allow them to manifest themselves into theories, discoveries and solutions just like Einstein did; relatively speaking.  These would be theories that would change the world.   

Here is the top ten list of Ricky's varied accomplishments:

1.  All famous people are really lizards who secretly rule the world. 
2.  If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.

3.  Dinosaurs never existed (what have been dug up are really dragon bones).

4.  Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.
5. There was no such thing as polio and therefore no one should be given credit for a vaccine (who would name a disease after a sport?)

6.  Led an expedition to discover the "lost content of Africa".  Successfully completed when he discovered Zaire in 1992.   

7.  After extensive bible study, discovered that there is another angelic order between seraphim's and cherubim's called; Gymnasi-im.  Also, uncovered that Jesus secretly Jewish. 

8.  Concluded that Franklin is the turtle equivalent of a racist bastard.  Why else would he be the only one on the show with a proper name while everyone else is just called Bear or Fox or Goose???

9.  Discovered that St Appolonia is the patron saint of dentists.  Established that Prince dated Appolonia during the making of Purple Rain.  Therefore; Prince is either a dentist or a saint. 

10. In 1993 he correctly calculated the exact odds (3.106091751882820001 to 1) that Brian Mulroney was the anti-Christ.

  No caption required.

Finally, Ricky came up a against a question that even he couldn't answer.  Was it something from Socrates?  From Descartes?  No.  It was this that was ultimately DECLARED UNSOLVABLE:  All the moons in the solar system are named after either Greek or Roman gods with the exception of the moons of Uranus.  How can the Greek's not be involved in Uranus?

Not being able to answer the question broke Ricky.  He took it hard.  He locked himself in his closet as Ricky, but emerged 8 weeks later as Ricky Bobby!

Yes, THAT Ricky Bobby

Now there's nothing wrong with NASCAR.  No sir. There are some very, very smart people who follow NASCAR.  I don't know them, but I'm reasonably sure they are out there.  Somewhere.  Probably.

NASCAR allowed Ricky Bobby to apply his unparalleled skills in math and physics while not having to worry about how everything else in the world was going.  It was a little freedom for Ricky Bobby.  He had a great 3 year run until the nightmares started.  You see, there was one theory that he just kept nagging at the edges of his consciousness.  He couldn't quite escape it, and that theory was that famous people were really lizards.  Poor bugger.  They found him running aimlessly on the track one night.
 

Ricky Bobby Melting Down

It wasn't pretty.  Ricky had run his last race.  But with his near-infinite wealth, he could relocate to a tiny town and play recreational baseball with old men.  But those moments of distraction you see?  Those occasion's when Suzanne buries her head in hands while sitting in the stands?  Those are the moments that Rickey is still haunted by the lizards.  Its sad to see a life completely ruined by what amounted to silly old wives tale.  

OR WAS IT???

THE SPEECH

Oh, did you think this was going to be a Rickey Bobby song?  Perhaps "the ballad of Ricky Bobby"?  Just because he likes to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of his life. Is that why?

Well sorry to disappoint.  A little bird let it slip to Rob, that Dave Argue had a special place in his heart for the band Styx and in particular their song "Babe, I love you".  Apparently (citation needed) this was his wedding song.  Pretty touching stuff.  Rob thought that reworking this song would get Dave into the proper frame of mind to 'swing his bat'  Despite the fact that it doesn't always work out, Rob is very well intentioned.  

This weeks song is brought to you by Neighbours Country Depot (can someone get them a logo please?).  Remember our league sponsors when you're making your purchasing decisions!!!

The tune can be found by clicking this link.  LINK

DAVE, You'll Turn Two. 

Dave was leaving, we thought he was on his way
His time was drawing near
The draft was going, you could see it in his eyes
The hurt, the pain, his tears

But the Grisslies would be lonely without you
And we need your glove to see us through
So Please believe me, the draft was just a sham
We won't be missing you.

Cause You know it's you Dave
Whenever we get weary and the infield's rough
Feel like giving up
You know it's you Dave
Playing every scrimmage, I'm not worried
Please believe that it's true
Dave, you'll turn two.

Cause You know it's you Dave
Whenever I get weary and the infield's rough
Feel like giving up
You know it's you Dave
Playing every scrimmage, I'm not worried
Please believe that it's true
Dave, you'll turn two.

Dave's not leaving, I'll say it once again
Its easier now to smile.
I know the Grisslies kept their best asset
If only for a while.

Candy's pissed that he didn't get you,
But lets face it, Mike was also a two.
Please believe me, Dwyer's doing cartwheels,
And I just got a tattoo. (of you)

Dave, you'll turn two.
Dave, you'll turn two. 
Oooohhhhh Dave.....

THE GAME

This isn’t going to be long. Namely because the BLOG site was down, I got no sleep and I’m now in a lousy mood. But here we go….shiny happy people…

Last night’s game was a polar opposite to Monday night’s affair against The Wild.

In fairness, it was the Dog Catchers first game and there are definitely some early season jitters to get out of the way. It was the same with us in our first game.

We came out swinging in the first inning with our first five batters reaching base and all of them scoring. As it turned out, that was all we needed.

It was nice to have Bobby “Minnesota” Smith and Bill “For Those About To Rock” Sallustio back in the lineup. That was a big difference. Speaking of big, it will be good to see Gord-o Robertson for the first time next week.

Back to the game. There were huge contributions up and down the lineup. Those that didn’t hit made stellar defensive plays. In particular, Jerry Muirhead did a fantastic job in left field. By my count he made four outs in the air, and anything his on the ground to him was never more than a single base. I don’t know that I’ve ever played in a slow-pitch game that didn’t have an error, but last night was one. We were on fire defensively. We gave up single runs in the 5th, 6th, and 7th innings and that was it!

Robbie is thrilled to have his ERA down to a more respectable 13.50. A little better than the 24.00 he was sporting after Monday! A couple of more defensive gems like this and his head will be too big to get through the door!

Make the final, Grisslies 14 – Dog Catchers 3.

Find out who the Donini three stars were here – STARS

Check the Schedule and Records here – SrCeHcEoDrUdLsE